I Reported a Child Molester

Dear OP,

I was sexually abused by my older brother when he was 16 and I was 8. In my case, I had a stable family, albeit a large one, and the events only happened a handful of times. There was nothing forceful, it was just curiosity for the most part. Once he made girlfriends, it ended.

The really sad part about this is that we do not know if it incited a desire for young girls inside him some 20 years later. He is still at odds with our family since it became known.

In my case, it exposed me to a world that I would not have been aware for a long time, and my coping mechanism was to separate sex from love. Other's hate the idea of ever being touched by a man again. Some, if continued for extended periods, commit suicide. For all of us, we are more "open-minded" to new experiences. Some days, I am thankful for my experience because it has helped me understand what other over-sexed girls with appear to have no respect for themselves are going through. Its a cycle of abuse where you start believing that that is your role, and you seek what you've known all your life. It's truly sad and it is very difficult to break through to these girls and show them that is not the way. Most do not understand and can be very rude and derogatory and will never give these girls a chance. In my case, I had to be broken first once I was an adult just to be set straight again by someone who saw me for who I was and fell in love with me.

I wish I had some good advice for you to give to this child, but if its more than just her brother who is abusing her than she needs to be pulled out of there completely. Her entire environment is not a healthy one because of all the transient men. She may follow in her mother's footsteps, trying to numb the pain with drugs and alcohol. If only her mother could be made aware of what her lifestyle is doing to her child, maybe out of love for her daughter she could choose to make a big life change. If the authorities won't do anything, maybe its the mother you need to talk to directly.

Hope this helps!

Why not grab that S.O.B. up by his neck and yoke him up for being a little rapist? As one rather wise man once said:

The world will not be destroyed by evil men, but by good men who sit by and do nothing.

reply to post by OneEleven


firstly i would say you need to remain objective, it sounds as though you are allowing the situation to cloud your thoughts and potentially your judgement.
It is the hardest thing in the world to fight your own anger but if you don't it allows a state of muddled intolerance to creep into the situation, but to remain truthful to the situation you have to stop what you are doing.
In allowing yourself to become involved because you wanted to do what is right, you cannot allow the situation to get worse from your own actions.

You have to maintain an impartial outlook on the situation, the last thing you want to do is come across as being a crank to the professional services when you describe the boys countenance as being "Evil" or that you see him wearing a "#ty grin", everything you say in the process of investigation will have an impact as to how they will treat you "The first point of contact", and anything you say.

Two wrongs do not make a right, when children are involved in a domestic situation that is affecting their mental health or their well being, the duress that they are under from the threats that have been made to ensure their silence can be as destructive as the physical violence, it is imperitive that you do not treat the brother any differently now that you know, from how you did when you didn't know.
The last thing you want is him becoming suspicious and becoming aggressive with the child in pursuit of information.
Remember this is his sister, he knows her personality very well and will be aware of even subtle changes to her relationship with him, if he sees her as being more withdrawn or more combative and also sees you being different towards him, he may begin to wonder.
We wear our hearts on our sleeves, and pathological types are very attuned to almost imperceptible changes in attitude towards them.
If this child has been involved with a mothers habituated drug use and her friends, he will have seen more dangerous/violent situations than most people, he is most likely incredibly good at reading people attitudes without that person giving off any more information than normal.
He would have learned these skills to protect himself.
I'm sorry i cannot be of more help, but please take this advice from someone who was on the receiving end of abuse as a child, show absolutely no change in attitude towards him, drop any attitude you may have towards him, start being objective about what you are seeing, and hardest of all, remove any anger from your looks, or your voice, your time will come, but for the sake of that child, you need to be calm.

reply to post by OneEleven


Give us the number to call...I know I will!!! Abuse destroys a person, I also was abused. My whole life has been changed because of it!!!

reply to post by Lovelyful


And say what?, you know for a fact that a child is being abused?, you don't know the OP, for all you know she has an axe to grind and you are prepared to potentially destroy someones life?.
Not saying you are OP, but, she doesn't know you.

so you make the call, child protective services find out you lied, that you don't know anything about the situation, that someone has been looking for advice on a "conspiracy forum" and you thought you would "Help out".
Even this fact in the hands of a good trial lawyer if it is the op's information that gets it there could be potentially damaging, especially with some of the replies this thread has.
How does that help the legitimacy she needs to present?.

reply to post by The X


I understand what you are trying to say, but in most situations, the victim is ashamed and keeps it to themselves. This girl made a comment to one neighbor that he is evil, and told another neighbor what is happening to her. She is crying out for help. It is weighing on this person's mind, as it would mine. I say do whatever you can to ensure that these children get the help they need. It's not only the little girl who needs help, the boy does too. Who knows what they see on a daily basis living with a drug addict as a mother. It's obvious the family of the little girl isn't going to help, so I say let the concerned neighbor, who has a heart, do what they can to help this girl out.

reply to post by Lovelyful


Now that's just being silly. You can't make an important call like that off of something you read on the internet.
2nd line

reply to post by OneEleven


How awful, what truly is sad about this situation is this situation has become prevalent in our society today.
You have done the right thing through making the report, but at this point in time there really isnt anything else you can do.
Either continue on with your life and hope that the authorities will handle it eventually, or continue to keep a watchful eye on the girl and what is happening although it will effect you negatively as it appears its beginning to already. The stress of something like this alone can be devastating to ones self and those around you.

As far as 'the system' goes, here in Aus you make a notification to child services, they will then decide if the report is worthy of investigation, further action, or if they will wait to see if more reports accumulate before intervening, It seems the authorities where you are, are waiting.
Being abused once is one time too many and should never be put up with, although, in the eyes of the law, as you heard the statement from a third party so technically your word isnt legally worth much, a short-falling I know.
Although if the authorities intervened every time they heard a report from a third-party, 'hear say' basis, they would do more harm than good, the amount of children under guardianship would be even more astounding.
If this 22 year old girl can make a direct report to authorities, or the little girl even then action would more than likely be made.

I work with children who have been removed from their families for these reasons, neglect, abuse etc it is absolutely heart wrenching hearing their stories, but there is hope for every single one of these kids.
But the number one rule is we are not super-heros and we should never expect ourselves to be.
Perhaps the best thing you can do at this point in time is to offer some compassion to the family and the girl, offer some support in some way or another, take over some old toys, or a nutritious meal, something, anything.
Through being compassionate to the adults in this house will help this child in the long run, and you may learn more to the situation, it may even put your mind at ease.

Also another perspective to think about.... after reading your post it is clear you do not think well of this family next door, nor even across the road, take away the shabby clothes, and hillbilly lifestyle perhaps there is more to the story that you are not seeing.
Perhaps they are good people, just people you do not understand, perhaps they have social problems, but are in no way abusive or child molesters, the most shabbiest of characters are often the most kind.
How trust worthy is this 22 year old girl, perhaps she has a problem with the people across the road and has made this statement up, perhaps the old woman who told you thrives off drama and wants some excitement in her life, there are just so many what ifs, that unless the little girl said it to you it is hard to be certain that it has even happened... Just a thought.

Sometimes the laws are not just and a bit too hyper-vigilant around the accused and their rights.. That ends up being a smokescreen of sorts for nothing to really happen... Pedos are scum... they do not deserve to live. Do not count on the law to enact swift justice because they are to worried about being sued by the accused. Ya never know how ones mind would react to one catching a pedo perping on a youngster. One could even black out with rage and the next thing they know they are standing over a bloodied poor excuse for a human. Folks black out/rage out over various triggers. Who knows what will push them over the edge. If the girl was found to have been molested as the story goes. No jury would convict that person. Especially being a parent themselves.

Some personal background of myself.... I have worked for the DCF (Diviion of Children and Families) begining in 1998 to present from Case worker to site supervisor to teacher and trainer. I have seen many children put back in to the homes of the perp only to be perped again. It's a horribly understaffed and under budgeted dept of the state.

reply to post by OneEleven


It is a good thing you reported this, but perhaps you should call Crime Stoppers, they will get the police involved and you remain anonymous. I called and reported a child molester, it took 2 years for the police to get the job done, but the man is sitting in prison for 25 years.

I do not feel guilty in anyway. What you did was a good thing.

@OP ,

i may not be the most conventional when it comes to getting justice, sometimes i think action needs to be taken when others wont.

So me personally i would maybe try to think of a couple of ways to either catch them out or to let them know you know.

You could speak to others you know in the neighbourhood and get more involved than having to try and deal with this yourself and feel like it's all on your back. If you had the support of other neighbours then it much easier to deal with and feel empowered to deal with.

On a more extreme note i would perhaps see what a private detective could do , like to try and get a covert camera in there to find out for yourself, it is a bit more extreme but sometimes you gotta find answers.

Good luck anyway, whatever you choose, i couldnt sit on the knowledge, i'd have to do something or else it would eat me alive so that's why i would maybe use the not so standard methods. Authorities wont stop it right away, but if youre smart enough you could. Maybe even try and target the girl, see if theres any way you can get her alone even just for 2 minutes, talk to her.

reply to post by OneEleven


OP, Im pretty sure everyone didnt need to know your personal private business.

reply to post by 8kittin8


thanks for the info.....but i'd like to address the last part of your post....Where the idea came about that i have it out for my neighbors i still don't understand....Maybe some things were lost in translation, or maybe some sarcasm was missed somewhere or taken for such where it wasn't intended, i don't know....

And i know it's hard to read an entire thread, but just one page back, i addressed this concern...

Originally posted by OneEleven
while they will likely go ignored, i'd like to point out a few things that there were not room for in the OP, and honestly, i didnt feel were important.....But since i've been attacked, maybe i should make a few things clear....

1. I called my neighbors across the street 'hillbillies'. They are. Simple as that. I'm not labeling them. They're PROUD to be hillbillies. Rebel flags in the windows and all. The truck in the drive has a HUGE window sticker in the back that says "REDNECK". Have any of you ever seen The Wild And Wonderful Whites of West Virginia? Well, these are the Wild And Wonderful Whites of Georgia, and they're proud of it. This is one of the reasons i've always liked them. Not because i support their views or lifestyle, but they've always been very honest people, and for all their faults, friendly neighbors. I like people who aren't afraid to be themselves.

2. The hillbillies across the street aren't necessarily on the right side of the law. Not on the Jeffery Dahmer side of things, but more of on a Duke Boys feel. For me, morally, this dosn't make them bad people. The police are called there a few times a month, bottles are thrown and war calls are 'hollered' and the next day they're back together like a big happy family.

3. The original source of the information, the 22 year old grand daughter in law across the street, may very well have warrants. I would be inclined to say that she DOES have warrants, but that would be like me saying that the boy next door IS a child molester. I havn't seen the warrant, just like i havn't seen the brother touch the little girl, but the Grandmother of the 22 year old has told me that the girl has warrants for a probation violation (misdemeanor weed possession), and this is likely the reason that she is hesitant to talk to authority figures.

4. The neighbors next door and the location of alleged molestation may not be the best breed of people, but i don't HATE them either. In fact, i've been inside the house TWICE, when the home was burglarized. The grandmother of the little girl, JUST LIKE the grandmother of the 22 year old came to me FIRST, i guess because i was closest, and asked me to make sure her house was safe to enter. Sure, she called the police, but as another poster pointed out so graciously, this isn't the best neighborhood on earth and the police are slow to respond. Aside from the security i've provided for the grandmother next door, i've allowed her grandchildren to play in my yard without permission. I've trimmed my own trees away from her property and even trimmed some of her own trees from her house knowing that she couldn't do it herself.

In the early years when i first moved in next door, she would ask me to watch her house when she went out of town, and even asked me to call the police if i saw her daughter (the mother of the little girl) coming and going. And as mentioned in the OP, i actually became close with the german man that she was married to this last time. We've been on speaking terms, and i wave to them, and SOMETIMES, she waves back. I don't hate them, or even judge them. Honestly, i don't know that i HATE anyone anywhere.

6. I'm not spying on my neighbors. Any of them. Around here, you don't have to. What goes on goes on the front lawn for the entire world to see. I must admit though that with the neighbors next door, i have been nervous for my property just because of the shady guys that come around there. I've seen a few look over the fence into my own yard, and yes, i am on guard about what goes on at or around my fence.

5. I havn't jumped the gun, and nowhere in my OP or thereafter have i jumped the gun. I have not confronted the boy. I have not confronted the girl. I have no intention of harming the boy or acting out any other sort of 'vigilante justice'. THIS, my friends, is where in lies one of the problems.

Of course, knowing a child is in danger and being a father, this IS the first thought to come to mind (something would be wrong if it wasn't the first thought that comes to mind), but you just push it to the back and don't act on it. Well, i don't at least.

The problems here are obvious, and i've thought about them ALOT. Did the girl lie? Is she accusing the brother in place of another man? Does she think she's in love? Does she LIKE what's happening to her, or does she THINK she likes it? Does she know its wrong? Does the mother know? Does the grandmother know? Has the brother threatened her? Would he follow through on such threats? Would she be molested by her caregivers if she was removed from the home? Is the brother alone in his exploits? Has there only been folding or an actual RAPE? These are questions that NONE of us can answer.

6. The only time i've been cross with a poster in this thread is in defending MYSELF, which seems kind of crazy that i would even have to do that. I've been accused of being judgmental, ignorant, hateful, and even a peeping tom. None of which are true. While its become obvious that most of these accusers have either skipped the OP entirely or skimmed it for a rotten board to pry on, it dosn't lessen the blow any.

And while these accusations could easily be dismissed knowing the way the internet works, and knowing that certain people use the internet for this very purpose, i AM a human being, not just a screen name, and i'd be lying if i said my feelings weren't hurt.

Thanks to everyone who hasn't jumped the gun, and a big SEE YA to those who have.

edit on 4-1-2012 by OneEleven because: (no reason given)

reply to post by OneEleven


Thank you for the repost, 8 pages of long detailed replies can be hard to read through.
I didnt say or presume that you do have a personal issue with the neighbours, heck Ive got neighbours I dont think well of, thats life.
With situations like these its important to 'think outside the box' that there may be more to it than what meets the eye.. and its hard to see the forrest from the trees sometimes.
Best of luck with it, I hope it is indeed not what it seems to be, however unlikely, I agree with previous reply to report to authorities, you could go to the extent of taking notes of everything you see that is suspicious, dates times etc accumulate them and give to child services and police. But still may not account for much.

gossiping back biting
talk is not a good thing
it would of been your business
to notify police but non of yours
posting this on an open public forum.

glad i'm not your neighbor.

not because i do anything bad
but what you could construed up
in that mind of yours.
make me sick

i mean of course unless your making this all up for S A G (CRAPS/GIGGLES)
which i'm leaning towards..

Originally posted by popsmayhem
gossiping back biting
talk is not a good thing
it would of been your business
to notify police but none of yours
posting this on an open public forum.

glad I'm not your neighbor.

not because i do anything bad
but what you could construed up
in that mind of yours.

make me sick

i mean of course unless you're making this all up for S A G (CRAPS/GIGGLES)
which I'm leaning towards..

edit on 4-1-2012 by popsmayhem because: (no reason given)

wow man....what the hell....S T F UP much to people.....damn....what provokes in you disgust....I don't even understand what your issue is...that he posted here....or what he posted....because you think it's a lie...

this all sounds like bait.....crappy bait....

reply to post by popsmayhem


Wow really man? OP seems genuinely hurt/torn-up by what's happening to this poor little girl and wants advice on how to get the legal ball rolling for her. It has ntohing to do with gossiping. I really hope OP can help this poor child, no body deserves that kind of upbringing.

reply to post by OneEleven

A bit rude on your part. This guys was just putting his two cents in and you fly off the handle and tell him to go elsewhere because he doesn't agree with you 100% What is that???
If you didn't want all kinds of feedback why did you post your story in this public forum. After all, you could be totally wrong! The little girl could be lying. Maybe you're jsut a busy body who spends too much time gossiping about the neighbours. I don't know, maybe...

reply to post by OneEleven


I hate stories like this. I'm glad you told it, and I am glad that you contacted the authorities, I just hate to hear that there is a little person out there being hurt.

I don't live in the states and don't really have any idea about your laws down there, but here in my country, we would call the police. The police are obligated to investigate an alleged sexual assault, despite what Social Services does.

Would that work for you? Call the police. Let them take statements and investigate. That might force the issue.

Other than that, I can't say.

Luck.

reply to post by SteffieJo


You don't have to report the part where the little girl said he was evil. When you make a report, the DSS must investigate, and usually they do it in a manner that would not tip off the people being reported.

The sad truth is this, the little girl may never tell the authorities because in many cases, those people who are authority figures are someone to not trust. Sexually abused children will say this, every adult and authority figure is someone you cannot trust because the primary authority figure in their lives have proven that to the child.

A brother who is much older than a little girl is an authority figure, her parents and grandparents are authority figures, but the parents are the primary ones. If there is a broken trust with them, those others who are indeed real authority, will never be trusted. A child that is being sexually abused, and physically or emotionally abused also, are concerned with one thing and that is survival. That survival instinct teaches them to act in certain ways, and those ways have been enforced into them to keep the act silent, because the perpetrator does not want to be caught. The child does not know that, therefore they do not understand that survival includes stopping it. Abused children do not know they have the ability to stop it, because they have been made to believe they have no power or rights whatsoever. The removal of rights or power was done by the primary authority figures.

The little girl might tell, only if she understands that she has the right to do so.