OK, thanks for that.
I am a counselor, I suffer from PTSD (with amnesia to complicate it) and to get mine controlled I had to give up on Western Psychology. I will tell
you right now that I am not qualified (Don't have the right pieces of paper to deal with PTSD) In normal circumstances I would refer to a
specialist. That is not working for you.
Most Western Psychology over complicates things just so the average person can not understand. PTSD needs two events, the primary and the trigger.
The event you know about is one or the other, I suspect it is the trigger, and a very powerful trigger obviously.
To put PTSD in simple terms:
Our minds hold information in two distinct locations. The first is the memory of what factually happened. We got hit by an IED, my buddy died etc.
The second is the emotional memory. How did I feel about that.
Rationalization occurs in the factual memory. IN PTSD the emotional memory has not been rationalized. As a result, raw destructive emotions rage
through the mind unchecked. This is what you are seeing.
Medication suppresses this rage in the conscious mind. At night, the sub-conscious is in control, the emotions are played out over and over again.
In the morning you are left with the memories of the emotions. It is like it just happened.
Since the normal approach is not working we need to take another approach. This will take a long time to have any affect. First, don't ask
questions is more to protect the military than anything else. Ask away, but slowly, very slowly. You need try and get a grip on how he felt. Direct
questions on how he felt will fail. Suggesting how you would feel in that situation may work.
He will most likely be rejecting cuddles and all those things that say 'I love you." They are critical! A small one second hug or a kiss on the
cheek will send clear messages to his sub-conscious that he is loved. Your daughter can help. Keep them very short and of course the words 'I love
you' should go along with each cuddle or kiss. Once or twice a day tell him you will never give up on him.
You seem to only know one event, there are more! Most Western soldiers can not come to grips with children getting shot. In other countries the age
that a boy becomes a man is much, much lower that it is for you. Seeing a twelve year old that you just shot because he was shooting at you can
unhinge many, usually the nicest of us.
He may never want you to know what the other event(s) is/are. If he cannot accept what he did / was ordered to do / what was done by others that he
saw etc, then he will not believe that you or your daughter would understand let alone forgive.
Talk to the doctors and ask blunt questions. Is he improving, is he going to improve etc. As I understand this is been ongoing for five years. The
medication is not working. It is not having the desired affect. It needs to be changed.
I think your insights are likely accurate. He is snowing his doctors. Don't be the one that tattles on him, get a relation to do it. Let him be mad
That is the best I can do for now. U2U me if any of this helps him. It won't hurt him. Keep cuddles short, you want to disengage just before he
rejects the cuddles. Surprise him with the kisses. Don't forget the I love you and adding truthful lines like "Nothing you can do or have done
will ever change that." are good as well. You are hitting the emotional side. NEVER LAY A GUILT TRIP ON HIM! That would be a disaster.