posted on Dec, 23 2012 @ 05:36 AM
I'm of the opinion that we can only have chivalry or equal treatment across the board, but not a combination of the two. I open doors for everyone,
man, woman, child, whoever. That's an almost unconscious thing I was raised to do. I'd also say my general tendency is to chivalry, but sometimes I
feel like women want the best of chivalry, the best of equality, and none of the downsides from either.
I may be speaking more of how chivalrous to act in a relationship, but follow me on this.
If I am expected to open doors, pull out chairs, pay for all meals or drinks out, surrender my jacket when it's cold/raining, kill all the spiders,
inspect bumps in the night even when I know it was the wind blowing around a tree branch or maybe just a raccoon, and generally do anything remotely
dangerous or unpleasant, then I am fine with that. However, the corollary acts from the woman must be done in return. I don't expect a woman to be my
personal short-order cook, but some initiative and effort in that regard makes me a little more enthusiastic to do the chivalrous thing. Likewise, the
classic gender role activities like cleaning, doing laundry, and just generally being the woman of the house seem like a fair trade for all the
chivalrous behavior in return.
The problem is when women try to pick and choose the benefits of chivalry and equality. In my experience (I'm in my 20's, so it's mostly with the
20-something women), women want a man who will kill any spider they encounter, protect them by inspecting any dangers while they stay safely out of
range, pay for meals and drinks when they're out, and take care of any physical labor that might need done. They also expect him to never impose on
her with expectations or even polite requests that she cook, bring him a drink (even when doing the physical labor she demanded he perform), clean
anything, or do his laundry. All the male sacrifices of chivalry and none of the usual female sacrifices. I can confirm that they all desire this
In response, I have stopped playing along. I don't buy women drinks at the bar, period (after hearing many tell stories of intentionally getting
dressed in their skimpiest outfits and hitting the high-dollar bars all with the goal of getting hammered for free on the backs of easily duped men).
I am willing to be chivalrous and would prefer that dynamic in a relationship, but I modulate my chivalry in direct relation to how much she adheres
to the traditional female role in a chivalrous dynamic. I think that's fair, but if she wants equality, I would happily let her kill her own spiders
and pick up the tab in exchange for picking up a bit more of the laundry and housework burden.