It seems that here on ATS, and in life in general, people can get along fine, but when they come across a belief that they don't agree on, there's something that sparks inside them - something that says, "I don't like this person anymore".

For example, let's say I've taken up walking with my neighbor everyday as a way of getting exercise. We talk about our lives, our pets, our families and so on as we walk and get to know each other. One day, the subject of abortion comes up. Turns out I'm staunchly pro-choice and she's staunchly pro-life. We talk a little about why we feel the way we do and I notice that from that point on, she seems a little less open, a bit more critical, and eventually, she starts making excuses for not being able to walk on our daily routine.

I determine that she no longer wants to walk with me because of my stance on abortion. Now, neither of us are of an age to have an abortion, our reproductive years behind us, but for some reason, the very belief, because we disagree on it, has come between us and we are no longer "friends".

I don't understand this! The above story didn't really happen to me, it's just an example of what I've seen in life, but mostly here on ATS. How is it that two people who obviously like each other can suddenly turn and dislike each other when they discover that they disagree on something? Isn't that bizarre? Did they expect that they'd agree on absolutely everything? Is that what friendship is?

I've been fairly successful in remaining friends with people, even though we have VERY different beliefs. I actually enjoy a civil debate very much. But I can't help wonder why some people let a difference of opinion ruin friendships. People hate me for my beliefs. They don't know ME, but because I have a certain belief, I become the enemy, the hated opponent... And I don't mean just me, I mean anyone. Do you find that to be the case? Do you hate people with whom you disagree, even if they've never done anything to you? Do you find that people hate you when they find out what you believe?

Why is it that someone who believes 9/11 is a conspiracy and someone who believes the official story, for all intents and purposes, HATE each other? What is it about having a different belief that sparks dislike, criticism and hatred? Do people expect their friends to share ALL their beliefs?

These questions run through my mind and I thought it might be interesting to see if other people have the same experience. Thank you for your thoughts.

Great thread BH, and I certainly agree with your premise.

I've never felt that way towards a person who simply had a different belief, unless ofcourse if they acted like they were better than me because of it.

However, I can see in your example, how a pro-lifer and a pro-choicer can be at odds and how it can have a profound effect on a friendship.

Those specific issues, abortion, religion, civil rights among others are the "hot button" topics of our time. The media continually spins a story of division and seperation about any of these topics.

This is why the 3 letter news agencies all have their own "flavor" of the news. It's to cater to one specific demographic. I think it's somewhat human nature, or perhaps programmed behaviour to be aprehensive about those who do not 100% agree with you.

I built my social circle around people who mostly disagreed with me, simply because I am of the school of thought that if your beliefs and opinions are never challenged, you'll never learn anything.

The internet has played a big part, I think we see more of that hate/hate relationship because of the anonimous nature of the internet. The no fear zone that exists online in public forums like this, which give the user the ability to say whatever comes to mind, without really needing to provide intelligent rebuttals.

It's far easier to hate on somebody than to take the time to properly educate when they are wrong about facts, or attempt to debate the matter without allowing personal emotion into the fray.

Edit: Grammar & Spelling...

~Keeper

[edit on 4/18/2010 by tothetenthpower]

I can disagree with people and not "hate" them. I don't "hate" anyone,even if I "hate" their beliefs! I may also decide to not associate with someone whose thinking I find repulsive,but I still do not "hate" them.

I would like to see this subject of "hate" discussed in depth,because it permeates so much of the dialogue I see and hear. It is very worrisome to me. "Hate" is too strong of a word to be used so casually,in my opinion.

Hopefully this topic will stimulate some well-thought out analysis on this problem,because I am at a loss for words to describe it.

Originally posted by Benevolent Heretic
Why do we "Hate" Those With Whom We Disagree?

Because they are wrong!!!!

__________________________________


just kidding. Out in normal, mainstream society nobody "hates" someone for being of another opinion BH. Its expected. You only find that type of behaviour with the infantile or emotionally unstable.

I disagree with some of your politics but I think you're a good singer and an excellent poster.

Interesting topic, but I look at it from a slightly different perspective.

If someone I have previously been friendly with starts to 'hate me' because of my beliefs, the first person I'm going to look at will be myself. Perhaps it's the manner in which I convey those beliefs to them that causes them to to dislike me and not the actual opinion.

Originally posted by Duzey
Interesting topic, but I look at it from a slightly different perspective.

If someone I have previously been friendly with starts to 'hate me' because of my beliefs, the first person I'm going to look at will be myself. Perhaps it's the manner in which I convey those beliefs to them that causes them to to dislike me and not the actual opinion.

That's a great point Duzey, I had never though of it that way. People should look at themselves first if somebody has a problem with them.

Poor or emotionaly driven communication skills are probably the #1 reason for any of this hate that we see in our daily lives.

~Keeper

The difference, in many cases, between dislike and hate is the depth and intensity of the emotions behind the discussion.

If a person is discussing something of little importance to them, they will attach little emotional importance to it.

If a person discusses something of significant important to them, they will expend more energy in the discussion, and will have a greater emotional response to it.

If a person discusses something that is "life and death" to that person, the outcome of the discussion will be of such a magnitude, that their future perceptions will be influenced by the mere memory of that discussion.

In your example, if you stated that anyone who had an abortion had committed murder, and that neighbor had, in fact, had an abortion, then you had specifically called her a murderer. Add to that any significant guilt she might internalize about that "choice," and she may have a profound reason to respond in a defensive-agressive manner toward you in the future.

Discussing Jesus versus Allah between respective believers will cause a similar response.

If a person perceives a serious impingement upon their beliefs, that may be enough to engender "hate."

Originally posted by Duzey
If someone I have previously been friendly with starts to 'hate me' because of my beliefs, the first person I'm going to look at will be myself. Perhaps it's the manner in which I convey those beliefs to them that causes them to to dislike me and not the actual opinion.

That is a great point! I know I have a very harsh way of talking sometimes. I've been told this all my life. And on the Internet, people don't have the experience of the other, more positive aspects of my personality to balance it out... That makes a lot of sense. Thanks for that perspective.

Originally posted by SpartanKingLeonidas
Threads like this and our friendship, between you and I, are exactly why I love who you are.

I had you in mind while writing this thread. We disagree on many things, even some "hot-button" issues, yet we remain very close. I wish I had more relationships here like the one I have with you.

Because we are a pack of assholes, no matter how you look at it.

The main thing that winds me up and makes me want destroy the other person, is when they preach all this New Age Crap. Even seeing New Age avatars makes me want to smash my PC into a thousand pieces, but that's probably because I am from the dark side or so they say.

I sick of freaks trying to tell me I have to be happy, or have to be at peace, or I need to be saved.... WHY? what if I don't want them things, what if I enjoy the opposites more. I see it this way, if I am not happy and don't expect to be, I created no expectations or attachments to happiness, and I certainly don't create a false sense of self.

I like to look at things from a Realist point of view, pretending everything is OK and pretending I am happy all the time "Isn't part of my plan" and always ends in disaster. So as long as the New Agers keep the hell away from me, and keep their stupid beliefs to themselves "I have no other reason to hate anyone I disagree with"