A Personal Discovery Worth Sharing

Greetings ATS!

I recently had a certain realization I just couldn't keep to myself, as It brought me a certain relief and joy I haven't experienced in a long long time. If this post can bring even one person something similar, I think this will have been worth it. I apologize if this sort of thread isn't the norm. I have only been on ATS a couple of months, and this is my first thread (just hit 20 posts the other day haha) so there might be some etiquette I'm not aware of with regard to this sort of thing.

I had this experience late in the evening 3 nights ago. I haven't been particularly "well" for the past few years, having isolated myself after my first semester at University after beginning to become aware of my personal demons and how they have been affecting me my whole life. Since then, things have gotten steadily worse, I lost my faith (raised Christian) first, and then started to embrace what I suppose is nothing but Nihilism, though I was simultaneously taking in interest in Satanism, due to its interesting insights into human behavior, which I can only imagine come from its embrace of our presence in the animal kingdom. My isolation and doubt of the meaning of my own consciousness grew worse and worse, eventually getting to the point where I would have moments of eerie clarity of the fact that we are all simply organic matter, talking bags of meat, and I would have to fight very hard to pull myself out of this line of thinking that would invariably produce severe panic attacks.

After writing this all out, it seams rather childish, and I'm rather embarrassed for having such an outlook and not being 14 years old

Anyway, this, along with other mental horrors I cant bring myself to share right now, continued up until 3 nights ago. After hanging in the common area in my apartment, playing some frivolous online game, I felt a wave of panic come over, and I left the room, without saying anything to my roommates, and hurried into my room. In here, I grew even more afraid, of what I cant fully describe. My room felt like a prison, and then my own mind felt like a prison. I looked about me and become hyper-aware of the nature of sight, the electrical processes taking place in my brain producing an image. Pieces of the image lost meaning, which manifested itself as what I can really only describe as a glitch in the matrix. Images without depth, meaning, or pattern, simply there, cutting out pieces of what I thought to be the real world.

A thought then worked its way into me. It was a concept, but if I were to put this concept into words, those words would be "this is the Matrix, but there's no such thing as the real world." I was terrified. The fear led to an indescribable silence in my mind. Suddenly I was nothing. I couldn't identify myself with anything, becoming aware that my thoughts were akin to a computer program, or an artificial intelligence, learning and surviving. I kept trying to tell myself that what I thought I was was real, I kept repeating my name, my "interests", people I loved, but to know avail: these things, my ego, my desire, my love for others, were shown to be illusory.

I saw in my minds eye a vast network of intelligence, a complex computer program, constantly expanding, encompassing as many fields of experience as possible. I saw my place in this network as a branch of this program. Simply existing to grow and spread, like a cancer. But something happened in this vast network that took me a second to comprehend, but when I did, it hit me like a ton of bricks. This vast network of experiences did something remarkable, all the time. It experienced itself. Pieces of the intelligence, the program, would meet each other and learn about each other, an interacting so miraculous as to make the whole system somehow worth it. And I realized that this process was nothing other than human interaction, or more broadly, the experience itself. Experiencing anything is experiencing a distortion of this intelligence. But there was something particularly divine about one human learning from another, and making that connection as positive as possibly. Ive always known that to give love was the only thing in life that could possibly matter at all. But I forgot this some point along the way. But 3 nights ago, I remembered. And I wanted to share.

Thank you for listening, ATS. I truly love you all, and I look forward to continuing my membership on your forums with my newly found perspective.

Namaste

Glad ya shared!
I feel the exact same way sometimes.
Cuhail

reply to post by Abe7Fig


uuummmm, am I missing something, the post is empty?

reply to post by Abe7Fig


Mhm.

Originally posted by phishybongwaters
reply to post by Abe7Fig

 

uuummmm, am I missing something, the post is empty?

LOL the discovery is that people like us still reply to posts even though they're empty.

Star and flag for nothing

Sorry Everyone! I hit "enter" after typing in the subject, thereby inadvertently posting a blank post! hilarious, I know. I'll come back to chat later, I have to get back to my studies and classes for now.

Namaste!

reply to post by Abe7Fig


i'm not too keen on the new age outlook and the whole namaste bit, i'm not convinced

after all most new age books these days are published by lucias trust, check the history of this company. you are being programmed for slavery under a one world government + a one world religion

sorry for the cliche but i feel it's necessary..

wake up!

=

Thanks for your reply Empty Ominid

Im not sure where you got New Age from anything I have said, I simply shared a bit of truth I found. Im not sure what you mean by the "whole namaste bit" either. Perhaps you aren't familiar with its meaning?

from Wikipedia

Meanings and interpretation

Namaste is one of a small list of Sanskrit words commonly recognized by Non-Hindi speakers.

Namaskār (Devnagari/Hindi: नमस्कार) literally means "I bow to [your] form".

* "I honor the Spirit in you which is also in me." -- attributed to but not claimed by author Deepak Chopra[4]
* "I honor the place in you in which the entire Universe dwells, I honor the place in you which is of Love, of Integrity, of Wisdom and of Peace. When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are One."[5][6]
* "That which is of God in me greets that which is of God in you."[7]
* "The Divinity within me perceives and adores the Divinity within you."[8]

I've heard it used countless times, and always thought it was "pretty cool," but now I understand the truth in this greeting, and that's all I meant to share.

you are being programmed for slavery under a one world government + a one world religion

Yes, I know. During much of my darker days, I spent unhealthy amounts of times looking into this mechanism. It is indeed horrible, and you can see it everywhere. But I'm not here to be afraid of it, or to tell others to be afraid of it. I'm not here to spread fear, anger, violence, hate, or even alarm to others regarding these things. For one, its just not constructive. It only leads to negativity and paranoia (albeit likely well justified, but nevertheless...) For another, these things can't enslave our essence, not if we choose to give love freely to all of mankind and all of creation. I have so much to do and to change to maximize my potential in this regard, but It's something worth working for, more than anything else. Bill Hicks once said that life is choice between Fear and Love. Like the term Namaste, I once thought this was "pretty cool," but now I see it as a piece of absolute truth. And I have been choosing Fear for far too long, and I don't wish to do so ever again.

But this is just how I see things

~Love

reply to post by Abe7Fig


well the phenomenon you had relates to new age teachings, take some time to check out this video:



something else i'd like to add, is that these people are taking a new outlook on religion and basically saying that if we compare christianity with math, church is like basic algebra, but if we practice these new age teachings its like calculus if you follow me, its better for your soul, its the true way yada yada yada. but what they are doing is taking something that is pure, and making it look as if they have found a new way, but what they are doing is tricking you into worshiping the devil, by making you think he is god. tricking you into thinking you are advancing yourself spiritually when all you are actually doing is opening your mind to the light of satan. satan's given name is lucifer and lucifer means light. beware false prophets, the Bible tells us even the devil can quote scripture

-think about it

=

reply to post by emptyOmind


I took the time to watch your video. I want to comment on the sensationalist nature of it. I know you perceive it's message to be benevolent (And am not arguing that it isn't) but when its over, you really just spent ten minutes listening to fear-inspiring music and looking at slew of pictures of Satan (or whatever.) Do you honestly believe it is a source of positivity in your life? I once spent a great number of hours watching such youtube video, and I can tell you that they did me NO GOOD what so ever, save to bring to a place of such fear that I finally realized I had to get out of it.

As to the video's actual content, I don't doubt there is probably some conspiracy to trap us into some One World Government where we are all slaves, but happy to be so because of some New Religion. But I don't listen to people saying this or that, or this is true, this is not true, this is true faith, this isn't. I wasn't even aware of this corporation until you mentioned it (which really seams like it could be nothing more than another New Age publishing company, there's nothing to exceptional about tying in such teachings with Lucifer, who many equate to Prometheus, bringer of light/fire/intelligence/civilization. Im rambling now though)

All Im trying to say was that the content of my post came from something somewhere inside of me I cant really describe. It was as if everything about me was taken from me, leaving nothing but this "beingness" which for a moment saw everything as it truly was, and I was in awe. This Lucis Trust really has nothing to do with it, and the fact that you seam to insist it does, worries me. Your behavior reminds me of my own at one time. In fact I had a conversation just like this one, where I was playing your very role. At the time, the things I was being told sounded delusional and impossible, so I know I can't make you see differently. Even I could, that probably wouldnt be best for anyone. Its all under your control, and I'll I can do is pray for you, and I will.

Peace be with you Brother

Originally posted by Abe7Fig
Bill Hicks once said that life is choice between Fear and Love. Like the term Namaste, I once thought this was "pretty cool," but now I see it as a piece of absolute truth. And I have been choosing Fear for far too long, and I don't wish to do so ever again.

But this is just how I see things

~Love

It is interesting how such choices present themselves, isnt it? And how the power of Love (not necessarily love) incinerates the fear as fire to paper.

I have made the same decision.. Too long did this one live in fear. The time for that is over.

Thank you for sharing your story

reply to post by Abe7Fig


Thanks for sharing. Its hard to admit things sometimes, and even harder to hear others comment about your inner self. "Keep it up!" as they say. You have the ability now to do things you couldn't even imagine before. Take the time to look further within yourself. Get comfortable with yourself as you are now, and see what you will become. You have to endure the so called "bad" in order to see the "good". Welcome! I look forward to hearing what comes of you in the future.

reply to post by Abe7Fig


well if that's how you feel then so be it, just lay down and get ran through. you may think that because you had some epiphany that it has made you see things with a master intellect and you have transcended this and that but i have news for you kid, i can tell from your reply your knowledge of this world is very small.

i do agree with you about one thing, and that is peace we should welcome peace and dispel fear, BUT we mustn't forget that old quote

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing"

its possible to have peace with the NWO agenda, if you don't mind all the genocide they'd like to commit

and it seems as though your are more than willing to do nothing.

=

Sounds to me like you developed some sort of depressive "disorder" (I hate the negative connotations about depression) which is why you isolated yourself, saw humans as bags of meat etc and then a part of you woke up to positive thinking, using the matrix vision as a sort of proof that you do have a place in this world.

Having suffered depression myself for a number of years and having those exact thoughts, I know what you're going through. Hopefully you find a way to control those feelings so you're not so isolated but thanks for sharing.

reply to post by emptyOmind


dude...good info....he has a seat at the damn U. N. and does all the printing for them....gladly....the sorry saap sucker
in the end times all truth will be revealed, you know, here we have some more brought out for all to see.!

Thanks for your replies everyone

emptyOmind, just want to address your post quickly

First off, for the record, I do not believe myself to have a "master intellect" or to have "transcended" something. I am what I am, same as you, and everyone else. I'm simply sharing something I saw, something that gave me Hope. Something that made me smile, spontaneously. This may seam silly, but I cant remember the last time I truly smiled, a smile I didn't have to force. I only wanted to share that.

Now, Im not sure what how you were able to extrapolate everything I know about the world and determine that it is very small. Look, understand there are evil forces out there, trying to invade our lives, minds, and souls. Whether its the NWO, reptilians, or negative entities eating our souls once they're full of fear or hate, it doesn't matter, I only have control over my life and influence over the things in it, and I can only be determined to influence those things positively, and Im sure TPTB want us to do the opposite; to be isolated, afraid, and constantly looking over our backs for the boogieman (and I am not implying there is no boogieman)

So no, I'm not doing nothing, I'm just doing what I can, and that's giving Love freely, being genuinely compassionate to all living things, and actualizing these concepts through ACTION. I'm not doing these things perfectly, but I'm doing my best.

I say all this with the utmost Love and Respect

Originally posted by Abe7Fig
Thanks for your replies everyone

emptyOmind, just want to address your post quickly

First off, for the record, I do not believe myself to have a "master intellect" or to have "transcended" something. I am what I am, same as you, and everyone else. I'm simply sharing something I saw, something that gave me Hope. Something that made me smile, spontaneously. This may seam silly, but I cant remember the last time I truly smiled, a smile I didn't have to force. I only wanted to share that.

Now, Im not sure what how you were able to extrapolate everything I know about the world and determine that it is very small. Look, understand there are evil forces out there, trying to invade our lives, minds, and souls. Whether its the NWO, reptilians, or negative entities eating our souls once they're full of fear or hate, it doesn't matter, I only have control over my life and influence over the things in it, and I can only be determined to influence those things positively, and Im sure TPTB want us to do the opposite; to be isolated, afraid, and constantly looking over our backs for the boogieman (and I am not implying there is no boogieman)

So no, I'm not doing nothing, I'm just doing what I can, and that's giving Love freely, being genuinely compassionate to all living things, and actualizing these concepts through ACTION. I'm not doing these things perfectly, but I'm doing my best.

I say all this with the utmost Love and Respect

point taken, i understand you now and i apologize for being so brash before that was very immature of me. you are right. i would just like to see people united, standing up for the good of all instead of only the good of one.

=

reply to post by emptyOmind


It is good to see you give such a response

Although you may be opposed to being in a state of Love (are you?), it is important that we no longer let this division and madness control our lives. It is our own personal choice, however, which will give strength to the many. Taking responsibility for ones own actions, ones own thoughts, and ones own decisions.

By being in a state of unconditional Love, one tends to redefine what is "self."

reply to post by Abe7Fig


Really beautifull and truely inspiring
Thank you very much for sharing that