I am so confused

I keep going back and forth from feeling good, to feeling evil. I make all my own choices, and choose not to hurt anything that is alive, in fact I will go out of my way to help anything that is in need. But half the time something is trying to constantly deceive me. It almost seems and though the better I get, the more this thing wants me to make a big mistake.

That's only one aspect of my constant shifting. Half of the time I feel like I am worthy of life, the other half I feel like I am a disease upon this place.

Half the time I feel very knowledgeable, then I feel like I have no idea about anything.

Sometimes I feel very strong, sometimes I feel too weak to move.

What the hell is wrong with me?

reply to post by senseisam


I think you might have a Dissociative Disorder.

Yes speaking from experience you have some type of personality or mood disorder. No worries, it's fairly normal for the type of people that come to this site!

Just get yourself into a counselor or therapist, and they can help you figure out what step to take next. There are lots of free/cheap resources for psychiatric help, just look for one in your area. It may seem awkward or like something you don't want to do, but believe me, once you do you will realize it's the right decision.

Good luck, and take it one day at a time!

I don't think it's Disassociation, I think that you are wrestling with inner demons. Everyone has a dark side. It just more dormant in some than in others. Try to focus on positive things and to do what you not only know is right but what feels right for you. When you have urges or tendencies towards thinking, feeling or acting in ways which are not true to who you are at heart, learn to take notice of this and to shift your thoughts to something more positive or otherwise healthy. That is my advice.

And welcome to ATS.

We could also lean towards a Somatoform Disorder, but to be sure you should probably take an online MPDD Test. Try that and let me know how it went.

So the people saying its disorder, you feel happy all the time?

And now that I really think about that word, disorder. I would be cool with being in order, if the people ordering me had my best intentions in mind.

I think my disorder is from a part of myself rebelling from all the darkness and madness that is not in my mind, but in my environment.

But I really don't know anything.

I cant remember where I came from, who I really am, or where I am going. Haha so yea I'm a little disordered

reply to post by senseisam


Well, we also can try some old school. MK Ultra techniques if your willing, its pretty smooth and easy things. We'll get you all retrofitted and up and running brand new again.

Welcome to the human experience.

I think we all feel that way from time to time.

Guys, enough with all the bull#. This person needs help. Stop telling him to do anything other than go and see a professional, it's incredibly ignorant. He doesn't have "demons", it doesn't mean anything special...it's a mental issue plain and simple. I know not only because I've been there but because I've helped others in this situation as well.

OP, please take the only sensible advice and see someone.

Originally posted by mysteriousmysteries
Guys, enough with all the bull#. This person needs help. Stop telling him to do anything other than go and see a professional, it's incredibly ignorant. He doesn't have "demons", it doesn't mean anything special...it's a mental issue plain and simple. I know not only because I've bee_javascript:bold()n there but because I've helped others in this situation as well.

OP, please take the only sensible advice and see someone.

I did not mean literal "demons." I assumed that everyone was aware of the term inner demons. He'd already received the advice to see a professional and so, in case he wouldn't see one or felt he didn't need to, I suggested an alternative. I have worked through my...issues...on my own and anyone who knows me would say that I am a level-headed, reasonable, compassionate and good person. Telling someone what to do doesn't always solve everything. Sometimes a little advice or insight might help.

To the OP, if this is not what you feel is going on then I a may be wrong. If it is something external that you are wrestling with then you either need to do more soul-searching to get to the bottom of it or get professional help. Good luck.

one intro thread only please.

Please use your first intro, thanks

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Sauron