posted on Apr, 24 2012 @ 08:39 AM
I understand your mistrust of the mental health community. When I had my breakdown I put myself into an out patient hospital program through the
mental health community and lucky for me, it worked, however, I watched many other people go through it and it did not help them.
But I will be honest with you. It did not help them because, truth be told, they did not want to get better. I saw it day after day, people leeching
off of the system. I am not judging them, just going by what they themselves told me. I felt very bad for some of the people in the program I was in
because I knew they were not there to get better.
I have had life long PTSD due to a very bad childhood, so I can relate very well to your story.
I am sorry to say this, but perhaps you need to hear it,
until you can get mad enough at yourself and what you are suffering from, and until the time comes when you know there is no other option, you either
die, or get better, you will continue to suffer.
It sounds like you are at this point now, or close to it and if so, there is no better time to get treatment.
Believe it or not, the mental health system has several very good programs to treat PTSD caused by childhood abuse, which is what you have. Don't
dwell on the label too much, PTSD is different for everyone, but yet, it is the same. Irrational reactions,anger,nightmares,tremors,fits of rage, all
of this can be managed with therapy, and what the system has now works VERY WELL.
Put some trust in the system and want to get better and they will help you. If you don't work with them, they cannot help. As far as meds go, you
have the choice to not take medication. Depending on how bad it is getting though, medication can and does make you feel better. Meds have their
place. This last time I went through the system, I chose not to take meds, and that is the best route to go IMO because then you can face what is
causing all of the over exaggerated responses. Meds will dull out your emotions, but will not cure you, in fact, there is no cure, only ways to learn
how to cope with the anxiety and stress. That is what therapy does, teaches you how to handle yourself and recognize the impulses before you act out
You cannot "Just get over it" or I would have many many years ago.
My advice, get some therapy, be honest and straight forward with the system, and allow them to work WITH you to get better, because you can get
better. You can feel alive again, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I still suffer from it myself, but after going through the system, I have much more control over my actions and the symptoms are MUCH less than they
used to be. I no longer feel like I am going to have an aneurism any time I get upset. I no longer act out before I realize what is happening, and I
see the signs before I have an anxiety/panic attack so that I can try to head it off before my heart explodes.
Don't get me wrong, I still feel these emotions, although not so much anymore. I attribute this to the mental health community and the therapy I went
As to self medication, drinking will kill you. I had to say that because I have watched many friends die this way, as they self medicated to block out
what was hurting them. Perhaps this is a part of your mistrust of the mental health community. You know they will frown on drinking. It adds to the
anxiety of getting help.
I self medicated for years I know what it is like.
Definetly though, if you self medicate with alcohol, STAY AWAY from the medication. In fact if you go into the mental health community, make sure to
tell them you do not want meds because you understand the dangers of meds and alcohol, and you are a drinker, they will respect that, even if they do
not agree with the drinking, we all gotta do what we gotta do to get by. And they understand that too.
The mental health system is a huge help if you ALLOW them to help you. If you fight their system while trying to get help, you are only sabotaging
your own recovery.
I wish you the best, and I am living proof that even though for some of us life is a very difficult challenge, we can face and overcome those
challenges and thrive again as happy healthy adults.