posted on Nov, 17 2010 @ 05:38 PM
A man goes into a bar, and he has both arms in a cast. He sits down at the bar, the bartender say, "What will you have sir?" The man orders a
beer, the bartender brings it, and says, "That will be $2.50 sir." The man replies, "Look, I can't really reach my wallet easily, can you reach
back there and get it for me?" The bartender agrees, gets a $20 out of the wallet, and the man tells him to keep $10 as a tip. "Will there be
anything else, sir?" The man says, "Yeah, I'm having a little trouble getting the beer to my mouth with these casts, can you help me out here?"
The bartender wasn't very busy, so he helped the man drink his beer. After he was finished, the bartender asked, "Will there be anything else,
sir?" The man looked a little sheepish, lowered his head, and said, "I really hate to have to ask, but I need to go to the bathroom, and I can't
even reach my zipper, can you give me a hand with that." The bartender pursed his lips and shook his head, but he didn't want the guy to have to go
in his pants. Besides, he did leave a good tip. "OK, buddy, lets make it quick." So he took the man to the bathroom, unzipped his pants, and held
it for him while the man went. To alleviate the awkwardness of the situation, the bartender tried a little small talk. "By the way, sir, how did
you manage to break both arms like that?" The man smiled at him and said, "They're not broke, handsome ..."
There was a bar that had a reputation for being "The longest bar in Texas". One day a big ol' cowboy goes in and bellows, "Hey bartender, give me
the biggest mug of beer you got!" The bartender bring him the house special. The cowboy looks at it and asks, "Is that the biggest you got? It
that ain't enough to whet my whistle. I'll bet you double the price of that beer I can drink it all in one swallow!" The bartender laughs and
says, "Buddy, that's almost a gallon of beer, no way you can drink all of that at once, I'll take that bet!" The cowboy promptly grabs the mug
and downs it in one swallow.
The bartender shakes his head, looks down, and says "Fine." and walks away. Annoyed not so much at having lost the bet as he was at having to pay
for the cowboy's beer and give him the money for another out of his tips. Around closing time the cowboy approaches the bar and says, "Hey
bartender, want a chance to get your money back?" The bartender waves him off, "No fella, you got me once, you won't get me again" The cowboy
says,"Hold on, man, hold on. The sign on the door says this is the longest bar in Texas. Well, it doesn't look that long to me. I'll bet you
$1000 I can stand on one end of this bar, and pee into a shotglass on the other end, and not miss a drop."
The bartender brightens up, "Buddy, this bar is 50 yards long. That's physically impossible, I'll take your bet." They set up a shot glass on
one end, the cowboy stands on the other, and starts. He gets no where near the glass, going to the left, going to the right, but no further than 6
feet. The bartender went from being very nervous to very relieved, to very happy. He wished more people would have been there to see the cowboy make
a fool of himself. The cowboy finishes and the bartender goes to him to collect his money, smiling ear to ear.
"Well, I hope this teaches you not to make stupid bets!" gloated the bartender. "Not me", replied the cowboy, "I bet my buddies over there in
the corner $5000 that I could pee all over the bar and you'd be happy about it."