posted on Nov, 5 2012 @ 04:49 PM
Me, I have PTSD. It's hard for me to feel for anyone, but I feel for your husband. And I'm sure you have my ex-'s sympathies.
Pot, yeah maybe. I tried it, made it worse for me. Made the memories so much clearer. Maybe a good thing for seniors, not a good thing for someone
with PTSD. Not if they react the way I did.
I'm like, seven years out and still have the nightmares. Flashbacks are more rare now though. God that was a bad time, so bad. Can't blame hubby for
wanting to sleep through it, I did the same thing.
Klonopin helped. Ativan helped. But I found that its a little too easy to become dependent on them. But, really, maybe sometimes it's better to be a
little addicted to a bit of benzodiazepine than to be at the mercy of one's own frakked up brain?
I've been on Seroquel too, and thorazine. Though I think those were more to control certain psychotic behaviors which manifested from PTSD, rather
than to treat the PTSD itself. Seroquel was great, but way to expensive for me. Thorazine is cheaper, but it really takes away all my energy, I really
sleep a lot on that stuff. And after I dunno how many years of it at varying doses, I've lost a lot of physical strength and gained some weight. A
soldier like your hubby would probably be pretty upset with those side effects, just like I was.
I think the hardest thing for your hubby to overcome is the lack of desire to be better. After being in the "stuff", it's easy just to not give a
frak anymore. The depression can be damn near insurmountable.
I get confused very often. It's frustrating and I get very, very agitated, even to the point of anger. Like, even walking my dog today I was getting
pissed at all the people in my neighborhood who were spoiling a peaceful walk with their noisy leaf-blowers and lawnmowers and stuff. Caught myself
almost yelling stuff as I passed by like "F---king pansy, stop manicuring your lawn, just tear out the grass and paint the dirt green already!" "Oh
yeah, that's what the effing world needs, more plastic siding on houses." I've lost track of where I was going with this thought so I'm gonna
stop. Or, well, I guess what I was trying to illustrate is that when you have a lot of unpleasant Stuff going on in your brain, it gets easier to get
frustrated at other people's petty frakking concerns, like mowing their lawn, etc.
Oh, and I found that EMDR helped too. The thing is, I think it's something best done only if it can be done frequently. You know, cause it really
does help reprogram how the brain reacts to those memories, to a less negative function. But at the same time, it does involve stirring up those
memories too. So the more frequent, the more supervision, the better.
EMDR, when done correctly, is a godsend. I could walk out of a session feeling 100%. Really. I never had any bar of lights or remotes or anything like
that, maybe that's something different you're talking about. When I had EMDR it was just my psych moving his finger back and forth in front of my
eyes. I would track the movement with my eyes, back and forth, while he brought up a really bad memory and coached me through it. The back and forth
eye movement is supposed to get the left and right sides of the brain focused on the memory at the same time. And what the doc is telling you while
your eyes are going back and forth and you're concentrating on that memory, reprograms both sides of the brain simultaneously to have a better
response to the memory. It's really really good therapy. I should go back to that too, honestly I had forgotten all about it (I have amnesia and
new-memory problems as well). After EMDR I feel very relaxed, very much more at peace. And one of the BEST things about EMDR is that during bad times,
you know when you're going through some stuff at home or wherever, you know, that you can have someone you trust do the finger-waving thing for you,
or even just look at a metronome and have yourself a little EMDR session right then and there, wherever/whenever you need it. You know, after the doc
teaches you how to do it right of course.
Anyways, whatever your hubby ends up doing treatment-wise, I would just say be patient with him. It's not easy for anybody, you know, the soldier or
the family. It's not a quick process, getting better. I know that sometimes love isn't enough, sometimes love runs out. I've been there, hell I've
been on BOTH sides of that equation believe it or not, so I understand. But... you know maybe it runs out faster than it would if you're not as
patient and dedicated to learning about the condition and adjusting your expectations accordingly. Not accusing, just saying, ignorance or unrealistic
expectations help nobody. Because you really really love him, you are now not just a wife but a nurse too. That's how it's going to be until this
situation is resolved.
And as for the people who say PTSD soldiers just need to grow a set of balls... I have got more balls than anybody I've ever met, and I'm a girl. Ya