reply to post by Benevolent Heretic
You know BH I can empathize with your husband's plight regarding the "harshometer" job. My fiancee is the most giving, honest, salt of the earth
type person I know, but she's about as tactful as a razor. She, like you, is aware of it however, and that helps a lot. I am constantly being asked
to judge whether or not something "comes across" well or not.
Funny thing is I am the kind of guy that can tell someone to go to h*ll, and they ask me for directions, and inquire on accomodations for their stay.
She has tried to give someone a heartfelt compliment, and they were offended!!
To the topic. While people who don't know her well think she is an over bearing B- monster.(she's reading over my shoulder laughing to tears)
People who really KNOW her know it is the exact opposite. She gives so much so willingly she has developed an exagerrated defense mechanism to not be
taken advantage of. She gets a little heat from haters on her job, and in life. The key is balance. I come across as the super nice guy, but inside
I'm as cynical as they come. I'll give you the shirt off my back, but after you show me proof of a good reason to. She would berate the point of
your irresponsibility at being unable to procure a shirt due to your gambling debts while handing you the shirt off her back.
Some people have a higher emotional intellect, and are just more socially apt in "hot topic" areas. Other people are more pragmatic, and don't see
the value in agreeing to disagree. A lot of people are threatened, and scared by even the suggestion of a shift in paradigm in any arena of life (see
Plato's analogy of the cave.)
I have many friends who disagree with me, and I have no interest in changing their minds. What they believe obviously works for them. If their
thought process becomes so fallable that it is no longer viable, nature will straighten the issue out without my interferrence, and the same goes for
me! We are a product of our environment, and the ability to assimilate others perspectives is what makes one wise. Before I debate someone on an issue
I first do my best to support their stance, and try to simulate their position in my mind to see what I can see as valid, and what is errant, again
from my limited perspective. A truly great debater is the one who can make everyone clearly see their perspective, and how they have come to their
conclusion logically from the experiences/evidence/data they have, and defend it without attacking the other side of the issue with distraction, and
emotional ploys. Modern politicians are the absolute worst at that game.(can I include a pun about being a master debater?)
I have absolutely convinced people that "such and such a thing" is the absolute truth, just to play devil's advocate, and say "Gotcha!... Now
what did we learn?" A strong mind is not threatened by a challenge, and doesn't "hate" opposition. Nothing is strengthened without opposition. Now
go out tomorrow, and say "thank you" to your greatest detractors. Sometimes they bear the truth your "friends" won't tell you!