posted on Mar, 2 2013 @ 02:46 PM
Ultimately, this isn't a generalized answer.
It comes down to love for, knowledge of, and respect towards your partner.
If you know your partner is monogamous, then your love and respect of them should be enough to be happy without having to sleep with every cute face
or body you run across.
If you and your partner are polyamourous, then you together find a 3rd (or more) permanent partner(s) to join your family.
If you and your partner are swingers, or don't find sex valuable; then there is no issue like this to begin with and you know your circles or know
where to meet your random encounters.
If you are selfish enough to think you deserve to sleep with whoever you choose, regardless of how your significant other thinks or feels about the
situation; then you are the bad person, not the one who is 'jealous'. Mild jealousy is about love and private/intimacy/bonding. Psychotic jealousy
is the one you can't talk to others/stalking/scary. It is a different beast wrought from delusions,control, and anti-love.
What you are failing to see is; some people view it not as sex, but a form of spiritual bonding and passion. It isn't the act, it is the intimacy.
It isn't about the carnal pleasure or ejaculation/squirting; but the idea of two becoming one, sharing that moment in time, giving the most private
of moments to each other.
Think of tantric sex.
Others, see it just as an act, like masturbation. There is no value in it, nor their own bodies; no modesty or privacy. Our society, especially
contemporary, has devalued sex completely ... clubs and bars with grinding and random sex ... which I'm all for people doing what they choose; but
just because one doesn't view it as a value, doesn't mean no one should. Neither is right or wrong; they are both personal values that everyone has
the right to have and not have it infringed upon.
I think what people do, is their business behind closed doors, so if you are in a commune of 10 that everyone shares everything including sex ... you
have the right. If you are swingers, it is your right to do so. If you just like meeting random people and engaging in sex, enjoy it as far as I'm
concerned; just the same as if you want to be the type to sleep with one person your whole life, the person you marry, great, and I can respect that
What I don't think is 'ok'; is to disrespect someone else's set of values because they don't fit with your own. To demean and degrade someone
who prefers monogamy because you think it is ok to sleep around is cruel. To just say it is jealousy and not true love is manipulation and dishonest
to sway people to your personal rule set.
It is just as selfish to want to sleep with random people as it is for someone to want the person to only sleep with them. It is equal but different.
Compromise or you might just find your core values are too different to make it work.
If you want to live that way, meet someone who feels the same. Problem not solved, because it will never be one in the first place. Don't be the
type that wants to sleep around, and meet someone at a church; and don't be a diehard monogamist and try to 'change' a person who enjoys casual
sex. You can't change someone, they can only have a change of heart on their own.
Again, let me say this simply; if you love your mate; you don't do something that hurts them.
If I wanted to sleep around, it is much easier for me to abstain, than it is for her to cope with me doing it. The act for me would be a single night
of random physical pleasure; the scar for her would be up to a lifetime and create rift, tension, distrust; respecting the fact it was known it was
going to happen beforehand, openly, and honestly. If I'm not willing to sacrifice fleeting carnal pleasure; then how strong is my emotional bond to
In a true love relationship, both parties must be able to exhibit both selfishness, and self-sacrifice; mixed with compromise and communication.
But people like to defend themselves in black and white absolutes, when most things have large swaths of gray area.