posted on Apr, 24 2012 @ 09:00 AM
reply to post by Darkblade71
Thank you so very much. I definitely am not out to suck off the system as I have worked so HARD to maintain my career...and other than taking
unemployment twice, I have never taken ANY hand outs...of ANY kind.
I do not want to end up like my brother. Funny thing, his widow wrote me this morning. She wants to get remarried, but it suffering at the hands of my
brother's father and family...the abuse goes on and on....and she stated what I had guessed...that my brother killed himself, (I was originally told
he mixed alcohol with his psych meds...cause he was trying to "better himself"...turns out he killed himself....)
Anyhow....I am dressed and heading out the door. I don't know if seeing my PCP will help and my list of psychiatrists is small....I have bruises all
over my body and there are torn books, photo, broken paintings, etc....all over from my last "rage" this weekend...it was horrible. Though I manage
to not drink more than 4 beers a day...i still use it as a crutch to getting help...oh they're just gonna yell at me for drinking...when I feel I
DRINK because I am broken...not just broken because I drink....
Anyhow...I have so much appreciated EVERYONE'S input. It is scary out there...I have failed so many times.....but the fact that I am so alone and
almost did this weekend what I said I would never do..means I am at a precipice and I don't exactly like heights....and I need to either just jump
and quite whining...or just go back the way I came and never know what COULD be if I just stop this hamster wheel.....or at least slow it down a
I will write back later, (if I can) and let ya'll know what transpires.....
All ya'lls advice and sometimes harsh realities is the very reason I posted my thread....I know REAL people living in a REAL world would give me the
advise I needed....not just the canned..."you need to go to the ER and get help" kind of advice....