It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.
Please white-list or disable AboveTopSecret.com in your ad-blocking tool.
Thank you.
Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.
Would you date/marry somebody with a kid(s)
page: 3share:
These kinds of questions seem a little silly to me because everything depends....I mean, maybe...it depends on other aspects of the person. Like
everything else.
I have nothing against the possibility. I will say my brother went through a hard time dating a single mother for a while and he seems to believe its not a "good deal" for men but I'm not so sure you can draw those kinds of conclusions so easily. Every case is different...
I have nothing against the possibility. I will say my brother went through a hard time dating a single mother for a while and he seems to believe its not a "good deal" for men but I'm not so sure you can draw those kinds of conclusions so easily. Every case is different...
It depends on the woman...the maturity level of the woman.
There are certain things that a man needs to know about a woman with kids as well as about himself.
From Lonewolf on page 2 of this thread..
I disagree that women mature at a faster rate than men. Most women are more of social creatures than are most men. When your primary social expectation is of someone else to take the RISK and hardship out of life's burdens and difficulties...it is easy to put on the "appearance" of Maturity without being mature...but only appearances. This is a view seldom understood by most men and most women don't care to have it made clear and the women's movements will not clear this up for sure.
Most social constructs mean that no one sees what we do or don't do. This is not necessarily maturity. Most men do not catch on to this concept ..but women most certainly do and they don't often tell on each other ..at least not to the men. The men are to remain ignorant of this line of thinking.
Watch this by Aliensun on page 2. You want in particular to be aware of this as it is textbook of most women today. It is also textbook stupid of the male to tolerate this passing for maturity on the part of a woman ..when it is not. It is selfishness and self indulgence. It only appears to be maturity on the outside...it is not but it is textbook of foolish social thinking attempting to default through as the moral high ground.
Here..this by Aliensun.
You want a woman who is not only a good mother ..but also a good wife..otherwise you are selling yourself short...you will be expected to labor for first place for the woman and children and come in last place .or further down the line. ..behind the dog and pets.
The kids come first...what nonsense. This is for many women a license to put a man last..continually...while he takes RISKS for first place for others...and come in last as a career. This is a license for a woman and kids to become excessively high maintenance.
I am not saying here to put the children last..but a good woman also knows how to bring her man in first too.
She knows how to bring him first fruits too...not just the kids ...while giving the man clues and cues to labor harder and run touchdowns so the kids can come in first and him last. Only a male can be this naturally stupid ..because women are smarter than this. I said ..smarter..not mature. Understand now men??
None of the Uber intelligent Mature women's groups ever bring out this concept into the light of day. They will avoid it.
Let me straighten you males out on something here. A woman giving you her body once in awhile and cooking for you..cleaning et al..is "not" giving you first fruits...whether she has children or not. These things are not "The Best years of her life."
If you are any kind of a man ..it is not difficult to get women to take off their clothes. And a man who is a man..can cook..clean and do all these so called female things for himself. If you are a male and cannot do them you are like many women.."High Maintenance." Most women do not want a man who is higher maintenance than themselves and children. Get a clue..you are not grown up.
Let me give you males a clue about how some of this works..for many women with children.
My friend was widowed some years back so he went back on the marketplace. After dating several women with children..he told me in conversation...what came to him one day. This line of thought is very important to a man's survival out here ..especially in dealing with women and children.
He said..I finally figured out what it is about these women ..alot of them. They are coming over and looking at my house...swimming pool..yard..cars..et al...all paid up. They are looking at what they can get for themselves and their children. They are "not Looking" at what they need to bring me. ..but how it will apply to themselves and the children if they play their cards correctly...or what they think is correctly.
Understand now. Have you developed the tools to understand and filter out the field from this kind of default thinking on the part of many females or are you looking mostly at your "Oil Shortage!!??"
Notice the women's magazines do not discuss this as well..Neither does the male Cosmo magazine..Maxim or GQ.
Be Warned,
Orangetom
There are certain things that a man needs to know about a woman with kids as well as about himself.
From Lonewolf on page 2 of this thread..
Women usually mature at a much faster rate but i think it's safe to say if neither man nor woman is mature by the time they hit 24 they never will be and this comes from personal experience.
I disagree that women mature at a faster rate than men. Most women are more of social creatures than are most men. When your primary social expectation is of someone else to take the RISK and hardship out of life's burdens and difficulties...it is easy to put on the "appearance" of Maturity without being mature...but only appearances. This is a view seldom understood by most men and most women don't care to have it made clear and the women's movements will not clear this up for sure.
Most social constructs mean that no one sees what we do or don't do. This is not necessarily maturity. Most men do not catch on to this concept ..but women most certainly do and they don't often tell on each other ..at least not to the men. The men are to remain ignorant of this line of thinking.
Watch this by Aliensun on page 2. You want in particular to be aware of this as it is textbook of most women today. It is also textbook stupid of the male to tolerate this passing for maturity on the part of a woman ..when it is not. It is selfishness and self indulgence. It only appears to be maturity on the outside...it is not but it is textbook of foolish social thinking attempting to default through as the moral high ground.
Here..this by Aliensun.
One basic law regarding a partner with kids, especially a female with children and she is a decent mother and certainly, you wouldn't want anything less in that department would you?
The absolute law: The kid(s) come(s) first.
(That means you are always somewhere lower down on the list for attention. If you can't live with that reality. never get involved with a woman (or man) with kids.)
You want a woman who is not only a good mother ..but also a good wife..otherwise you are selling yourself short...you will be expected to labor for first place for the woman and children and come in last place .or further down the line. ..behind the dog and pets.
The kids come first...what nonsense. This is for many women a license to put a man last..continually...while he takes RISKS for first place for others...and come in last as a career. This is a license for a woman and kids to become excessively high maintenance.
I am not saying here to put the children last..but a good woman also knows how to bring her man in first too.
She knows how to bring him first fruits too...not just the kids ...while giving the man clues and cues to labor harder and run touchdowns so the kids can come in first and him last. Only a male can be this naturally stupid ..because women are smarter than this. I said ..smarter..not mature. Understand now men??
None of the Uber intelligent Mature women's groups ever bring out this concept into the light of day. They will avoid it.
Let me straighten you males out on something here. A woman giving you her body once in awhile and cooking for you..cleaning et al..is "not" giving you first fruits...whether she has children or not. These things are not "The Best years of her life."
If you are any kind of a man ..it is not difficult to get women to take off their clothes. And a man who is a man..can cook..clean and do all these so called female things for himself. If you are a male and cannot do them you are like many women.."High Maintenance." Most women do not want a man who is higher maintenance than themselves and children. Get a clue..you are not grown up.
Let me give you males a clue about how some of this works..for many women with children.
My friend was widowed some years back so he went back on the marketplace. After dating several women with children..he told me in conversation...what came to him one day. This line of thought is very important to a man's survival out here ..especially in dealing with women and children.
He said..I finally figured out what it is about these women ..alot of them. They are coming over and looking at my house...swimming pool..yard..cars..et al...all paid up. They are looking at what they can get for themselves and their children. They are "not Looking" at what they need to bring me. ..but how it will apply to themselves and the children if they play their cards correctly...or what they think is correctly.
Understand now. Have you developed the tools to understand and filter out the field from this kind of default thinking on the part of many females or are you looking mostly at your "Oil Shortage!!??"
Notice the women's magazines do not discuss this as well..Neither does the male Cosmo magazine..Maxim or GQ.
Be Warned,
Orangetom
edit on 14-11-2011 by orangetom1999 because: (no reason given)
when i was in my twenties i went through a spell where i dated single mothers. i was always very casual about it and never fully made a commitment to
those women. it provided regular sex, which was nice, but inevitably it always led to the women moving way too fast emotionally and wanting to nest
and make a family. creeped me out. it's only natural for them, in my opinion, to want to meet their own someone to be a father to their kids, but i
wasn't gonna be that dude. while i moved on without a second thought and a heart in tact, those chicks seemed to be pretty broken up about it. made
me feel like s%#t to make them feel that way. after those encounters i refrained from dating women with children and would recommend to any man to do
so as well, unless he's at a place in his life where he wouldn't mind having a young person in their life and having to take on all the
responsibilities that entails. that's just my experience.
reply to post by ReadyPower
I am a female and I would date a person who had kids. I have two of my own so perhaps it is a maternal thing?
I am a female and I would date a person who had kids. I have two of my own so perhaps it is a maternal thing?
reply to post by slowisfast
slowisfast,
I am curious about what you know..here. How many women do you know who marry a man with children and take on this type of load as a career move. I am speaking of women who do not have children of their own.
Now ask yourself how many men take on women with children...and the men have none of their own.
I am not saying that single women do not do this. It just seems like it is mostly men doing it. It does not quite go over that well with most of the single women I know. This is significant and indicates a substantially different view of this world and different value systems/default settings in place.
Thanks,
Orangetom
slowisfast,
I am curious about what you know..here. How many women do you know who marry a man with children and take on this type of load as a career move. I am speaking of women who do not have children of their own.
Now ask yourself how many men take on women with children...and the men have none of their own.
I am not saying that single women do not do this. It just seems like it is mostly men doing it. It does not quite go over that well with most of the single women I know. This is significant and indicates a substantially different view of this world and different value systems/default settings in place.
Thanks,
Orangetom
3 pages in and not one bit of feedback from OP.
Lots of response ... no replies.
Hello ...
Lots of response ... no replies.
Hello ...
reply to post by orangetom1999
hi Orangetom1999, good to see your still on ATS!
Nat
hi Orangetom1999, good to see your still on ATS!
Nat
edit on 14-11-2011 by Thurisaz because: edit to add name
reply to post by orangetom1999
i'm trying to understand what you're asking from me.
there does seem to be that trend within society as a whole.
i'm trying to understand what you're asking from me.
there does seem to be that trend within society as a whole.
Thanks for the replies my ATS broskies and broskettes...
Just for the record, she pretty much dumped me last night.... why?? Well according to her 'reason' I was cheating on her with a facebook friend... from Washington (I am Oklahoma) she was over, I was online and my Fb friend messaged me... after that.. she started talking about how I was a 'cheater'... I showed her all my Fb messages...
oh well.. I appreciate all your thought and opinions.
Just for the record, she pretty much dumped me last night.... why?? Well according to her 'reason' I was cheating on her with a facebook friend... from Washington (I am Oklahoma) she was over, I was online and my Fb friend messaged me... after that.. she started talking about how I was a 'cheater'... I showed her all my Fb messages...
oh well.. I appreciate all your thought and opinions.
Whoa hold up !
It seems to me that some of you are implying that any woman who's had the tough luck of having kids by different father is a slut by definition?! What?
I am a single mother of 1 but I happen to know a few other women who have had the bad luck when it comes to having different daddy's in a frigging timespan of ..let's say 10 yrs. Does that mean you're damaged goods? How about women who don't mind having a few abortions if they had 100 men in those 10 yrs? Would you rather marry THAT?
Getting pregnant isn't defined by being a slut or anything like that. # happens sometimes and some people are so fertile- one good look and they are knocked up. Come ON!
Let me out one secret: childeren usually ARE a woman's top priority even IF she's happily married or whatever with the biological father, or any other love interest.
One might want to date someone with a child so one can see how the person is like with his own kids, so you'll know what you can expect when having a kid together. Single or a Parent: it doesn't matter
It seems to me that some of you are implying that any woman who's had the tough luck of having kids by different father is a slut by definition?! What?
I am a single mother of 1 but I happen to know a few other women who have had the bad luck when it comes to having different daddy's in a frigging timespan of ..let's say 10 yrs. Does that mean you're damaged goods? How about women who don't mind having a few abortions if they had 100 men in those 10 yrs? Would you rather marry THAT?
Getting pregnant isn't defined by being a slut or anything like that. # happens sometimes and some people are so fertile- one good look and they are knocked up. Come ON!
Let me out one secret: childeren usually ARE a woman's top priority even IF she's happily married or whatever with the biological father, or any other love interest.
One might want to date someone with a child so one can see how the person is like with his own kids, so you'll know what you can expect when having a kid together. Single or a Parent: it doesn't matter
I think its bound to happen eventually if youre still dating by your mid 20s. Ive dated 3 women all with kids in the past. My fiance doesnt have any
and I guess Im used to that now, and happy although kids never did bother me if I was dating their mother. I guess if shes worth it... If things ever
didnt work out with my girl than I doubt I would again. The woman would have to be a 10.
reply to post by ReadyPower
You spent the weekend with a young woman and her two kids aged 1 and 3. That in itself is wrong on all counts; their mother had no business taking her two very young children to spend a weekend with a complete stranger to her kids (even if you meet them only afew times), and you had no business being with their mother while showing no regard towards the children. The youngest is only 1 for pete's sake. Sounds like to me you had only thing in mind regardless of whether or not she had kids, you don't even know her children and they are watching their mother get shagged by a man who is not their father!
Then you come on a public message board and ask if any one would date a single parent? You yourself are not dating this woman, you're just getting your rocks off regardless of the children's feelings. Of course the children would be agitated or upset; no doubt the kids barely got any proper parental attention, they probably feel insecure and were taken out of their comfort zone (if they ever had one in the first place).
Man up, if you had any intigrity you'd spend a reasonable amount of time getting to know this family before jumping penis first. Since the youngest is only 1 then I would be quite correct in saying you don't know this family at all other than what the mother has told you. Could you see yourself stepping in the shoes as a father figure to two children long term whom fathered by 2 different men? I doubt it. So who are you to muck around with their mother?
As for your question; it's in my opinion single unmarried men should seek out same of a woman, as a divorcee would of a divorcee, as a single parent of another single parent.
You spent the weekend with a young woman and her two kids aged 1 and 3. That in itself is wrong on all counts; their mother had no business taking her two very young children to spend a weekend with a complete stranger to her kids (even if you meet them only afew times), and you had no business being with their mother while showing no regard towards the children. The youngest is only 1 for pete's sake. Sounds like to me you had only thing in mind regardless of whether or not she had kids, you don't even know her children and they are watching their mother get shagged by a man who is not their father!
Then you come on a public message board and ask if any one would date a single parent? You yourself are not dating this woman, you're just getting your rocks off regardless of the children's feelings. Of course the children would be agitated or upset; no doubt the kids barely got any proper parental attention, they probably feel insecure and were taken out of their comfort zone (if they ever had one in the first place).
Man up, if you had any intigrity you'd spend a reasonable amount of time getting to know this family before jumping penis first. Since the youngest is only 1 then I would be quite correct in saying you don't know this family at all other than what the mother has told you. Could you see yourself stepping in the shoes as a father figure to two children long term whom fathered by 2 different men? I doubt it. So who are you to muck around with their mother?
As for your question; it's in my opinion single unmarried men should seek out same of a woman, as a divorcee would of a divorcee, as a single parent of another single parent.
Each case is different.
You need to look at the facts surrounding your own circumstances.
You state she has 2 children from 2 different fathers spaced 2 years apart.
I find that this behavior would fall outside the norm and would need to be viewed very carefully.
It does not disqualify her as a partner, but it is definitely a RED flag.
You need to look at the facts surrounding your own circumstances.
You state she has 2 children from 2 different fathers spaced 2 years apart.
I find that this behavior would fall outside the norm and would need to be viewed very carefully.
It does not disqualify her as a partner, but it is definitely a RED flag.
when I met my GF, she had twin 2 year old girls. that did not stop me one bit from excepting them as well. it's a package deal my friend, and give
it a chance. stay as patient as possible, and it will mean so much to her. you gotta remember she is twice as nervous as you are about this because
she has to think of the little ones feelings as well. show the kids you want to be mommys friend, and thiers as well. give it a chance and it could
grow into something really wonderful. Ive been with my GF for 5 years now, and the kids call me dad, it's great, and I wouldnt trade it for the
world. (their real dad could care less about them, really sad) he has seen them maybe 7 times in the last 5 years.
Originally posted by ReadyPower
I started dating a girl, who is really sweet to me and pretty... the problem is she had 2 kids, with 2 dads..
She spent the weekend with me, and it was fun.. but it was kind of weird.. her kids (1 and 3) kept crying, and distracting us..
Anyway... would you... have you.. are you.. dating somebody with another man/womans child?
Well, I did. I knew my wife for years, since she was 15. she had two boys, and an abusive husband. I took her and the boys 7 years ago and now I have a family again, which is just what I wanted. Now it's not all sunshine and roses....the wife has a bad back, and a seizure disorder. One boy has spina bifida. Both boys are Bi-Polar. You take the good with the bad. She is very sweet to me, takes good care of me, and accepts me for what I am. I am truly happy with her.
This is quite funny!
Should you date a woman with kids? Ask yourself that. How old are you?
I am a single mom with two kids (11 and 14) and if a man wouldn't wanna date me because of it....well....he is actually doing me a favor then, I wouldn't want a shallow man to begin with.
Should you date a woman with kids? Ask yourself that. How old are you?
I am a single mom with two kids (11 and 14) and if a man wouldn't wanna date me because of it....well....he is actually doing me a favor then, I wouldn't want a shallow man to begin with.
I have dated several women in the past that have had children. Sure, it can make things tougher but on the plus side you soon get to see if you have a
future - in my opinion a lot quicker than in a "normal" relationship / dating situation (i guess normal isn't the right word but im sure you get my
point).
My advice? Good luck, it could be a very rewarding relationship. I would advise though not to get too strong a bond with her kids until you are sure the relationship is a long term one. I can testify from my own experiences that it is all too easy to miss the kids more than the ex when these relationships break up!
My advice? Good luck, it could be a very rewarding relationship. I would advise though not to get too strong a bond with her kids until you are sure the relationship is a long term one. I can testify from my own experiences that it is all too easy to miss the kids more than the ex when these relationships break up!
reply to post by ReadyPower
I was in your shoes my friend.The worst mistake i ever made..2 kids from 2 dads yup stay as far away as possible.
I was in your shoes my friend.The worst mistake i ever made..2 kids from 2 dads yup stay as far away as possible.
new topics
-
Big Storms
Fragile Earth: 20 minutes ago -
Where should Trump hold his next rally
2024 Elections: 3 hours ago -
Shocking Number of Voters are Open to Committing Election Fraud
US Political Madness: 3 hours ago -
Gov Kristi Noem Shot and Killed "Less Than Worthless Dog" and a 'Smelly Goat
2024 Elections: 4 hours ago -
Falkville Robot-Man
Aliens and UFOs: 4 hours ago -
James O’Keefe: I have evidence that exposes the CIA, and it’s on camera.
Whistle Blowers and Leaked Documents: 5 hours ago -
Australian PM says the quiet part out loud - "free speech is a threat to democratic dicourse"...?!
New World Order: 6 hours ago -
Ireland VS Globalists
Social Issues and Civil Unrest: 6 hours ago -
Biden "Happy To Debate Trump"
2024 Elections: 7 hours ago -
RAAF airbase in Roswell, New Mexico is on fire
Aliens and UFOs: 7 hours ago
top topics
-
A Warning to America: 25 Ways the US is Being Destroyed
New World Order: 17 hours ago, 21 flags -
Blast from the past: ATS Review Podcast, 2006: With All Three Amigos
Member PODcasts: 9 hours ago, 13 flags -
James O’Keefe: I have evidence that exposes the CIA, and it’s on camera.
Whistle Blowers and Leaked Documents: 5 hours ago, 12 flags -
Australian PM says the quiet part out loud - "free speech is a threat to democratic dicourse"...?!
New World Order: 6 hours ago, 12 flags -
Biden "Happy To Debate Trump"
2024 Elections: 7 hours ago, 11 flags -
Mike Pinder The Moody Blues R.I.P.
Music: 9 hours ago, 8 flags -
What is the white pill?
Philosophy and Metaphysics: 8 hours ago, 6 flags -
Shocking Number of Voters are Open to Committing Election Fraud
US Political Madness: 3 hours ago, 5 flags -
Ireland VS Globalists
Social Issues and Civil Unrest: 6 hours ago, 5 flags -
RAAF airbase in Roswell, New Mexico is on fire
Aliens and UFOs: 7 hours ago, 5 flags
active topics
-
Big Storms
Fragile Earth • 3 • : xuenchen -
Post A Funny (T&C Friendly) Pic Part IV: The LOL awakens!
General Chit Chat • 7137 • : PorkChop96 -
Massachusetts Drag Queen Leads Young Kids in Free Palestine Chant
Social Issues and Civil Unrest • 21 • : ToneD -
Biden "Happy To Debate Trump"
2024 Elections • 49 • : TheMisguidedAngel -
Candidate TRUMP Now Has Crazy Judge JUAN MERCHAN After Him - The Stormy Daniels Hush-Money Case.
Political Conspiracies • 816 • : xuenchen -
Where should Trump hold his next rally
2024 Elections • 13 • : Edumakated -
Shocking Number of Voters are Open to Committing Election Fraud
US Political Madness • 6 • : marg6043 -
University of Texas Instantly Shuts Down Anti Israel Protests
Education and Media • 312 • : marg6043 -
Gov Kristi Noem Shot and Killed "Less Than Worthless Dog" and a 'Smelly Goat
2024 Elections • 30 • : TheMisguidedAngel -
President BIDEN's FBI Raided Donald Trump's Florida Home for OBAMA-NORTH KOREA Documents.
Political Conspiracies • 36 • : BingoMcGoof