I Was a Victim: The Steubenville Rape Case is Not Isolated!!

Originally posted by eletheia
reply to post by King_John

 

So your answer is to limit the freedom of 50% of the population?? by telling them

not to wear what they want to because they might incite someone who has no self control

Don't drink too much even if you're having a celebration as you will lay yourself open

to some scumbag who can only prove his masculinity when his victim is incapable.....


How about you advising those capable of rape to just stay home and allow others to be who

they want to be, to celebrate how they want to celebrate and to dress how they want to dress!

Because people who rape other people obviously don't have regard for other people, advising them to stay home would be useless. People saying, instead of advising women how to dress/act, advise men not to rape, but you shouldn't have to tell anybody rape is not okay. Telling a rapist that rape is not okay would be useless, anybody that has to be told it's not okay isn't going to not do it just because you talk to them about it. My parents never had a conversation about not raping women with me, it was just a given.

Should women be able to dress provocatively and get drunk without having to worry about getting assaulted or raped, of course they should, but unfortunately that's not the world we live in. I'd love to be able to walk through a bad neighborhood, at night, by myself, without having to worry about getting robbed, but that's just not realistic.

Originally posted by luciddream
reply to post by seeker11

 

If women should use common sense, so should men be expected to. If you know you do not have self control when you are drunk, then you should not be putting yourself in the situation where you know that mixing drugs, alcohol, or anything of that nature, will cause you to lose your will power thereby giving yourself permission to rape.

Rapists don't have common sense, that's why they do uncommon things. Alcohol is a good motivator for both males and females, on female it arouse their sexual feelings, while on men it makes them less inhibited, thus void responsibility. However, men do not turn rapists just from alcohol, tho it will bring out some of their inner demon, which can pus them over the limit. Heck if it were not for alcohol(some), i cannot dance, ill be too self conscious about myself.

I been to parties and clubs with many women(25-26 range), and never seen them wasted (in high school yes, plenty of time), mostly women are with their best friends, they do not take drink from random guys unless they see the drink gets poured by the bartender, simple things like this can avoid a whole mess.

uhh.. maybe you haven't been to the right clubs. I see this age group wasted all the time when I go to clubs. Falling over drunk, can't stand much less talk straight. I'm not sure what your point is. And I think that men (and women) can definitely do things while intoxicated that they would not normally allow themselves to do while sober.

reply to post by seeker11



By you stating, "men should you common sense too" you are assuming that all men can be rapists. Therefore my point was if the person already has an ill attitude to begin with, common sense is not going to do any good.

Originally posted by luciddream
reply to post by seeker11

 

By you stating, "men should you common sense too" you are assuming that all men can be rapists. Therefore my point was if the person already has an ill attitude to begin with, common sense is not going to do any good.

But don't take it out of context.
And men should have more common sense. I don't think all men are rapists or can be, but I definitely think that alcohol can trigger certain aspects of a character that might not be otherwised triggered in a sober, normal situation. But what do I know. I'm not a psychologist.

I guess I'm trying to get at, why should all the responsiblity fall on the girl/woman. If you had only had more common sense you would not have been raped. That's what I'm getting at. Unfortunately in my case, I had more trust than common sense. So, therefore being raped was my fault.

reply to post by seeker11


I agree, the responsibility of ones health is always theirs, it does not get void because the individual got drunk(dress, provoke, etc etc). goes for the rapist and the victim.

It sucks that in your case you trusted someone, and most rape according to statistics, happens from someone the victim knows. But yes, individual will have to take responsibility for themselves.

Avoiding responsibility is the cause for being the victim as well as the rapist.

Unfortunately in my case, I had more trust than common sense. So, therefore being raped was my fault.

reply to post by seeker11


NO!

It is NOT your fault that someone raped you. It is the rapist's actions, his fault. Doesn't matter that you trusted him...he chose to abuse that trust.

My rapist was someone I trusted. I thought I was safe with him. That turned out not to be the case. NOT MY FAULT. HIS FAULT.

You did nothing wrong just because you trusted someone who turned out to be a predator. Don't blame yourself for this...it will eat you alive. You have to forgive yourself, realize that you did not cause the situation or what happened.

If you want to talk, I'm here. Just message me.

hugs,

smylee

reply to post by smyleegrl


Im discussing with no emotional obstacle, bringing that would obstruct the logic in the discussion.

I'm curious about something. You are saying victim hold absolutely 0% responsibility in the situation. So in another scenario, would the rapists done the same thing to another person(completely different) just replaced the victim's place, in the circumstance or did they targeted this victim in particular?

If you answer is NO, that they would not done that to another completely different person, then the victim does hold some sort of responsibility the lead up to the actual event that caused the rapist to target that particular person. Although that action was caused by the rapist.

Telling people you hold 0% responsibility for something happening to you is a bad idea imo, no matter how small of a responsibility that would be

Originally posted by luciddream
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

Im discussing with no emotional obstacle, bringing that would obstruct the logic in the discussion.

I'm curious about something. You are saying victim hold absolutely 0% responsibility in the situation. So in another scenario, would the rapists done the same thing to another person(completely different) just replaced the victim's place, in the circumstance or did they targeted this victim in particular?

If you answer is NO, that they would not done that to another completely different person, then the victim does hold some sort of responsibility the lead up to the actual event that caused the rapist to target that particular person. Although that action was caused by the rapist.

Telling people you hold 0% responsibility for something happening to you is a bad idea imo, no matter how small of a responsibility that would be

I know this question wasn't directed at me. But I am also curious. What percentage of responsibility in your mind, on the victims part makes it acceptable for a rapist to be a rapist. 10%? 20%? What about in my case? What percentage of responsibility would you say I should have taken for what happened? At what point does rape stop being rape and become acceptable? I did not say I took no responsibility, I would say that I probably take a lot of the responsibility for what happened to me. Should I though? I don't know...

Originally posted by heyitsok

Originally posted by g146541
reply to post by Starwise

 

Terrible things happen to all people, that is the sad fact.
The strong people get up every morning and put on their war face and do the task at hand.

I wouldn't wish PTSD on my worst enemy. Nobody who has had it or had a loved one who had it would ever say such a thing.

I'm stronger than most people I've ever met, yet I have had PTSD, and it is hell. The worst kind of hell.

Have had...
Got it cured did you?
PTSD has been around for a long time but it was pretty much limited to people who had seen killing up close and personal, now anyone can have PTSD...
Maybe because it comes with meds and a possible S.S.I. payday would be my guess.
Like I said, The strong people get up every morning and put on their war face and do the task at hand.
You are right though, I would not wish true PTSD on anyone.

Uggghhhh..... I find my post count and the area I'm in in regards to my post count - synchronized...

Victim Blaming

Rape is NEVER the victims fault

(really did, after reading this last page of the thread)

Cirque

reply to post by seeker11


The responsibility varies with situation and the individual relationship, if its a rape between spouse, the responsibility for both would be pretty high. I think having a mind set that you(general) had no responsibility is a bad advice, it would just make more victims.

However, i never said you did, the question was not directed at you.

What do you think? does the victim, should hold absolute 0% responsibility? would you go promote that mind set to young group?

Originally posted by luciddream
reply to post by seeker11

 

The responsibility varies with situation and the individual relationship, if its a rape between spouse, the responsibility for both would be pretty high. I think, have a mind set that you(general) had no responsibility is a band advice, it would just make more victims.

So, if my husband rapes me then I should take 50% of the responsibility??? I'm not understanding the logic. My sister's husband sexually assaulted her, but because they had been married for 2 months at the time it occured, than it is more her responsibility than if it had happened before they were married? Very confusing this logic.

reply to post by luciddream


I believe I see what you are getting at.
A predator will always go for the easiest target of opportunity.
Whether the girl is fat with low self esteem and looking for some attention because of loneliness or just stumbling drunk.
Predators are just like current, they take the path of least resistance.

Originally posted by smyleegrl

Unfortunately in my case, I had more trust than common sense. So, therefore being raped was my fault.

reply to post by seeker11

 

NO!

It is NOT your fault that someone raped you. It is the rapist's actions, his fault. Doesn't matter that you trusted him...he chose to abuse that trust.

My rapist was someone I trusted. I thought I was safe with him. That turned out not to be the case. NOT MY FAULT. HIS FAULT.

You did nothing wrong just because you trusted someone who turned out to be a predator. Don't blame yourself for this...it will eat you alive. You have to forgive yourself, realize that you did not cause the situation or what happened.

If you want to talk, I'm here. Just message me.

hugs,

smylee

AGREE!!!!!!

reply to post by seeker11


Im not sure why a person you chose for life and agreed to marry would decide to rape. But who's decision was that to end up with a person like that? so the wife has 0% responsibility? please, this what irritates me.

Its a slightly double standard undertone.

Wonder if a judge would accept a complain by a husband that his wife raped him? < by reading this sentence your subconscious double standard just kicked in for moment, but you won't realize it.

There is no excuse. None. 0.

It doesn't matter what you wear, how drunk you are, if you knew your attacker or not.

There are no excuses. Period.

Cirque

Originally posted by luciddream
reply to post by seeker11

 

Im not sure why a person you chose for life and agreed to marry would decide to rape. But who's decision was that to end up with a person like that? so the wife has 0% responsibility? please, this what irritates me.

Its a slightly double standard undertone.

Wonder if a judge would accept a complain by a husband that his wife raped him? < by reading this sentence your subconscious double standard just kicked in for moment, but you won't realize it.

A judge should accept that. Nobody should be raped, male or female.

And good grief are you kidding me with this?

"Im not sure why a person you chose for life and agreed to marry would decide to rape. But who's decision was that to end up with a person like that?"

Unbelievable.

reply to post by seeker11

So, if my husband rapes me then I should take 50% of the responsibility???

My answer would be YES!
My wife and I have never said no to one another, even when we are both pissed at each other.
We're kind of like a pair of bonobos.
You should never marry someone who you can resist.
Second place is for competitions, not your spouse.
I would place part of the blame on each for that.

Originally posted by MotherMayEye
reply to post by Starwise

 

I am tired of whispering about these things. It's time women put ourselves first.

I am tired of the whispers too! That is why I have yelled it as loud as I could here on ATS.

I cannot even fathom what happened to you and your daughter!!!!!

Still speechless, but so very proud of EVERYONE who has spoken up about their attacks! I am not alone...

I AM NOT ALONE is all I can feel right now. I have felt so alone in this my whole life. Everyone here who has come forward deserves an applause!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are BRAVE, WE ARE STRONG!!!
We are as Smyleegrl said:

" WE ARE SURVIVORS"

reply to post by seeker11


Now....make sure you add the part "should the wife has 0 responsibility?" part, other wise that sentence would look out of context.