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Please Help...My Son Wants To Be A Girl

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posted on Jul, 2 2012 @ 02:48 PM
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Greetings, ATS.

I need some advice, and I'm hoping some of the sharper minds on ATS can give me some direction or ideas on how to handle this situation.

My son is 6 years old and an only child. He's a typical boy in that he likes to play rough and tumble games, superhero games, etc. However, over the last couple of days he's been doing some things that are troubling me.

I caught him smearing super glue on his lips. Thankfully we got it off in time before it set, but afterwards I asked why he was putting it on his lips. He told me it was lipstick and he wanted to wear lipstick.

Now I don't wear makeup, we don't have any lipstick in the house. I explained this to him, asked why he wanted to wear lipstick. He said he wanted to be a girl. This led into a long discussion about why he wanted to be a girl, lots of roundabout answers but here are his main points:
* Girls wear bras and he likes bras
* Mommies are girls and he wants to be a mommy
* Girls are grownups faster (?)
* Some lipsticks are made for boys. Like green lipstick. He wants the boy lipstick.

Okay, so I'm kinda freaked out. Is this normal for a young boy to express these types of desires? I've been doing a search through all my childhood development literature but wanted to get this out there to hopefully get some answers.

Let me be very clear. If my son truly wants to be a girl, and that is where his future happiness lies, then so be it. But I know there's a lot of potential heartache down that road, and I don't want to encourage it. I also don't want to belittle him or make him feel in anyway bad for expressing those desires. Its a fine line to walk, I guess, and hopefully some moms and dads can offer advice.

Has anyone else's child expressed similar feelings? Is it a phase, or the beginnings of gender identity?

Any and all answers are appreciated, but save the jokes. I'm too worried for juvenile humor (pun intended)




posted on Jul, 2 2012 @ 02:52 PM
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Most likely nothing to worry about, as he's only six. That's way too early for identity crisis, gender issues, etc. etc.

I had a Princess Play Set when I was little, complete with tiara, fake lipstick and all that, and still turned out quite normal just like any bloke... sort of.
edit on 2-7-2012 by XeroOne because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 2 2012 @ 02:53 PM
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When I was growing up, I wanted to be Godzilla.

Now stick with me on this, Im not poking fun.

You see, My older brother was something of a bully, he picked on me alot growing up.

I still remember when I was very little my Dad buying him this 3ft tall godzilla toy.

My older brother was VERY affraid of it, so much see we had to hide it in the closet.

ME, I would go every day, and play with godzilla in the closet, and dream of being godzilla.

Why? because, Godzilla got my brothers respect, My brother didn't pick on Godzilla, Godzilla was a bad ass.

To my than young mind, that was the pinacle of being, if I could be godzilla I could live with out fear.

Now, Im not saying your son doesn't Want to be a GIRL, What I am saying is there maybe more to it than just the gender roles associated with it.

BEcareful of anyone selling you on any psychobabble on this, and do your best for Your child.

I just remembered this too, I went through a growling and roaring phase, I would stomp my toys and try and chew on them... I got a rep as a "biter" because I bit my pre-school teacher...

And of course it got written as "anti-social" or some other non-sense, they even tested me for retardation (scored a college reading comprehension level an highschool math in first grade)

and all it really was... Godzilla envy.
edit on 2-7-2012 by benrl because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 2 2012 @ 02:57 PM
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reply to post by smyleegrl
 


Real concepts of male/female behavior happen around 6 or older, i read. It is difficult to see at this age whether this is a permanent fixture in his life. It may have nothing to do with sexuality and everything to do with his perception of nurture and love.

Peace & love Smyleegrl



edit on 09/02/2012 by KaelemJames because: Removed link



posted on Jul, 2 2012 @ 02:57 PM
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Six is young for gender issues, generally speaking they don't understand sexual roles at that age. My son also has ADHD and a language delay, so he's functioning about on a five year old's level of maturity and interest.

Thank you for the Godzilla story. That was helpful.

I was a tom boy growing up. The toys my brother got were so much more interesting than the toys I got. But I didn't want to be a boy, at least from what I can remember.

Thank you both for your replies.



posted on Jul, 2 2012 @ 03:02 PM
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reply to post by smyleegrl
 


I'd say it's pretty normal, especially if he has girl friends as his primary playmates.

I wouldn't discourage or encourage it.



posted on Jul, 2 2012 @ 03:02 PM
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No offence intended, but what's up with your avatar.
I don't get it and then with your Thread.

My grandson said dumb things like this, but there are a lot of bi and gay people now days.

I did the Vitoria Secrets test on him he passed so far.



posted on Jul, 2 2012 @ 03:05 PM
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I wouldn't worry. A child at this young of an age does not necessarily have a full concept of what it means to be a boy versus a girl. All he sees is what is visible externally, and whatever behaviours he observes among the people he is around (you might also want to check what they've been teaching him at school lately). And young children tend to think in more concrete terms as opposed to more mature abrstract issues.

Remember that there can be a lot of roleplaying at this age which in no way means that he will have any sense of fulfillment in such roles when he reaches adulthood. Kids like to play pretend. They like to see what is good and not so good from different perspectives. Not everyone will grow up to be a fireman or a fairy princess.

You can help guide him through such fantasizing when he pays at such things. Remember to avoid stereotypes like women all being dainty princesses and men all being destructive hulks. It probably would help not to be excessively reactive to things he says unless you know he is saying such things to elicit certain reactions from you (like during play). Otherwise he may get the idea that sharing his thoughts with you would not be such a good idea in the future. Keep the lines of communication open.



posted on Jul, 2 2012 @ 03:09 PM
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reply to post by googolplex
 




No offence intended, but what's up with your avatar. I don't get it and then with your Thread.


lol

A Strong women does not equate with lesbian automatically....



posted on Jul, 2 2012 @ 03:09 PM
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I wouldn't worry about it to hard man. Kids tend to follow there moms at an earlier age then he will transition to look up to you. I wasnt the most masculine little kid neither. Maybe do what my parents did and throw him into Tae Kwon do. I hated it at first but helped me get more assertive and got into great shape for a kid.



posted on Jul, 2 2012 @ 03:12 PM
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reply to post by smyleegrl
 


Sounds like nothing but a little horse play if you ask me and I would not put to much into it. I have a 12 year old boy that did the same thing at your sons age and it was just a phase of trying new things. If this little "phase" starts to last for more than a few days/weeks it may be more than just horse play. The younger generation is bringing back the punk rock make-up look so it has to be confusing to a kid his age to see men on tv wearing make up all the time.



posted on Jul, 2 2012 @ 03:14 PM
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My son recently turned 7. He has told me before, that be wanted to be a girl because girls are the best and better than boys
had me concerned when he wants. To "do his sisters hair" lol.

His identity of how he sees hisself and who he is is emerging. Take a backseat and wait and see. Continue to do what you been doing. Love and support him. This is a fun and interesting time. Growing into a child. Last of the baby falling away.

It may just be that since your his favorite person, he wants to be like you.

Maybe get some face paints and have fun with him. It doesn't necessarily encourage the lipstick, but allows him to satisfy his curiousity.



posted on Jul, 2 2012 @ 03:14 PM
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reply to post by smyleegrl
 


If it's only been over the past few days I would think that something has triggered this. Don't be afraid to sit down with him and talk openly about why he has an interest in these things. Kids have a different perspective on things to adults, and you might be surprised to find out where the root of this has come from. There has been some stories in the news recently about little boys going to school dressed as a girl because they want to be a girl, and while you may think your son wouldn't be aware of this, there is always one or two kids in school whose parents let them know things that maybe they shouldn't and this kind of thing can become playground gossip.

I'm a woman and as a little girl I played with boys and I preferred their toys (cars, guns etc) to my dolls. As I grew older I found I had nothing in common with girls even though i had some female friends, I wasn't into fashion and hair and makeup and nails etc. It took me a long time to catch up but one day I wanted to wear makeup and I had a crush on a boy and that was that.

Everyone is different, and develop in different ways.



posted on Jul, 2 2012 @ 03:16 PM
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At six, I think I wouldn't worry too much about it. If he was 15, you might have an issue. I'm about as far away from an expert about this as you could get, but experience tells me if you don't make a big deal out if it, he'll be off wanting to be a polar bear or something in 6 months and will have forgotten all about it.



posted on Jul, 2 2012 @ 03:16 PM
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if your son wants to be a girl, let Her, be a girl.


don't make their life a living *ell, and if thats who she wants to be, let her be that.


support all the way, even go as far as to let her have hormone's or something.



trust me, i have a few friends, they always wanted to be girls, their parents never helped them.


they are big hairy bearded pirates wearing dresses now.




if thats what he TRULY TRULY wants, and you see some serious consistency, and after a few years, he still wants to be a girl, support him all the way.



the earlier you start hormones the better though, start too late and you will be stuck with a big ugly man face...

O_O



peace, and remember that what you want, and what he wants might be different.


p.s. your avatar is AWESOME
edit on 2-7-2012 by SoymilkAlaska because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 2 2012 @ 03:17 PM
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I remember when I was about 2 or 3, I would tell my mum and her friend that I had a baby in my tummy.

I don't want to be a girl or cross dress etc. and I'm not gay. My nephew enjoys wearing a fairy dress, but I'm not in the slightest bit worried that he wants to be a girl.

Your son has probably seen someone putting on lipstick on TV, and copied - as children do.

I remember a story from last year where a mother allowed her son to have a sex change because he liked to watch Dora The Explorer, which is "aimed at girls" (according to the newspaper). Not sure how true the story was, but I find that ridiculous. I didn't even know it was aimed at girls, I thought it was all about teaching Spanish basics to children.

I wouldn't worry about it yet. Wait until he's an adolescent/adult before you need to take this seriously.

edit on 2-7-2012 by dJbdJb because: additional info



posted on Jul, 2 2012 @ 03:18 PM
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Normal....He just likes the colors.

Blow it off....It's nothing.

Good Luck....Just keep loving him.



posted on Jul, 2 2012 @ 03:18 PM
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Originally posted by SoymilkAlaska
the earlier you start hormones the better though, start too late and you will be stuck with a big ugly man face...



Brilliant. Oh, and if he wants to be a moose by the end of the year, go ahead and set him up for some antler grafts.



posted on Jul, 2 2012 @ 03:20 PM
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Originally posted by googolplex
No offence intended, but what's up with your avatar.
I don't get it and then with your Thread.

My grandson said dumb things like this, but there are a lot of bi and gay people now days.

I did the Vitoria Secrets test on him he passed so far.


My avatar is a take on the Rosie the Riveter posters from the war days. It is a sign of strength. I identify with it because the crap I've dealt with throughout my life has made me into the strong woman I am today.

I don't care if my son is bisexual or gay, but I know he's way to young to even begin thinking of sexuality. That emerges with puberty. If he is gay, then I will love him and support him and make sure he adopts so I can have beautiful grandbabies.

Anymore questions about my avatar or thread, let me know.



posted on Jul, 2 2012 @ 03:21 PM
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Originally posted by MrDesolate

Originally posted by SoymilkAlaska
the earlier you start hormones the better though, start too late and you will be stuck with a big ugly man face...



Brilliant. Oh, and if he wants to be a moose by the end of the year, go ahead and set him up for some antler grafts.



LOL no, i know what YOU mean, but thats not what im saying.



i just know a couple of people who never had their parents support (even though their parents KNEW that they wanted to be a certain way for a LONG time)

and their parents refused to help them no matter what, they never got hormones, and now.... G forgive me, they are FREAKS.... no offence in any way im so sorry.....


but honestly..
if their parents had supported them, had they got their hormones earlier, they would look like the girls they wanted to be so much, but now they are stuck.




im just Saying ok?


peace.



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