A taboo human instinct from a personal perspective

This is going to ruffle a few feathers I am sure, but this is something that I have wondered about for a while now and no matter how much I google it, I cannot find anything on the subject exactly to my situation.

A friend of mine had her baby in October (he's about 8 months old) and since then she has been basically passing him off to any one even remotely available. 8 to 10 hour stretches and even sometimes entire weekends including overnights. I baby sit him 2 to 3 times a week for her, but I am only one of two other babysitters. The other two agree to keep him over nights sometimes, but I always say no (I have three of my own, and we can't sleep as it is). I have figured out that she only has him one day and one night per week. Here is why I feel this is happening based on my own feelings and perspective involving a basic human instinct.

** I am venting here, please DO NOT think I am in anyway being mean or hateful. Honesty is sometimes the hardest thing to speak or hear. I care about this child and his welfare immensely and this is why I wanted to open up the conversation.**

When I saw him for the first time I was immediately turned off. I cannot even explain it, something in my heart just did not melt for this baby. Now, first let me sat that I have been babysitting for well over 7 years now, babies, toddlers, and kids alike, and NEVER have I ever gotten this feeling from a child. I actually am the type of person that loves babies, so when I had this reaction to this one in particular I was applaud at myself. I have to make myself play with him, and give him attention, and if I can just be honest here I don't even like him looking at me. Of course I am not mean at all to him, I still know what is right! It's just that I am acting like a nurturing, loving mother figure on the outside when inwards I am repelled. It's not just me either, my husband feels weird around him, and my children who are usually very excited to see a baby and wanting to play with them, just ignore this one. For example my neighbor is a grandmother who babysits her grandson who is only a month older than this baby that I watch. My kids LOVE this baby and oogle over him every time she brings him over to play, sharing their toys, playing peek a boo and things like that. Never have they attempted to do so with the child I watch. Jealousy has nothing to do with it, they have grown up with me caring for other babies their whole lives. Mom being a babysitter is an old hat to them.

Now before you go crazy on me, I am just trying to vent my feelings truthfully and really trying to examine this. I did find this article Mom confesses to not liking her own child But, the child in the article had some developmental problems, and that was some of the reason her mom didn't have any feelings for her. I couldn't find anything about someone in my position, but it got me thinking about human instincts.

My friend has never said anything to me about her own possible issues with her child, but why would she, it's very taboo to admit something like that. I can tell from her facial expressions and body language that she is less than thrilled when she comes to pick him up. She is very nice and has another much older child in which she has a very good relationship with. Like I said she passes the little guy off to several different sitters even when she doesn't have to work, and I really think it's for the same reason's that I have such an aversion to him. I want to also mention that this baby's father is involved but refuses to keep him on his own, i.e. all the sitters.

Obviously this is something that only a few people have ever dared to admit but I honestly think it's very common. It's instincts telling you something is wrong with the child, but with more advanced morals and the threat of public scrutiny it's not something anyone wants to talk about.

Like I said, I still of course love on him, feed him, hold him, and keep him safe but there is still that feeling there that it's not right and I am very uncomfortable and get a weird feeling when he looks at me. No other baby has ever given me this feeling. It's bizarre to say the least. I cannot be the only person here who has also had a similar problem or experience. It helps me to be open and talk about anything that bothers me, but since so many people know me, the child, the child's parents that it's just not possible for me to do so in my circle. So there it is ATS. Any thoughts? Experiences?

I have three children of my own and one on the way and know exactly what you are talking about. Where I live there are children everywhere, they often come to my home for arts and crafts, gardening, or to make and decorate cookies. I have met 4 children outside my family and one within that there is an odd connection.

My oldest daughter is now 16 and we never developed a bond, I have always found this odd and have had guilt for it. I would still jump in front of a car to save her and stand up for her in sociably risky situation yet would prefer not to sit next to her on the couch. I know that is odd, I support her any way I can but we both have come to terms that we do not connect.

The other children it is different one lives very close and I do not even want him near my kids or yard, other parents comment that they feel he was "touched by the devil" (non-God fearing person here). He honestly gives me a since of "threat" and extreme discomfort. Two others were small children I met in passing. I love kids especially younger children who have not been tainted by ideas and dreams of the broken world around them.

The last one is a friends daughter she is older approaching jr.high, she scares the crap out of me if she is here over night I worry she will kill me in my sleep. It is like she was born with no soul. She can show love and affection but when you look in her eyes it is like there is nothing good in there.

I know you worry that your reaction is wrong and it is more confusing because it is something you can not explain but you are doing what you feel in your heart is right and you and the others helping care for this child may just be the thing that helps him bloom into something everyone can love. You are a good person for doing what you can.

lol at this thread. Im sure your concerns are thinley veiled by racism and you forgot to mention the backround/nationality of these kids you dislike. Pretty messed up if you ask me, a mother passing off her child and failing to look after her own offspring..deadbeat dads doing the same. It prolly has nothing to do with the child but the negative feelings you have for the parents neglecting their children and passing off the responsibility onto you and others, and those feelings are bleeding over to the child being mentioned. For the poster worried that their childrens friends are going to murder you in your sleep...sounds like you have deep seeded mental issues due to a bad experence with someone that the girl reminds you of...again possibly race related.

Oh wow. You seem very kindhearted right from the start, so I know you are not a cruel person.

Now, when you say that you know something is wrong with the child, and that you feel strange when he looks at you, is that more of an instinctive feeling? Like, does it come without thinking?

Do you think this child may have some kind of negative spiritual vibes coming from him?

Does he behave like a normal infant? If not, list parts of his behavior that you feel is unusual.


This is quite an interesting story.

reply to post by UdderlyInsane


Thank you so much for responding! I do feel guilty for not liking him, he is only a baby after all. I often wonder if anyone had ever experienced what we have and then as the child got older or into adulthood they really did turn out to be not very nice people.

Originally posted by Amaeus
Oh wow. You seem very kindhearted right from the start, so I know you are not a cruel person.

Now, when you say that you know something is wrong with the child, and that you feel strange when he looks at you, is that more of an instinctive feeling? Like, does it come without thinking?

Do you think this child may have some kind of negative spiritual vibes coming from him?

Does he behave like a normal infant? If not, list parts of his behavior that you feel is unusual.


This is quite an interesting story.

There is nothing outwardly wrong looking about him. He is not a gerber baby by any means, his eyes are a little wider set than normal but nothing that says "wrong" to me.

When he looks at me, eye to eye I get this feeling in my heart. It comes without any thought at all. It's almost like an "ugg". I have thought about a negative spirit of sorts but I just have a hard time thinking a negative spirit would inhabit a baby, you know.

As far as normal infant behavior he does cry more than mine ever did, and I have noticed it's warbly and sharply pitched. When he really gets going, it kind of sounds like someone is pulling a cat's tail. But then again I have heard worse baby cries. He sleeps normally, smiles, and laughs and things like that so nothing there really stands out to me at all.

It's like I can't put my finger on what it is, and when I talked to my husband about it he too said he gets that "ugg" feeling. He even admitted that he felt like he needed to leave the room, and he does. When I have the baby over my husband will go out to his shop and stay until he's picked up.

reply to post by solids0be


I am white and the baby is white. I do not like the fact that she passes him off like she does, but I felt this way about the baby the day after he was born before she started passing him around in the first place. His dad as told me that he doesn't feel like he can take care of him because he gets very frustrated with him, so I think that's a good idea. I also need to point out that I am not racist at all, my husband is not American or White so I think we can drop that one.

Me thinks the Hall of Guffs is running thin. It's hard to feel for those without a soul.

Edit to add explanation:

The Hall of Guffs is also known an the Hall of Souls and has a finite number of souls. The end of days begins(according to legend) when the Hall goes empty.

I have known several people who have "sold their soul" and others seemingly born without one and they all "feel" as you have described. Almost an empty shell. It is like trying to feel compassion for a robot. That's almost what its like(to me anyway).

I believe you are right in the fact that nobody wants to talk about this. Who really wants to admit they don't like a baby? We are told that we all should just love babies, no matter what.
I am a mom. I do enjoy babies. But I have run into 1 like you described, although I did not have to sit for her. I know exactly what you mean about how you felt. I felt so guilty for feeling that way toward a baby and thought there was something wrong with me. I just felt very uncomfortable around her.

reply to post by lilowl53


Negative spirits as you call them do indeed try to attack and influence infants. They would like nothing better than to get at these young ones if they can. It is just normally harder for them because they need some kind of an inroad like older people are more prone to give them. You know, like negative things we do in our lives. Babies don't have so much of that.

It is possible that through the mother somehow the baby has gotten something 'attached' to it.

Originally posted by solids0be
lol at this thread. Im sure your concerns are thinley veiled by racism and you forgot to mention the backround/nationality of these kids you dislike. Pretty messed up if you ask me, a mother passing off her child and failing to look after her own offspring..deadbeat dads doing the same. It prolly has nothing to do with the child but the negative feelings you have for the parents neglecting their children and passing off the responsibility onto you and others, and those feelings are bleeding over to the child being mentioned. For the poster worried that their childrens friends are going to murder you in your sleep...sounds like you have deep seeded mental issues due to a bad experence with someone that the girl reminds you of...again possibly race related.

edit on 24-4-2012 by solids0be because: (no reason given)

sounds like you are the one messed up with issues. You came up with that yourself, don't try to pass it off as someone else's demented way of thinking. Are you black? That is who usually deals the "card" the fastest.

Hey some babies are ugly...nobody wants to admit it, especially in a crowd, but off with someone you trust you go...”DAMN that was an ugly baby!” And they agree! It is brave of you, and is a stigma of modern culture as we can and often do completely change our appearences.

Humans tend to be the only species that allow for irregular or abnormal children to live, even though there have been many cultures who to this day do not allow this. Mammals often kill their young or leave them to die deliberately if there are any deformities.

And well to be brutal honest good looks are sign of genetic quality. Heck even average looks kept me out of dumpster probably…

Originally posted by lilowl53
reply to post by solids0be

 

I am white and the baby is white. I do not like the fact that she passes him off like she does, but I felt this way about the baby the day after he was born before she started passing him around in the first place. His dad as told me that he doesn't feel like he can take care of him because he gets very frustrated with him, so I think that's a good idea. I also need to point out that I am not racist at all, my husband is not American or White so I think we can drop that one.

You should not feel the compelled to acknowledge this sentiment. This person obviously makes their moral decisions based on race and considers everyone else to be the same, when that is not the case.

If everyone else feels like too....

Then maybe...

This is such a fascinating topic.

I was going to compare my niece to the girl who abandons her child but it's not even close. My niece is just a 21 year old who had her first child at 18 and she just wasn't ready for children. There was never a problem with finding a volunteer to watch the baby in fact there was a custody case between the grandparents. (messy business.)

Anyway.... is there a strange odor to the baby? Even if it's faint it may be a contributing factor as to why nobody feels close to the child.

You said he seems normal enough. Hmmmmm...strange indeed. So what's the deal with the father?

Originally posted by abeverage
Hey some babies are ugly...nobody wants to admit it, especially in a crowd, but off with someone you trust you go...”DAMN that was an ugly baby!” And they agree! It is brave of you, and is a stigma of modern culture as we can and often do completely change our appearences.

Humans tend to be the only species that allow for irregular or abnormal children to live, even though there have been many cultures who to this day do not allow this. Mammals often kill their young or leave them to die deliberately if there are any deformities.

And well to be brutal honest good looks are sign of genetic quality. Heck even average looks kept me out of dumpster probably…

edit on 24-4-2012 by abeverage because: (no reason given)

Hey old buddy!
You said it! I wanted to touch on the humans being the only mammals that don't kill or abandon their young thing, but I feel I was already on a touchy subject.

This baby isn't really ugly, so I don't think I am being influanced by that at all. I baby sat a little guy a few years ago that reminded me of a troll but I loved him to death, so yeah.

reply to post by abeverage


She never said it was ugly just evil.

The eyes are a little wide is all.

I was worried about having an ugly child but luckily for him he looks like his old man.

reply to post by blupblup


It's funny, as I am sitting her reading responses, the movie Damian also came to mind.... I will have to watch it again I think.

Fantastic thread, most interesting for sure!

Perhaps it is some hard-coded instinct within us, but why this kid in particular?

Hmm, is he an ugly baby per chance? Maybe it is something as simple as that

I joke, kinda.

reply to post by cavalryscout


He doesn't smell funny, if there is it's sub-conscience. He smells like Gain actually, but I like the smell of Gain.

His dad told me once that he gets frustrated with him when he crys and he doesn't know what to do. I think that happens with Dads a lot. He has never admitted to feeling any aversions to him but just like the baby's mom, he is Ok with him being else where all the time.

One of the other sitters is the dad's mother. She drops him off in the morning at my house, and she always seems like she is in a hurry to get away. I swear if she could, she would just leave him on the porch and ring the bell.