Hello Santa, its me, Mr Mask, and I am writing to you out of confusion, frustration and a tad bit of anger. You see, it is "you" (or best, the concept
of you) that has been forcing me to suffer either lying to my child or standing the judgment of my peers. One way or another, you make my life a
little more troublesome as I wrestle with telling my child the truth about you- or choosing to continue lying to his face in effort to exist in
America around this time of year.
Lets cut to the chase, shall we? You are a factious tool of greedy corporations, and as jolly as you seem, you are basically abusing parents and
children all over the world, molesting cheer and kicking "morality" in the genitals as you help line the bottomless pockets of those who "farm us all"
with unnecessary amounts of cash.
Now before you go screaming "Ho, ho, ho, whoa, whoa, whoa!" in trying to explain nobody is forcing "me as a parent" to support your false image...let
me fill you in on a few things that you may not be aware of in your North Pole lair.
1) The media, schools, corporations and majority of "other parents", spoon feed your image to our children. There is nothing a guy can do to erase you
and your evil little scam you got going on. We can't kill you (you're not alive). We can't sue you (you won't show up in court). We can't even
confront you face to face to talk this out...One way or another the entire country plasters your hollow promises everywhere you turn. And unless you
live under a rock, you will be confronted by "Santa" and his minions.
2) Telling your kid that Santa is a hideous lie does more then damage your child's Christmas...it makes every other parent look at you like a complete
madman. I can't even begin to tell you how many adults have debated this with me, in the end telling me "I'm the messed up one" for "not wanting to
lie to my child". You and your bizarre little cult of Santa-worshipers, think it is actually "abusive" to tell children the truth about you. Its
almost impossible to convince the typical westerner that "spreading your lie" is just as bad as spreading any other.
3) Your little holiday scam is doing nothing but taking money from people and turning kids and adults alike in to greed machines more impressed with
fancy new toys then the value of real things like family, friends, cheer and home relations. Every year, countless parents fear you...every year
families are held hostage by your incredible demands. Every year you suck dry the bank accounts of those who serve you. You sir are a monster.
I've studied your origins, and find it odd how you started off with good intent and less focus on "robbing the nation's parents". You had ties to
religions and factual figures of the past...those were the days where you didn't hold us by the pop-corn balls, laughing as we scrambled to appease
You see...I've been making a list myself...and I've checked it more then twice.
Lets look at your evolution from "positive image" to "unholy mastermind of greed and slavery".
St. Nicholas is born in Patara, within Asia Minor, in the city Lycia. He was the "gift giver of Myra". Late at night gifts would be
exchanged and the identity of the gift-givers was kept secret. This is the beginning of your long history of lying , and this is when you became
eventually known as "The patron Saint of Children, Sailors, Russia and Greece".
The Roman emperor Diocletian told all citizens of the Roman Empire (including Asia Minor) to worship and serve him as a god. You, Saint
Nicholas, stood against this and got arrested for it. You spent more then five years in prison, suffering cruel conditions.
Diocletian resigned, and was replaced by Constantine. This is when you (Saint Nicholas) was freed from prison and became the Bishop of
Myra. You continued your service until December 6, 343, where you died.
, In Asia Minor and Greece you were honored and praised by churches and populace alike. Eventually you were officially declared a
saint by the Eastern Catholic Church.
, December sixth became Bishop Nicholas Day in France and Saint Nicholas becomes the third most beloved religious figure, after Jesus
and Mary. 2000+ chapels and monasteries are eventually named after you.
People stopped worshipping you as Saint Nick, and start worshiping you as the gift giving figure "Father Christmas" also known as "Sinter
Klass" (Dutch version of Saint Nicholas). Dutch settlers coming to America bring your name to New Amsterdam (now New York) and start spreading your
traditions. American children pronounce Sinter Klass as Santa Claus.
Oliver Cromwell and his Puritans didn't like you much, and I though I usually don't agree with these guys on other subjects- I can "feel
them" on this one. It became criminal to mention the name "Saint Nicolas" It was forbidden in many places to exchange gifts or sing Christmas carols
of any kind. It was a finable offense (of five shillings) in Boston to even show Christmas spirit.
Santa first appeared in the American Press as "Saint. A Claus".
Early in the 1800s, the New York Historical Society was founded with "Saint Nicolas" as its patron saint while soon afterwards
Washington Irving, (under the pseudonym Diedrich Knickerbocker) wrote about you in his book "A History of New York." Not long after that (1821),
William Gilley printed a poem about you being pulled in a sleigh by a single one reindeer.
In the following year- either Henry Livingston Jr or Clement Clarke Moore is guessed (nobody really knows) to have written the poem "An Account of a
Visit from Saint Nicolas," (better known as "The Night before Christmas.") where Santa is suddenly portrayed as a magical elf with a sleigh pulled by
eight reindeer which are named Blitzem, Comet, Cupid, Dancer, Dasher, Donder, Prancer, and Vixen (Donner and Blitzen were not invented yet).
Eventually in the year of 1841 a merchant from Philadelphia, named J.W. Parkinson, hired some guy to dress up as Santa outfit and climb the chimney of
his store. This made a huge spectacle in the eyes of American consumers, and I am sure a small sparkle appeared in your eye as well Mr Nicholas as
your greedy scam began to take form.
In the 1860 President Abraham Lincoln commissioned a drawing of Santa posing with Union soldiers. This image of Santa supporting the enemy had a
surprisingly strong demoralizing influence on the Confederate army -- and becomes your first excursion into the territory of "you" being used as a
form of psychological warfare against Americans.
Finally in the year 1897 a letter was sent to the New York Sun by a little girl of eight years old (Virginia O'Hanlon), asking "Is Santa real".
Francis P Church (Editor of the New York Sun) answered in a public response to the girl. He wrote, dishonestly and openly- "Yes, Virginia, there is a
Santa". By the end of the 1800s Your popularity becomes that of a minor God amongst countless children everywhere...but you do not stop there.
This is when you become a stylized symbol. Here you lose your many appearances and forms of the past. Throwing your Bishop robes into the
fire, you emerge wearing your new uniform of red, white and black (one swastika away from beating Hitler to a new look). Your image becomes the one we
now recognize as "Santa" and your name becomes a household word.
Coca Cola signs a deal with you. You become their christmas time spokesperson and popular holiday ad campaign. You still work for them to
this very day and have sold more soda then any other ad campaign to date.
Rudolf is born in the form of a poem written by Robert L. He has a magic nose...
Up until now
This is where things get blurry and increasingly dishonest on your behalf. Santa becomes the center of thousands of toys, movies,
cartoons, songs, books, etc. The name Santa becomes a word that children scream for like overzealous fans of a glam rock band.
In 1969 Pope Paul VI officially decreed the feast of Saint Nicholas removed from the Roman Catholic calendar. Saint Nicholas (and 40 other Saints)
were offically deleted from the list of Saints because "of doubt that they ever existed."
So here we are...you probably never existed, and some Santa researchers say that if you DID, you surly were never intended as this Americanized
creature of today. But yet, each year almost EVERY corporation in the Western world uses you to extort more money and to force us to buy more
The idea of Christmas has become nothing of Jesus, or family, or of feeling thankful for most American homes. It has become a time for stress and a
time for "getting" and "spending".
Nobody can count on you to do anything but "sell sell sell", and the kids who adore you only care for what you bring them.
You are a bastard Santa...you have no real parents or even a home. You don't pay bills or have to suffer the burden of telling anyone lies about you.
That is our job...the parents.
And any step a dad takes towards removing you from his child's life- is instantly met with others saying "man, you will ruin your kid's life if you
don't let him have Santa". And not just other parents....schools, doctors, courts and even politicians positively support you in everything you
Well Santa...I just wanted to aware you of how I felt, and also tell you one more thing about yourself you may not know.
YOU are a terrorist and possibly evil (if evil exists as real beyond just a Platonian "Form"). You should be banned from all media and destroyed
entirely for the sake of all involved. You should be torn to shreds and discarded as worthless rubbish. You do nothing "good" and stand as a symbol
for "all lies" big or small.
You should be the hood ornament on the vehicle of "dishonesty" that this country is driving to its doom within.
You sir should be hanged as
an ornament on one of those damn trees you make us all buy to appease your dark overlords at Wal-Mart.
In fact...you should be seen as Satan...you both are so similar in countless ways.
With all that said, Merry Christmas to you sir, and if I see you on my property, I'm releasing the dogs.
edit on 2-12-2010 by Mr Mask because: HO HO HO!