My beloved BIL died four months into my marriage.
I will never forget my MIL collapsing on the floor. There are no words of comfort, in fact people will say outright stupid things to you.
What I really suggest is what I conider should be the new standard of grieving from supporters:
DO talk about the deceased. To those close to them, they want to hang onto every memory and moment.Don't act like the deceased is gone and forgotten.
Talk, bring pictures.
Don't bring flowers. They are depressing when they die. Bring food, bring donations.
I asked for donations for the firehouse that tried to save my BIL and I took it to them and thanked them. They were speechless.
My mother sends sympathy cards every year after a loved one passes, to let the family know that they are not forgotten.
Visit AFTER the funeral. When the funeral or memorial service is done, the quiet in the home is suffocating and makes things worse.
Visit, call often, keep the people busy.That is what you can do if you want to help.
I don't know how parents go on. I know that if anything happened to my bean, you would hear about me jumping off the Bay bridge on the five oclock
8 years after my bil has passed, I can tell you that it doesn't get easier, but you do adapt.
BTW, a very close friend lost their son this morning. So this is unreal. You are not alone.
Seek support groups. Keep yourself busy. Let yourself grieve.
edit on 27-1-2012 by nixie_nox because: (no reason given)