Laugh, or get help. Catholic, and other Christian, humor.

I hope you don't mind just a few more.

reply to post by charles1952


Okay, some of those were pretty good.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I'm terribly sorry for the interruption. I'd like to thank the Mods (which I don't do often enough) for dealing with problem.

Since out and out hilarity is such a problem for some, here are a couple that are just the slightest change of gears to the warmer side.





Many thanks for your helpful participation.

With respect,
Charles1952

For those who don't speak Catlick.

reply to post by FortAnthem

Dear FortAnthem,

Many thanks, wonderful stuff. Thanks for stopping by. As you say, you've got cat class, the classiest class there is.

Just a random side note. I'm really fortunate that this has been, with one small exception, a fun thread. I like the humanity it represents and the chance for people to relax and find out that the person next to them isn't really a monster. I appreciate you and your contribution.

With respect,
Charles1952

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
A. Honda... because the apostles were all in one Accord.
A. 2 Cor. 4:8 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen, "We
are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond
movement."

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived
in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. How long did Cain hate his brother?
A. As long as he was Abel!

Q. After the flood, how many people left the ark ahead of Noah?
A. 3 because the Bible says that Noah went forth out of the ark.

Q. Where is the first mention of insurance in the Bible?
A. When Adam and Eve needed more coverage.

Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David, he rocked Goliath to sleep.

Q. Why did Paul tell Timothy to take just a little wine for the sake of
his stomach?
A. Because it was Paul's bottle.

Q. Who was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses, because he broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Who was known as a Mathematician in the Bible?
A. Moses, he wrote the book of Numbers.

Q. How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?
A. Because Job 16:12, 14, 16 says, "I had come to be at ease, but he
proceeded to shake me up: and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and
proceeded to smash me."

Q. Will there be dogs in the new system?
A. No, 2 Peter 3:14 tells us that we will be without spot.

Q. Who was the straightest man in the bible?
A. Joseph, because the Pharaoh made him a ruler.

Q. Which is the first instance of tennis playing in the Bible?
A. Moses served in the courts of Pharaoh

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter; she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out
a little prophet.

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
A. Ruth-less.

reply to post by BazRaza7

Nicely done, BazRaza7.

You're a twisted sort of guy. Just the kind I like, and ATS needs. Welcome and thanks for all the groans.

With respect,
Charles1952

A College Football quarterback, a hasidic rabii, and a catholic priest go out to a bar for drinks after mass. They get into an argument over who is paying for the drinks; they all insist on paying. At the bar, they decide the person who sins the most buying their drink pays for all the drinks.
The quarterback buys his drink first.
"Barkeep, I'm here with my religious friends and I am trying not to offend so, could I have a kosher shot?"
"I don't know what a kosher shot is."
Rabbi - "I like to apologize for him, barkeep, any shot is kosher and this man drinks Southern Comfort."
"One SoCo"
The Rabbi orders second.
"Bartender, I feel miraculous; can I have a glass of water to turn into wine, like any jew can."
"One glass of water for a jew"
The Priest goes last.
"John, We know each other. I'll have a glass of the little boy juice I love so much."
"One apple juice."
Then the quarterback is quick to find who pays; the bartender was the judge.
"Quarterbacks drink free after winning games, the Rabbi ordered water, and John's rule is never charge a priest for juice on a Sunday."

Okay, you win, I'll behave myself. But how a comment on the "unfunny" nature of a particular "humor" thread can be "off topic" is beyond me!

And then we have this guy! Who makes the pope look like a school girls!

reply to post by Propulsion


VERY crude dude, keep it clean!!!

HomerinNC
reply to post by Propulsion

 

VERY crude dude, keep it clean!!!

I agree, it is pretty crude, and am sorry if I might have offended you. But there is some pretty bad $h!t about the pope being thrown out on this thread.

Just saying.

HEY!! YOU GUYS!!! GIMME A BREAK!!!

All I wanted to do was create a place where people of any faith could come to see or post amusing Christian pictures and jokes. This was supposed to be innocent, non-offensive, fun, a place where people could get a smile then return to the keyboard wars. I want this to be a no-fire zone.

C'mon guys, control yourselves. There are dozens of threads (if not hundreds) where religious figures can be attacked, mocked, insulted, defamed, but please leave this one spot clean of that kind of trash talking.

If you can't control yourself, or if you can't find a couple of laughs somewhere in this thread, I firmly believe there is something wrong with you. Talk about it with your mental health care professional, don't vent it in this particular thread.

With respect,
Charles1952