Help me I have feelings for a gay friend

reply to post by zbeliever


Dear zbeliever,

Recently, I was talking to a friend who is gay. A very pretty woman walked by us and I took a glance at her, I asked him if he had ever found women attractive. I mean for most men, the shape of a woman we find innately attractive. He told me he never felt that way. He told me that before he knew he was gay that the women he did find attractive tended to have flat chests and be butch, one was an athlete. I have never been attracted to men and happen to like petite women of a dancer or gymnast physique. It is not intentional, it just what I find attractive and appealing. There are gay men that will sleep with women for different reasons and even marry to appear straight; but, I haven't met any that enjoyed the sex. My guess is that your best off keeping a friend and finding a straight male for a partner. Best wishes.

I'm guessing that it's the male attention you're craving. I say, enjoy some fun, not going anywhere flirting and keep the friendship. I have been most disappointed in male friends when they stopped being my friend when they realized I wasn't going to sleep with them. And btw...I'm married.
I have lots of gay friends, men and women, and I see no reason to cut out such an attentive friend from your life. I'm sure he's flattered by your attraction too.

ahh, the forbidden fruit

you want him because you cant have him, perfectly natural.
as long as you know this and dont invest emotionally into it, sounds like a good friendship

All those qualities that you find attractive in your gay friend.......write them down, study them and look for them in a straight man if it's sex you want. When you find him, don't be shy about it.

In the meantime, be grateful that you have a friend on that level. Male or female, gay or straight. They're hard to come by.

I would tell you how you can deal with this sexually, but it would be inappropriate on this site. I had a lesbian friend once and I'll leave it at that.

reply to post by zbeliever


How do you two feel about polyfidelity? That could leave some doors open for a life-long relationship with him.

Have you ever considered that he may be Bi-Sexual?

If so, would you be with him knowing he has been with other men?

(I hope so, but want to ask)

Mickierocksman

Originally posted by jazzguy
ahh, the forbidden fruit

you want him because you cant have him, perfectly natural.
as long as you know this and dont invest emotionally into it, sounds like a good friendship

That's exactly what it is! Funny how he's gay cause he just happen to be the "ideal" guy!

All these silly females running around chasing gay males! lol Seems like a reverse role play plan lol! Since it's usually the females that are being chased, you can bet these so-called "desirable" by default gay males feel so "precious" when desperate females chase them around! Probably the attention their fragile egos are craving.

You silly female with your stupid thread! Gotta recognise psychological warfare!

reply to post by Exv8densez


i am an avid reader of henery makow as well

Originally posted by zbeliever
reply to post by caladonea

 

I value your advise....Thank-you

I do have to say the emotional burden of wanting to be with him physically...really gets to me...At times I feel he is picking up on that.

edit on 5-8-2012 by zbeliever because: (no reason given)

You wanna make it seems as if it's this super great frienship and all but i'm sensing some nasty psychological warfare here. You better be careful cause this game is dangerous and you both can end up very screwed up.

Oh I hear you girlfriend, I've had the same problem as a gay man with some "straight friends".
There's nothing a little flattery and tequila can't fix.

No, just a joke.

I'd say contain yourself, and cast your net wider.
Unfortunately we can't always get what we want.
None of us.

But stay friends if possible.
That way if there is any change in inclination you'll know.
But I doubt it if he's gay.
But friendships between gay men and straight women are often very close, so you can always enjoy him that way.

Read some Jane Austen novels on how to find an appropriately rich and dashing husband.

reply to post by Mickierocksman


Very interesting question, I really am not sure....I think I have been with men who have probably experiemented in their day.... So I guess it would not be different....but in this case I really feel he is looking for a best girlfriend.

yeah, life is unfair sometimes

I just want to thank everyone who replied...and read my problem....It seemed to put my feelings into prospective and when we saw each other today my feelings were not as strong.....thanks again ATS family....

Love Z

reply to post by zbeliever


Keep the friendship...end the fantasy that you can be the one to change him.

I made a light-hearted joke today about my feelings....We were suppose to meet back up this evening and he never showed:[

You just fell into the laws of attraction is all. You just have to put it in perspective and let it go. This is why the safe people in your life are the ones your spouse will end up sleeping with. Neither party actually cares what the others think about them so they are more relaxed and comfortable at being themselves. Which makes it easier to fall into the intimacy trap. Good rule of thumb around this man is simple if you were dating someone would what you are about to say make your partner mad or hurt? If so you don't talk about it, do that and those close feelings will start fading.

A strange up date....My friend tried to kiss me the other day in his home.....It was awkward and I ended up turning so he hit my cheek.... We are going on a "date"
on Sunday Should I go with the flow or stop now because this can only lead to unhappiness?

As long as he does the dishes.

reply to post by zbeliever


Keep the friendship, lose the fantasy of being with him. Value his advice, but you aren't going to change him.

(wow, just saw that I gave this same advice before, my bad for not reading the whole thread first)....

reply to post by zbeliever


Don't end your friendship with him because you have feelings for him. That's just plain silly. Not only would it confuse and enrage him, but think of what you'll be losing. You'll only end up missing him even more.