ATS, What Should I Do?

I have recently come upon quite the dilemna and I don't know whether or not I'm even ready to deal with any of this. I have not only come to a crossroads but a difficult decision as well.

Last year, I finally came to a hard truth about myself, that I was in fact bicurious. This was hard to accept at first though I completely supported the LGBT community, I thought of myself as straight. Well, that is just background and has nothing to do with the situation of now.

I for a few months have had a guy in North Carolina interested in me, but I live in Pennsylvania. The distance is a major factor and I've never really actually "met" him. At the same time, something new has begun happening. One of my female friends just got out of a bad relationship (she is a lesbian) and I think recently there is a connection between the two of us and I think that she is going to try to ask me out soon. Here begins the problems.

I feel guilty for thinking about going along with this because I feel slightly committed to the guy miles upon miles away but I mean... She is here, she is tangible. I also know that I'd never EVER be able to tell ANYONE if I tried to make something work with her because if my family ever found out they would hate me and my mother would kick me out and I'm completely dependent right now. I don't want my life to change, people to hate me all of a sudden (my family members), and for my mother to kick me aside like I'm trash of some sort. Many of you will think that I am overreacting about the being kicked out for that thing, but I'm not. She's openly said many times that if she ever found out I was into women, she'd beat it out of me.

What should I do, ATS? Should I risk it? Is it worth it? Because of how my family members would react, it also feels like I am being tricked into thinking what I'm doing is wrong... Like I feel guilty and yucky even though I know I shouldn't. I just wish I could give it a chance with this girl if she is truly into me. She is sweet and we've grown close recently. >.< I just don't know what to do and it is tearing me up.

You're gay and she's lesbian?

Answer seems clear as day to me. Even if it's "easier" it won't work out.

reply to post by litterbaux


I'm bi and she's lesbian ,there's a difference. I still like dudes too.

reply to post by Myomistress


First of all, you need to be honest towards the guy if you don't think there's any future because of the distance, and because you have feelings for someone else.

Second, never ever let your family decide for you what you can't or cannot do.
If they don't love you for what you are, it's not a family to have. It's that simple.
Look at it this way, why would you want to have a family that stops you from being who you are because THEY HATE YOU? You would be wasting your life not doing what you want because your family hates you.
It does not make any sense at all.

A lot of parents who say things like that slowly change their mind when it's a fact. If not, they're narrow-minded idiots who do not care of their children.

Finally, what do you mean by "bicurious" though? There's a difference in sexual interest and love.

You only get one mother.You would seriously risk your whole family disowning you for a quick hump?

reply to post by Consequence


I've always heard that there's a difference between bicurious and bisexual meaning that I haven't slept with anyone of the same sex. I've heard before that that makes you bicurious and not bisexual. -Shrugs- It might have been someone's other term for things and not a standard. Bi is really what I mean.

Originally posted by Consequence

A lot of parents who say things like that slowly change their mind when it's a fact. If not, they're narrow-minded idiots who do not care of their children.

It isn't being a narrow-minded idiot to want your child to get married to a member of the opposite sex and have children.

It is perfectly natural.

reply to post by glen200376


It's not "for a quick hump" and I am honestly offended by this statement. It's about following emotions and caring about someone just like it would be if I were thinking about going for a guy. It's not about sex and it never should be at the possible beginning of a relationship. You obviously do not know what it's all about in the slightest.

Originally posted by Myomistress
reply to post by litterbaux

 

I'm bi and she's lesbian ,there's a difference. I still like dudes too.

I still wouldn't mess with a lesbian woman. If you get in a relationship with her and she decides she likes women again, you're out of luck. Plus you're back at first base.

I see nothing good of this.

Just my opinion. Learn your lessons if that's what you need.

Originally posted by Myomistress

It's not "for a quick hump" and I am honestly offended by this statement. It's about following emotions and caring about someone just like it would be if I were thinking about going for a guy. It's not about sex and it never should be at the possible beginning of a relationship. You obviously do not know what it's all about in the slightest.

It's about following emotions?

What about the emotions of your mother, or do those not matter to you?

reply to post by litterbaux


I am FEMALE.

reply to post by Myomistress


Oh, in that case. Do it.

reply to post by ollncasino


If it's all about me getting married and having children I've already refused to do both of those things with ANYONE, so my mother wouldn't be losing much of anything there. I don't want to get married and I don't want a child to care for because it's not my thing. So if she wanted grandchildren, she's lost out anyway. She already knows that I don't want kids and think marriage is a contract that I shouldn't have to sign my rights over to because it's "pure" and connected with religious connotations.

I wont touch on the bi, or the gay, or straight aspect.

But if your committed to one (even if its just implied) , and considering straying, cut it off completely with the committed one before doing anything else.

Otherwise your a cheater, and a scum bag, just my personal opinion.

reply to post by ollncasino


You might as well have just told the OP " pack your bags, I'm sending you on a guilt trip!"

One should never sacrifice their own core feelings or sexuality in order to appease another regardless even if it's their own mother!

Part of a parent's role is to show their child support and unconditional love especially, when it's not the choice of the child that determined their sexuality.

reply to post by litterbaux


So if she was male, your answer would be not to do it ?!?

If that's not a double standard then I'm not sure what is,lol.

Originally posted by Myomistress
reply to post by Consequence

 

I've always heard that there's a difference between bicurious and bisexual meaning that I haven't slept with anyone of the same sex. I've heard before that that makes you bicurious and not bisexual. -Shrugs- It might have been someone's other term for things and not a standard. Bi is really what I mean.

Ah, that definition is foreign to me, as it would make all other people who are virgins "hetero-curious".

reply to post by Myomistress


If you were offended tough.You asked on an open internet forum.Relationships with friends rarely work out,did you not say the lesbian is just out of a relationship?That makes it even less likely to work out.What if you are no good at being a lesbian?

reply to post by Consequence


"Hetero-curious!" Brilliant!!

I'll be adding that to my vocabulary for sure!