posted on Nov, 27 2014 @ 10:55 AM
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
About half way
A squirrel living in a pine tree feels the tree shaking violently. He looks down, and sees an elephant climbing the tree. The squirrel asks:
"Why are you climbing my tree?"
"I'm coming up here to eat some pears", says the elephant.
"You idiot, this is a pine tree, there are no pears!", replies the squirrel
"I brought my own pears.", says the elephant
My nephew said he was cold, so I told him to stand in the corner.
He asked "Why, is it warm there?"
I replied, "Yes, corners are almost always 90 degrees."
A guy goes to the doctor for a routine physical.
The doctor tells the guy, "Well for one thing, you've got to stop masturbating."
The guy asks why.
The doctor says, "Because I'm trying to give you a physical !!!"
I want a job cleaning mirrors. it's just something I could really see myself doing.
A cop is sitting on the side of the highway when all of a sudden he sees a guy driving a truck full of penguins.
He pulls the truck over.
"What seems to be the problem officer?"
"Well you have a truck full of penguins, i'm just going to give you a warning but you need to take these penguins to the zoo immediately."
A few hours later, the truck passes again, still filled with penguins. So again the officer pulls the man over.
"I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!"
"I did, and they loved it. Now we're going to the movies!"