I'm paranoid, okay? And I may be losing it...

Listen up peeps, people tell me all the time that I'm TOO paranoid.

I don't trust textbooks, because I don't know who wrote them. I don't trust websites, because I don't know who's monitoring them (Which is why I use an alias for everything, including facebook, and especially ATS).

Usually, when people tell me this, I tell them "No, YOU just don't think and open your eyes enough." Then I get into how the global elite have their tentacles intertwined with every--and I mean EVERY--thing in every day life. How easily we can be controlled, manipulated, brainwashed, used, hurt, killed, ect.

And the thing that gets me is, I can explain it to my friends, my sister, my mother, everyone... and they even agree with me and speculate with me. However, I don't see any of them acting like it affects them at all during their usual life. It seems like, once they're done talking to me, they don't give it a second thought. They forget all about it, then go to make their college plans, go to clubs, have fun, and ect. I seem to be the only one who is looking at everything as a potential threat.

I walk to the store, and I look around, see other people, and think... My God, they have no idea. They're buying that GMO food. Look at their baby... that baby is never gonna have a chance in hell... Then, I look at the banks on the way home, and I wonder just how involved that particular bank is with the funding of the military, government, wars, and the goal of the elite, to combine all banks into one super elite bank that runs all the money in the world. The one world bank, of the one world government.

I watch the cars drive by on my way home, thinking... These people are drones. Driving the same route every day, preforming the same routine every day, and most of them don't like their job. They work for a pointless establishment, and the government takes chunks out of their pay. How can they be driving around in circles every day without realizing that there is more to life? Does no one else realize they're being dooped, and that what they see before them is a designed facade? Does no one else see, or feel, that life is undermined and short lived? Why can't they see it?

I can't have a conversation with anyone purely. I can't let my guard down to empathize with them, even for a few seconds, because I am convinced that anyone around me is trying to get inside my head. Reverse psychology is a simple form of mental manipulation, which many ordinary people are capable of. You never know when someone, even the closest person to you in the world, is speaking key words to trigger a desired reaction. People will do anything if something they want is at stake.

I planned to go to college to learn some psychology, and perhaps get some medical training... but God knows who's teaching it to me. God knows what they're teaching me, and why they want it in my head. I feel as though, if your information isn't self-learned, it is indoctrinated.

Four years ago, when I was fourteen, I was the opposite. I had all the care in the world. I loved to help people, I loved to play, laugh, and joke, like nothing was ever wrong... and I was one of the brainwashed youths of America, believed everything on the news, even got all teary eyed when Obama was elected. Not because I cared that we had a black president, but because everyone else seemed to care, and everyone on tv was getting teary eyed, so I assumed that was the right thing to do... and I cared about the election out of overwhelming, ignorant peer pressure.

Then, I met my fiance, who knows every conspiracy known to man. As I learned from him, I began to question everything. I grew much more perceptive, much more angry, and much more depressed. I had learned that things were the very opposite of how they appeared. That our lives had no value to the powers, that our minds were deemed unworthy of real knowledge, that we, the people of this great, supposedly free country, are referred to by the elite as "useless eaters" simply because we are not slaves to them.

Knowing these things made my world crash around me. And I would never get my happy mindset back. Ever.

Over the past four years, I began to listen to Alex Jones, made a website, and even managed to form a small club of other teens like myself who know, or are learning, the dark truths, along with other questionable conspiracies. The club and the website were both called "Asylum." It was liberating for a while, but over the past four years, as I studied up more and more on the global elite, Freemasons, Illuminati, ect, I grew more and more paranoid.

But, now, it's gotten to the point where I've halted at a stand-still. I can't go to college, I'm afraid of the potential brainwashing they could do, that they could damage me with. When I walk to the store, I see a cop car behind me, and always assume it's following me. A cop car parked outside of my apartment while I was doing dishes, and sat there, facing my kitchen window, for half an hour. Just sat there. Sometimes, I'm afraid to leave my home, because everything is watched on camera, or by drones. Cloaked drones, ones you can't see in the sky. I'll get so scared about the food being poisoned, I'll stop eating for hours, or even a couple of days. And, if I feel like I'm stuck in a day-to-day routine, I will get up and go do Something out of the ordinary, just to prove I'm not under anyone's indoctrination and control. Could be anything, from freezing peanut butter, to holding my arm under scalding hot water, just to endure the pain. No one could plan or expect for me to do things like that. I've always gotta throw everyone off. I. Am. Losing. It.

And, for those of you who suggested that I was unfit to teach my little sister about conspiracies (or be any kind of role model for her whatsoever) on a separate thread, don't worry. I don't live with her anymore, I only get to see her every other weekend. While I endure this phase of terrified paranoia (I hope it's a phase), she isn't really affected by it. So, don't go and start saying "See? Told you you shouldn't be brainwashing your sister with the same paranoia you have!" Because I'm well aware of how mentally damaging these things are, and the last thing I want is for her to experience the same. In fact, we haven't talked about conspirator subjects in a good little while. I've been too busy taking my bro and sis to swim when I visit them to speculate conspiracies with them lately.

But even when I don't speak it, it's the only thing I can ever think about. I can't make any decision anymore, even the smallest ones, without thinking That's what they want me to do.

I'm also a manga artist (for those who don't know, manga is Japanese comics), and lately, I only draw my own books, I don't read any published mangas anymore, because I fear they contain some kind of brainwash. Something they WANT me to read or see.

I won't take medication. Been there, done that. Doesn't work.

Same with therapists. Doesn't work.

And to the elite, if you disinformation agents are reading this, you don't scare me, and you won't take me alive. Good luck trying, because you're failing!

And to the rest of ATS, I need your opinions, badly. This is consuming my life. I'm withdrawing, becoming void of emotion, and numb to everything, simply to preserve myself from the world and it's constant tricks and lies.

What can I do about this???

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


there are people who want to help you. Never forget that. Im sorry if you think their help is evil....

I hope that you can bear the burden of their ignorance in the hope of saving them from it.

Try not to let negativity consume you is the only thing i can really suggest. The world is a pretty corrupt place and some people just don't want to know.
Don't let the beast within consume you! Would you rather have never had the chance at life?
I feel so sorry for nihilists, not that you are.
HamHead

Edit: Also, don't fall for the people who point at single groups as the cause of the world collapsing. It's bs
There are people from every corner of the earth whose only goal is to have the most money and power at all costs. Don't fall for the trap

Originally posted by XxNightAngelusxX

Then I get into how the global elite have their tentacles intertwined with every--and I mean EVERY--thing in every day life. How easily we can be controlled, manipulated, brainwashed, used, hurt, killed, ect.

"TPTB" work in the same type of dynamic as Anonymous.

anyone can be "Them", some of 'them' may work together to acheive 'their' goals.
there may not be necessarily a structured group with a determined goal or desire for a collective positive outcome, but smaller personal groups working in collusion giving a unity illusion amongst 3rd party observors.

you sound like a perfectly awake human being ...nothing wrong with you.

Signs of a Nervous Breakdown or Signs of Spiritual Awakening??

Whatever you do, dont look behind you...

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


Wow. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It must be horrible to be afraid of everything.

You don't want to go to the doctor (which you probably should do, but I understand not wanting to) so the best thing I can come up with is this.

You obviously have got a problem with being overly paranoid. You know this and are freely admitting. So, maybe you can try one step at a time to re-integrate yourself with normal society.

Since you seem to want to learn new things, perhaps you can pick an educational book off of Amazon and read it yourself, NOT thinking about how you are being "brainwashed" by the context.

I will tell you the big secret with being brainwashed by a book....just read another one. Now you're on the same topic, different source, right? And then keep going. By the time you have read say, 3 books on whatever subject, you will be well informed enough to make your own opinions about that subject. Get it? It really is that simple. Different viewpoints is key.

I sincerely wish you the best and hope this paranoid stage passes.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


its real


you are not paranoid


the world is watching you


dont worry



just quit touching yourself



and as you AGE ,, it all feels better



have some water



eat a little debbie snack cake





go to the mall and Buy something,,,, anything..



Michael Jackson Said it best,,
"if you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and make a change!!""

i understand it feels more real to you.. but it is as real to many of us, as it is to you...

we just do something about it..

i have a B.O.B

and a plan

oh dear.... you are in rather a mess...... I am a member of a ufo society, and we had a speaker one evening and I asked her if she thought it was a good idea to be annonomous, to use false names etc and she said NO; she said to use your real name all the time. She explained that the powers that be feed off fear and secrecy, the more people are "out there" the more afraid the powers that be will be; and the more power we hold within ourselves which keeps us strong. The other problem is it actually doesnt matter how many false names you use etc, they know who you are, they know who I am, and every other person on ats and other sights. Does it matter? Are we in danger? Who knows? In the end of all things, good will prevail anyway. I reckon you need to become pro-active,stop being annonamous , go out into the world with your head held high (being afraid and tucked away is what they want, remember!). If you are afraid of the food you are eating, by organic food preferably from a farmers market, if you want to go to college, go and be very diserning, ask questions? make the professor and your fellow students think??? I reckon you should start meditating as well, I'm sure it will do you good. And above all, every-day look at something beautiful, something from nature, a blossom on a tree, a child laughing, blue sky, etc, to remind you that our earth is truely a beautiful place. Surround yourself with good, happy, centered people (don't worry if you think they may not be the real deal, thats their karma!) and laugh!!!!!

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


After thinking a long while about how to deal with learning the world wasn't ordered the way I had originally thought, I came up with a few things that seem to have made a huge change in how I deal with all of this information.

1. There is only so much I can do to change what's occurring, the rest is sort of up to the choices you make and a dash of chance thrown in.

2. It IS prudent for you to work to make your immediate sphere of personal influence begin to move forward in positive ways. Take stock of your immediate environment, what is it telling you to do in order for you and the ones you care about to live a better life. If ANYTHING is possible, DO it.

3. SUPPORT the ones you care about in the way YOU want to be supported in return. This one thing, erosion of family/fellowship/community is ruining us. If we can learn how to simply live together as a whole family, and feed it positive, forward energy, that is what it will give back in return. Notice how the elite families STAY together NO MATTER what? We need to do the same. And NEVER give up on those we care about.

What else is there to care about? IF you only bother to put fear into it, that is ALL you will get in return.....do you see now? I hope this gives you some help to clear all the clutter in your way.

Originally posted by Opportunia
reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

 

After thinking a long while about how to deal with learning the world wasn't ordered the way I had originally thought, I came up with a few things that seem to have made a huge change in how I deal with all of this information.

1. There is only so much I can do to change what's occurring, the rest is sort of up to the choices you make and a dash of chance thrown in.

2. It IS prudent for you to work to make your immediate sphere of personal influence begin to move forward in positive ways. Take stock of your immediate environment, what is it telling you to do in order for you and the ones you care about to live a better life. If ANYTHING is possible, DO it.

3. SUPPORT the ones you care about in the way YOU want to be supported in return. This one thing, erosion of family/fellowship/community is ruining us. If we can learn how to simply live together as a whole family, and feed it positive, forward energy, that is what it will give back in return. Notice how the elite families STAY together NO MATTER what? We need to do the same. And NEVER give up on those we care about.

What else is there to care about? IF you only bother to put fear into it, that is ALL you will get in return.....do you see now? I hope this gives you some help to clear all the clutter in your way.

Beauty

You are on sensory overload and fear has it's grip on you. You may not recognise it as fear, but it is. Fear controls the mind and it's resulting actions. You have been allowed to see the coming plans and it has you frozen, not knowing what to do. The Holy Spirit says to not call conspiracy what others label conspiracy. This can mean two things - don't fall for what others say, but also, call a revelation Truth instead of conspiracy. Four years ago you were not aware of any of this evil, but today it's different. Paranoia sets in when the mind crashes and freezes, but do you not think that a switch was flipped to allow you to understand the lies and deceit leading this world to it's end? Do you never wonder if God flipped that switch? He applies pressure to people to lead them to Him. You are clearly aware that the vast majority have no idea of the things that you see now, and per the Holy Spirit, they never will because their mind is aligned to the beast. You need to understand that He is Truth, and He still heals the blind to SEE and still heals the deaf to HEAR and still heals the lame to UNDERSTAND. The ball has been clearly placed in your court - will you hit it back? Will you seek Him to answer your questions? Will you seek Him to allay your fears? There is no fear in love. Do you realise how many of us have been led to Our Saviour in this way? Just over a year ago the blinders fell off my eyes, and I froze in fear just like you. It could have led into paranoia, but instead, I got down on my knees and prayed to Him for answers because at some time in my life, somebody gave me the good news of the God of Truth. Somebody thirty to forty years ago told me that God gives sight and hearing and understanding, and that He calls people in a myriad of ways. Learn to love Truth. God is Truth and Our Salvation. Pour out these fears to Him and ask Him to remove them. He has work for you to do which will erase these human responses of yours. You will then grow in your faith as He works to remove the stumbling blocks in your path, which right now have you anxious, paranoid and frozen in it's icy grip of fear.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

Originally posted by XxNightAngelusxX

I don't trust textbooks, because I don't know who wrote them. I don't trust websites, because I don't know who's monitoring them (Which is why [color=FFDFBA]I use an alias for everything, including facebook, and especially ATS).

I don't think you're as paranoid as you think you are. If you were, you wouldn't be using Facebook at all. Not in your name or an alias.






"[color=AFE3B6]Just because you're paranoid, don't mean they're not after you."
Kurt Cobain. 'Territorial Pissings'

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


It's all on you sister. Ya can't close out the world, it's to big. You have to find a way to deal with it, preferably at it's own level. Anything else, such as self medicating and you're letting the world win.

Life just ain't fair.

Sometimes you are the bug and sometimes you are the windshield.

I have let go of people I loved because they were to negative towards life and realized that they were the ones holding me down.

Maybe you need to start looking at the crowd/boyfriend with a critical eye. It could be that they are the problem and maybe you are overly empathetic. Which leads to apathy in large doses.

You share the same fate as any questioning, intelligent person will - you have seen the darkness in the world and realized it's scope. You also realize as just one person you don't have the power to change much. If you stay within this mode of feeling and thought they beat you. They didn't even have to do anything to you because your fear prevents you from taking action. Confusion and misery are the lifeblood of the elites. It allows them to wield power without significant opposition.

Now, here's my question to you: What do you want to do with your life? If you don't know, then that is what you should be concentrating on.

Life is pretty simple - either you are following your own path or you are reacting to people and events around you.

Screw what everyone else is doing including TPTB!

You need to get on with your life and forget about them for a while. We all have a responsibility to each other and society, I'm sure that is a major motivation for you. It's the reason you care. But you cannot solve the world's problems by yourself, nor will you have much success unless you are a fulfilled person, competent in your chosen field and in complete control of your mind and emotions.

Wanna save the world? Save yourself first. Then you will be in a position to help others.
Remember, you are either following your own path or you are reacting to outside influences.
Claim control of your self.
Everything else can follow.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

What can I do about this???

I think the question is: What do you want to do about it?

If you want to just live your life without seeing conspiracies in every shadow, you have to stop coming to places like this site. Stop watching the news. Stop talking about what's going on in the world. At least until you bring your life into some kind of manageable perspective.

From time to time we all need a break from the chaos we live in. And it sounds like you're way overdue for some serious 'Me Time'.

Set goals.

Get a job, with the sole intent of collecting a paycheck, and never mind about the office politics or what other people are thinking.

Keep conversation light.

Very important: Enjoy the moment. If you're listening to music, don't look for hidden messages in the lyrics. You're listening to music because you enjoy the beat, the voice, or that particular band.

Good luck to you!

They only control you if you are unaware of the way the sytem works. You seem to have studied pretty much. You have your knowledge of how it all works. Now you have choice. Use the way it works against the sytem. They think they own you, they don't. They own your numbers you put in the sytsem. Take them out! Don't pay attention to cameras, cops ect, again, should you need them they can be used for you advantage. You are human and they only have this hold over you if you let them. Really you are free. I felt like you do for a while when I dived into conspiracy. Have you moved on to the esoteric? For me this was the next stage, if the elite use energys, rituals, worship satan, etc, and it works for them, this could be perseived as magic. This opened up my perseptions even more and ..... Well once you go into the rabbit hole, it's deep. Don't get hung up on the conspiracies. It's not all doom and gloom. Good luck my friend,remember you are sovereign unto yourself.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

please see a professional. you may be suffering from a very serious illness.

take care of yourself.

Originally posted by Wertdagf
reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

 

there are people who want to help you. Never forget that.

What is even more important than that is that you have a loving and all powerful Father that has given YOU His word:

"Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not."

"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for me?"

Take Him at His word... stand on it.



BTW: Apologies to aaaiii...

Originally posted by aaaiii
reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

 

please see a professional. you may be suffering from a very serious illness.

take care of yourself.

Can you explain please? Do you mean she might be flooded with empathy because she's about to die?