If you love your lover, would be ok with them having sex with another if it gave them joy?, page 2

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ATS Members have flagged this thread 9 times

reply posted on 2-3-2013 @ 06:46 AM by arpgme

reply to post by Jefferton

Originally posted by Jefferton
I guess I have morality and wouldn't be interested in some disgusting swingers lifestyle.

Wear protection.

Again, I'm not talking about swingers... and "disgusting" is just an opinion - an emotional reaction - not an actual reason.

reply to post by Wide-Eyes

Originally posted by Wide-Eyes
This is exactly why I said 'the right woman'. This may sound weird but I have fantasized in the past about seeing my partner have sex with another guy, as long as I'm there to watch/and or join in . I think there is a difference between lust and love and being able to differentiate the two is something that not many people can get their heads around.

Feel free to flame me for my weird thoughts...

Awesome, and I agree with you completely. For some people lust IS love and that is why they would feel so threatened if their partner has sex with another.

reply to post by pheonix358

Thank you for your open-mindedness, and I agree just because love is being spread doesn't mean that another love is being lessened. Also if your are in love with a person and the other person is just lust, then it should be no threat to the true love.

reply to post by hotel1

Well, maybe I would "play around" if it were safe (protection), and we knew the relationship would not be damage because it would just be LUST whereas we actually have True Love.

reply posted on 2-3-2013 @ 06:47 AM by bwcawaterbear

In a simple word, No. doesn't work in the long run. And if you are so easily swayed to think that it does, I would possibly look at the issue of codependency, where you make excuses for you or someone else;s behavior just so you can still have them in your life. I am sorry if this seems harsh, but I have known several couples that tried this and it always boiled down to not working, and that the person who was seeing someone else was wanting to get away from the spouse, but so codependent that they had to be in another relationship BEFORE they left. And the spouse that was allowing it, really wan;t being honest with their feelings, and really didn;t like it at all.

reply posted on 2-3-2013 @ 06:47 AM by winofiend

Sure thing Op, by the way can I take your wife to a party on saturday?

Thanks!

reply posted on 2-3-2013 @ 06:48 AM by cody599

It took 2 continents
2 bad marriages and too many years for my wife and I to finally be together. We've both been to hell and back, we are finally together and I don't see why she would want to stray. The sex is mind blowing for both of us. I suppose if I were crippled and couldn't service her sexual needs ummmmmmmmmm yeah if it was just sex for relief of frustration I would.

Let's hope I never have to find out.

Cody

edit on 2/3/13 by cody599 because: (no reason given)

reply posted on 2-3-2013 @ 06:53 AM by sacgamer25

Originally posted by arpgme
First off, do you believe that "Love" can be "Jealousy"? Because they are two completely different things. Love is caring for the person and wanting the other person to be happy. Jealousy is greed, wanting the person for yourself regardless of how they feel.

Would you be willing to let your love sleep with another person if that is what made them happy? They still want to maintain their relationship with you because they find your "bond" special but this is other person is just sex... if not then maybe it isn't "true" love but Jealousy/Greed/Attachment/Obsession/Control where you feel that the person needs to be yours and ONLY yours.
edit on 2-3-2013 by arpgme because: (no reason given)

It is impossible for us to have sex without emotion, more so for women than men, but impossible none the less. It is for this reason we must choose to only share sex with the one whom we are emotionally connected. This is why sex should be kept in the marriage bed.

The truth that sex is emotionally charged is not denied by anyone. So why would we want to have an emotionally charged experience with someone we are not emotionally connected to. If this basic principle is not enough, the emotional bound of marriage is so strong that the act of adultery is considered by ALL a reason for a break in the bound.

We agree that sex is emotionally charged. We agree adultery is a break in the bond of marriage. But we can't agree that we should keep sex to the marriage bed? On top of all that should be obvious in love we have been given jealousy to point out our stupidity.

How much further do we need to go down the rabbit hole?

reply posted on 2-3-2013 @ 06:54 AM by hotel1

Originally posted by arpgme
reply to post by Jefferton

Originally posted by Jefferton
I guess I have morality and wouldn't be interested in some disgusting swingers lifestyle.

Wear protection.

Again, I'm not talking about swingers... and "disgusting" is just an opinion - an emotional reaction - not an actual reason.

reply to post by Wide-Eyes

Originally posted by Wide-Eyes
This is exactly why I said 'the right woman'. This may sound weird but I have fantasized in the past about seeing my partner have sex with another guy, as long as I'm there to watch/and or join in . I think there is a difference between lust and love and being able to differentiate the two is something that not many people can get their heads around.

Feel free to flame me for my weird thoughts...

Awesome, and I agree with you completely. For some people lust IS love and that is why they would feel so threatened if their partner has sex with another.

reply to post by pheonix358

Thank you for your open-mindedness, and I agree just because love is being spread doesn't mean that another love is being lessened. Also if your are in love with a person and the other person is just lust, then it should be no threat to the true love.

reply to post by hotel1

Well, maybe I would "play around" if it were safe (protection), and we knew the relationship would not be damage because it would just be LUST whereas we actually have True Love.

If you are female call me if, and when the maybe becomes definite

reply posted on 2-3-2013 @ 06:57 AM by arpgme

reply to post by bwcawaterbear

Originally posted by bwcawaterbear
In a simple word, No. doesn't work in the long run. And if you are so easily swayed to think that it does, I would possibly look at the issue of codependency, where you make excuses for you or someone else;s behavior just so you can still have them in your life.

It's not that "it" didn't work (the activity), it's the 'jealousy' and the confusion of 'lust' with 'love', happen. The physical act is just a physical act.

reply to post by winofiend

Originally posted by winofiend
Sure thing Op, by the way can I take your wife to a party on saturday?

Thanks!

I am not married, but if I were, the way you are speaking it makes it sound like that a "wife" is some THING that a man OWNS that can given to another man. A wife is a HUMAN BEING with sexual desires and preferences.

reply to post by cody599

Why not? It causes "Jealousy"? Then that isn't love. It's jealousy.

reply to post by sacgamer25

Sex is just lust, love is actually caring and giving the person your attention. Unless one is mistaking lust for love it shouldn't matter if sex is happening with another.

reply posted on 2-3-2013 @ 06:57 AM by cody599

It is impossible for us to have sex without emotion, more so for women than men, but impossible none the less.

reply to post by sacgamer25

What utter rubbish

I was quite a wild younger man and had loads of sex just for the fun of it. Some of the girls I knew were just as bad, sex for the sake of sex ? Hell yeah

Then I matured and found love

Impossible to have sex without emotion

reply posted on 2-3-2013 @ 06:57 AM by feelingconnected

reply to post by arpgme

I think sex although enjoyable without love or love is not needed for enjoyable sex. Its the best way to show love to the one you love. I am not against a loved one enjoying themselves, this is a boundary for me. There are activities then there are 'Activities'.

If I put my heart, soul and body into my lover I expect the same in return. mmm I really don't think going fishing or to the pub or what ever can compare!!! I think maybe I've read your op in the wrong context. Are you asking a question or stating a point?

What is right for you may not be for me. It's just not that black & white to me, but hay I'm sure it can be successful with both willing partners.

edit on 2-3-2013 by feelingconnected because: Spell checker on phone

reply posted on 2-3-2013 @ 07:00 AM by cody599

I am not married, but if I were, the way you are speaking it makes it sound like that a "wife" is some THING that a man OWNS that can given to another man. A wife is a HUMAN BEING with sexual desires and preferences.

reply to post by arpgme

Oh man did you misunderstand that.
If you only knew how many times I've said

"I'm your husband babes, not your boss"

reply posted on 2-3-2013 @ 07:03 AM by arpgme

reply to post by cody599

He was saying will I "LET" him "TAKE" my wife for sex, as if I can say "NO" and control her as my own object. (I'm not married just making a point).

reply posted on 2-3-2013 @ 07:06 AM by cody599

reply to post by arpgme

Sorry I think I misread the post
Seriously need facepalm emoticon

reply posted on 2-3-2013 @ 07:10 AM by IkNOwSTuff

Im not jealous or possesive in any way, My partner can go out whenever she wants and hang out with whoever she wants.

For me personally a big part of being in a relationship is sexual exclusivity, its not just the selfishness of wanting them to myself its other things like disease, making sure any offspring is actually mine etc etc.

If you and your partner wanna swing good for you

Its not for me and I wouldnt be with a girl who was into that stuff

reply posted on 2-3-2013 @ 07:27 AM by tinker9917

I think the question in my mind would be "Will he/she want to go have sex with that person alot? Will they fall in love?" Also, I think a woman could do it once and walk away, but I think a man would try to make it an ongoing thing (which would be dangerous and damaging to the original relationship)

reply posted on 2-3-2013 @ 07:31 AM by arpgme

reply to post by tinker9917

That is fear - not love. If they fall out of love that easily then it wasn't true love. If you try to "protect" that love by not "approving" then it still isn't true love.

reply posted on 2-3-2013 @ 07:33 AM by winofiend

reply to post by cody599

That's quite sad really. To have no emotional attachment to something so intimate.

No wonder the world is in such a shambles. Such a torchwood attitude.

Might as well be humping mrs palmer if the only one there is you.

reply posted on 2-3-2013 @ 07:42 AM by QUANTUMGR4V17Y

Someone always attaches meaning to the "random, meaningless" sex that they are having.

Whether that be you or your mate, is another story.

My ex and I played this whole situation out, the open relationship. Worked out okay for a little bit but she ended up falling in love with a gentleman twice her age who lived in his parents basement. (literally)

I've had many friends do the same, with the same outcome. Either they or their mate fell in love with someone they were having "random, meaningless" sex with, then ran away from their mate.... Or used them for money / a place to stay after their late night thrills.

Just my 2 cents.

Peace.

reply posted on 2-3-2013 @ 07:43 AM by arpgme

reply to post by winofiend

These is nothing wrong with sex without emotion. Both people find each other attractive, and both are experiencing the sensations of sex. It is a shared experienced by for actual "romantic" emotion. It is not needed.

reply to post by QUANTUMGR4V17Y

So are you suggesting that you try to "protect" the relationship by not allowing it?

If so, is it truly love if you have to do so much to protect it? That is fear. And if the love is true it'll STAY.

And just because you and your friends experienced it doesn't mean that all will (did).

edit on 2-3-2013 by arpgme because: (no reason given)

reply posted on 2-3-2013 @ 07:44 AM by miss_sky

Never. I'm old fashioned I guess, but I believe in being faithful to the person I'm with. I think allowing each other to sleep with other people is going to cause problems cause sooner or later someone is going to catch feelings for someone else.

So many people do the open relationship thing these days. Thats why I think its super important to discuss up front with your partner exactly what the both of you are expecting out of a relationship.

reply posted on 2-3-2013 @ 07:51 AM by Konoyaro

I don't see anything wrong with it, I don't see why love would be limited to one person only...it isn't limited in nature, that's why we see a lot of cheating in society. If it makes my girl happy to sleep with another sometimes but still loves me, its fine. Though I prefer her to be with only me, but who am I to stand in the way of her happiness. If I were against it, we were then apparently not compatible.

I believe the natural state of humans are not monogamist but much more of a floating or dynamic relationships in which the whole of society are involved in the upbringing of children (we are still but it has been institutionalized to such a degree it's barely recognizable) which leads me to the point that the, nowadays, "traditional family" is just a figment of the modern society's greedy desire than the evolution of the natural state. Restricted love for personal greed instead of free love for universal prosperity.

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