On aging and depression about it

I know we all have to grow older. And I don't know if I'm taking it harder than the next person or not, but it's really really bothering me deeply as of the past few months.

I'm going to be 40 on the 31st of March. All my life I have gotten along with the younger generation, like those 19, 23, 25 etc. I guess it's cuz I'm a gamer and just I dunno. I'm more open minded than most my age for the younger gen? Never did have much of a child/teen hood as I was raised with very strict rules etc.

Still. My crush is like 23 and we see eye to eye on everything ever. We have the world in common and he is so far mature than his numerical age would dictate. Heck, he's more mature than most guys my age are and he doesn't talk about dr appointments, medicine, trouble walking around and crap either like the guys around my age.. older guys but still. Spooky, I know. Maybe I'm just not mature. Could be that too. I'm willing to admit that. Whatever.

Point is, I look at myself -and yes that pic IS me taken back in august of this year 2012. I look 19 to 23. My friends and so on say I look between 15 and 23. I /act/ 23....er..... 21? heh. My son turned 18 today and heck, I go to HIM for advice with stuff. Totally. Guy advice, work advice, this and that. It's awful yet it's /me/.

So I look in the mirror and see myself and just crunch up my face and it's like 'my god, you're old.' I can not STAND the word 'middle age' or 'mid life' because that denotes to me someone who just can't fit in anymore or can't wear cool clothing or hang with the crowd. Middle age to me denotes sitting at home, reading a newspaper with glasses perched on the end of the nose, greying hair, curlers, bathrobe and slippers that let one toe peek out, medicine bottles all over (she takes 30 pills a day, she does) and dr appts all the time and so on. Dear lord. Middle age to me right now starts around 60. Seriously.

There is NO way I want to stop associating with the younger gen (at least not right now. Maybe if I'm like 50, it'd be creepy and weird, esp if I look that age. GOD I HOPE NOT). If they never knew my age, they'd never guess. I love the music, clothing, hair styles, how they speak, game, act, everything. I know folks my age have fun too, but it's just not... the same, if that makes sense. I seriously would give anything to turn time back but still have it be today and be like 17 or something. I know it's something that can never happen but man.

Am I just supposed to stop doing what I enjoy and stop hanging with those I enjoy hanging with once I turn that yucky old 4-o? Cuz that's going to suck. It really will. I think the reason I look so young is because I fully embrace my own inner teen and keep her alive as much as I can.

Course I can not get into that skrillex stuff. Maybe that's a sign I'm moving on? xD I dunno. For real though, I'm so terrified of getting older. I keep going 'omg in 10 years, I'mma be 50. FIFTY.' It really disturbs me greatly. I have lived so far with zero stress yet this IS stressing me to no end. I hate it. I hate hate hate it. THIS is going to age me and I can't let that happen. I really don't want to ever take botox or anything xD but my god. I don't want to age simply because I'm stressing my number that denotes my life (aka age).

Ugh. ugh ugh ugh.

.................... i can NOT believe I just posted this.

*epic headdesk*

You and me both love ..
Iam 38 but in my head Iam still the young 19 year old rocking out to Teenage fanclub, It doesn't help that I look after old folk as a living because every day I get reminded of what I have to look forward to .
Heck at least you still look great .

Tyler Durden was right when he said "We are a Generation of grown up children".
But look here sweatpea do not change just because of a number, do whatever you want to make yourself happy because that is the most important thing.

*slides pillow all casual like onto your desk* safety first lol

You know how some people say age is just a number? I know it's corny but I think in a way it's true. I know people that are in their 60's and seem more like they are really 20, The way the act, look at life etc. Then there's me, I'm 27 and sometimes I think I'm 80!!!

I think just be you, wear what you like, hang out with who you like, do things you like to do - that doesn't have to change because of a birthday.

*puts on curlers, bathrobe and slippers, waddles out of thread*

ETA: and the only thing I like about Skrillex is the hair, just saying.

reply to post by boymonkey74


Thanks, boymonkey.

Originally posted by Miri08
*slides pillow all casual like onto your desk* safety first lol

You know how some people say age is just a number? I know it's corny but I think in a way it's true. I know people that are in their 60's and seem more like they are really 20, The way the act, look at life etc. Then there's me, I'm 27 and sometimes I think I'm 80!!!

I think just be you, wear what you like, hang out with who you like, do things you like to do - that doesn't have to change because of a birthday.

*puts on curlers, bathrobe and slippers, waddles out of thread*

Oh my, you made me laugh. Thank you xD
I'm kinda glad I posted here after all.

reply to post by sarra1833


Hey my Mum is 58 and she has been married to a guy who is 42 for 20 odd years, Yes she met him when he was 18, he has become like a Dad to me even though he is only 4 years older than me lol.
So do not think that an age difference means something when you are in love.

Originally posted by boymonkey74
reply to post by sarra1833

 

Hey my Mum is 58 and she has been married to a guy who is 42 for 20 odd years, Yes she met him when he was 18, he has become like a Dad to me even though he is only 4 years older than me lol.
So do not think that an age difference means something when you are in love.

edit on 18-10-2012 by boymonkey74 because: (no reason given)

reply to post by sarra1833


I can relate to a degree but I would say, keep on being you. You'll be happier that way, but beware, there are pitfalls...such is life.

People move on, others start gossiping, etc, etc. Remember, it's life and it's never, ever fair.

Everytime I go to the Doc for knee pains he asks me what's wrong, to which I reply.

"I'm getting old, ya gotta a pill for that yet?"

Oh, and you are what is called a Cougar. RAAwweerr!

Originally posted by TDawgRex
reply to post by sarra1833

 

I can relate to a degree but I would say, keep on being you. You'll be happier that way, but beware, there are pitfalls...such is life.

People move on, others start gossiping, etc, etc. Remember, it's life and it's never, ever fair.

Everytime I go to the Doc for knee pains he asks me what's wrong, to which I reply.

"I'm getting old, ya gotta a pill for that yet?"

I tell you, the day someone comes out with age pills, they will be a quadrillionaire 90 times over.

However, I'd expect such a pill to be given to those whom are at least 35. Anyone younger has to go through life first to learn. Anyone older, well, the pill would bring em back to 35.

course then the thought of mass over population comes up. Ffffffffffffffff. always something to start the apples rotting, hehe.

but yeah, that is true about people moving on and so on. I've done so myself with people and things ,etc. Gossip also sucks to no end.

Originally posted by TDawgRex
reply to post by sarra1833

 

I can relate to a degree but I would say, keep on being you. You'll be happier that way, but beware, there are pitfalls...such is life.

People move on, others start gossiping, etc, etc. Remember, it's life and it's never, ever fair.

Everytime I go to the Doc for knee pains he asks me what's wrong, to which I reply.

"I'm getting old, ya gotta a pill for that yet?"

Oh, and you are what is called a Cougar.

RAAwweerr!

edit on 18-10-2012 by TDawgRex because: (no reason given)

aw I actually loathe that description, cougar. It reminds me of 50 to 60 year old women dressing young when they clearly look 80 and sleeping around with grandson aged kids. D:

That's so not me. And nah, I'm not mad at you. You didn't know I dislike that term big time.

reply to post by sarra1833


I kept that lifestyle up until my 41st birthday. That night, after leaving the club, my actual "party" was attended by about fifteen to twenty people. One was 28 years old. The rest were between 18 and about 25.

That was the first night I think I really noticed it...

Like you, at that age, I looked much younger. At 41 I was still getting carded for smokes and drinks just about every time I went somewhere unfamiliar. I didn't feel 41 either. From my POV I was the exact same guy I was when I was 17 or 18. I never felt out of place with younger people. Well, sometimes I did. One of my ex's mothers was a year older than me. That got awkward in a few ways. But anyway... I identified strongly with my social circle. I was the alpha of a tribe and it felt right to me.

Until that birthday. The woman I was dating then had two bar girls come to the party ( the two who were 18 ). Their job was, I suppose, to make me happy. So it was all flirtation, shots, general mindless partying. The kind of thing I loved to do - getting attention - and pretty girls. Only on this night, I looked at one of those girls, under my arm, and she looked like a kid to me. I didn't see a woman. I saw a kid.

With that, Peter Pan pretty much left the building. My spring was over.

Part of me wants to tell you that I miss it. That I got over it and now I'm back to the fun life, surrounded by the twenty somethings and raising Hell. Part of me does miss it. The truth is I understand that I rode that wave way longer than I should have been able to. I hit the jackpot, genetically, and was blessed with longevity of youth - and a soul to match. Most others bail on that wave by the time they're in their mid twenties. It's magic to ride it past that.

It's magic that you still are you.

From your words, I think I see a bit of my own experience and wonder...

The downfall? It's a hell of a thing to go from 17 to being 40-something in the blink of an eye. It's quite an adjustment. But it's not unbearable. My world is much quieter now, at 46, than it was five or six years ago. A LOT less drama. A lot less drunk. A lot less attention...

But, now, I feel like I know "me" again. The person beneath the person. I'd lost that.

Meh, just ignore my ramblings, or take them as you please. You're at a turning point and change is always scary. But it often leads us to great new things too.

~Heff

reply to post by sarra1833


I don't blame ya for disliking that term. It's a label...more often than not with disquieting conotations.

As a guy, I used to date/have relationships with women older than me but now as I am getting older am finding myself looking to date a younger woman. (She must still be smart and independent, not need me...but want me, ya know?) No luck so far...I do have standards after all.

At least my lil four legged buddies are always happy to see me. That always brings a smile to my face.

Originally posted by Hefficide
reply to post by sarra1833

 

I kept that lifestyle up until my 41st birthday. That night, after leaving the club, my actual "party" was attended by about fifteen to twenty people. One was 28 years old. The rest were between 18 and about 25.

That was the first night I think I really noticed it...

Like you, at that age, I looked much younger. At 41 I was still getting carded for smokes and drinks just about every time I went somewhere unfamiliar. I didn't feel 41 either. From my POV I was the exact same guy I was when I was 17 or 18. I never felt out of place with younger people. Well, sometimes I did. One of my ex's mothers was a year older than me. That got awkward in a few ways. But anyway... I identified strongly with my social circle. I was the alpha of a tribe and it felt right to me.

Heff, if I ever could label anyone on this entire site as my best ATS friend ever, you would so fit that bill.

Reading this was bittersweet. I could actually see my future me in your story. It both..... scared me and comforted me. Odd, but maybe you get what I'm saying.

I have a feeling I'm going to be reading that a few more times over the next few days. Something of it, a lot of it resonated with me in many many ways. Scary, comforting - yet deep down I now feel that everything is going to be all right.

thank you ,

Originally posted by TDawgRex
reply to post by sarra1833

 

I don't blame ya for disliking that term. It's a label...more often than not with disquieting conotations.

As a guy, I used to date/have relationships with women older than me but now as I am getting older am finding myself looking to date a younger woman. (She must still be smart and independent, not need me...but want me, ya know?) No luck so far...I do have standards after all.

At least my lil four legged buddies are always happy to see me. That always brings a smile to my face.

edit on 18-10-2012 by TDawgRex because: (no reason given)

I guess some take it positively (a woman who is sleek, powerful, knows what she wants, is gorgeous) and some take it derogatively (desperate, old, etc) xD I just picture... well... go youtube search 'cougar barbie'. xD that's what I picture, hehe.

I heard people go from liking older than their age to younger. It's kind of like a merry go round I suppose. Up, down, around in a circle, coming back to where one started. Something like that, at any rate.

reply to post by sarra1833


Cougar barbie is humourously creepy. But I see it as you do. I think.

And about going full circle...that could explain why I am dizzy around the one woman I like/crush/unrequited love. I'm running in circles and never realized it.

I hope she never kisses me as that would be the end...for me.

Originally posted by TDawgRex
reply to post by sarra1833

 

Cougar barbie is humourously creepy. But I see it as you do.

I think.

And about going full circle...that could explain why I am dizzy around the one woman I like/crush/unrequited love. I'm running in circles and never realized it.

I hope she never kisses me as that would be the end...for me.

edit on 18-10-2012 by TDawgRex because: (no reason given)

Well, as they say, you only live once and yanno, give it a try. That way you never have to look back and go 'if only' or 'I wonder if'.

I mean, as long as it's /legal/ of course. hehe.

Originally posted by sarra1833

Originally posted by TDawgRex
reply to post by sarra1833

 

Cougar barbie is humourously creepy. But I see it as you do.

I think.

And about going full circle...that could explain why I am dizzy around the one woman I like/crush/unrequited love. I'm running in circles and never realized it.

I hope she never kisses me as that would be the end...for me.

edit on 18-10-2012 by TDawgRex because: (no reason given)

Well, as they say, you only live once and yanno, give it a try. That way you never have to look back and go 'if only' or 'I wonder if'.

I mean, as long as it's /legal/ of course. hehe.

Ya struck a nerve I guess.

Mindset wise, I'm in your boat. But you found "the Guy". while I'm still looking for "the Girl".

Lately, I've been wondering if it's just time to quit and let it find me...if ever.

Wow! THAT sounded depressing, didn't it?

But I do value her friendship and don't want to be "That guy" in this case.

Oh, I have no idea if he is 'the guy' or not. Nope. I hope he is and will be, but I'm also realistic too. if something lasts a month or a lifetime, the good times are what counts, those amazing memories, etc. ^_^ I hope it's a life time thing cuz I'd LOVE to have what my parents and entire family has had: til death do they part with zero cheating, etc. He IS younger than me however and realistically thinking, he just may want to sow his oats with someone closer to his age as he nears 30 etc. Yeah, it'd break my heart cuz that'd be one thing I'd not be able to give him; me closer to his age. But the good times are SO worth it right now. Keeps me smiling and happy.

I think you'll know in your heart what to do with your own situation, you know? have faith in yourself. If the friendship is tight, it very well could survive a trial dating. Who knows. Could become the Mrs.