posted on Nov, 2 2009 @ 09:44 PM
I may not be the most popular kid on the block, because I may not seek power so much, and I may not be interested so much in Succeeding in this world
to the typical verifiable degree.....
And that is why I decided that I didn't want to be associated with the OTO anymore. I just don't see the point. I get what Heliopolis and coming
from the west to the East and all that stuff means. There's your big Masonic Truth, as well. Whoopie. Now I got a target in my head which brings me
nothing but misery and pain every time it shines. Oh unless I act like a pomp who knows # about #. Which I can very easily do and have done and sound
impressive when doing so because yippee I have the power of being able to see correspondences.
It's all about finding your center.... and then having it eat you alive, waking up every day dead... in the midst of eternal death... knowing that
this is all just smoke and mirrors, that everything dies, that nothing is permanent, and that underneath it all is a burning, paralyzing, formless
void of eternal purgation....
Sorry if I am a bit emo about all of this.... and of things that should not be... but we can't all be Angels of Denial.
If there's no reason, than a reason I will be.... unless I'm not a very good reason in the first place. Then # it. Where's the shotgun?
Sorry. It's not easy, I guess you could say.... and I want to illustrate that point by mentioning to the profane that the Light is Nothing without
the Darkness, and if you indeed wish to know the truth.... there are no shortcuts, no feelgood light beings to coo you into some happygolucky
There is only you... and your thoughts on yourself. It's all you. That's all it ever was. And even you are a lie. You were always nothing. You will
always be nothing. Do you wish to know Truth or Lies?
Because indeed Truth may become your worst enemy. It may paralyze you so much, that you end up deformed and retarded in a mental asylum.
Or trapped in some deja vu hell time loop, where you are never allowed to gain anything desirable, and are constantly reminded of how plastic and
disgusting even the most profound looking thing is.... subtle Hell is the worst... the most insipid...
Solemn, Serious, and Awful....
Do be prepared to die, my fellow seekers of the light. Do be prepared to kill yourself. Do be prepared to suffer the most agonizing pain and
hopelessness in your quest.... DO be prepared to accept insanity. DO be prepared to do the impossible, and when the impossible has been done, be
prepared to do it all over again, ever repeating until the ends of time, space, and mind.... because there is no Reason. The Reason is the lie you
tell yourself to continue upon your quest for infinite absurdity/novelty....
The end of knowledge is the beginning of self imposed ignorance, and the seed of a whole new universe of lies...
Make yourself a universe of your very own, if you wish. You think this universe was made with bunny froofroo new age feelgood methods?
You don't know what you ask for... and perhaps your symbols will come to haunt you... perhaps the universe you make, being merely an elaborated upon
symbol itself, will come to haunt you. Perhaps the very pinnacle of achievement, success, happiness, and purity that you could ever dream of will
eventually become your prison.
Perhaps you are better off a slave to ignorance.
I still haven't decided yet. I dunno what the "right path" is. There is no right path, and once we arrive at our destination, we're just gunna
keep on walking.
With all my wisdom and enlightenment, I still know nothing.... and I still wonder what the #? I was hoping reality would explode a few short days
after the Light hit me, but here two years later and I'm still burning.....
and all the geometry and everything is Gah-reat and whatnot, but it's a little too late to make use of all the neat little rituals and talk to all
the interesting little head creatures.... because I just don't give a flying # about any of it anymore.
What if I was God of you all? Wouldn't that suck? A God who's given up on Creation? Well... perhaps... perhaps we are all Gods of us all... perhaps
we must delve to the deepest hells in order to finally reach the highest heaven... and perhaps demon enchantment is just a symbol itself of something
much more unnerving.
Perhaps, as Levi once stated, the true magicians need no rituals, need no enchantment of spirits nor magical spells nor trinkets.... perhaps the true
magician just needs to hold on... and know that suffering is necessary, and know that there are souls out there dying daily with them... although we
may never meet. At least we know we are not alone... heh well we know at least that there are other Us's out there going through similar tribulation.
Where's the shotgun is a good question until I lose my cool and go find it.
Wahat say you, OP, of trials and tribulations?