I Was a Victim: The Steubenville Rape Case is Not Isolated!!

reply to post by LoverBoy


I know...I'm really sorry if I sound like I'm taking everything the wrong way, I'm not meaning to sound so upset. What you've said is true...people will rape because we can't cure or lock away every sicko before a tragedy happens. And being incapacitated, whether drunk or drugged or any other form of incapacitated, does put one at risk for being violated because you're unable to defend yourself or say no, making you an ideal target for monstrous things to be done. I don't dispute that fact at all...in fact, I agree with it.

What I don't agree with is how some people have argued that victims must take some responsibility somehow, somewhere for their perceived involvement in what happened to them. I don't understand...rape is wrong in every sense of the word wrong and the only person who should be blamed is the person who commits the crime. Why is that such a difficult concept for some people to grasp? It is a black and white issue...you steal a car that has the doors unlocked, you are the one to blame, not the person who left the doors unlocked...just like if you rape someone, you are the one to blame, whether she was young or pretty or intoxicated or whatever! You don't take what isn't yours...and in the case of rape, these men don't just take sexual liberties with women who haven't consented, they take their dignity and so much more.

reply to post by LoverBoy


Thank you so much. I am a Christian and prayer is always welcome. I've been praying for every survivor that's posted their story here, men and women alike. If you would pray for us, it would be greatly appreciated, and I'll pray for you as well...thank you for being so kind.

reply to post by jcutler12888


I dont like comparing things to car theft etc but regardless I completely agree with everything you just said. Stay strong, live smart but never in fear. Ive seen your posts, you are very smart. Just keep strong and keep on trucking. I know its easier for me to say but Ive seen your knowledge and strength and I know you got this.

reply to post by LoverBoy


I don't like comparing it to car theft...I don't like comparing it to anything, there's nothing it can accurately be compared to, besides being murdered but still having to go on living, if that makes any sense. I just used the simplest analogy I could think of for the people who are trying to simplify the issue to how blame should be evenly distributed. Thank you so much for the compliment. I'm always trying to make myself a little stronger, trying to reforge myself into steel...if that makes any sense either, LOL. You really are so kind to say the things you've said and I greatly appreciate it. *hugs*

Originally posted by luciddream
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

Im discussing with no emotional obstacle, bringing that would obstruct the logic in the discussion.

I'm curious about something. You are saying victim hold absolutely 0% responsibility in the situation. So in another scenario, would the rapists done the same thing to another person(completely different) just replaced the victim's place, in the circumstance or did they targeted this victim in particular?

If you answer is NO, that they would not done that to another completely different person, then the victim does hold some sort of responsibility the lead up to the actual event that caused the rapist to target that particular person. Although that action was caused by the rapist.

Telling people you hold 0% responsibility for something happening to you is a bad idea imo, no matter how small of a responsibility that would be

Some rape victims did act irresponsibly but rape(true rape) is never the victims fault
for the crime of rape, the rapists has 100% the blame and the raped 0% the blame
did some rape victims facilitate the rape? some might have but they did not cause it
therefore the whole blame is on the rapist

The question boils down to the age old question, is ignorance sin?
was it a sin for rape victims to be naive and trustful?
there is really no clear answer
regardless, the sin(if there is one) of the raped would only be of ignorance and not related to the rape
the rapist is the one who takes all the blame for the rape

being ignorant to a possible bad outcome is nothing to feel ashamed
all of us were naive and ignorant at one point
rape victims just had the bad luck to be naive and ignorant next to a rapist

when bad things happen, it is human nature to think of the "what if" scenarios
what if I had stayed home that night, what if I didn't drink that much
in that same way, the people who hear the rape stories think
what if she/he had stayed home that night, what if he/she didn't drink that much
It is just the human way to deal with atrocious events
just know that no one is really blaming the victim
it is just our minds trying to cope

if someone is indeed blaming the victim of the crime of rape
then they either lack common sense or have hidden agendas

reply to post by quietlearner


You wrote:

"being ignorant to a possible bad outcome is nothing to feel ashamed all of us were naive and ignorant at one point rape victims just had the bad luck to be naive and ignorant next to a rapist"

Thank you and AMEN.

My daughter was raped through no fault of her own. However, she also happens to be developmentally delayed and she may make a zillion bad decisions in her life. Yet, she will NEVER be responsible for someone raping her.

In fact, all this victim-blame totally disregards the fact that not all people are created with the same intellectual capacity. Hindsight is 20/20..that's all victim-blame is. Big whoop.

There is no wiggle room. Victims of rape are not to blame.

As I am catching up on this thread and reading the stories of "Survivours" entering this discussion, I just want to say to all of you...I'm so sorry these horrible things happened to you and your loved ones. I hope you all will find some comfort and strength in telling your story to others in a safe and caring environment.....♥

Originally posted by luciddream
reply to post by g146541

 

A women(in a marriage) can do that to the husband, and land him in jail. heck just divorce and move on. If you think your husband is very abusive.

Your lack of compassion makes me think you would do well to look into some domestic violence abuse cases (of which there are many many many) and you would see that things are just not so black and white in most of these cases. Ever heard of death threats, or threats to harm the children if you leave? Come on, use your brain, it's there for a reason.

In my work I deal with some clients who are victims of domestic violence, rape, abuse you name it, and some of their stories are so incredibly heart wrenching. And let me tell you, it was not just as easy for them to divorce and move on.

reply to post by seeker11


Very good point, seeker. I was married from 18 to 21 to a guy who was a few years older than me and he was abusive. The threats to me and our daughter were an everyday thing...I complied to lessen the severity of how badly I would get hurt. I left him when I was 21 and hid out, but he found me and kicked in my door and tried to murder me and kill himself (both of which he almost accomplished) all in front of our then two-year-old daughter. The whole situation...it's hard to talk about. I wanted to leave, but couldn't. I didn't want to do the things he wanted me to, but had to. I left, and almost died for it. It wasn't black and white. Leaving wasn't some happy walk in the park, it was a battle for my life. I will never, for the life of me, understand why some people just think its all so easy to just do what it takes to protect yourself...it's just NOT simple.

reply to post by jcutler12888


You are beautiful and wonderful. The monsters who have abused us will never again!
Thank you for saying what I have a hard time saying. Sometimes words escape me, and I am so thankful to hear you and others in this thread come to our defense.

reply to post by jcutler12888


I'm so glad you escaped your monster, and am sorry for the scars you bear forever because of it. Some people don't ever escape, and some do end up dying trying, along with the innocent children. Such a savage world at times.

You are so brave for sharing your story. Thank you for allowing us to show you our support in reliving what must be very painful memories.

Not trying to sound self righteous here....

.....but there are so many women and men who've opened up on this thread about their ordeals. Please know that I'm always available if you need to talk to someone who "gets it." Sometimes venting to a total stranger is very therapeutic. Just message me, I'll listen.

Hugs and strength to you all,
smylee

reply to post by Starwise


Thank you so much for the compliment...sometimes, it's hard to feel beautiful or wonderful or anywhere close to the two so it means so much to me for you to say so.

The words often escape me as well...I have an especially hard time saying anything out loud, be it to a therapist or loved one...the words just get caught in my throat like I'm choking on them and can't breathe and I go into full blown panic attack mode...it's not pretty. I'm prescribed anti-anxiety meds for the anxiety disorder and PTSD, which helps some. Writing/typing the words has always been easier to me than speaking them.

As far as defending all the survivors here, we deserve to be defended and I would gladly fight the battle for any one of you who have anyone belittle or marginalize your pain and/or experience(s). I may have a hard time talking...but I will force myself to speak on behalf of the otber beautiful and wonderful survivors here, like you, and everywhere else as well. You don't have to thank me...being defended against ignorance and unkindness is the least that you and I and all the rest of us deserve.

I am a Man..I woke at a party from a drunken stupor to some women blowing me up like a balloon...were does that leave me..

reply to post by seeker11


Thank you. I always say "it's okay" when people say they're sorry about what happened, even though we all know it isn't okay, but I'm sure you know what I'm trying to say. To think of all of the women and children who has been physically or sexually abused and/or raped that don't survive...God, the thought of it makes me want to weep.

You don't have to thank me...one reason I tell my story is because to so many people, abuse nd rape are an abstract concept of which they have no knowledge of, and maybe by sharing my story they can actually understand the severity of the issue. The memories are painful but in other ways, I'm numb to them...I've had to turn my emotions off when talking or thinking about them because if I didn't...I wouldn't be able to function.

As far as women getting drunk...it is a common mindset out there, with many many "so called men" , that women who get loaded are fair game. I'm not talking about women who are roofied ...im talking about women who go clubbing or to parties and get wasted. It is not illegal to be irresponsible with your health and safety and I have done it myself...and i have been robbed and had my 455 kicked by "men" who took advantage of the fact that i was drunk and "incapacitated" and could not fight back etc. After the fact I had to accept personal responsibility for allowing myself to be put in a vulnerable position. Women for some reason cannot accept any responsibility for putting themselves in similar situations? why is this? If I was a woman, you can guess what else would have happened and lets not forget many men also get raped but how many of them report it to the cops...less than 1%

if women think it's hard to report these things imagine how hard it is for a man... most male rape victims would rather commit suicide than live with the shame..remember its accepted that women are victims..or "survivors"...lets not forget that, its not even talked about when it comes to male victims on the whole. If a woman is a victim she is still a woman afterwards...but if a man is a victim of rape he isn't even a man any longer.. so whats the point living.

So please stop with the women are all victims and men are not...its rubbish. everyone is victimized if they are left open to it. Some people are born into abuse, and there is nothing they can do to stop it..this is the worst of the lot...id love to fix the world but cant...but for the times in our life that we can be smart and responsible we must do what we can to protect ourselves..both men and women and bring our families up to think the same way..but aslong as we live among "so called civilization" we will have to accept that there are always going to be predators around us...and unfortunately even with the best precautions they still strike..the best we can do is lessen the odds..

reply to post by smyleegrl


You're not self-righteous, smylee. I respect you so much and you offering support to others is just another reason that I respect you so much. Thank you for your kindness.

I did have some thoughts on the topic of the "victims" taking responsibility if any way if thier actions put them in harm's way. First I want to say I absolutely believe no one should put thier hands on another human being in a sexual way without that person inviting you to do so. The only exception I can think of for that is with couples that may wake the other one up in a sexy way.

I was taught a lesson as young woman, probably about 20yr. at the time, by a very good male friend of mine that had my back when I did a very stupid thing at a party one time. I drank hard alcohol and got blind drunk and passed out on the couch. I was wearing a dress and apparently I was sleeping in some wierd way that my panties and ass were in full view...yikes, still embaressing to think about...

Well, a couple guys I didn't really know decided to touch my butt I guess, my buddy walked in...told the guys to stay the hell away from me and threw a blanket over me. The next day my friend really let me have it, he was mad, he told me I looked "slutty" and that was exactly what every guy that saw me passed out thought....that was a powerful moment...I was hurt, but I knew he was right. Thankfully after he busted my chops he gave me a big hug and basically said " Don't do stupid sh*t Shar, guys are dogs"......lol...which I don't think at all actually...too many good men in my life.

Not sure that I was ever in danger of being raped, but apparently was touched in a sexual way. Did these guys have a right to touch me, NO...but would these kids go out and violently rape a girl, probably not...but I guess in thier minds my ass was hanging out and in that situation was fair game to touch it. Jerks, but probably not rapists.

Rape is a horrible thing, but I've seen the nicest people in the world become completely out of thier minds while drunk....is a drunk guy or girl crawling into bed with another drunk guy or girl with the motivation to seduce them or have sex with them the same thing as a person who rapes children, someone who violently attacks and over powers someone with the intention to cause them harm to fullfill some twisted pre-meditated "power trip" to cause another person terror?

Is there a difference? What do guys think?

Originally posted by Soloprotocol
I am a Man..I woke at a party from a drunken stupor to some women blowing me up like a balloon...were does that leave me..

I think it leaves you with a hangover, and a story to tell your buddies at Monday Night Football.

Or your making it up.

Or your emotionally devastated, where little sounds or actions set you off and drive you into a deep depression of self blame and self destruction.

I don't believe the last option.

reply to post by lnfideI


why would i be making it up......welcome to west central Scotland on a usual saturday party night...