If you love your lover, would be ok with them having sex with another if it gave them joy?

Originally posted by arpgme
reply to post by winofiend

 

These is nothing wrong with sex without emotion. Both people find each other attractive, and both are experiencing the sensations of sex. It is a shared experienced by for actual "romantic" emotion. It is not needed.

reply to post by QUANTUMGR4V17Y

 

So are you suggesting that you try to "protect" the relationship by not allowing it?

If so, is it truly love if you have to do so much to protect it? That is fear. And if the love is true it'll STAY.

And just because you and your friends experienced it doesn't mean that all will (did).

edit on 2-3-2013 by arpgme because: (no reason given)

Not at all, I openly encourage freedom in my relationships, most women I date (besides the woman from my previous post) are quite against the whole aspect of "sharing" that intimate act with another person, even if it was including both of us together with another person.

And you're quite right, there are people who are capable of making this work. Most women my age (18-25) do not seem capable of doing such a thing without attaching a meaning to it, in my opinion / experience.

Peace

so what if they leave and go with another person? If that makes them happy and you love them then you should be happy for them, you should want them to do what makes them happy even if it means leaving.

so, it seems that this all does come back to greed, selfishness and jealousy
wanting someone to be happy only as long as they are with you, isn`t love.
wanting someone to be happy only as long as they are making you happy too, isn`t love.

it is not self-seeking

loving someone only if they are in a relationship with you, isn`t love.
loving someone only if they love you in return, isn`t love

in a relationship people often do things that the other person wants to do and that they don`t really want to do and may even make them less than happy but they do it because they love the other person and want them to be happy.so, why should this situation be any different?

Originally posted by arpgme
You do fulfill her fully like no one can, but she just want to have this meaningless physical act with another for fun, but with you it is not meaningless it is full love.

At least you admit it is controlling, most would not admit that .

If she is not fulfilled in ALL ways by YOU then why would you expect her to stay with you and get sex from another. Isn't that just as controlling?

I may be controlling my husband by asking him to not go to another for sex but if it is just for "meaningless fun" ... the reality is, he can have the dirty "meaningless fun" with ME if he chooses and we can do the meaningful fun tomorrow. If at the current moment he just really wants a certain act (hold my hand, a BJ, a quiet walk, or some rough and dirty wrestling in the bedroom) then, for my request to have him ONLY want me, I should give that to him. And vice versa. If he or I want to go to someone else for "fun" then I fully expect either of us to break it off and go and have fun with them.

If you think it is "controlling"... I have to say "Yup, in this house we are one controlling husband and wife team and I love it that way!"

bigthink.com...

Are you the poor bunny and looking for an excuse to sleep around on your partner? Poor bunny!

Sorry, If you want to have sex with other people, then I'm not interested.

You mentioned to another poster that it would be selfish to think this way. Why would it not be selfish for your lover to want to sleep with somebody else? That seems selfish to me. I don't know, it seems to me that saying "I love you, but I want to sleep with him/her." is just a slick way of sleeping around with a clear conscience.

Originally posted by arpgme
reply to post by violet

 

Do "the right thing" and break up? What if the relationship IS sexually fulfilling but that other person is just hot and you wanna have sex with them just for fun?

And how is it not selfish to try to keep a person all to yourself?

edit on 2-3-2013 by arpgme because: (no reason given)

It really depends on the relationship, is there is a commitment, are you in love, married?
Ultimately its up to the two of you to decide you can live with it. I see nothing wrong with both being in agreement with this, its just not for me. I'm merely answering the question you posed.
Would I be ok? No I would not

The sexual relationship cannot be that fulfilling if you're lusting after another who is"hot". Like I said if the one you're with isn't really turning you on, you should exit and go get yourself the hottie or harem of hot girls. Who wants to be told you're not as hot as so a so and I'd rather have sex with her/ him? Yes we all fantasize and nothing wrong with that either

The grass is always greener on the other side and for every hot girl out there, there's a guy sick of #ing her.

In such a relationship where you can do anything is nearly the same when you aren't in a relationship after all.

I'ts ok if your way of thinking is the same as your partner,because its mutual.

Love is a feeling and not a choice.

If your partner feels good with others its good.But to have sex with others....its pretty much sure thing that he/she is not in love anymore.

No effing way.
I don't understand how you can say jealousy is basically greed. If you're in a committed relationship then this would be something that would destroy it. Nasty!

reply to post by arpgme


Didn't read any posts just the OP. (I am speaking generally not meaning to assume anything about you).

This is the way I look at it. This shouldn't be an issue to begin with, in the sense it should have been avoidable. You're either open to polyamorous relationships or not. Nothing wrong with wanting strict monogamy. Nothing wrong with wanting 'free love' and 'open relationships'. The issue is two people forming a relationship who were never on the same page, didn't communicate well enough to realize they had different relationship goals and needs.

So do I think letting your lover have sex with another is okay? If you both think so then yes. It isn't just about her joy, it's about both of yours. Otherwise the best thing for your well-being, and even hers, is to breakup and find someone truly interested in monogamy.

Psychological studies show that the more sexual partners someone has at the same time, the more #ed up they get emotionally and mentally.

When two people get together in a relationship, if they are doing it right (and actually love each other) they will form a bond that would conflict with other bonds. It's unhealthy.

You can do as you will, and I myself (including finding a new partner if I wish to have a monogamous relationship, or having multiple sexual partners, depending on how stressed out I want to get) and my partner herself is always free to do as she will. I'm just making the psychological effects of it known.

YES, ABSOLUTELY, this permissible. Anyone out there who believes that a beloved close mate should be denied sex with another is foolish. When suggested that another potiential mate is attractive and they desire intimacy with them, agree and encourage it. If one feels horrified, disgusted and betrayed, take some time, gain composure and agree to it. It is who you love and what is in their character. They will eventually anyways because it is their nature and you can't help that.
Meanwhile, while they are believing you are so benevolent, begin cleaning out your bank accounts, changing locks, passwords, retaining an attorney for a restraining order, and if married, filing for divorce and building a case for sole custody of children (if any). But this strategic withdrawal must be done as quietly as possible. Then ask to meet the person, be very polite and accepting, and serve them legal papers.
The reality is they are likely attracted to some trashy person that may carrying STDs. Your health is more important than their attractions. Also, such wonderfully bonded relationships that incur such a suggestion involve finances and legal risk. Somewhere within this equation would be the correlation with someone being arrested at some point. You don't know what that other person is into, and because they are having sex with them, you are implicated. If children are involved, they need their parents to be a faithful, stable couple, and not with some extra sex partners in their lives, either directly or indirectly. Fidelity is important for those practical reasons, and regardless of how much you may love them, your welfare (and your children if any), comes first.
Thus, lead them down the garden path of acceptance and then suddenly, when you are at a safe distance from the drama, dump them. When you do, tell them you are doing this because you are not being selfish. Their heart (or enough of it) is not with you, but with the other person and that is where they need to be. They go where their heart leads them. Of course when you do this, they will say that you are being jealous, and they must be instructed that this is not jealousy. Jealousy is fighting to keep them there with you, and not pushing them to go with someone else. Thus, they must be highly influenced by anything you can do to get them to where their heart belongs and leads them, including keeping no food for them in the fridge, withholding sex, sleeping in another bed or on the couch, restraining orders, divorce papers, changing your phone number and the locks on your home. Really, someday, when they are with someone else, they will be glad you did because to ever suggest such a thing, they will realize they never loved you.

No way! The partner wanting some other "hottie"?...time for a rolling pin upside the head. Geez, dosen't anyone do role playing anymore? Wifey can dress up like a french maid or naughty nurse and hubby can be a pirate or naughty islander boy or whatever....then you ARE with somebody else sorta...and without the worry of STDS or other bad unforseen consequences down the line. These young wipper snappers. No imaginations any more.

I believe that is very messed up you should only be having intercourse with your loved one and if you dont then your not in love with them...

Women tend to catch emotion after having sex with a man for awhile. Finding a woman that can just be a re-occurring sex-buddy with no feelings is rare.

A bit of men are like this too.

Even some primates don't want their partner to cheat, their women to cheat at least

Cheating monkeys try to hide their infidelity

For three years researchers noted the details of the sexual behavior—and misbehavior—of more than 200 wild geladas. They suspected that cheating geladas might still try to conceal their indiscretions despite the lack of secluded rendezvous spots.

Leader males and females typically give loud calls while mating—a vocal duet that can be heard from more than 30 meters away. Therefore, the simplest way for cheaters to avoid discovery is to stay quiet and keep an eye on the whereabouts of the leader male.

After carefully studying more than 1,000 sexual relationships among geladas, they found that cheating individuals do, indeed, make sexual noises less frequently. Most cheating between the female and subordinate happened while the leader male was at a safe distance away. This combination of behavior suggests that the couple tactically alter their behavior to avoid detection.
- See more at: www.futurity.org...