Would you date/marry somebody with a kid(s)

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posted on Nov, 17 2011 @ 05:37 AM
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The whole "men wont date/want a woman with kids" is extremely outdated. Even I was stuck in that mindset, didn't bother me much though since I was quite happy to be alone for a good while. Did me the power of good.
However during that time on the odd occasion I socialised of an evening, even though I made no secret of the fact I was proud mum of two I still had to fight men off with a #ty stick, but then the cynical cow in me would scrutinise this as "Oh well, perhaps they just think I'm desperate for a bloke".

I certainly wasn't. Fielding them though I probably put a fair few male noses out of joint, hurt feelings and point blank slammed the anchors on what could have been a great relationship but such is life....

Many years on and all is well.
Infact to be honest, I never actually envisioned being a Step mum
edit on 17-11-2011 by Suspiria because: (no reason given)




posted on Nov, 18 2011 @ 10:18 AM
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Originally posted by slowisfast


i wouldn't even begin to assume that i could state, with any certainty, why women tend to be less likely to take on a partner with children. i do believe that, as you stated, it shows a different system of thinking going on. i'm a 32 year old dude, i haven't figured out myself yet let alone women. i can only speak from my personal experience and the reasons why i made the choices that i did. outside of that, i'm not going to speak for others. i have had female friends that have stated that they have chosen not to date a man with children because they don't want to be in a motherly role before they have a child of their own, other women i've known haven't dated fathers because they've never seen children in their future. digging any deeper into the 'why' on this topic is of no interest to me.

a steady supply of sex is the worst reason to take up with a female.



What is of interest to me slowisfast...is this practice and concept ..understanding even in the minds of many males...and by many of the posts on the relationship boards by women it is obvioius that it is in effect..silently if not actually out in the open...by default.


What is not described and explained here is that for many ..including the men out here..they consider themselves socially to be expendable and disposable for the women...carte blanche.


This phenomonon is called male exendability and disposability. And this is often found among males to the point that they believe themselves disposable and expendable for the children as well.
The difference here is that in female socialization...it is socially acceptable to first make someone else disposable and expendable for themselves and the children as well and also by default..even though equality is happening out here. Even though women work too.


Here from your last post..


i have had female friends that have stated that they have chosen not to date a man with children because they don't want to be in a motherly role before they have a child of their own, other women i've known haven't dated fathers because they've never seen children in their future. digging any deeper into the 'why' on this topic is of no interest to me.


This is an example of male expendabilty and disposability within the social fabric. You are going to run into it whether it is of interest to you or not. At some point even unconciously you become aware of it but male grooming and sports conditioning make it difficult to put a finger on for most males.

Here is another example by Suspiria..


The whole "men wont date/want a woman with kids" is extremely outdated. Even I was stuck in that mindset, didn't bother me much though since I was quite happy to be alone for a good while. Did me the power of good.
However during that time on the odd occasion I socialised of an evening, even though I made no secret of the fact I was proud mum of two I still had to fight men off with a #ty stick, but then the cynical cow in me would scrutinise this as "Oh well, perhaps they just think I'm desperate for a bloke".

I certainly wasn't. Fielding them though I probably put a fair few male noses out of joint, hurt feelings and point blank slammed the anchors on what could have been a great relationship but such is life....

Many years on and all is well.
Infact to be honest, I never actually envisioned being a Step mum


Your going to run into this alot too.

Thanks,
Orangetom



posted on Nov, 20 2011 @ 02:09 PM
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reply to post by lonewolf19792000
 


I was replying to the embedded post in your post . . .



posted on Nov, 20 2011 @ 03:38 PM
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Originally posted by MamaJ
This is quite funny!


Should you date a woman with kids? Ask yourself that. How old are you?

I am a single mom with two kids (11 and 14) and if a man wouldn't wanna date me because of it....well....he is actually doing me a favor then, I wouldn't want a shallow man to begin with.




It's not a matter of being shallow. Some people (like me) who have already been burned once in a relationship like that, are not going to hazard getting burned again.

Prime reason why i married a woman with no kids. I realized that i didn't want to put myelf in a postion to get attached to someone's kids and then when the relationship ends, then what? All that effort and youre right back to where you started.

I just had better things to do with my life than waste it being someone's doormat.



posted on Nov, 26 2011 @ 02:50 AM
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Originally posted by ReadyPower
I started dating a girl, who is really sweet to me and pretty... the problem is she had 2 kids, with 2 dads..
She spent the weekend with me, and it was fun.. but it was kind of weird.. her kids (1 and 3) kept crying, and distracting us..

Anyway... would you... have you.. are you.. dating somebody with another man/womans child?


Dude, get out now. She is what you would call a collector, she collects babies from different guy's in-order to maximize her child support payouts(as each kid=50% of a man's income). + The fact she has two kid's from two different dudes also illustrates the fact that she can't keep or form a stable relationship. Meaning if you get her preggo you will at most be a every-other weekend type parent or not get to see your kid at all.

+ add the risk of STD's and infidelity, it just isn't worth it. Stay clear of single mothers(unless your a single dad, then the symmetry kind of works out). It doesn't matter if she has one kid or four, just stay far away.



posted on Nov, 26 2011 @ 03:35 AM
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the problem is she had 2 kids, with 2 dads..


OP, that probably would stop me in my tracks, the 2 Dads part. What are the reasons they are no longer with either of them? Is she trustworthy, a semi-psycho, likes to run around..etc. opens up many questions that you should look into about her actions of the past.



posted on Nov, 26 2011 @ 10:47 AM
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reply to post by Suspiria
 


I have kids and I sure as hell would never go out with a man who has never had kids before. If I was to date a man with kids I would want to know what kind of relationship he has with both his ex wife and kids, if the relationship is strained with both or either......he won't even make it to the first date.



posted on Nov, 27 2011 @ 02:43 PM
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reply to post by ReadyPower
 


You know the answer to this when you find your soul mate, you know the one that completes you. If your asking this type of question then you haven't found the one yet.



posted on Nov, 27 2011 @ 03:02 PM
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There's nothing wrong with a woman who has a kid but I draw the line with a 2 kid limit, anymore than that is a deal breaker for me....



posted on Dec, 6 2011 @ 11:13 AM
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No, I wouldn't ever date a woman with kids, unless she's a widow maybe.

By two different men? Are you out of your mind or what?

Remember: for a mother, you will always come after her kids, and when their kids are not your own, they will always remember her of her previous men.

As a step-father, you'll have all the obligations of a father and none of the rights. A very raw deal if you think about how much work being a father takes.



posted on Dec, 7 2011 @ 12:08 AM
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It's not the kids. Kids are hilarious, I'm not perfect with kids but they like me well enough probably cause I still like playing with legos and matchbox cars.

It is the fact that someone with kids from another person NEVER gets over that person completely. No matter how terrible that person was to them no matter how many post come after this one saying "nuh-uh Im totally over my ex!" it is total BS. There will always be that connection there.

One thing I cannot abide in single parents is slagging off their exes in front of the kids. I've heard that is absolutely terrible for a child to go through. On the other hand Im not going to tell them how to raise their kid either. All too often single parents don't know where to leave the bitterness behind or are so blinded by grief and anger that they will lash out at those who love them. Call me weak but I can't deal with that either. taking someone else's kids I can do taking their punishment is not going to happen.



posted on Dec, 7 2011 @ 05:10 AM
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I just broke up with my girl and she had a son at 15 and then we had a kid together I was 20 she was 18...I think that girls that have multiple kids with different fathers before 21-24 years old are probably the type of girls that A. Dont think things through totally and B. Make uneducated stupid decisions too often and that should give you a hint to what type of girl/man they are. So my advice is dont get too serious with them because they will most likely cheat or do something else stupid that will hurt or piss you off.



posted on Dec, 7 2011 @ 05:15 AM
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reply to post by orangetom1999
 
good advice and you seem very knowledgeable



posted on Dec, 7 2011 @ 05:54 AM
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Originally posted by ycombinator
No, I wouldn't ever date a woman with kids, unless she's a widow maybe.

By two different men? Are you out of your mind or what?

Remember: for a mother, you will always come after her kids, and when their kids are not your own, they will always remember her of her previous men.

As a step-father, you'll have all the obligations of a father and none of the rights. A very raw deal if you think about how much work being a father takes.


Well you certainly know how to put people off! ... some head scratching thoughts in this thread for sure!

edit on 7-12-2011 by valiant because: (no reason given)





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