Stifled or Selfish or What ?

reply to post by dixon


takling from a womans point of view, unfortunatly thats how we win arguments, by spinning things right round and make the other person in the wrong...
I suppose when you went bak to her you didnt expect all this cause she wasn`t clingy before was she...
Girls in general do need a lot of reassurance, but from what you`v said you`v given up your life and freedom...
She does sound very selfish to think that you have to do all the changing, I mean she cant even see things from your side AT ALL can she...
My suggestion is to go your seperate ways..
And however horrible she makes you feel, just have in your mind, that if you stay together it WILL get worse and NEVER better...
If she cant see your point of view now she never will...

Oh my god man why are you still even discussing things with her? Are you a bit of a masochist? Do you enjoy being in pain or constantly uncomfortable?

Get some balls and just do it or stop whining about it.. either way is good.

reply to post by damn_ummmm


Have you got something against masochists? WELL?? Come here and say that!



*lame joke sorry*

[edit on 14-2-2010 by riley]

Exit stage right, Dixon. I promise you, there is no such thing as karma.

reply to post by riley


Nope, she's not moved in permanently yet.

But I've not said anything about her stuff being in each and every room of the house (except) this one. I did not think anything of it then.

She still has her own place, which she absolutely does not go back to. She is here 24 hrs a day. The only time she gets out is when we go out together to do the groceries and go for walks.

Sigh.... it's depressing when relationships fall apart....

In a couple of hours..... Gonna keep away the knives soon.....

reply to post by squidley_35


Well, I understand that.... But that's my point... Sometimes, it's not about winning or losing a discussion... If anyone wins, someone loses.... then the relationship is the real loser...

All I was asking for was for some normalcy in getting about with life. I signed up to be friends, companions, a lover, the quiet knowledge that 2 people will look after and take care of each other..... not a Siamese twin attached to my waist.....

She's done a whole lot for me.... I acknowledge and constantly tell her I appreciate her efforts.... But it ended up back at me cause the more I tell her I appreciate, her efforts are then doubled... When I tell her to relax, chill out and do something that she would like to do ALONe or I could do it together wit her, her response is anything , anythig at all , AS LONG AS SHE'S WITH ME.

I forgot to add this...... 2 weeks back, she did go out alone.

She bloody got a tattoo on her navel. It reads : "D I X O N". Before Almighty God.... I swear.....(It's her body and I have no right to tell her to get it covered with a flower or somethin). I can only hope and pray that she does it.

I've mentioned this before in one of my replies... We ain't no spring chickens no more... To me, love is a comforting feeling of contentment...

I suppose it's just that we can't get the right balance with each other.....

But all said and done.... she is a great person and will make some bloke a good companion some day. Unfortunatly, it's just not me.

Originally posted by damn_ummmm
Oh my god man why are you still even discussing things with her? Are you a bit of a masochist? Do you enjoy being in pain or constantly uncomfortable?

Get some balls and just do it or stop whining about it.. either way is good.

Ha ! Hey Guy, I ain't no masochist.... I have extreme aversion to pain... believe me.

It's just that all said and done, she's a good person...... and I owe it to her and myself to be as resonable and delicate with her.... I can't take it to town with her. I'm just not built like that..

reply to post by novacs4me



Don't agree about the karma thingy though.... But I hear you....

Gonna get it done today.

reply to post by dixon

Originally posted by dixon
reply to

 

Hi. I don't intend to drag it out.

Plan to have a sunday talk and deal with whatever fall out ....

Originally posted by dixon

 

Suddenly, it dawned upon me that she could be STONE COLD and mean.

Well the position is well set for this weekend for me to tell her that we've tried..... we can't meet each other's position .... and cannot even discuss things rationally.

It's just gotta end. .......

Originally posted by dixon

 

She bloody got a tattoo on her navel. It reads : "D I X O N". Before Almighty God.... I swear.....(It's her body and I have no right to tell her to get it covered with a flower or somethin). I can only hope and pray that she does it

But all said and done.... she is a great person and will make some bloke a good companion some day. Unfortunatly, it's just not me.

She got a tattoo of your name? Who does that after such a short time together?


Three times you said it had to end. Twice you said you were going to go through with it over the weekend. You also said you didn’t intend to drag it out. I can understand that you aren’t a confrontational kind of person (it shows) but still, you need to make a decision and stick to it. Either end it or don’t. You can end a relationship calmly with rational discussion, it is possible, but if she reacts badly then at least you know you’ve definitely made the right decision.

Good luck – again.

So.. she got a tattoo of your name?

Okay.. so she will add that to the "Look at all I've done for you" list. Yes.. I thought you were exagerating about the knife thing. She likes dramatics so put lighter fluid etc away.

Get her out of the house for one night so she can take her stuff and you can get back your space. Perhaps have a "men only" card night to reclaim territory.. or whatever it is men do. Or if you have a spare room get a relative to come stay.. preferably an older matriach that will throw her out on her arse. Needs to be someone who has more power over you than she does as it sounds like she's isolated you.

btw. If you try any of my advice and it backfires not my fault.


goodluck. I mean that.. the tattoo thing has just taken it up a notch.

[edit on 15-2-2010 by riley]

reply to post by dixon


OMG... A tattoo?
Maybe thats why she`s panicing so much about you not wanting her as much as she wants you...
She`s got this tatto for life and in her head she`s got you for life now!!!

OMG... Im sooo sorry

It does take a long time to split from someone, and I can see you`re trying to be sensitive to her feelings, but is she being sensitive to yours ?
No, she isn`t.. So stop being nice and tel her to GO...
Like you`ve said yourself, you`re no spring chickens. Do you really wana waist 6mnts of your life splitting up wit someone??

As you know, Ive been single for a LONG time, but still, the way I look at things in my life is, if they dont make me happier and enrich my life, it or they`re gone...
I`m no spring chicken myself, but I wont comprimise on that..
Anyone you let into your life, YOU make the decision to recipricate ANY form of relationship...
If it makes you miserable, get rid...
It sounds a bit harsh, but YOU are in control of your own happiness..

Stop putting off the inevitable...





[edit on 15-2-2010 by squidley_35]

How did it go man?

Hi Everyone,

It's a new day.

Together with a new living room rug, a new television set, some new clothes, a small skin graft on my arm..... I'm good to go....

I sat her down after having to chase her all over the house (cause she knew I was going to say things she did not want to hear).

She promised to change. I said no. I needed space.... we needed space...

The accusations of using her and dumping her came (as expected). I tried to reason with her.....

She started getting hysterical and let fly with a coffe mug into the television and went berserk......

I held her as close as I could (she was kicking and scratching) and she bit me on the forearm. Drew blood and skin.........

She just spent all her energy trying to struggle against me holding her.

I'll spare you the gory accusations, suffice to say, I did not respond to them.

She just left in a huff, not taking her things. I just finished packig them for her. She FORGOT TO TAKE her set of keys to my home.

Going to take a drive over to her place or get someone to send her stuff there.

Feel like an utter jerk.... Couple of stiff bourbons are helping me at thins time....

reply to post by dixon
You are NOT a jerk! She has serious issues, and needs professional help. Change your locks, and don't let her back in. And put some peroxide on that bite, and then either iodine or antibiotics. Bites are notoriously dirty.

Proud of you!!!

Gazrock , Riley , Squidley_35 , damn_ummmm , Novacs4me....

I don't really know what to say to you guys.......

You've been there for me.......... I thank you for that......

I hope that I can be there for you.... whenever.... wherever.... just holler............

reply to post by dixon


I'm misting up here... The behavior she was exhibiting was downright scary. I'm glad you listened to us, and did the healthy thing, which was to end it.

My husband was married before. For the entire time (21 or 22 years?) he lived with accusations of infidelity, even if all he did was eat lunch with the guys and gals from his office. He was so beat down by it. Trust is crucial in a relationship. Even after marriage counseling, where she promised to change, it only lasted for a few months before the accusations began again. So be glad you didn't marry your girlfriend. As one formerly abused wife told me after she left her abuser, 'I choose health'. Life is too short to live any other way.

Edited for clarity

[edit on 15-2-2010 by novacs4me]

reply to post by novacs4me



Hi,

I am beginning to relax a little now... She just did not get it..... If I was going to cheat on her... I would.... But I did not, could not and would not. Straight line to work and back each day...... Mostly to avoid being questioned about timing and providing a comprehensive time shee to her of my whereabouts.

It's been so stressful these weeks....like walking on eggs all the time.....

Needs a bit of adjusting though.... I am however a little worried about what she might do or threaten to do to herself.......

I suppose time heals..... I have buzzed the doorman for him to inform any and every visitor (including and especially her) that he called me a cab and I left for the airport with some luggage.

I've diverted my mobile to the answering service......

Have not had old Jack Daniels keep me company for years now.... I'll give him some more attention and sleep it off........



Once again, my gratitude....

[edit on 15-2-2010 by squidley_35]

Originally posted by squidley_35

YIPPIEEE!

Its gona feel strange for a bit, but you`ve done the best thing for BOTH of you, not just yourself...
Try not to worry too much about any threats that she makes, to do wit harming herself in anyway, cause thats all they will be, THREATS...
More of that emotional blackmail she`s good at...
I bet you feel 5-stone lighter...
Well done.
Oh I feel quite emotional....
Now go have some FUN!!!

[edit on 15-2-2010 by squidley_35]

Well done! Knew you had it in you.

Now you can start your life over again and this time you know what not to do