Now I have no clue if or when the water heater got repaired. I am not really interested. The manner in which the last phone call ended..to me
indicated a deeper message was being sent. Once again..no problem by me. I have received worse news and informations before by phone.
The deeper message being sent to you was obviously ignored by you because you were really not interested in contributing any effort in that
relationship, which she probably realized at last. The act of her phoning you instead of meeting you face-to-face shows significant signs of
disconnect between you both. Have you ever thought that you may be a commitment-phobe?
Oh..Yes..most certainly InTheLight. I have thought that I might be a commitment phobe until I have had conversations with intelligent, educated, savvy
people such as yourself who attempt to define for me what is commitment with only one side in the picture.
Has it ever occurred to you that she might be a commitment phobe in getting the commitment levels necessary to get her hot water heater repaired and
back on line?? That she is not committed sufficient to accomplish this task...but if no one sees what we do...and we can get someone else to commit
for it...bon appetit. Problem solved and no one is the wiser.
This is her hot water heater ..not mine. IF a relationship with a independent, self sufficient, savvy, smart woman of today is dependent on her
constantly uping the ante on a male with such skills and knowledge..I dont call that a relationship. I call that role playing and defaluting. Because
no one will see what we do. Social Roles. Social Default settings.
I dont think you understand the scope of this job...involving the water heater. With the expenses of grandchildren and children at home..she is tapped
out. Credit cards etc etc. At least as near as I can tell....in order to keep the lifestyle of her daughter and grandchildren in order and not
interrupted...you know..bumps in the road and that kind of thing.
I would be expected to default..pay for the water heater, put it in, purchase all the adapters, connections, et al...etc etc..time on the job..getting
rid of the olde one ..etc..and they just show up for hot water ...no stress or inconvenience...to be "Flashdanced"
through this problem.
"Oh What a Feeling!!"
So her's and my relationship now includes (by Default) smoothing out the bumps in the road for the daughter and grandchildren too?? Making myself
expendable and disposable for offspring which are not mine?? So that they do not have to change or alter their lifestyles..but I do???
And being able to ask or even think this series of questions through is commitment phobia?? Are you thinking correctly???
A Smart man asks himself what he is being given or offerred for which to commit?? Do you not understand this concept??
Commitment is not determined by one person only. By a false social construct in which the male is voiceless and the female determines everything in a
relationship ..particularly by her needs, desires, and maintenance costs.
This is the biggest problem I find with female default settings. That they do not believe a male should have a questioning thought or attitude of his
own but should be ready to run touchdowns constantly without asking himself the nature of the game or if it is even worth playing. By default the male
should be ready to rescue and work himself greatly to "Flashdance " a modern, intelligent , savvy , educated woman and what ever baggage she has
through the goal posts no matter what it costs him or he will automatically fall below her line of sight into the gutters.
Today we call this equality. I call it ignorance. Particularly by the male. But again..I am not her door mat nor pit crew..nor her daughter and
grandchildren's door mat or pit crew.
His own negative self-beliefs about commitment, love and relationships will guarantee that this relationship won’t last. He has no intention of
making a commitment to her, and now that she is asking for a little more, he’s finding reasons to back away. My best bet is that he will sabotage
this relationship fairly soon and it will be over.
LOL LOL LOL...InTheLight. This is called ...in dating parlance or relationship vernacular...asking for more or getting indicators that one is worth
more in the marketplace against the competition...ie...increasing ones value in the marketplace.
Now..notice here carefully ..in equality... InTheLight...notice what is missing from relationship advice like this one.
Who is sabatoging the relationship..the person who asks if they are getting more when expected to give more ..or the person who expects more without
giving more. Notice this is not even brought up in this article?? Smart people know to think this far.
This is also often a strategy of many women to test their male to see how willing he is to commit to increasing demands or needs (Tryouts for the
team) without him being aware that he is being lead down a path. He is often ignorant enough to think it is his idea all along to believe he is
helping or rescuing. It was often never his idea...but he is being lead down this path.
His willingness to run touchdowns/Rescue (Sports Conditioning) blindsides him to this reality and maneuvering.
Remember...later on it will be something else and something else and else and else...as nauseum. Alwaysmore. But will he be getting more and will more
always be expected from him?? While being lead about by her and in times of equality!!??
This is what a male asks himself who can think further than a point spread or a beer commercial. Unfortunately ..not many today can so do.
Particularly Mark and his wife. It took some 6 to 8 weeks for her alone to catch on. He should have been chewing out her backside when this 12 hour
shift began to get her up to speed. Not have her increase his speed in addition to working the 12 hour shifts.
Which is exactly what this woman and her daughter/grandchildren were expecting of me...in addition to the 12 hours shifts.
is the standard default setting of many women who try to use shame and guilt manipulation on a male who they think cannot
see or navigate his way through this kind of false maze.
Guilt techniques do not work on me. I have seen them used and misused by so many others in addition to the womens movements.
Let me put this to you in another way and in a manner many of the male posters here "might", I dont hold much hope, understand and or comprehend.
I am not the "pit crew" for this woman and her children and grandchildren...so that they can go on racing around the track while working others to
death and neglecting the RISKS of these same others to keep them going around in circles on the track.
This, InTheLight, is where so many women have tried to sell me short and where they take great offense if I bring it up in such a manner..but it is
indeed true as to how things work out here. More men and males need to know this kind of thinking.
I can tell this by figuring out how many men and males these women have burned out trying to keep themselves going around the track again. Not all the
women but a great many of them. Because they work on the principle..that no one sees what we do.
Gotta go..Up this morning so as not to get to far off my schedule for next week.
Thanks for your post,