watching loved ones die.

Originally posted by muse7
First of all, I'm really sorry for what you are going through.

I've experienced it first hand, when I was 16 I had to witness my grandmother slowly pass away from breast cancer while in a hospice room as well. She was like a mother to me sine she raised me and I lived with her. It was devastating to me but whenever she passed I felt kind of relieved, because I knew her suffering was over.

I agree with you, we need to legalize euthanasia for humans. Sometimes it's just the best thing to do than to sit there and slowly watch them die while in agony from incurable illnesses.

I really have to disagree on that one, My father died three years ago, he had cancer,liver issues, and MAY have had long term affects from Agent Orange (he was a Vietnam vet) after he was sent home for hospice, I took care of him, fed him,gave him his meds, and cleaned him and his sheets. Even though it was hard, and sad, I would give up everything to relive those days because it mean I could talk to him again, hear him tell his old jokes, and just enjoy being with him, euthinasia is a slippery slope, what if he had chosen to do that a year early when they found the cancer? I would have lost a whole year. Also, why not add mental problems? only 20 years ago homosexualiy, transgenderism, and autism were viewed as "total defects" of the mind, incurable, untreatable,and a burden, why not kill them? Is the path we soon go down after all is ready and said.

reply to post by rubbertramp


The difference in removing a tube versus giving someone a shot to end it all is this.. if you simply remove the tube your not 'actively ' killing someone. you are simply with holding anything to prolong they're existence. If you give them a shot then you are actively killing them. And we still go by the Hippocratic oath of keeping people alive at all costs.My older sister is an R.N. and explained it to me years ago

.But this brings up a larger question then. Who would be the one to decide who dies when we say and who lives on? There have been cases in other countries where complaints come up that people were forced to die after saying they didn't want to be euthanized.

And just because the family doesn't want to watch a loved one suffer, do they have the right to have someone euthanized?

These are important issues that need to be considered when you talk about such things

And I'm very sorry the OP is having to go through with this, I too have been there.For me it was watching both my father then my mother in law waste away in a years time. It felt like it would never ever end.

I watched my brother die 13 years ago. It is not an experience that I'm looking forward to repeat.

reply to post by ofhumandescent


amazing. just about everything you mentioned came to me naturally in some way.

May I ask what your father is dying of?

the worst of it is a form of leukemia[sp?], his bone marrow quit working, no longer producing.
also other things like kidney problems and c-diff to just name a few.
his body has been shutting down for a couple of months now.

You have my prayers, brother.

Hang in there, disregarding religious beliefs, your father is soon going to be in a better place.

It is sad we can't mercy kill our loved ones in this country. Just the other day a man in Seattle shot and killed his dying/suffering wife at her request and now he's in prison. It's so sad.

I have yet to go through watching anyone die but I know it's coming soon, both of my parents are getting pretty old and sick.

If my wife was suffering and dying I sure as hell would spare her the misery of suffering partly for my own sanity. I'd rather go to prison than watch her helplessly flail about in pain and madness.

reply to post by rubbertramp


I know how you feel,been there with my wife who had cancer all over her bones at one point it was in her head
and the things that she said where so insulting and painful that you really wanna walk away,but you just take it and you know it is not that person anymore.

After this your dad is in a better place.

Wish you all the strength and patience with this.

It's a horrid position to be in. I hope it doesn't drag on too long. As long as he's not in physical pain, if he is then demand more morphine.

I watched my mum die from cancer that was spread everywhere at the end. She didn't get abusive but the morphine caused some strange hallucinations that made some of us very uneasy. Luckily it didn't go on too long. She always told me if she ever got like 'that' she'd want me to give her a "wee blue pill". I still don't know what that "wee blue pill" is, but I know what it's supposed to do.

In the end she was surrounded by her friends for a whole 2 days and died 5 minutes after they left for home. The doctor had visited that day and upped her morphine so I think that helped her on the way.

To have that go on for weeks or months, years for some people, must be one of the worst things to have to endure. I have a pact with my other half. If either of us gets in a situation where there's no quality of life then we'll do what's necessary and take the consequences. But really, in a loving family, it's family business, and should be nobody else's.

i am realy sorry to hear that, let all your strength be with you and never let bad thoughts flow through your brain making you feel bad. Individiuals are alone both by birth and by death. You cannot help him. I have lost my aunt yesterday after a huge suffering for almost 1 year with morphines and sedatives. She lost her consciousness and was cursing to everyone who comes to visit her. We felt sorry while burrying her into the ground but alse relieved that we know now she is without physical pain. God help you! And the most important things is as i wrote earlier, you are not responsible, don't feel guilty or dont burry yourself with him unfortunately you are still alive and waiting your time as everyone is waiting theirs!

reply to post by rubbertramp


All i can say is hug him,talk to himand enjoy him while u can

I'm so sorry, I've been there too with both mother and father. Mother stayed sweet to the last breath, but Dad turned very mean. All the meds they gave him made him so much worse. He had been in a car wreck. All the pain meds sent him into a crazy dementia like state, even having the "sundowners" episodes. He was very hateful to me and the nursing staff, but I stayed with him anyway. The stress was enormous. As far as he was concerned, I couldn't do anything right. He lived four months afterwards, never came home.

He had c-diff too, for a while. It was caused by all the anti-biotics he was given. It only lasted for a few days. Be careful though. It's highly contagious.

My best to you. You are there for him. That's all you can do. Let nature run it's course.

Afterwards....... profound sadness ......and exhaustion.

Reply to post by rubbertramp

I lost my father the same way. He was a fighter, but like you said the battle is lost. No one told him the war was over and he held on for 3 months. I only hope he really had no idea what was happening, if he did he would have demanded me to put and end to it.

Thankfully, a doctor told me a few medical decisions I can impose that would expedite his relief. I took those steps and 7 days later he was gone. I don't even cry. I spent three months crying, and has already been to his funeral a hundred times in my head. When he died he was no more than flesh and blood, a piece of meat waiting to expire.

I know for sure, when I know I am headed down that road, and before I get near the point I need hospice I will kill myself.


Posted Via ATS Mobile: m.abovetopsecret.com

My grandfather suffered like this as well. I wish I could have gotten him Cannabis juice. I know he would still be alive. If you live in MMJ state, get hash oil for him.

Reply to post by 369habitat

I'm sorry, I know you mean well and all...but your full of crap. I don't know the specifics of your family member's condition....but I'm keen enough to know that your idiotic post is 100% absurd. And a slap in the face to the op.

You go on and tout the legitimate uses of the weed you like to smoke every chance you get, but don't sell your bs combined with your ignorant view on your family's medical history as fact.

And I have no problem with Mary Jane. I have a problem with folks like you that are too ignorant to understand reality.


Posted Via ATS Mobile: m.abovetopsecret.com

Originally posted by speculativeoptimist
Sorry to hear of your situation, must be heart wrenching and exhaustive. Isn't there a gray area in this situation, where the doctors/nurses will "unofficially" assist in ending any suffering determined by family and physicians? I am not sure how I am going to handle this when the time comes, but my understanding is that if someone really wants to "pass on," and the family is in agreement, they can and will. I hope some hospice or medical professionals can chime in on this.

Blessings and strength,
spec

I am a nurse who works with a lot of hospice patients....There is NO way to *unofficially* assist with a human death. The only thing we can do is give a PCA pump with continuous morphine. The laws are such that we cannot usually go over 8-12mg per hour. Death usually occurs within hours or days. However I have seen some people hang on for some family member to show up, then pass shortly afterwards...

To the OP. I am sorry you are going through this. Know that as the days go by, he will breathe more shallow, and eventually pass in a very peaceful way. Stay by his side and do not leave. People can still hear you talk even if they cannot reply. Blessings to you and your family through the tough time.

Sorry to hear this..I know from experience that it is hard to watch. I stayed with my grandfather as he went through a fast acting Prostate cancer that made his weight go down drastically in just a few weeks.I took care of him and watched as he slipped into a coma. Before he went in to it, he said "You are are a good baby to me." I will always miss him.
Since then my grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimers(right after he passed). This is a double doozy for me, my grandparents are and were everything to me(like parents). It is so hard to watch her fall farther and farther away from reality. I have given up my life to care for her and its so scary to watch,I dread the end days, because it drains my every emotion and my heart hurts so much. I hope she goes knowing somehow that I did everything I could to help her and love her dearly.
Just stay positive and in these times of sickness, the last days are hard..Make them count..You have to make the best of it and stay positive for your loved one.

I'm so sorry

I had to do the same for my Grandfather. He got leukemia from working at a GM plant being exposed to Benzene as a young man. It took him 30+ years to get the cancer though. It was not a short death and all. Horrible to watch someone go from normal to dead in a few months.

He went through times of "delusions" of anger like you mentioned. But when dying it seems your mind goes. Don't take it personal. Just think of the times when he was alive and well, that is his true thoughts/feelings.

sadly i have been in your position. it is a tough situation and really makes you question alot about life. we had Dr.kovorkian here in michigan who use to help with assisted suicide for terminally ill people, i personally thought it was a good thing he was doing, but the government has made it clear that they are the only ones allowed to take a life. watching the man that molded you into what you are laying completely helpless just waiting for that last breath has left life long impression on me, and made me question everything in my life up to that point, and after. we found out about his health 2 months after i found out i was going to be a dad for the first time, they said he wouldn't make it long enough to see his grandchild. but some how he did. she was 2 months old when he passed, im sad she will never know what a great man he was. good luck to you OP keep your head up and stay strong. thoughts and prayer my friend.

reply to post by Legion2024


The dark and nothingness was a result probably of whatever drug(s) they were giving you.

Once you die though, and I've had a couple Code Blues that came back and told me there is something after this "reality" - it's bright and they felt more love than they ever felt. They both didn't want to come back but both were told, it wasn't their time yet and they had not finished with what they had agreed to???

Anyway this is meant to make you feel more at ease with the idea of death.

When I had my second son it was an emergency C-Section, the cord was coming down and strangling my 2nd son before he could make it down the birth canal - I felt like pushing and labor was really bad, and they could not find the anesthesiologist for 45 minutes. The doctor told me if I pushed, both my son and I would die, I would bleed out before he could get into me.

They finally found the anesthesiologist and he put me under. Now, I've had a lot of surgeries for various things and this was the worst - because they had to get me under quick the anesthesiologist couldn't "float me down" - he literally knocked me out and it was like being awake one minute and thrown off a cliff the next, utter darkness, nothing..................it was the drugs.

Anyone out there having surgery or a loved one having surgery or a beloved companion (some call them pets) put to sleep - make sure to SPECIFY THAT THE ANESTHESIOLOGIST FLOAT THEM DOWN GENTLY.

A good anesthesiologist can make the trip to unconsciousness very comfortable, some aren't as good as others so you have to spell it out to them, as they are people just like you and me. Again, specify that they float them down very gently first - being "knocked out" boom can play havoc with your entire mind/body for a long time.

I was also in a bad car accident (steering column gave out) and was unconscious for two days. I'm not going to say where I was for two days because I have a thin skin and not ready for the rude and disbelieving remarks people will sling, but I assure you, if what I encountered was the real reality - this 3d is only the beginning.

Have had patients tell me the same plus with my own experience - so do not be afraid, there is not nothingness at the end of this life for humans.

The nothingness is from the phama drugs.

Now there is speculation that for some entities that do not have a soul, when they die, they truly die - but they are not really human. They are without souls, they are cold, callus and completely dark and service to self. (Just from what I have read, I'm human so I can only tell you my own experiences). That is a whole different topic/thread and why some entities would like to be human because we humans were gifted with eternal life.

Again, this "reality" is just one of many journeys our souls take, a simple drive if you will. Death is getting out of the car, birth is getting back in the car, life is driving around in the car and that car is our bodies.

Hope this makes you feel better.

If there are any anesthesiologist out there in ATS Land reading this: If you can, float the patient down gently not fast.

My last surgery went really well, the woman knew what she was doing, I specified to her to float me down gently, not fast and hard.

These things people don't talk about but should. These things, a lot of people don't know about so here is where maybe someone else's experience can hopefully benefit someone else.

It is important to remember that we are energy. Einstein told us that. And energy cannot be created or destroyed, it just changes form.

reply to post by Starwise




Starred, and very good advice. Many people do not realize that in various stages of "unconsciousness" some can still hear those around them. I believe hearing is the last sense to go?

Stay by his side and do not leave. People can still hear you talk even if they cannot reply. Blessings to you and your family through the tough time.