Please Help...My Son Wants To Be A Girl

reply to post by XeroOne

I had a Princess Play Set when I was little, complete with tiara, fake lipstick and all that, and still turned out quite normal just like any bloke... sort of.

Yes I have to agree... when I was a small kid I some times played with my sisters dolls and once I even wore her dress and pranced around like a girl. I think at that early age some boys are just really curious about the things girls like. They want to test out their girly toys and act all cute and girlish. They don't yet have a strong understanding of how boys should act at that age, and they don't necessarily have the ability to see anything wrong with a boy liking girl stuff... it's more like "kid stuff" to them rather than boy or girl stuff. When some one has something I don't have I often what do have what they have to see what all the hype is about. I would give him a few more years to grow up a bit more and learn more about the world before you really start to worry about these things, his desires are most likely very shallow ones and not actually deep feelings that he wants to turn into a girl and live the life of a girl.

reply to post by smyleegrl

* Girls wear bras and he likes bras
* Mommies are girls and he wants to be a mommy
* Girls are grownups faster (?)

I have a feeling that your boy is going to be a huge lady's man when he grow up.He's just 6 and he doesn't know how to express that he likes girls.So he thinks that if he become a girl,he will somehow show his feelings.
Maybe he thinks about it that way:I like Batman,so i dress up like batman on halloween.I like girls so i dress up like a girl.
It's propably that simple.

Nothing to worry about.

reply to post by smyleegrl



while at that age sexuality is ambiguous

you might want to cut back on chicken
due to hormones [particularly estrogen] in their feed

especially if your daughters were early bloomers

IMO.. he likes girls. He imitates what he likes.. and I wouldnt worry if it were me. Ive raised a few kids and have a 6 yr old as well. My 6 yr old talk to "demons". We dont talk about demons, dont go to church, etc.. she heard about demons on a comedy the oldest daughter was watching when babysitting her. SHe uses a play phone to tell the demons to come play with her and has pretend conversations. Now, my mother is a jesus freak. Get this.. lives on rez, but wears long dresses and that penticostal hair thing. So she calls the other day and talks to the 6 yr old and asks her what she has been up to.. and the 6 yr old of course mentions demons and talking to demons.. and playing with demons. When I was given the phone I cant figure out if mom spoke in tongues.. or maybe I just couldnt understand her hysterically telling me I needed to be in church.

Moral? Mom didnt know the show she watched and that the demons were funny.. and killed people who were mean to the little kid in the movie, played funnny games with the kid with its powers, and etc. The demon was a pretty gross looking protector even if he enjoyed killing things a little too much.

Sometimes you have to look at things from a different perspective to see whats up. IMO your son sees women as strong and admires them ( due to mommy partially ) and imitates what he feels is special or appeals to him. I betcha when he grows up the imitation of what he admires will mutate into wanting what he desires....and being girl crazy.

Originally posted by smyleegrl

My son is 6 years old and an only child. He's a typical boy in that he likes to play rough and tumble games, superhero games, etc. However, over the last couple of days he's been doing some things that are troubling me.

He told me it was lipstick and he wanted to wear lipstick.

Now I don't wear makeup, we don't have any lipstick in the house. I explained this to him, asked why he wanted to wear lipstick. He said he wanted to be a girl. This led into a long discussion about why he wanted to be a girl, lots of roundabout answers but here are his main points:
* Girls wear bras and he likes bras
* Mommies are girls and he wants to be a mommy
* Girls are grownups faster (?)
* Some lipsticks are made for boys. Like green lipstick. He wants the boy lipstick.

Okay, so I'm kinda freaked out. Is this normal for a young boy to express these types of desires?

I don't think you should worry about it at all smlyeegrl. Your son is just curious, you'll have to see later on in life after puberty of what his interests will be. If he'll be happier living as a girl than a boy, I dunno there are options where he can take estrogen hormones to give him female "features". You would have to do that after puberty, otherwise it would cause his hormones to be imbalanced. He'll get along quite nicely with the girls. He'll make a lot of friends. Support him with all your love.

reply to post by smyleegrl


I can tell by seeing your posts in the past that you are an enlightened woman and truly believe what you say about supporting him no matter what. I also understand your worry about the complications this may (or may not) cause in his life.

There are two basic outcomes: either he is just going through a phase or it's the real deal. Assuming it's a phase, just roll with it. If it turns out to be the real deal, then... well, still roll with it. There is also a chance that he just digs wearing and acting like a girl but may end up identifying with his manhood, as well. Those people normally just grow up to be transvestites and often have nuclear families.

But, in the most extreme case, he may truly feel he's born with the wrong suit. We all wear either a dude-suit or a chick-suit and most of us are blessed with feeling comfortable with what we have. If not, we are also blessed to be in the day and age where we can simply take a vacation to Thailand and switch out our suits on a middle-class budget.

No matter what, just be his sounding board. He is lucky to have a mother like you.

reply to post by smyleegrl


I got caught putting makup on when I was around 4-5 and a playmate helped put me in a dress durring that time also. I wasnt turning, I was simply having fun or mimicing what I have seen.

Where's the father? Is there a male role model in his life? Maybe look at that aspect of his life experience? Have there been multiple male figures coming and going? None at all? Not to cast aspersions, of course.

Kids need a mother AND a father.

i think you\he will be ok, just a phase and if not whateve, when i was in high school one of my buddys brothers from about four to six didnt want his hair cut and liked to play dress up in girls cloths, and now he is the a top athlete in his high school getting all the trim, just dont give him extra attention over it cause it may make him want to do just for the attention in the future.

reply to post by smyleegrl

I don't care if my son is bisexual or gay, but I know he's way to young to even begin thinking of sexuality.

That isn't true, I'm afraid. Sexuality begins in the womb, with the fetus developing as male or female – or, more often than people like to think, something in between.

The development of gender identity (whether the person sees themselves as a man or a woman) and sexual orientation (whether a person is attracted to men or women) commences in childhood.

On gender identity:

As children age, they quickly begin to recognize gender differences and begin to develop their gender identity (the feeling of conviction that they are male or female). For example, a 2-year old boy is able to describe himself as a boy. From there he begins to learn the behaviors expected of him in his culture – his gender role. As he learns and accepts those roles and behaviors, he develops gender role identification. National Health Review

On the development of sexual orientation:

Some differences between homosexual and heterosexual individuals are apparent during childhood. For example, homosexual men and women report having had cross-gender interests (e.g., preferring toys, activities, or clothing typically associated with the opposite sex) during childhood more often than heterosexuals. Children with gender identity disorder (in which a person is dissatisfied and uncomfortable with his or her biological sex) dress and behave in ways that are more typical of the opposite sex. These children are significantly more likely to develop a homosexual orientation than children without the disorder (Bailey & Zucker, 1995; Zucker & Bradley, 1995). Education.com

You may be comfortable with these facts, or you may find them disturbing. Either way, it would be best to stop worrying, because there is really nothing that can be done about it (though some fundamentalist crackpots and mad scientists still refuse to accept this). Generally speaking, attempts by others to influence or alter a person's gender or sexual identity only succeed in damaging the person for life.

I agree with you that being gay is a hard road. All the gay people I know have suffered in one way or another because of their sexual orientation. Much of the suffering is caused by social and cultural stigma, but there are some intrinsic problems as well. So yes, it's not good news to discover that your six-year-old might be developing into a homosexual. But, as anyone who's had close gay friends or family members also knows, there are a number of compensations. Also, on a selfish note, the mothers of gay men often enjoy unusually close and rich relationships with their sons.

At this age I wouldn't be TO concerned but I would definetly start taking some action as far as just talking to him about boys and girls and how they are different etc etc.......don't be afraid to throw in some adult male influences while your at it doesn't hurt. Shouldn't be scolded just corrected. Be careful of his influences both people and outside such as TV etc........IMHO Good Luck!

After years of lurking around, this thread is what triggered my need to register.

I believe you may want to get the point of view from a male to female transsexual, so here I am. I was always different as a child, and acted like a girl and wanted to explore the curiosities of a girl's life. I had a girlfriend at around 8, I preferred boys at 10. I knew what I was around 11 but my parents were very religious and hateful against this sort of thing, well, at least my father was. Being called a f---ot, and other terrible things is quite hurtful, especially when they inject you the concept that you're going to hell for it. I mean, it's who I am and I can't control it so I'm going to hell for that? Well, that was his logic.

Anyways, I later started the transition and never looked back, I'm happy as a clam, though I wish I had started sooner just like everyone else. At least at around 8 or 9 years old, you can look like a girl permanently without the need of any painful skeletal surgery. So, sexual identity is different than gender just like sex (or sexe) is different from gender. You can't change that. I would highly recommend to start bringing your child to a gender identity therapist and see where that goes. You don't want to have a child that will feel terrible their whole life because of what could have been...

Well, that's my opinion and I've spoken to a lot of people in this err, I wouldn't really call it a community but I've spoken to a lot of people who are transgendered and who knows? He may not need to be a she, perhaps he is androgynous so only time and therapy will tell. Mind you your child IS NOT MESSED UP. Keep that in mind that it's perfectly fine, and he is still your son or daughter. Love and cherish, and nothing that you've done was wrong! If he is transsexual, then starting young will mean 100% passable results for the future and that's a BIG thing for us =)

Take care!

Originally posted by googolplex
No offence intended, but what's up with your avatar.
I don't get it and then with your Thread.

My grandson said dumb things like this, but there are a lot of bi and gay people now days.

I did the Vitoria Secrets test on him he passed so far.

What are you- tracking and monitoring your grandsons sexuality?

Just saying, our minds are more powerful than we think and we are the creators of our environments, both physical and mental.

Ease up on the boy, please, and stop testing him secretly to find out if he's gay. He probably is already aware of what you're up to. There's so much that goes on all up in the head/mental.


Good Vibrations

(sorry to lecture) ) peace

reply to post by smyleegrl


You should of let the glue set. This way when he goes to back talk you, least he won't get a word out. Just kidding.

I don't know, I would let him experiment just around the house. I wouldn't encourage him to do it out in public though like at his school or anything like that.

I think it's just a small phase he's going through and will out grow it.

I wouldn't be too worried yet.

Hi miss,

I wouldn't worry too much about it at this young age, my brother played with a barbie till he was nine. We all took the mick. He just ignored us.
As long as your boy knows who he is and is not confused, you are most likely right, gender identification.

One last thing, the age of Aquarius is sopposed to mean a balance of mail female energys. Males become more loving caring and intuitive, and females more straight forward thinking. In metaphysics and astrotheology this symbolises moving closer to perfection, males and females will become more alike in their nature.
I wrote this about it two weeks or so ago.
www.abovetopsecret.com...
Not saying this is truth, but to be considered.

reply to post by smyleegrl


He's only a kid, when I was his age my parents told me I used to play with barbies!!

Srsly though I'm sure theres nothing to worry about. Take care.

When I was a kid, I used to put on my big sisters makeup... Good times.

Anyways, I think it's sort of natural. And knowing a transgender woman, I remember her telling me her thoughts of becoming a girl where overwhelmingly emotional.

When I was a kid, I used to put on my big sisters makeup... Good times.

Originally posted by smyleegrl

* Girls are grownups faster (?)

I'm not making light of your post, but that was great response. You've got one heck of a boy there.

Seriously though, I wouldn't think too much of it. He's only six. As a parent it's your job to steer your kids in the right direction. If he was born a boy, then a boy he shall be IMO. At this stage I would use positive reinforcement to get him back on track, and I think he will because this just sounds like a stage he's going through.

Instead of using phrases like "Don't do this".........or "Don't do that" try saying things like "Well that's nice son, but why don't we try this instead for now?" There are no negative connotations when you put it that way. Kids can pick up on more than we realize sometimes so we need to keep things on a positive tip as much as we can. Remember, kids at that age are still learning about everything. Think about that for a second. That's quite a task they have. You can make it easier by giving them options they themselves aren't seeing. Instead of lipstick or a bra, choose something that can be seen as something both a boy and girl at that age have in common.

You know what the difference between a doll and an action figure is? Nothing.

I believe it is a healthy attraction to the opposite sex. He just does not understand the implications of using these things on himself.
Keep an eye out though
I always wanted to be crazy when I was little and never grew out of that