Society today? Resident invites neighbours for coffee - one arrives.

reply to post by orionthehunter


There seems to be a lot of negativity. I dont have time, why would i visit/assist neighbours if there is nothing to gain or what if relationships go bust etc.

Folk i think sometimes we have to put ourselves out for others. Not because we have something to gain but because thast what communitys do they help each other out. Also , you would be surprised how good it makes you feel.

That why if we get new neighbours we take time out to welcome them , so they dont feel isolated in a new area. I would hope they would do the same for me etc.

People are asking for my help all the time and if i can help I do and you know what If i need a favour or lif to the airport to go on holiday I am never short of volunteers. A small act of kindess gos a long way and can hopefully re kindle the fire of community spirit.

We cant just sit around and wait for the world to become the way we want. There is no such thing as a free lunch so we nade to shape the world how we want it. If we want community spirit back then we have to work for it.

Peace

Sorry if it seem I keep ranting but this is an issue close to my heart.

reply to post by v01i0


I suspect this is a regional phenomenon.

Here in Orange County neighborhood "block parties" are not uncommon. People bring out BBQ's on their patios, open up their garages and will wander from house to house with drinks in hand.

I have a seven year old niece who is sufficiently friendly with her neighbors that they'll take her to school, to dinner, etc. But my impression is not that she's in some special circumstance so much as that all the parents on the block know everybody else, see each others children regularly, so everybody sort of collectively takes care of everyone.

I don't usually think of OC as being one of the friendliest places in the world...but I suppose compared to some of what I'm seeing in this thread, maybe it's up there.

Well I too am glad to see that hospitality is not dead. I understand that if there is nothing to connect one with one's neighbours besides of the location of living, it is somewhat difficult to find any reasonable cause to interact with them. However, saying 'hi' or a smile won't cost ya anything and certainly makes both to feel better (unless, of course, there are people that find smiley or greeting somehow offensive).

I for one am pretty introverted person when it comes to socializing, I don't like to hang out with people that are not well known to me, and I would've probably skipped the housewarming invitation myself. But yeah, avoiding saying 'hello' and all that makes me think that something is wrong with the society.

Yeah, maybe the article I posted is merely one phenomena, not portraying the whole society, but rather some urban suburbarea. But in general, one cannot dismiss the observation that people are actually becoming more and more alienated from other's. Maybe it is the competition, which one poster noted. Or maybe it is the general fear that creeps in people's spine - the neighbour can be some aggressive thug or somehow perverted otherwise? Plenty of reasons, probably not a single one cannot be appointed to explain the phenomena.

-v

Originally posted by LordBucket
reply to post by v01i0

 

I suspect this is a regional phenomenon.

Here in Orange County neighborhood "block parties" are not uncommon. People bring out BBQ's on their patios, open up their garages and will wander from house to house with drinks in hand.

I have a seven year old niece who is sufficiently friendly with her neighbors that they'll take her to school, to dinner, etc. But my impression is not that she's in some special circumstance so much as that all the parents on the block know everybody else, see each others children regularly, so everybody sort of collectively takes care of everyone.

I don't usually think of OC as being one of the friendliest places in the world...but I suppose compared to some of what I'm seeing in this thread, maybe it's up there.

Thank you for that post, it is really encouraging to hear. Really fantastic.

There is hope for us yet !! =D

Peace

reply to post by v01i0


Yeah but this is Helsinki Finland so I can understand that people are a little more reserved, especially during the fall and vinter period in the nordic countries.

This is very typical behaviour for Northen Europe during the colder vinter period, but thankfully the spring & summer changes this behaviour a bit to the better when their frosted souls are loosening up a little.


Most of Southern Europe is a completely different animal though!

When I lived in Spain we invited ALL the neighbours on our street for a small house warming/garden party and told them that we would be serving wine, beer & sodas for the children, and a couple of different Spanish fried Sausages & some small tapas dishes. Nothing special really - just a quick introduction in our small garden, one afternoon we thought!

My fiancée and I had calculated and bought food for all persons in the families of our street to be sure, and my fiancée thought we would be well enough covered about the food, and that we should be thankful if half of them really showed up that late afternoon.

O'boy were we wrong! not only every family member on our street came, but also some relatives and friends to them, and even some other neighbours from other streets in the neighbourhood showed up smiling and invited themselves over with some bottles of wine they had brought with them.

So my visiting friend had to take our car immediately to the butcher shop before they closed it for the evening, and buy a lot more of chorizo and lamb Sausages & beer.

But the coolest thing was that some of the Spanish wives saw that we were really in a panic mode, so they went smiling across the street to their homes and quickly came back with a bundle of different small Spanish food dishes to help us out.

So what we had thought would be a small quick 1-2 hour introduction of ourselves to our closest neighbours in our garden quickly developed into a big fun party with music & dancing lasting the whole evening.

After that we were always invited to a party somewhere in our neighbourhood during the weekends - and in the end we almost got tired of all partying and were just longing for a boring quiet evening in front of the TV - Northen European Style!

Yeah! the Spaniards really don't miss an opportunity to have fiestas and a to throw great party!

[edit on 21-3-2010 by Chevalerous]

reply to post by Chevalerous


Aye, I can understand that it is very much a place dependent phenomena. Seems like others have had similar experiences of hospitality and communality and I'm glad for it.

What was the environment like? Was it more village-like or city-like? Maybe even kind of a countryside? I had to ask, because in every big city I've been from Helsinki - well, Helsinki isn't tad big - to New York (well, there's not too many after all) there seems to be these cold flatblocks where people live in tight quarters, and are not very friendly to each other. I become into suspicion, that modern busy lifestyle and cold architecture (you know, these flatblocks, storey after storey) may contribute to this coldness that appears to be evident in citylike enviroments?

Maybe the stick is in on the eye of beholder here? I live in a flatblock and my neighbours (even though they aren't nasty or mean) are somewhat reserved what it becomes in sayin' 'hello'.

Well, it is good to know that there are places where people still interact and are friendly - I wish I was there too.

-v

The apartment complex I live in has a monthly pancake breakfast, and out of 200+ units they're lucky to get a dozen people to show up. I never turn down free pancakes!

reply to post by v01i0


Yeah I think you're right, this example of Helsinki in the article is more of a big city phenomena where people in apartment complexes are a little more reserved.

The other thing I noticed was that he sent out invitations through some kind of billboard, and that is always an epic fail.

In my opinion! you must always knock on their doors in person to introduce yourself as the new neighbour and invite them personally in a friendly way - otherwise people don't bother.

This place where I lived in Spain and used as an example in my post is a nice middle class neighbourhood located on the coast of Spain. Many who lives there have moved out from a neighbouring bigger city and commuted one hour by car each direction to work. So the environment in this small town is of course more relaxed and more friendly there than in the bigger city.

When I lived a short time in an old apartment building in the city of Madrid where we rented an apartment, people were a little more reserved though! But maybe not as reserved to themselves as the city-people in the Northen Europe are from my experience.

People in our apartment house in Madrid always acted courteously against eachother and said hello and smalltalked a little whenever we met, and they wouldn't die of a shock if I for whatever reason knocked on their door asking for something - they never invited us to any party though!

And no! I never invited all of them to any party either, we only had any closer relation with one other young couple and a single mum in the building - the rest were very old people!

The only way we introduced ourselves to the other neighbours was when we met them in the lobby for the first time.

But yes! sure! they were a little more reserved than the people living on the coast or in the countryside in general.

And I think this is a phenomena of city dwelling people in bigger cities everywhere, people are more afraid of crimes and a much tougher environment, so this involuntary isolation and this behaviour to be more reserved against the neighbours is probably a serious side effect of this environment!

I'm back living in an apartment building in a bigger city here in Northen Europe for the moment, and yes! people keep to themselves more, but at least we greet eachother courteously and sometimes even have small talks whenever we meet.

So I guess it also really depends on what kind of neighbours and neighbourhood one ends up with as well?

[edit on 21-3-2010 by Chevalerous]

reply to post by Chevalerous


I too think that putting the invitation in the bulletin board was an epic fail. People tend to dismiss that kind of things, but not many would reject a personal invitation.

Yeah, it has lot do with the people themselves, the environment and the attitudes. We finns are not know for our outwardness and often like to keep with ourselves, that's probably the reason we, as a nation, travelled into this God forsaken wilderness in first place

But years ago when I lived in different area, with more detached houses, we used to greet neighbours and even gave them Christmas presents and all (although there were no talk of having some kind of communal Christmas feast).

-v