A taboo human instinct from a personal perspective

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posted on Apr, 24 2012 @ 02:29 PM
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I only ever got those kind of vibes from one kid, albeit a much older one. When my eldest was in 7th grade (she's 24 now) she had a friend from school come stay the weekend. The girl acted very sweet but I kept getting the heebie-jeebies anytime she spoke to me or got near me. Now I know it was my instincts trying to warn me.

When I tried to bring this girl home nobody was there and she was locked out of her house. This happened several times over several days and what started out as a one night sleepover turned into a 5 day stay before someone was finally home to let her in. Next the phone calls started from her mother. Had I seen the girl with this or that, as another girl she had stayed with claimed she had stolen several items while at her house. Every other day calling to ask my daughter if her kid had mentioned having this or that, or had my daughter noticed her child having money. Then she was lying to my kid so much that my daughter decided she didn't want to hang out with her anymore. That's when the REAL trouble started.

The girl started trying to pick fights on the school bus, but since my daughter was larger than her she decided to pick fights with my youngest daughter who was very tiny, and she only picked the fights when my older daughter wasn't on the bus. One of these times she hit my younger daughter in the face for no reason- just did it as she was walking down the bus aisle. There were many witnesses, including the bus driver. My younger daughter had a mouth full of braces at the time, and it cut up the inside of her mouth and cheeks pretty bad. I called the girl's mother and informed her that if her kid ever laid a hand on my child again I would press criminal charges and sue the bejeezes out of her. I thought that was the end of it- until the police called me to the station a couple of days later.

Apparently the girl decided that since she got in trouble for hitting my youngest kid that she would get even by making false assault charges on my oldest kid! We had to go to court, where my daughter plead not guilty, and they set a court date. I started investigating and gathering evidence- from the school where the assault supposedly happened, from the girls doctor (who also happens to be my family doctor), from the school's police department officers, to the kids and teacher who were with my daughter when the supposed incident occurred. Point is the incident DID NOT occur and I had ample evidence to prove it! We went to court and my daughter was cleared of all charges, and the girl who made the false report was charged with a misdemeanor for which she basically received a slap on the wrist- but she never messed with my kids anymore!

Over the following years the girl turned out to be quite promiscuous, as well as a thief and a pathological liar. Many, many other families who's kids tried to befriend her had similar problems and worse! In high school there were false charges against various former friends of assault, theft, even rape which were all proven to be false and finally the girl served some time in juvenile. Nowadays I here she is on husband number 2 with 3 small kids all by different fathers.

I'm not saying that your feelings for this baby are right or wrong, I'm just saying that the only time I ever felt like that about a kid I should have slammed the door in her face and locked it- because my feelings were right!




posted on Apr, 24 2012 @ 02:48 PM
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I agree that the idea of not having a bond or feeling a connection to your child is very taboo for parents, as though they will be looked at as being a horrible parent, and it's a horrible feeling to go through, as I myself did not develop a very strong bond with my son right away.
However, this is a strange circumstance to feel uncomfortable around a baby. There are many instances where you can look at a baby and be repelled because it's ugly. Not being cruel haha, but some babies ARE ugly, they don't stay ugly of course lol.
I think it would be best if the mother was counselled, she needs someone who won't judge her who can listen to her concerns about her child, and possibly a social worker who can help her develop a relationship with her child. It's not right that this little babe is being passed around like a parcel.
You do so much, is there any way you can possibly get in touch with social services? Don't feel bad about calling them, you would be doing a good thing, and I think the main concern should be that the little one is being well looked after consistently, rather than people passing him about because of some aversion to him.



posted on Apr, 24 2012 @ 02:59 PM
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Hey old buddy!
You said it! I wanted to touch on the humans being the only mammals that don't kill or abandon their young thing, but I feel I was already on a touchy subject.

This baby isn't really ugly, so I don't think I am being influanced by that at all. I baby sat a little guy a few years ago that reminded me of a troll but I loved him to death, so yeah.


Some cultures still do, but it has become very rare...

Trolls if you do the hair properly look so cute!

Kidding but all kidding aside so this is more of a feeling than an actually appearance bias?



posted on Apr, 24 2012 @ 03:00 PM
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Originally posted by cavalryscout
reply to post by abeverage
 


She never said it was ugly just evil.


The eyes are a little wide is all.

I was worried about having an ugly child but luckily for him he looks like his old man.


Yes well it was early for me and I tend to skip a lot when I read...I was also wanting to bring attention to ugly baby syndrome.



posted on Apr, 24 2012 @ 03:03 PM
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reply to post by abeverage
 


Yeah, I wouldn't consider him to be an "ugly baby" he's average, so I don't think I am bias there at all. I have had this feelings since he was a newborn so of course by now he looks totally different. He's only 8 months old now.



posted on Apr, 24 2012 @ 03:03 PM
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I did not bond with my son instantly, that's for sure. OP you are absolutely right to say that it is taboo to speak of such things. I always was very honest about this with my girlfriends, eventually, even years later, a few came around to tell me they had felt the same way. I believe the "bond" comes when it comes, IF it comes, but it doesn't change your ability to parent. Our bond came a bit later, that's all.

One in particular asked me just the other day about this. I think all mothers have thoughts at times that are "Taboo".

As far as your distaste for this child goes, I have certainly felt this way about other children, however not that young. I don't trust them. There is a 2 year old I know who is absolutely evil that will hurt herself and say my son did it because she is incredibly smart for her age and knows he does that stuff. She does it just to get him in trouble. I've witnessed it as well as her mom...uggh is right.



posted on Apr, 24 2012 @ 03:19 PM
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reply to post by ValentineWiggin
 




There is a 2 year old I know who is absolutely evil that will hurt herself and say my son did it because she is incredibly smart for her age and knows he does that stuff. She does it just to get him in trouble. I've witnessed it as well as her mom...uggh is right.


Wow!


Don't turn your back on that one.

I wonder if that kind of behavior is inherent or learned?
edit on 24-4-2012 by cavalryscout because: don't know....the matrix f'd again.



posted on Apr, 24 2012 @ 05:16 PM
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reply to post by lilowl53
 


meh...there are people we feel this way about why should babies be any different? There is this guy that goes down to my pub reminds me of an Alien from Men in Black funny eyes or somthing, gives me the willies not sure why just does...



posted on Apr, 24 2012 @ 05:35 PM
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Originally posted by cavalryscout
reply to post by ValentineWiggin
 




There is a 2 year old I know who is absolutely evil that will hurt herself and say my son did it because she is incredibly smart for her age and knows he does that stuff. She does it just to get him in trouble. I've witnessed it as well as her mom...uggh is right.


Wow!


Don't turn your back on that one.

I wonder if that kind of behavior is inherent or learned?
edit on 24-4-2012 by cavalryscout because: don't know....the matrix f'd again.


Her mom is kind of manipulative, in her own way, I doubt she learned it from her though. She is smarter, way smart, and my son has disabilities. I think she just knows she can get away with it. Her sister has disabilities as well and she does the same thing to her. It makes me uncomfortable.



posted on Apr, 24 2012 @ 06:30 PM
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reply to post by ValentineWiggin
 


One of the best pieces of advice a friend gave me is when she pulled me aside and quietly told me, that you hear of mothers who love their children instantly, but not everyone does. And if you don't bond with your baby, don't feel bad. Brook shields was the first mother to publicly come out and say this.

Especially if the birth is difficult, and you have a fussy baby, it can be hard to bond at first. I was so glad that she told me to not feel guilty.

BUT

I will say this, those of us that I have seen who have not "bonded"right away and made exclamations that it was love at first site, actually tend to be the strongest, most fierest mothers of all. this friend's baby got that chronic baby cough( i forget what it is called but it can be dangerous) and she was unstoppable about getting her child treatment, even losing her job for calling out to take her baby to the hospital.

I am a grizzly mother. I do the best by my child, and he comes first. and I constantly fret about his health and well being. Some of the love at first sight mothers seem more concerned about dressing their kids up and getting professional pictures done.



posted on Apr, 24 2012 @ 06:34 PM
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Originally posted by ValentineWiggin


As far as your distaste for this child goes, I have certainly felt this way about other children, however not that young. I don't trust them. There is a 2 year old I know who is absolutely evil that will hurt herself and say my son did it because she is incredibly smart for her age and knows he does that stuff. She does it just to get him in trouble. I've witnessed it as well as her mom...uggh is right.


Children can be born with bipolar or borderline personality disorder. These are probably the children that people don't feel right around. And some of the behaviors are apparent even in early ages. And a lot can be genetic, which is why they act like one of the parents.

As manipulative as they can be, you have to feel sorry for them as they have a disorder they have no control over, and if they have parents who have it, especially borderline personality disorder, it can make them ten times worse, as the child does not receive any of the upbringing they need to make them more sociable or adapt to society.



posted on Apr, 24 2012 @ 06:43 PM
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reply to post by lilowl53
 


The shame of it is that now it will be a self fullfilling prophecy, a mother should want to take care of her baby, and since the parents don't, the kid will end up being mal adjusted as a resulted, and everyone will say, well I knew he wasn't right.

If he is a difficult baby, shame on them. I had the unhappiest baby in the world, I got robbed of the newborn experience, my son cried till he was 9 months old. i read online once in a forum for difficult babies that God gives the difficult ones to the parents who can take care of them, and I took it to heart. I also read that unhappy babies make happy toddlers, and he is the most fun,empathetic kid you could ever meet, with an overabundant imagination and makes everyone laugh, and loves people.

Sensitive babies tend to cry a lot, and need a lot of extra, extra tlc to handle them, and you have to do everything to reduce their sensitivities. It seems like the parents are completely ill equipped to handle this.

Now you said you were worried if a troubled child can end up being ok.My cousin did. He was an unpleasant baby and toddler, as a toddler he showed aggressive behavior and as he got older, he did have a lot of behavior problems, and started to have a drug problem and got arrested as a teenager. Now in his early 20s, he suddenly got his life in order, and jsut had his own son and is an adoring father, went to rehab, got a job and is now getting his life in order. So it can happen.



posted on Apr, 24 2012 @ 08:37 PM
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Originally posted by Turkenstein

Originally posted by solids0be
lol at this thread. Im sure your concerns are thinley veiled by racism and you forgot to mention the backround/nationality of these kids you dislike. Pretty messed up if you ask me, a mother passing off her child and failing to look after her own offspring..deadbeat dads doing the same. It prolly has nothing to do with the child but the negative feelings you have for the parents neglecting their children and passing off the responsibility onto you and others, and those feelings are bleeding over to the child being mentioned. For the poster worried that their childrens friends are going to murder you in your sleep...sounds like you have deep seeded mental issues due to a bad experence with someone that the girl reminds you of...again possibly race related.
edit on 24-4-2012 by solids0be because: (no reason given)


sounds like you are the one messed up with issues. You came up with that yourself, don't try to pass it off as someone else's demented way of thinking. Are you black? That is who usually deals the "card" the fastest.


Wow strong sterotyping. What if I am black does that mean im always going to play the race card? And regardless my question was perfectly valid and I dont ever remember asking if the baby was black..you created that image yourself.



posted on Apr, 24 2012 @ 09:58 PM
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This is an intriguing thread. I know we all think that a baby is so innocent, we never attribute anything but complete lack of anything *wrong* with a baby. That babies who grow up to be bad people, were programed that way by their environment.

But, there are people born without empathy. We don't know how, or why it happens, but it does. Usually those people are put into the sociological category of sociopaths. I can imagine people with empathy, feeling uncomfortable when around another human being lacking that emotion.

I've wondered about that myself regarding a 2 year old toddler, I had the same aversion to right off the bat. The child looked normal in every way...but, something was just not sitting right with me. And the eyes...the cold, vacant, drilling stare...sent chills down my spine. When the child had reached around 4 years old, the mother in a fit of depression, confessed to me, she was afraid of her own child. That her child had already killed two kittens by drowning them in the toilet.

So, I guess I have to wonder if some people are just born without some part in them, that makes them fully human.

I'm getting chills just writing this. I've often wondered what kind of adult that child would grow up to be.

Hopefully, I won't read about him in the paper some day.

Des



posted on Apr, 24 2012 @ 11:29 PM
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reply to post by Destinyone
 


A lack of empathy in the children could certainly account for some of these feelings people have for them (no matter what the age).


When someone looks at you with absolutely no regard for your emotions, they are looking at you as you would an insect. You won't be able to form a connection with someone like that because they have no desire to share an emotion or experience with you. You are just something for them to deal with or manipulate the way we do with animals.
edit on 24-4-2012 by Hawking because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 24 2012 @ 11:46 PM
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Does the baby seem affectionate towards you? Does he seem to enjoy your attention? Does he show any signs of autism?



posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 05:54 AM
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I don't particularly love babies but that's me. However I worked for 7 years as a child minder before I studied and I know exactly what the OP is saying. Whilst I don't coo coo over kids, I treat them like a big sister would and they all loved me for it. However there was one boy I never warmed up to. I sang to him and played with him but he never evoked any sympathy, liking or anything like that in me.
What I came up with is this.
I am not a human liker, hence I don't wear rose tinted goggles when I see babies. I see babies for what they are going to be, basically I see the adult they are going to be in them already. That's why I can't say "oh they are all so cute". Some toddlers are downright ugly IMO.
Maybe when we don't like a kid, it is that we feel what kind of adult they are going to be and maybe we are weary because of that. As humans we still depend a lot on instinct, even though we would like to think that we are complete masters of our own feelings.
Small signs from very young people will have an effect on us.
I wonder if in more primitive cultures or ancient cultures, people would 'eliminate' babies like that and would that be to any advantage?
However in our society we are forced to love and cherish absolutely every child. We are so obsessed with them that even the OP had to apologise several times for posting a very interesting thread.



posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 06:48 AM
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What a frightening area of thought! Now I am almost afraid to have any kids! Our sense of morality will not budge on the issue of whether there would be a benefit to eliminating these people from society, and I am glad for that because I would never agree to that. And who knows which ones of us would be here today. I consider lyself to be extremely empathetic. But how do we know that's what it is? What if someday we can scientifically say which babies were born with souls and which were destined to wreak havoc on our societies? Would we put them into an asylum or camp? Could we live with that? Is it our own empathy that prevents us from improving our society, in life's most cruelly invisioned catch 22? Or is it a test? Could the babies be programmed, Monarchn style, from a young age not to cause harm to living things, and so then live a "normal" life? Would that then lead to all babies being programmed in this way? What would happen if one baby was mistakenly not programmed properly? Would he rise to rule over humanity, being the only one capable of causing harm to any human?



posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 07:15 AM
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I think this is more to do with our base animalistic nature than anything weird.
You state bluntly this woman has in all but brief automated care shunned this child. Look at what happens to shunned baby animals in nature, usually nothing else will touch them and they die or get picked off by predators.

A friend of mine was convinced her first newborn child was plotting to kill her, like some devil doll. She didn't even have postnatal depression, just this irrational fear that crept up on her at night when she was alone with the child. To be fair I never really got on well with the child as she grew up, but after the usual teenage tearaway years she ended up alright. Couldn't stand my cousins first child, weird thing she was. Didn't help that her mother hardly ever moved her out of her pram and her head was flat up one side.

Think the most horror I ever encountered was on seeing a baby no older than eight months, daubed in the same orange fake tan at her mother, clad in a fluffy neon pink fur coat and diamond earrings. It obviously didn't detract from the fact the child was odd looking, it just made it worse. She's ended up alright too.

Next doors grandchild, whom I've never even seen but must be about 5 months now, howls like two foxes and an orgy of cats going at it through the wall, never heard a child scream like that or for so long. Drives me crackers, it makes me pace the floor and want to go around and punch someone, I swear they must never pick the child up. In general I tend to get weirded out by babies who look a little off, or too scrawny and too small for their age. It's a fact that most of the kids round here are like that due to their mother's pre birth partying habits and staple diet of utter crap.

So yeah, I too acknowledge that some children, even when they are babies you get an odd vibe off, but that's probably down to the parents and how much care they give to their offspring, or even themselves before birth. Admittedly sometimes that immediate maternal bond never happens, sad fact, but on the whole people just carry on. I've met many a woman who failed to bond who felt having to have an emergency C section had something to do with it, that would make a bit of sense to my original statement since these children would have likely not survived birth without todays medical intervention anyway.

FYI my youngest IS the Antichrist, so don't worry about other strange babies. He's a gorgeous little boy who loves his mummy, only tried to kill me with his toys on the stairs once this week. I howled laughing Sunday afternoon when someone offered me a 5 week old Rottweiler bitch. OH just choked on his pint.


P.S I'm only joking, I'm sure I'm not the only woman in the world that has a child that looks at you like he's plotting world domination. Love him to bits. I'm not the only one, old ladies seem to lunge at him for cheek squeezes every time we leave the house.
edit on 25-4-2012 by Suspiria because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 07:38 AM
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reply to post by 3n19m470
 



Reading back my post, it sounds as if I think it would be a good idea to eliminate them. Oops, I didn't mean that at all. I was merely pondering if people would have done this in certain places/times and what would be the outcome. Hope that clears it up.





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