Message from the other side

Originally posted by DragonriderGal
reply to post by squandered

 

Sorry but I gotta scoot for the nite.. I'll get back tomorrow with my response. Sorry!

Thank you. No doubt you'll do more to help keep me on the straight and narrow.

reply to post by squandered



I don't want to confuse you but you say this:

The spirit was completely innocent and was fully aware of itself. It simply informed me that it didn't want to grow up without a father and kindly wanted my help.

and

All I know is that the "child" contacted me, so there must be a reason. Maybe, I'll be in the position to ruin her (hopeless marriage).

Did that kid ask you to be her/his/its father? (because you say it is a hopeless marriage)
Or do you recognize you can only be her/his/its surrogate father? (because you can ruin that marriage)

IMO blood is blood and the kid asked you to leave as you can be the one to drive the true father away, but then again I didn't made the contact.

Good luck, make a choice and give it 100%, that is my best advice

reply to post by Diyainoue


I tend to agree. The kid may have asked asked me to go away although she has a committed boyfriend and collects admirers, so I also believe that he sees / saw me as one who could somehow help (NOT by getting involved).

It only had moments to make contact, perhaps I could preface it's request with an "um, err".. it felt a bit like that. The fact it chose me is odd but then again who else would pay attention?

The "kid" was an unattached spirit BTW. I've realised that it was about to enter the foetus. Currently I think the request came at point zero - bit like a"whoops" situation. There was no hidden complexity in the question.

As for the ghost theory, I thought about that and concluded that the ghost would be me and if so I'm secretly planing to take over the foetus. There's $billions in that family. There are many reasons why I think that would be possible. How exactly that could be possible - well I don't know...

The connection I feel to the kid is strange. It's not wishful thinking, even if in fact it's a product of wishful thinking - if that makes sense.

Just one last thing. Years ago, I was riding a motorbike fast through a paddock straight toward a lone strand of barb wire, neck height that I couldn't see. I heard my name being called. It was a woman's voice. I instinctively ducked and avoided it. This voice came from the same place.

Originally posted by squandered
Maybe, I'll be in the position to ruin her (hopeless marriage). Maybe my feelings for her will be requited and I should tread carefully, or perhaps I can help her grow into something that a mother should be instead of being promiscuous.

Wow, as a woman reading this I would say you don't care much for women do you? Thats the first thing I pick up off your post. That was pretty harsh what you said.

Originally posted by squandered
reply to post by DragonriderGal

 

Brilliant!

If not, then there isn't much you can or should do, especially if it will whack on your emotional health.

I've been known to channel her. She's put a stop to that but for a while I could almost tell what she was watching on TV and sex - what position she was in etc. I think he's used her channel. It took me while to realise that she was in the driving seat all along.
I caught myself wondering how a few quiet words like that could obligate me. If I entertain the little ones gestures (he's trying to lock onto me) he's gonna behave like every other kid, lol.

One good thing to come of this though, is you have the chance to explore and heal whatever reason there is for you to be so hooked by this person. Family of origin work should help place who she reminds you of and who you are really wishing you could save. Once you figure that out, a person like that won't have the same addictive appeal, and you'll be able to walk by any future relationships with this kind of hook, if that makes sense.

The person in question is every sociopath I've dealt with (for want of a better term) with one (father figure) above all the others - all like her. I've been pursuing the answers through her. I suspect that she created the connection by taking over a part of me - call it exposing a vulnerability but a gland is / was addicted to her and can react to her movements despite distance. She is spiritually powerful yet she is a step away from that part of her nature and doesn't recognise it. The person she represents herself as is nothing like the one behind the scene. She's been trying to corrupt me but the stuff that happens on a deeper level is outstanding!

I suspect that her strong suit, right now, really isn't working for her.

People can manipulate others with energy---the gypsies do it all the time. If you let them touch you, chances are they'll try to do some kind of manipulation on you to get you to cooperate and give them more money. But honestly, if you are aware of it and it still happens, then some part of you is going along. All that is needed is a firm psychic "NO... leave me alone" and then cut the connection.

If the connection persists, then there is some level of you that is being served by this situation being the way it is... maybe you need to feel like a victim, or it is very flattering that she chose you to hound, or maybe all this distracts you from other issues that are really more painful and damaging to you, and keeping fixated on this keeps those other demons at bay, so to speak.

Ultimately, though, it isn't anything about her. It is ALL about you and how it serves you to remain 'vulernable'. Or however you perceive your position to be. And if you don't figure it out with her and learn how to sever that connection, you'll just find another person to take over where she left off.

Dealing with those kinds of people is obviously one of your life lessons eh? But it does sound like your father figure might be at the root of it all. I'd say, deal with that issue (have you heard of EFT? It's whamodyne for dealing with emotional stuff) and you'll probably break thru the issue with anyone else more current in your life. The best site btw for EFT is www.eftuniverse.com. Good luck!

As for that kid thing.. it just feels fake to me somehow. Like it's hollow. Words suspended in mid air with no connection to reality. I can't get any sense of that experience you've talked about at all. Usually I can feel stuff to some degree.. which is why, at the beginning, I said I didn't get anything. I still don't, when it comes to that baby thing.

reply to post by LunaKat

Wow, as a woman reading this I would say you don't care much for women do you? Thats the first thing I pick up off your post. That was pretty harsh what you said.

It's not harsh. I may have some issues. My feelings are at their most intense when I connect with women who habitually tease men. They string them all along and they have years of experience at promising the world. They also have excellent defensive skills - projecting their own faults or complaining about things that haven't happened yet. It isn't nice.

I don't think she is as bad as she makes out. The problem is that she assumes I'm fooled by her charms and I'm watching her fail. Her marriage is to a guy she says she doesn't like. She talks about her various boyfriends 100 x more than him. I suspect he is just easy to rely upon.

There are plenty of women out there like this one. I try to stand up to them where others don't. It's strange... I also project my failings onto them. What I can't ignore is the fact I've gained a lot out of our relationship. She's been very encouraging and though she teases me to no end I buck-up and counter the affect by being more than she says I am. The desire that grows just compels me. I think this is where like minds attract.

I always want the last word. I'm as flawed as her, I know it.

reply to post by squandered


Sounds like you need to find another female to be obsessed over. She just sounds like the typical power/control/money/manipulative females out there. And you just sound plain nutty and obsessed with some silly game.

But really when it come to lots of females, there all not worth it, and I would go so far as saying there just a waste of time even talking to or thinking about, and most of them cant even do or say something without playing some sort of game, and it would be best to put your energies into something else.

Really bro don't you know everybody does what they want, there is no such thing as change, or changing someone, or later down the road, all that there is and will ever be is in the "now". There is no such thing as changing someone or saving someone, all of that is just an excuse to play some stupid game, all there exists, is and exists in the now. And if it does not happen now, it will never happen. All that about later or maybe in the future or things will change down the line, are all just games, and the female types like to play those especially.

But you know all of this, and so does your body and gut. That feeling you get in your stomach with the butterflies is not love, its your body warning you to stay clear because there is danger ahead. As no doubt many have learned to there detriment.

However you are were you chose to be as well, because you to are playing a game, not just her.

The spirit you think you heard is just the game you are playing urging you on.

What I think you should do is...Find a new game to play.

reply to post by DragonriderGal

As for that kid thing.. it just feels fake to me somehow. Like it's hollow. Words suspended in mid air with no connection to reality. I can't get any sense of that experience you've talked about at all. Usually I can feel stuff to some degree.. which is why, at the beginning, I said I didn't get anything. I still don't, when it comes to that baby thing.

I don't understand the kid thing either as it's like a dream. There really is no thread connecting it to anything. It's exactly like a powerful dream symbol. It took 2 seconds to happen and would take 10 pages to describe.

I'm not sure calling it fake is inaccurate. This business with her has been burning me up for years and many of your scenarios fit well. You missed the one about me not having the confidence to confront her with my feelings and her encouragements meeting resistance that I personally wished I didn't have.

Her energy... She mirrors mine and she knows exactly what she is doing. Our connection is not so easy to understand. I'm an artist and she started off as a client. It was the usual business with the client having a crush on the artist, only I had stronger romantic notions.

She lies and manipulates constantly. It took me years to realise. I always thought I was fooling myself but that's how she rolls. Any guy she is with is in the same boat. The things is, bad things haven't transpired. This is hard to explain but therein lies the attraction. I can attribute something to her efforts in regards to my health, business, confidence and general state of being - even if it's to spite her, there she is and God only knows what that brain can concoct.

What I will say is that she takes whatever is on offer and she is constantly being offered the world. She is unique and I've been trying to understand her. She positions herself in a total way. This is a woman who conforms completely yet puts no restrictions on her ego of any kind.

OKAY
This was about a little voice concerned about not having a daddy. I only assume this is her child. I can only go with my initial reaction and that is to 'let well enough alone'. It's safe to assume that the desired affect was instant anyway. I don't think it's as simple as "get away from mummy", or that all my coincidental hang-ups are playing with my psychology. For the purpose of it all, it may as well be as such because that's how it's playing out.

Initially I was merely excited about meeting him.
I think she has a powerful spirit in the background.

Originally posted by squandered
reply to post by DragonriderGal

 

As for that kid thing.. it just feels fake to me somehow. Like it's hollow. Words suspended in mid air with no connection to reality. I can't get any sense of that experience you've talked about at all. Usually I can feel stuff to some degree.. which is why, at the beginning, I said I didn't get anything. I still don't, when it comes to that baby thing.

I don't understand the kid thing either as it's like a dream. There really is no thread connecting it to anything. It's exactly like a powerful dream symbol. It took 2 seconds to happen and would take 10 pages to describe.

I'm not sure calling it fake is inaccurate. This business with her has been burning me up for years and many of your scenarios fit well. You missed the one about me not having the confidence to confront her with my feelings and her encouragements meeting resistance that I personally wished I didn't have.

Her energy... She mirrors mine and she knows exactly what she is doing. Our connection is not so easy to understand. I'm an artist and she started off as a client. It was the usual business with the client having a crush on the artist, only I had stronger romantic notions.

She lies and manipulates constantly. It took me years to realise. I always thought I was fooling myself but that's how she rolls. Any guy she is with is in the same boat. The things is, bad things haven't transpired. This is hard to explain but therein lies the attraction. I can attribute something to her efforts in regards to my health, business, confidence and general state of being - even if it's to spite her, there she is and God only knows what that brain can concoct.

What I will say is that she takes whatever is on offer and she is constantly being offered the world. She is unique and I've been trying to understand her. She positions herself in a total way. This is a woman who conforms completely yet puts no restrictions on her ego of any kind.

OKAY
This was about a little voice concerned about not having a daddy. I only assume this is her child. I can only go with my initial reaction and that is to 'let well enough alone'. It's safe to assume that the desired affect was instant anyway. I don't think it's as simple as "get away from mummy", or that all my coincidental hang-ups are playing with my psychology. For the purpose of it all, it may as well be as such because that's how it's playing out.

Initially I was merely excited about meeting him.
I think she has a powerful spirit in the background.

Well, as you noted, you're as bad as she is. It might be interesting to hear her side of things, eh?? Systems theory say that as far off one side someone is, the person addicted to them is going to be equally as far off the opposite side, and neither one are healthy and well balanced. They are using each other to balance themselves, just like on a teeter totter. If someone is sitting close in (more emotionally healthy) and the other is way out at the end, it won't work. You just can't go up and down because the balance is off. You and she wouldn't be able to play this game if you both weren't out at the same distance on the opposite ends of this dysfunctional relationship, eh?

You are just on the opposite side of the same coin. But like I said, you can't fix her. You can only fix you. And fixing you should be the only concern you have. NOTHING about what she does is relevant. It is ALL about what you do, and why, and learning to become more emotionally competent so that you aren't so far out towards the end you're on. But yet all you do is go on and on about her this and that and how powerful she is and how she's using you--helping you---blah blah.

You need to deal with YOU. Leave her out of it. She's just a trigger for issues you have concerning you and significant care givers in your childhood. Nothing more. Use her as a reference point and go looking into your past for the person (or people) who remind you of her as much as possible. Start dealing with that level there, and forget all about her and how that issue is showing up in current times. A good counselor can be helpful at getting to things you may be in denial about, and it does sound like you've got some o' that going on! Anyway, good luck, eh? Personal growth work is hard, painful and ultimately one of the most rewarding things you will ever do.

And the baby thing might just be something to get attention with. A bit of your own game with yourself, maybe?

reply to post by galadofwarthethird


I don't know about the voice as it was real but the rest of what you are saying is true enough. I'm not going to try and convince anyone, any more.

I sure have had an obsession. The jealousy in my gut when she told me she had a boyfriend had me sleepless for weeks - sending hate bombs and totally out of whack. Ironically she taught me about meditation and I learned to control it. I have had similar obsessions in the past but I'm older and wiser. I really think I've put it past me, connected some dots and gained some badly needed clarity.

If in case I do find myself carrying on again, I can remind myself that I need to take matters more seriously especially in regards to her and her child. Like I said, true or not, it does seem to work out as if it's my psychology putting an end to it.

reply to post by DragonriderGal

And the baby thing might just be something to get attention with. A bit of your own game with yourself, maybe?

No. I'm putting it down to something that I happened to witness which has already had it's affect. I'll talk with someone about this later. He'll be able to see a thread. My guess is that this will never be spoken of again.

The rest of what you said, yeah. I'm trying to be upfront so a lot of the issues are already obvious to me. Sometimes I feel like I can never again be affected by a situation like this.

There is a powerful spirit behind her and she does have amazing qualities that I admire on a very sane level. None of that means I should be close to her or that she has answers to my needs, I know. Her preferred demeanour just makes my needs greater. I'll call it motivation. At heart she has my best interests, I know this.

This thread has helped me with the romanticised addiction. I'm moving forward in many ways - from having a knot where I should be enjoying easy, generous feelings - I'm the only one preventing this, yes. The main issue was always being able to open myself up - to demand that I'm worth being taken seriously and she became a target because of her peculiarities that I mentioned above.

The underlying issue may stem from my childhood but in gaining clarity I feel like I am finally able to see how the whole thing was worth while, including a long history of guilt. Now I can see how so many people have lost hope and just accept that they are the bad guys when it's not actually their natural instinct.

Thank you for giving my thread some of your time and patience (especially since you don't accept the premise). Evidently this is what I wanted to talk about anyway.

Originally posted by squandered
reply to post by DragonriderGal

 

And the baby thing might just be something to get attention with. A bit of your own game with yourself, maybe?

No. I'm putting it down to something that I happened to witness which has already had it's affect. I'll talk with someone about this later. He'll be able to see a thread. My guess is that this will never be spoken of again.

The rest of what you said, yeah. I'm trying to be upfront so a lot of the issues are already obvious to me. Sometimes I feel like I can never again be affected by a situation like this.

There is a powerful spirit behind her and she does have amazing qualities that I admire on a very sane level. None of that means I should be close to her or that she has answers to my needs, I know. Her preferred demeanour just makes my needs greater. I'll call it motivation. At heart she has my best interests, I know this.

This thread has helped me with the romanticised addiction. I'm moving forward in many ways - from having a knot where I should be enjoying easy, generous feelings - I'm the only one preventing this, yes. The main issue was always being able to open myself up - to demand that I'm worth being taken seriously and she became a target because of her peculiarities that I mentioned above.

The underlying issue may stem from my childhood but in gaining clarity I feel like I am finally able to see how the whole thing was worth while, including a long history of guilt. Now I can see how so many people have lost hope and just accept that they are the bad guys when it's not actually their natural instinct.

Thank you for giving my thread some of your time and patience (especially since you don't accept the premise). Evidently this is what I wanted to talk about anyway.

You're welcome, squandered. I still recommend dealing with the original traumas from your family of origin. Once you heal it at that level, the issue goes away. You don't have to be on guard about it any more. It just isn't there. And yes, that is the voice of experience talking. Staying focused only on the here and now or adult versions of the issue won't ever allow you to be truly free of the problem. And yes, that is the voice of experience talking too! *lol*

Deal with your caregiver issues; they are the ones that count, because they are the ones that you value formed from. You basically have to restructure your value system, and unless you can get to that level of yourself, it won't shift. Working with current issues is just like rearranging the deck chairs on the titantic. It may look better, but that iceberg is still out there and you are heading straight for it, neat deck chairs or not.

reply to post by DragonriderGal


I have... moved on the issue

I was going backwards for a long time. I was more mature in my teens than I had become. She put up with the stupidity without letting me get away with it. To her I'm good at what I do and it attracts her, so that's the point from which my feelings grew. Through her I gained clarity as I had nothing to offer the other person. It actually works.

So I called him and he played his game and none of them worked. I sorted her out so she couldn't claim to be my superior I was behaving more-or-less normal. I may well have diminished my worth in her eyes by standing up to her but as providence would have it, I profited in other direction far beyond my own expectation. Without the extra drive nothing would have happened.

Something I haven't mentioned.
She came by (6 months back) and the jealousy started rising and I was like "huh, I'm already over that", then something came through my scalp down my body to my genitalia. I watched the same thinking move through her. I put up a block after the fact and looked inside to see an orange cone. I tried to block it because I didn't ask for it but all I did was hurt myself and I rubbed my head. She said "ah, you too". We both took credit for the spiritual powers, lol. (She had just spent a month mediating in a retreat). Whoever did that, may have had something to do the this.

Originally posted by squandered
reply to post by DragonriderGal

 

I have... moved on the issue

I was going backwards for a long time. I was more mature in my teens than I had become. She put up with the stupidity without letting me get away with it. To her I'm good at what I do and it attracts her, so that's the point from which my feelings grew. Through her I gained clarity as I had nothing to offer the other person. It actually works.

So I called him and he played his game and none of them worked. I sorted her out so she couldn't claim to be my superior I was behaving more-or-less normal. I may well have diminished my worth in her eyes by standing up to her but as providence would have it, I profited in other direction far beyond my own expectation. Without the extra drive nothing would have happened.

Something I haven't mentioned.
She came by (6 months back) and the jealousy started rising and I was like "huh, I'm already over that", then something came through my scalp down my body to my genitalia. I watched the same thinking move through her. I put up a block after the fact and looked inside to see an orange cone. I tried to block it because I didn't ask for it but all I did was hurt myself and I rubbed my head. She said "ah, you too". We both took credit for the spiritual powers, lol. (She had just spent a month mediating in a retreat). Whoever did that, may have had something to do the this.

Well, whatever. If you want to attribute this to some outside force that is trying to control you, then you've moved beyond my double masters in systems counseling. But I believe pretty firmly that anything like that has to be invited in and if it's 'plaguing' you, then you're letting it do so for whatever reason.

Again, I would ascribe those reasons to right back to unresolved family of origin issues... You really just can't get away from doing that work if you truly want to be free of emotional dysfunction. But that may be down the road for you. It takes some people a long time to realize that everything wrong for them is coming from them and their beliefs and the way they act in the world.

reply to post by DragonriderGal


Thank you. If I'm in denial the two inexplicable occurrences aren't related. I'm trying to gain clarity. The child's voice suggests to me that with all things in life that there is far more going on than what meets the eye. I have absolutely no vested interest in making this argument.

I spend way too much focusing on my past. You have to deal with things in a sane way, otherwise you fester and I have been festering for too long. The cloud is lifting.

Here is a little poem I wrote about this topic.
................................................................

23 years since I threw the pieces into the air

23 years to see them self-assemble

23 years of wandering



God knows



Close the page

Watch the wheels turn

Breathe a long awaited sigh

No more need to wear their shame

Now everything has become as clear as day

Those thoughts that burned me, don't hurt me now

No longer do I need to crawl knowing that I was always safe



Re-embrace the feelings of loving kindness

Every dream and every hope has been honoured

If needs must, needs will-out, and all will be made right

Originally posted by squandered
reply to post by DragonriderGal

 

Thank you. If I'm in denial the two inexplicable occurrences aren't related. I'm trying to gain clarity. The child's voice suggests to me that with all things in life that there is far more going on than what meets the eye. I have absolutely no vested interest in making this argument.

I spend way too much focusing on my past. You have to deal with things in a sane way, otherwise you fester and I have been festering for too long. The cloud is lifting.

Here is a little poem I wrote about this topic.
................................................................

23 years since I threw the pieces into the air

23 years to see them self-assemble

23 years of wandering



God knows



Close the page

Watch the wheels turn

Breathe a long awaited sigh

No more need to wear their shame

Now everything has become as clear as day

Those thoughts that burned me, don't hurt me now

No longer do I need to crawl knowing that I was always safe



Re-embrace the feelings of loving kindness

Every dream and every hope has been honoured

If needs must, needs will-out, and all will be made right

Are you still 23?? That is very very young to even begin to comprehend the need for and grasp any gut level understanding of the Family of Origin (FOO) stuff. At that age, it ends up being just as you note, a lot of self stewing, which isn't really helpful. And nice poem, btw.. very smooth.. soothing.

Anyway, I saw this lack of understanding in my masters program where the younger folks just couldn't get the whole concept of FOO. No matter how carefully it was explained by both the faculty and by those of us above the age of about 35, they just couldn't seem to apply it to themselves. It was weird. So there may be an actual level of awareness needed to do this stuff that doesn't really kick in until you're in your 30's.

I guess I should have suspected you were still a young pup. So much of what you say is kind of floaty and disconnected for all that you are obviously intelligent and thoughtful; it is something I see more with younger writers.

So you may very well not be able to do that FOO for another 10 or so years. So I guess dealing with the here and now issues will have to suffice.

reply to post by DragonriderGal

Are you still 23??

NO!!!

Lol, I'm serious with the # 23. You can take me quite literally. I was a well adjusted kid but some events in my family when I was a teenager were all too much and I seriously felt like I had no control or cohesion. I saw myself throwing all the pieces into the for safe keeping! Of all things!! At that stage every one close to me was literally paying out on me. I was the youngest and most trusting and I clearly remember walking up a hill saying "that's it" I will watch these pieces land and organise them myself - thinking ahead 20 years.

At 23 I was a terrible boyfriend to a beautiful and loyal girl from a loving family. Life was a matter of extremes back them and I was still winding up for bigger extremes.

I saw this lack of understanding in my masters program where the younger folks just couldn't get the whole concept of FOO

I had a car accident and broke my back but in hospital I actually felt that the injury was insignificant to the troubles with myself and my dad - worse for me. He was on a pedestal until I was well into my 30's. Well, it took 23 years....

I had decided way back when, that things become more than what they are after the fact. I often wished I had left home much younger. I think the FOO business is actually complex.

I guess I should have suspected you were still a young pup. So much of what you say is kind of floaty and disconnected

Lol, ah luv ya

You should have seen me when I was actually 23 then :-)

Originally posted by squandered
reply to post by DragonriderGal

 

Are you still 23??

NO!!!

Lol, I'm serious with the # 23. You can take me quite literally. I was a well adjusted kid but some events in my family when I was a teenager were all too much and I seriously felt like I had no control or cohesion. I saw myself throwing all the pieces into the for safe keeping! Of all things!! At that stage every one close to me was literally paying out on me. I was the youngest and most trusting and I clearly remember walking up a hill saying "that's it" I will watch these pieces land and organise them myself - thinking ahead 20 years.

At 23 I was a terrible boyfriend to a beautiful and loyal girl from a loving family. Life was a matter of extremes back them and I was still winding up for bigger extremes.

I saw this lack of understanding in my masters program where the younger folks just couldn't get the whole concept of FOO

I had a car accident and broke my back but in hospital I actually felt that the injury was insignificant to the troubles with myself and my dad - worse for me. He was on a pedestal until I was well into my 30's. Well, it took 23 years....

I had decided way back when, that things become more than what they are after the fact. I often wished I had left home much younger. I think the FOO business is actually complex.

I guess I should have suspected you were still a young pup. So much of what you say is kind of floaty and disconnected

Lol, ah luv ya

You should have seen me when I was actually 23 then :-)

Probably just as well, I missed it. It is still fairly difficult to read what you write because you tend to shift directions unexpectedly and such. It is still pretty floaty and disconnected.. sorry.

Then obviously you can do FOO. But doing this work isn't to stew about it, it is to 1) discover your deeply held programmed beliefs which may be interfering with your life being as successful as you wish, and 2) to reconnect to those caregiver figures as an adult with a reframed perspective that allows you to see them for who they really were (not just abusive or inattentive or whatever parents) by putting them on a more healthy level of peer, versus still considering them from the stance of a dependent and needy child. It makes a world of difference when you can do that, I've found.

But of course, if you think what you're doing will do the trick, that's fine. If you find it doesn't though, then you may want to head on into FOO territory as an adult with the desire to regain your 'self' out of the rubble of what you were trained and manipulated to be.

reply to post by DragonriderGal


I'm interested. I keep thinking that you underestimate me though. I think that the whole child thing taints your views because I come off crazy. I don't know.

I've been meditating myself way back into the past to recapture a moment, see it and inform myself back then that all is well. I know it works because I end up with the same old feelings again as if I woke up 15 years ago. You can see how this experience shows how I appreciate where you're coming from.

I also find that confidently knowing that in the future you will learn and overcome your problems helps you in the present.

I've never heard of FOO before. At this stage in my life I'm doing everything and anything at once. I'm following leads and finding real direction.One thing just keeps leading to another and all of it is good.

This woman sounds like a Succubus and she is feeding off your emotions and attentions. You sound very vunerable and pliable yourself, and maybe the baby is your own spirit conversing with mind and body seeking direction and fatherly advice/direction.

You seem helpless against this woman who you have allowed to have power over you, and like a snake that hypnotises its prey you are transfixed, manipulated by her coils to her mouth where she feeds off your emotions and attention.

You need to break free and close the door on her. This whole deal is unhealthy for you and will never turn out the way you obviously want it i.e. with her as a couple/family.

Clean break mate, before she consumes whats left that can fight back and you lose yourself.