I am in no position to comment on your personal situation with the mother of your daughter, and it is really none of my business. Since you offered it up in the memorial of your daughter. I can say by the sounds of it, she was most likely in a lot of pain as you were about the cruel political games that took place throughout the duration of her short life. She got caught in the middle of you and your ex's war of attrition between yourselves.

Kids are always thrown in the middle of bitter disputes, and that is absolutely appalling by my standards. Suffice it to say, we live in a cruel world. At the very least, you can rest assured that she wanted you in her life and accepted you as her father by calling out of the blue for your assistance. Cherish those memories and moments together, because life is fleeting. We could be here today and gone tomorrow. Don't wallow in the negativity brought on by others. She is at peace right now, and the affairs of this world can longer hurt her. At immeasurably tough times like you are experiencing right now, and I know you are experiencing a tempest of emotions. It is difficult to find solace.

By sounds of it, you went out of your way to be a part of her life and to acknowledge your role as her father. That means something, and it would have meant the world to your daughter. You did all you could do. As far as the mother goes? Let bygones be bygones. Perhaps one day down the road, you will get a phone call from her asking for forgiveness regarding how she hurt you and your daughter? Never sink to the levels of those who hurt us, because that is how they win. We must always strive to be above the negativity. Again, my condolences to you and your family at this trying time. May your angel rest in peace.

Oh Bobby, I have no flowery words to express my most sincere condolences, but as a parent myself I feel like I've just been punched in the chest. I'm so sorry sweetheart.

My beloved BIL died four months into my marriage.

I will never forget my MIL collapsing on the floor. There are no words of comfort, in fact people will say outright stupid things to you.

What I really suggest is what I conider should be the new standard of grieving from supporters:

DO talk about the deceased. To those close to them, they want to hang onto every memory and moment.Don't act like the deceased is gone and forgotten. Talk, bring pictures.

Don't bring flowers. They are depressing when they die. Bring food, bring donations.

I asked for donations for the firehouse that tried to save my BIL and I took it to them and thanked them. They were speechless.

My mother sends sympathy cards every year after a loved one passes, to let the family know that they are not forgotten.

Visit AFTER the funeral. When the funeral or memorial service is done, the quiet in the home is suffocating and makes things worse.

Visit, call often, keep the people busy.That is what you can do if you want to help.

I don't know how parents go on. I know that if anything happened to my bean, you would hear about me jumping off the Bay bridge on the five oclock news.

8 years after my bil has passed, I can tell you that it doesn't get easier, but you do adapt.

BTW, a very close friend lost their son this morning. So this is unreal. You are not alone.

Seek support groups. Keep yourself busy. Let yourself grieve.

Im sorry.

Bob, did you ever have a DNA test done?

My condolences, may you find your peace.

Goodluck, Godbless and Godspeed on your families recovery. My prayers are with you Oldcorp

I have read your blog. Don't do the would of could of should of. Those just make things worse and add guilt to your grief.

You did right by her. She came to live with you. Instead of kids who avoid their fathers.

Don't second guess. She loved you, she knew you. She came to live with you.

I suggest getting the DNA asap and get those rights the others have mentioned.

In the event you don't make the funeral, just have your own personal service. Funerals are for those left behind. She is somewhere, whatever your beliefs maybe, and sees you fighting. That is more important then any funeral to her.

Though you definetly want to get a hold of those ashes if you can.

If you need any help, just ask. I helped my stbxh through his loss, and his mother.

As for not seeing her in the final moments, she wasn't there. Her spirit was gone. And you don't want your last memory to be of her shell.

As you know the mourning will never go away, it will ease with time but will always remain. I'm sorry to hear you lost your child and the hideous circumstances her mother has put you through all those years. All I can say is keep writing, it is the quickest way to emotionally heal as that seems to be your outlet. Mine was music. I lost my mother 7 years ago in June and think about her every day, I couldn't imagine losing a child so I can't relate in that way. Keep your head up.