I wanted to be in control of my happiness. My wish may have been granted so i will share it.

reply to post by AfterInfinity


You say that to eliminate wanting makes you happy, i say to eliminate attachment and being aware and in control of my emotions is what makes me happy. Of course to be compassionate and treat others right is mandatory too but i do bad a lot, like any other human.

reply to post by Irish Matador


I don't claim to know exactly what he is going through but i still try to help.

I didn't help? But i tried my best.

Is that wrong?

I have have had to endure a lot of hard times too, aren't we all here on earth?

reply to post by Manula


Attachment is part of us, the question is to what do you want to be attached to? Being totally ok with what ever happens is a scary form of denial....

reply to post by Manula

You say that to eliminate wanting makes you happy, i say to eliminate attachment

I would say that eliminating attachment means the same thing as eliminating wanting. You only want what you get attached to...whether it's a temporary or permanent attachment, weak or strong.

reply to post by QueenofWeird


No, attachment is part of us because we have been taught to attach. If you tried hard enough, you could become detached from life itself. You wouldn't care whether you lived or died. But of course, you would have to want it first.

Jedi mind tricks.

reply to post by QueenofWeird


I meant to be always loving life, you may want to correct something you don't want but you don't have to make your happiness depend on the success of it...

When depression and darkness take over that's because your stay on earth is not ok, you are not loving life, existence is being denied, life is being rejected... you want to escape from this....

But life is like a game, sometimes you win sometimes you loose, but its loving and playing the game that matters, because its this game that will make your soul evolve, its this game that will make you walk the path, achieving more, knowing more, being more, evolving to... who knows where we are going but you gotta love life.

The love for life its the foundation of our existence, or, to say it in another way, if you never give up your love for existence hard times will not make you go deep down, you will endure hard times.

reply to post by AfterInfinity


I believe the soul is eternal...
The question is not if you live or not, the question is if you learn to love existence...

reply to post by Manula


I sadi in my opening line that I didnt want to sound harsh,

I dont think you did help. You wrote a reply that you think he wanted to hear and looks good.

My point was that I dont think you REALLY understood what he was writing and the emotion and desperation of how he wrote it.

Why not just tell him to go buy " The Secret" and everything will be ok.

Its like telling a fireman to go put out a burning building with a bucket of water and positivity.

I am happy that you have found happiness and are trying to share but please dont try and act like some sort of Guru that can solve other peoples problems.

Originally posted by Manula
And another important lesson i learned is that we can control what we feel, so the problem is not what happens, the problem is in our emotions in reaction to what happens. And you know what? I learned that we can choose how we feel about everything. We can choose to feel good no matter what happens.

There are emotions that arise in a burst but we can quickly claim control of what we feel if we WANT to. But first we must be aware that we have that power, but this is another thread.

Take care and thanks for listening my preaching

I agree to most of your post but would like to add some thoughts if I may?

Trying to control emotions is also a source of much suffering, it causes tension within our beings and is often the cause for pent up frustration, anger burst, depression and unstable personality. Instead I suggest allowing and observing our emotions in the same manner you suggest we do with events in our lives. From the point of view of that they are part of what is and they are perfect. Allow yourself the emotions but do not attach, don't be an emotion junkie. Every emotion is perfect and right on time and will arise and subside giving way to the next emotion. If the emotion is too strong or overbearing a great way to allow and love that emotion is to treat it like a child wanting attention. Give it some attention and love for the fact that it is letting you know it is there, you are still alive and you still feel - that's a lovely gift worth celebrating not controlling and or fighting. Emotions and actions are separate, observe the emotion, learn what it teaches you, then decide on an action.

If we learn to acknowledge and observe life including our emotions as supposed try to reject, suppress and control it/them, then that is a long way toward unconditionally loving life as is and finding happiness in simply being

Lovely topic OP

reply to post by Irish Matador


He shared his problems and at least i tried to help. What did you do? Criticize me is any help to him?

Are you jealous of me because you think i am happy?

Please don't be... you don't know my life, you know nothing about me or what i have been through.

Don´t worry i will suffer again... i am not a robot.

reply to post by IAmD1


Yeah i understand and you are right.

But my point is not suppressing emotions. My point is to be aware of them and try to keep them under control.

I will give you examples:

A guy comes in and offends you. Automatically you get angry, but if you are aware of it you say to yourself: be cool, no problem, he did bad not you, what are you going to do? Will you let him put you in a bad vibe? Will you let him control your emotions? Of course not. And i smile, i laugh, because he didn't put rage on me, i managed to get out of it...

Another example: they say a very strong storm is coming. Suddenly i am in fear. But i am aware of it and i say: what are you afraid of? It doesn't matter what happens, focus on your actions, the universe only asks for effort and commitment, do your best and accept what happens naturally, you can love life no matter what happens, did you forget it? And then i relax and focus on the task at hand.

This is managing and controlling your emotions... Why be an emotional puppet controlled by others or by circumstances that are out of your hand?

I choose to be in control, its not repression, its awareness and emotional management or emotional intelligence, or emotional power, it can have many names.

but i got your point, its not that i judge them or reject them i just make choices, and i choose to manage my emotions, i choose not be emotionally controlled.

Originally posted by AfterInfinity
reply to post by QueenofWeird

 

No, attachment is part of us because we have been taught to attach. If you tried hard enough, you could become detached from life itself. You wouldn't care whether you lived or died. But of course, you would have to want it first.

Jedi mind tricks.

edit on 12-7-2012 by AfterInfinity because: (no reason given)

Then you would be attached to detachment... If this moment it is a want and the next a detachment, that is how it is. No more no less, no story needed no ifs buts or whys - if this moment is an attachment to non-attachement then that is what is. Desires, wants and attachment are all teachers and deserve acknowledgement, trying to avoid anything is like trying to exit your being temporarily... it will only cause suffering when we realize we can not.

I agree with the OP...simple...I have read right through this thread..I absolutly.understand all the negative feelings...the mouths to feed ..job losses ect...yes I do...the nights lying awake ect...BUT...I have come to the conclusion...that if we have a KNOWING its all ok...and will get better...and we as the op says...stay happy and not let what we see around us..influence our state of happiness...life is good...its a matter of perspective....get out of the FEAR in our minds...and life has a way of showing its GOOD. and in those imortal words...don worry be happy! It is that simple.. yu have to trust......

Originally posted by Manula
reply to post by IAmD1

 

I will give you examples:

1. A guy comes in and offends you. Automatically you get angry, but if you are aware of it you say to yourself: be cool, no problem, he did bad not you, what are you going to do? Will you let him put you in a bad vibe? Will you let him control your emotions? Of course not. And i smile, i laugh, because he didn't put rage on me, i managed to get out of it...

2. Another example: they say a very strong storm is coming. Suddenly i am in fear. But i am aware of it and i say: what are you afraid of? It doesn't matter what happens, focus on your actions, the universe only asks for effort and commitment, do your best and accept what happens naturally, you can love life no matter what happens, did you forget it? And then i relax and focus on the task at hand.

May I again suggest alternatives to the above? I numbered them 1 and 2 so that my replies make sense.

1. Your anger emotion arose to let you know there is something in you to work on. The man that came in was the messenger, the one to precipitate that response in you so that you can recognise it as part of you. Thank the man for showing you who you are (Either quietly to yourself, or actually tell him thank you). Then observe what the emotion tells you, why did you get angry? What does the man represent in you that you reject? When you find it love it, it's you and it's part of your experience. As for action... well it depends on what is necessary at the time. Sometimes no action is necessary at all other than acknowledgement.

2. Get into action, do what you have to to prepare for sticking out the storm or get out of its way. Acknowledge the fear it's letting you know that potential threat to your being is near and/or probable. It heightens your senses and puts you into survival mode. A necessary mode in the context. Once safe, acknowledge the fear served it's purpose and is no longer necessary.

much love

reply to post by Manula


All i ever wanted is Truth... Screw happiness, love, money, power... All that stuff...
In the end i just want the truth... What disgust me most about human beings, is our ability to lie, even when its not needed... Ask and you shall recive, lie and i shall SLAP U SILLY... ))

reply to post by Johnkie


Why dont you grow up? This in not an infant forum.

Originally posted by Irish Matador
reply to post by Manula

 

I sadi in my opening line that I didnt want to sound harsh,

I dont think you did help. You wrote a reply that you think he wanted to hear and looks good.

My point was that I dont think you REALLY understood what he was writing and the emotion and desperation of how he wrote it.

Why not just tell him to go buy " The Secret" and everything will be ok.

Its like telling a fireman to go put out a burning building with a bucket of water and positivity.

I am happy that you have found happiness and are trying to share but please dont try and act like some sort of Guru that can solve other peoples problems.

It is more like telling the fireman to change his perception of the burning building, from something to fear to something to appreciate: in it's simplest form - if the building wasn't burning, you wouldn't have a job, fireman.

Additionally, it doesn't seem to me that there is any attempt to solve other peoples problems or acting guru-ish on the part of the OP. It does seem to me that the OP is attempting to share useful tools they have used to improve their quality of life - specifically by increasing their happiness through controlling attachments. I have found this tool to be useful as well.

There are many paths, finding your own is a most important task.

reply to post by IAmD1


I agree with all that you wrote but i still find emotional management very useful and rewarding. Emotions to the extreme can make you do very irrational and inadequate things.

Originally posted by Manula
reply to post by Irish Matador

 

He shared his problems and at least i tried to help. What did you do? Criticize me is any help to him?

Are you jealous of me because you think i am happy?

Please don't be... you don't know my life, you know nothing about me or what i have been through.

Don´t worry i will suffer again... i am not a robot.

I thank you for your concern, but he's right. Unless you feel what really is out there, you'll never understand that just thinking to be happy can change everything. Trust me, I try every day, but sometimes it just doesn't work. There are worries in this life now that have never been there 50 years ago.

Yes, I am happy when my boys look at me in the eye and tell me that they love me, or give me a hug and a kiss for no reason but to feel love. And sometimes it brings me to tears when I see my 4 year old look at me with those innocent little eyes, full of excitement and says "Daddy, I Love you..." Sometimes my heart just rips apart because all I want in life is to make those kids happy, safe and to grow up in a loving family where they know everything will be taken care of.

YES, that makes me happy, but then add the real world into the scene ... where both mom and dad work for a living, have to send the kids off to one place or the other during summer, trying to find ways to pay for that, when all we want to do is have one of us stay home with them.

If I consume myself in the "happiness" of it all it's easy to loose site of what's important to the family, was of financial survival. I can't be happy all the time, because that's not what life is about and if you live that way it's so far from what reality is that I wouldn't know what to think.

We can all sit around in a circle and sing kumbya and sure that would be nice to do every once in a while, kind of like a mental retreat. But reality is still out there waiting for you, and sometimes it really sucks...

That's what you really have to live with and deal with in in a normal frame of mind, not from high up on a hill top..

But, all that said. I wish life were more of what you see. It's not all roses, you got to deal with the thorns too, and that's not happy...

reply to post by Manula


Agreeing with the method you posted also
Just offering another way of thinking on the problem

much love and inspiration