posted on Nov, 29 2012 @ 08:02 PM
Your life, and all that is important to you is on the line.
The stakes are high. Your motivation is there. You're asking for help. You've been given some.
Let's take all that, then put a plan in place.
From what you've described, you've got two potential breadwinners right now.
A chief concern is money, so your goals should be aligned with getting those people jobs, or increasing the number of potential breadwinners. Your
constraints - this must be done while satisfying all your needs, chiefly, the care of your mother.
It is your life, so it is not my place to tell you what to do. So please, take this plan as a suggestion, a starting point, and modify
1. Get yourself more time for earning money.
2. Get your 'deadbeat' brother aligned with your goals, or removed from the picture.
3. Get your dad working, anywhere.
4. Find your going-blind brother some state-sponsored help to find a disability appropriate job.
5. Restructure what a day in the life of your mom looks like so that it is filled with more love and enjoyment.
I know - each of these items is easier said than done. You will need to grow to achieve these things. But I promise you, each is achievable.
1. You're currently taking care of a lot of vital functions. Some very inexpensive tools and processes could do the same thing, freeing up your time
to earn some money. "Mom, I bought this $0.99 pill container from Walgreens, and labelled the top of each. 8AM, 10AM, Noon, etc. I need you to
check the time, and if it is past the time that still has pills in it, you need to take them. At the same time, check your blood pressure. If it is
higher than this number that I've written up here, you need to call immediately." Think about how you can automate these tasks. Do some research.
You've not been dealing with these demands for years, but a lot of people can. Work smarter, not harder.
2. Your first job here is self work. You need to know forwards and back what you do want to achieve with this conversation, and what you don't want
to achieve. You're not getting revenge, putting him in his place, or anything else that could be viewed as offensive. You are framing a very crucial
life circumstance in a way that he can understand. "Brother, we love you. And we all want you to remain a part of it. But this family, right now, is
dying. Our needs outweigh what we have. We've got two choices - start reducing costs, or start bringing in more money. Families stick together,
and help each other out. If you're willing to find some ways to do that, you can help save us all. If not, then hard as it may be, we are going to
have to let you go. Because I am not willing to let our whole family go under when we could cut out one member and still survive." (This is hastily
constructed. The book "Crucial Conversations" would be a great resource, if you were not already under the gun.
3. There's this weird thing guys do when they get unemployed that girls don't do. They refuse to take "inferior" jobs, and keep on holding out
for a job that is just like the one they lost. Women don't do this. They lose their job, and the next week, they're signed up as a waitress, a
bartender, whatever. (Obviously this doesn't apply to everyone, but this correlation has been demonstrated.) You need to find a way to help your dad
understand this. Every dollar helps. Walk down the road, and get a job at McDonald's. Or, have him donate his plasma twice a week while he job
hunts. Set a deadline with him. You can look until XXX date, then you will take whatever job you can find. $8/hr does beat $0/hr.
4. I don't have the specific information you need here, but the information exists. Start with City Hall, or a State Department. "I have a brother
going blind, employment options are limited, and his employment is vital to the keeping of your home. Could you direct me to the appropriate person or
department that could help me evaluate what options he has available to him?" Once connected, you could also ask about any potential grants or
programs for individuals with newly onset conditions.
5. I'm no cancer expert, but I've been around a few dear friends that suffered from it. Mindset and attitude are everything. Right now, I imagine
your mom's is about as bad as it could be. "Mom, your only job right now is to focus on your health. If you worry about anything else, that just
makes our job harder. We're doing everything we can. Here is our plan. Here's what we're doing. Now youuuu...we need to start getting some joy
back in your life." Direct her towards things she loves. Looking at old photos. Journaling. Looking at whatever she finds beautiful online.
Research a few cancer forums, find one that is well aligned with her, sign her up, then show her how to participate. Tell her you love her every day.
Have your family do the same.
You have a mountain to do...yesterday. Stay focused, plan your actions, and never stop.
Good luck, friend