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If you love your lover, would be ok with them having sex with another if it gave them joy?

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posted on Mar, 2 2013 @ 04:19 PM
Love is about TWO people being together and not wanting to lose what they love.It really has nothing to do with control as you put it.Love is mainly, naturally and the point of it at least, is to bring together two people(naturally male and female) to reproduce.This is why love is about looking after those close to you(not controlling) and keeping them away from others(it's instinct afterall).

Love for two people is not natural and has proven to be quite messy.Even if you could love two people, it won't be the same love for both and you will have a favorite......which will eventually lead to just two being together while the third is kicked out.

Why would you want to be in a relationship anyway if you think its all about control? Surely just going around mindlessly having it off with other people is more your thing?

Sex is already a dangerous thing and should not be considered pointless fun.If you have sex with someone else, then you are bascially splitting up as the whole point of you two being together has been broken.There can truly be no love involved if you think going with someone else is ok...........even if they are ok with it.It's all contradictary.
Everything in an open relationship(if you can call it that) indicates that there is actually no relationship in it's true form and they are nothing more than f*ck buddies.

We evolved once to make sure we had decency, morals and standards to keep a stable life and society going, but it seems that it is all gone.It's no wonder the world is the way it is today with such things going on and yes, such things, no matter how small,, have proven to start social decay.
edit on 2/3/13 by Viking9019 because: (no reason given)

posted on Mar, 2 2013 @ 04:24 PM

Hopefully in the future humans will mature beyond the stage of controlling their lovers.

More likely they will be in such a hurry to make bad choices and take some time choosing what is really right for them. Have sex with a lot of people is not more mature or less mature than choosing one partner.

You are just upset that people who are monogamous do not want to be with you when you want to be polygamist. Get over it and choose the polygamist for you partners if that fits you.

Let cats be cats and dogs be dogs. Neither is wrong by itself but nothing good will come of mixing the two.

posted on Mar, 2 2013 @ 04:28 PM

Originally posted by arpgme
reply to post by hotel1

Originally posted by hotel1
May I politely enquire as to what motivated you to pose the question?

Kind Regards

The motivation was to understand the mindset of people. Are people still aggressive and controlling fearing that their relationship would end due to a physical act or do they actually believe in their relationships that there is something special there that will stay...

reply to post by CX

You do fulfill her fully like no one can, but she just want to have this meaningless physical act with another for fun, but with you it is not meaningless it is full love.

At least you admit it is controlling, most would not admit that .

Hopefully in the future humans will mature beyond the stage of controlling their lovers.
edit on 2-3-2013 by arpgme because: (no reason given)

I have met people with this open kind of marriage and they are open minded people, yet try as they might, their relationships end over it.

One possible reason is that sex is not just a physical act, the couples often find they get closer to the "new lover" love them more in fact and have little time left for the original partner. Persons who always need a new lover are often not deep seated in their feelings and many will fall for one new lover after another emotionally, after becoming involved physically.

I guess there is a reason we enter a kind of marriage contract that excludes others. I know one reason is the mess when children are born to multi-partner couples.

The only way to grow a deep relationship is to be monogamous, it allows for trust that the person is going to be there and not fall for the next lover, it gives strength to relationship and a safe feeling to children.

There is a lot to be said for the kind of person who commits whole heartedly to something and permanently places themselves in for the long haul. These person we can rely on through thick and thin. In sickness and in health grow old with.

posted on Mar, 2 2013 @ 04:29 PM
reply to post by Wide-Eyes

Polygamy gets no where and contradicts the whole point of a relationship which is why we are told it's wrong..............because it is.

Anyway, most people are not going with others while they are in a relationship is because they want to be with that one special person.

posted on Mar, 2 2013 @ 04:38 PM
reply to post by kimish

Don't worry, as a hypocrite I wear a necklace with WWJD
And sin as much as I can, just like most church loving people

posted on Mar, 2 2013 @ 04:49 PM
reply to post by arpgme

In no way, mainly because I'd know they didn't love me like I loved them. It's be heartbreaking to find out they even wanted to sleep with others, never mind them actually doing it.

posted on Mar, 2 2013 @ 04:52 PM

I'm not talking about being a "swinger" I'm talking about being so stable/secure in your love that you know that sex with others will not ruin that bond because it is actually TRUE/REAL bond.
edit on 2-3-2013 by arpgme because: (no reason given)

If there were a true, real bond...and I mean TRUE and REAL, then the thought of being with someone else would be repulsive to your lover.. meaning she would want no one but you.

posted on Mar, 2 2013 @ 04:57 PM

Originally posted by arpgme
reply to post by winofiend

These is nothing wrong with sex without emotion. Both people find each other attractive, and both are experiencing the sensations of sex. It is a shared experienced by for actual "romantic" emotion. It is not needed.

reply to post by QUANTUMGR4V17Y

So are you suggesting that you try to "protect" the relationship by not allowing it?

If so, is it truly love if you have to do so much to protect it? That is fear. And if the love is true it'll STAY.

And just because you and your friends experienced it doesn't mean that all will (did).
edit on 2-3-2013 by arpgme because: (no reason given)

Not at all, I openly encourage freedom in my relationships, most women I date (besides the woman from my previous post) are quite against the whole aspect of "sharing" that intimate act with another person, even if it was including both of us together with another person.

And you're quite right, there are people who are capable of making this work. Most women my age (18-25) do not seem capable of doing such a thing without attaching a meaning to it, in my opinion / experience.


posted on Mar, 2 2013 @ 04:58 PM
so what if they leave and go with another person? If that makes them happy and you love them then you should be happy for them, you should want them to do what makes them happy even if it means leaving.

so, it seems that this all does come back to greed, selfishness and jealousy
wanting someone to be happy only as long as they are with you, isn`t love.
wanting someone to be happy only as long as they are making you happy too, isn`t love.

it is not self-seeking

loving someone only if they are in a relationship with you, isn`t love.
loving someone only if they love you in return, isn`t love

in a relationship people often do things that the other person wants to do and that they don`t really want to do and may even make them less than happy but they do it because they love the other person and want them to be, why should this situation be any different?

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edit on 2-3-2013 by Tardacus because: (no reason given)

posted on Mar, 2 2013 @ 05:10 PM

Originally posted by arpgme
You do fulfill her fully like no one can, but she just want to have this meaningless physical act with another for fun, but with you it is not meaningless it is full love.

At least you admit it is controlling, most would not admit that .

If she is not fulfilled in ALL ways by YOU then why would you expect her to stay with you and get sex from another. Isn't that just as controlling?

I may be controlling my husband by asking him to not go to another for sex but if it is just for "meaningless fun" ... the reality is, he can have the dirty "meaningless fun" with ME if he chooses and we can do the meaningful fun tomorrow. If at the current moment he just really wants a certain act (hold my hand, a BJ, a quiet walk, or some rough and dirty wrestling in the bedroom) then, for my request to have him ONLY want me, I should give that to him. And vice versa. If he or I want to go to someone else for "fun" then I fully expect either of us to break it off and go and have fun with them.

If you think it is "controlling"... I have to say "Yup, in this house we are one controlling husband and wife team and I love it that way!"

Are you the poor bunny and looking for an excuse to sleep around on your partner? Poor bunny!

posted on Mar, 2 2013 @ 05:25 PM
Sorry, If you want to have sex with other people, then I'm not interested.

You mentioned to another poster that it would be selfish to think this way. Why would it not be selfish for your lover to want to sleep with somebody else? That seems selfish to me. I don't know, it seems to me that saying "I love you, but I want to sleep with him/her." is just a slick way of sleeping around with a clear conscience.

posted on Mar, 2 2013 @ 05:28 PM

Originally posted by arpgme
reply to post by violet

Do "the right thing" and break up? What if the relationship IS sexually fulfilling but that other person is just hot and you wanna have sex with them just for fun?

And how is it not selfish to try to keep a person all to yourself?
edit on 2-3-2013 by arpgme because: (no reason given)

It really depends on the relationship, is there is a commitment, are you in love, married?
Ultimately its up to the two of you to decide you can live with it. I see nothing wrong with both being in agreement with this, its just not for me. I'm merely answering the question you posed.
Would I be ok? No I would not

The sexual relationship cannot be that fulfilling if you're lusting after another who is"hot". Like I said if the one you're with isn't really turning you on, you should exit and go get yourself the hottie or harem of hot girls. Who wants to be told you're not as hot as so a so and I'd rather have sex with her/ him? Yes we all fantasize and nothing wrong with that either

The grass is always greener on the other side and for every hot girl out there, there's a guy sick of #ing her.

posted on Mar, 2 2013 @ 05:43 PM
In such a relationship where you can do anything is nearly the same when you aren't in a relationship after all.

I'ts ok if your way of thinking is the same as your partner,because its mutual.

Love is a feeling and not a choice.

If your partner feels good with others its good.But to have sex with others....its pretty much sure thing that he/she is not in love anymore.

posted on Mar, 2 2013 @ 06:05 PM
No effing way.
I don't understand how you can say jealousy is basically greed. If you're in a committed relationship then this would be something that would destroy it. Nasty!

posted on Mar, 2 2013 @ 06:13 PM
reply to post by arpgme

Didn't read any posts just the OP. (I am speaking generally not meaning to assume anything about you).

This is the way I look at it. This shouldn't be an issue to begin with, in the sense it should have been avoidable. You're either open to polyamorous relationships or not. Nothing wrong with wanting strict monogamy. Nothing wrong with wanting 'free love' and 'open relationships'. The issue is two people forming a relationship who were never on the same page, didn't communicate well enough to realize they had different relationship goals and needs.

So do I think letting your lover have sex with another is okay? If you both think so then yes. It isn't just about her joy, it's about both of yours. Otherwise the best thing for your well-being, and even hers, is to breakup and find someone truly interested in monogamy.

posted on Mar, 2 2013 @ 06:26 PM
Psychological studies show that the more sexual partners someone has at the same time, the more #ed up they get emotionally and mentally.

When two people get together in a relationship, if they are doing it right (and actually love each other) they will form a bond that would conflict with other bonds. It's unhealthy.

You can do as you will, and I myself (including finding a new partner if I wish to have a monogamous relationship, or having multiple sexual partners, depending on how stressed out I want to get) and my partner herself is always free to do as she will. I'm just making the psychological effects of it known.
edit on 2-3-2013 by darkbake because: (no reason given)

posted on Mar, 2 2013 @ 06:29 PM
YES, ABSOLUTELY, this permissible. Anyone out there who believes that a beloved close mate should be denied sex with another is foolish. When suggested that another potiential mate is attractive and they desire intimacy with them, agree and encourage it. If one feels horrified, disgusted and betrayed, take some time, gain composure and agree to it. It is who you love and what is in their character. They will eventually anyways because it is their nature and you can't help that.
Meanwhile, while they are believing you are so benevolent, begin cleaning out your bank accounts, changing locks, passwords, retaining an attorney for a restraining order, and if married, filing for divorce and building a case for sole custody of children (if any). But this strategic withdrawal must be done as quietly as possible. Then ask to meet the person, be very polite and accepting, and serve them legal papers.
The reality is they are likely attracted to some trashy person that may carrying STDs. Your health is more important than their attractions. Also, such wonderfully bonded relationships that incur such a suggestion involve finances and legal risk. Somewhere within this equation would be the correlation with someone being arrested at some point. You don't know what that other person is into, and because they are having sex with them, you are implicated. If children are involved, they need their parents to be a faithful, stable couple, and not with some extra sex partners in their lives, either directly or indirectly. Fidelity is important for those practical reasons, and regardless of how much you may love them, your welfare (and your children if any), comes first.
Thus, lead them down the garden path of acceptance and then suddenly, when you are at a safe distance from the drama, dump them. When you do, tell them you are doing this because you are not being selfish. Their heart (or enough of it) is not with you, but with the other person and that is where they need to be. They go where their heart leads them. Of course when you do this, they will say that you are being jealous, and they must be instructed that this is not jealousy. Jealousy is fighting to keep them there with you, and not pushing them to go with someone else. Thus, they must be highly influenced by anything you can do to get them to where their heart belongs and leads them, including keeping no food for them in the fridge, withholding sex, sleeping in another bed or on the couch, restraining orders, divorce papers, changing your phone number and the locks on your home. Really, someday, when they are with someone else, they will be glad you did because to ever suggest such a thing, they will realize they never loved you.

posted on Mar, 2 2013 @ 06:33 PM
No way! The partner wanting some other "hottie"?...time for a rolling pin upside the head. Geez, dosen't anyone do role playing anymore? Wifey can dress up like a french maid or naughty nurse and hubby can be a pirate or naughty islander boy or whatever....then you ARE with somebody else sorta...and without the worry of STDS or other bad unforseen consequences down the line. These young wipper snappers.
No imaginations any more.

posted on Mar, 2 2013 @ 06:34 PM
I believe that is very messed up you should only be having intercourse with your loved one and if you dont then your not in love with them...

posted on Mar, 2 2013 @ 06:35 PM
Women tend to catch emotion after having sex with a man for awhile. Finding a woman that can just be a re-occurring sex-buddy with no feelings is rare.

A bit of men are like this too.

Even some primates don't want their partner to cheat, their women to cheat at least

Cheating monkeys try to hide their infidelity

For three years researchers noted the details of the sexual behavior—and misbehavior—of more than 200 wild geladas. They suspected that cheating geladas might still try to conceal their indiscretions despite the lack of secluded rendezvous spots.

Leader males and females typically give loud calls while mating—a vocal duet that can be heard from more than 30 meters away. Therefore, the simplest way for cheaters to avoid discovery is to stay quiet and keep an eye on the whereabouts of the leader male.

After carefully studying more than 1,000 sexual relationships among geladas, they found that cheating individuals do, indeed, make sexual noises less frequently. Most cheating between the female and subordinate happened while the leader male was at a safe distance away. This combination of behavior suggests that the couple tactically alter their behavior to avoid detection.
- See more at:

edit on 2-3-2013 by WaterBottle because: (no reason given)

edit on 2-3-2013 by WaterBottle because: (no reason given)

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