I am sorry might just be ranting or venting, sorry joking around talking to myself just for 2 1/2 years with Neighbors and Stranger than Fiction surreal reality (fiction is something thats not real) and the head injury I feel like I have been robbed. All my life or my youth in service to shadow opts. and my life was left somewhere in between. Rich white people or richer than me with real nice cars and lives just going on obliviously. My dad just got out of jail not too long ago saved up nfor $1000 van to work and two gay people from high school trying to win lottery, dumb snip what can I say "accidents happen" and can and will. If people are all gay and snip fine you do that , maybe you should talk to FBI about imaginary hooker contract. Dont go back to hostpital (sentenced for life) try to touch you in sleep and that doesnt really work and be all gay and retarted, dont give a snip about healthcare. Music great do whatever you want went to blockbuster today and couldnt stop considering math equations of how I got ripped off, you great whatever I got to sacrifice all 1/2 my life so they can get paid making a joke about it, now it all seems finally woth it. I rebeled online now and in the past cause they made me ..... around waste time dont tell me why and dont pay me. You know do whatever.
P.S.
Its like that song never get to fall in love never get to be cool, keep on rockin in the free world OK that was some of my point couldnt remember whole song one of my neighbors said "your an idiot you didnt get kicked out of eden".

[edit on 16-10-2009 by P. O. W.]

I am sorry for keeping posting on this thread, its just like all of my life fell through my fingers its all over know went really quick I was just a passenger along for the journey with severe 3 strokes head injury gettin better. There is nothing now to come back to burned down bridges with everyone I know cant come back or any normalcy. My neighbors were messing with me 2 1/2 years before that I was trying to approach this pretty redhead that I had a crush on for two years and things might have worked out (missing social skills or building blocks of development) but then they threw me bouncing off the walls. Crazy things have been going on awhile stranger than fiction not really at liberty to talk about and it just pisses me off , there is nothing left no normal life like the end of T2 terminator 2 just looking at the street I am just going to take off as soon as I get the money and disappear, but it would have been nice to not have all this come crashing down on me go into endgame now . The redhead told me over the phone "mary -ann is still in the south" when I answered she was calling my sister. Just destroy everything and everyone around me.

I know enough with the analogies, I am sorry just wanted to put this online and feel like I have a voice. I am going to print out everything I ever wrote and spend some time in the libraries of this site. Try to remember all the advice and good posts and just plan for the future when I can live again, get a normal life I dont care or its stupid, at this point just try to survive and count your blessings then relocate not have to deal with this anymore. I am sorry I will always love music and if I caused a problem , its other peoples art and I feed into shcizophrenic like symptoms fit everything into a patterns with a lot of things. I just never wanted this had all sorts of personal problems since high school and I didnt know why no one responded to me in 05. I was just taken for a ride and in the meantime where I always wind up back in my house waiting for this to pass, maybe a career or wife or better quality of life at different times while I was tripped up in the latest fronts. I just wanted my life a normal life I am gonna take off eventually and I shouldnt keep itchin about emptyness or time wasted or majority of everything to do this. I look at religion from outsiders point of view and am ignorant so I am sorry if I offended anyone. I met a lot of cool people here and I will try to write stuff down. I am sorry just frustrated at times. In one way it looks like time served cause hopefully this will all move on if it hasnt already my "paranoia" speculation about outside world on tv or whatever. In the first week in 2002 before I went to the hospital I held up a sign what Truman says as he bows walks off stage (I thought I might have heard something in backround TV "there is a camera in your tv" ) I had 3 strokes I was disabled, I got better, this was a long drawn out disaster oh well ahhhh "well if I dont see ya have a good afternoon good evening and a good night" I am sorry OVER hopefully, I wanna play battleship you sunk my battleship, crazy its been a trip---------------------------------

I was just listening to Manson and Eminems new cds, I listened to them both since high school. I was a kid in high school in hospital, found out did drugs someone whacked off in front of people cause I didnt know what sex was got attacked and castrated then seizures past out vomiting when unconcious, cant grow a full beard look like you know who. Who ndo you think doesnt like gay people. Frankenstein abomination zombie delirious desert of the mind. Why did I have to get locked up? Nothing happened it wasnt even my gun it was some football players. Not even a crime, government run day care like 10 months locked up on psych floors drugs that make you sick and forced. I used to look up to you man hiding subliminals maybe whole career look like death on back of 1 album, get all militant with gay lies or parallel lies whatever sells I am pissed off and a millionaire. After high school ends sign me up for american idol cause I didnt get married. How hard would it have been for shadow ops to send over strippers or a pound of weed. Tear every aspect of my life apart cause of competion, free market. Who am I , their leader? Caged animal I lived mwithout religion and got into trouble for considering or questioning things, what do0 you want my whole life and death cause of some stupid game. I want to play a game.... ohh yes there will be blood. Eventually when they are all done and move on maybe maybe get a job for $10 an hour of save up for $1500 or $3000 car. Why did I have to take 8 years off to be used without reimbursement. This gets back to neighbors somewhat people on TV maybe the masons of today or illuminati or elite. Marry mary ann annie is still in the south, what do you think that means? Maybe the lamb with a head injury will show you the way.----------------

hey , P.O.W

relax , take half an hour off.

forget all of the past .

re-invent your life .

move on , literally , take to the road .

you will find a whole different world if you seek a purpose '

... and take a Bible with you ,

and read some every day until the pain subsides

..........

uuhhh thanks, I thought my posts might be causing problems and no one wants to hear it and if people werent interested in my wild speculation sometimes at least they were permanetly on the internet like a journal I dont know who would want to read this or be interested just giving a statement. I am sorry for bothering people with my crazy s%%% and I am going to take some time off from crazy posts and just relax. Thank you for your reply.

I think it might have been over a girl, the only girl I really liked. I used to purposely walk by her house for years afterwards and when I tried relocating in Florida I tried to find her. Like Spawn or Dantes inferno with the columbine thing. I heard this lyric "confessions of molestation LA is on fire. People hate me personally and made up gay lies after I wrote a letter I didnt even know. Like Truman show "You have made his life a mockery". Just take your money and leave and watch your F in mouth. My life is not your property you know, of course you dont have to pay me. OK I just wanted to vent I will stop crazy postings.

hey P.O.W

nobody hates you . a lot of people hate themselves ,
and take it out on anybody they can .

do not put up with any negativity in your life.
it will only make things worse.

life is tough . a lot of people get stuck in a rut ,of their own making.
no matter how bad things are , there is always someone who has it
worse.

however , if you count your blessings you will see that only your
own attitude is holding you back.

nothing is easy , and i should know , i have also faced a similar situation to yours.

this is the ideal place to start your comeback.
you are not a bad person. just a suggestion , try meeting
people who can inspire you.

a good way to do this is to join an organisation that voluntarily
helps people in need. even if it is only a coupleof hours a week,
the payoff is a growing self-esteem and a feeling of belonging
and personal value.


you must take responsibility for your own life, and this requires commitment and self discipline.....nothing you can't do.


be strong, resist sin and temptation , remember God loves you,
and will try and help, let him in, and keep Him
close to your thoughts.


this will open doors for you , in ways you never expected.
...and then the sky is the limit .

don't accept compromise , set a goal , keep your eye on the ball,
and spend some time focussing your efforts in that specific direction.
...your friend......radarloveguy

I am sorry I know my whole time I have been considering conspiracies most dont want to hear. I have freedom of speech and a law abiding citizen, I read a thread about the CIA going to other countries and illegally detaining them it was interesting. I know I have embarrassed myself made an @%% out of myself and shouldnt curse and supposed to be normal and professional with the other people who are such. All I am saying is this problem wouldnt even exist if some younger musicians werent running their mouths off, I want to listen to some more androgony Waco. Saw on a late show Adam Sandler saying the serpent ruined all the movies. You know great people I just wanted to live a normal life not waste my life away biblical damnation and cause problems for a lot of people in real life that I know. How is any of this even close to legal, you know what great dont pay me you werent going to anyway just let this die. I want to listen to green day on the radio or what 311 "what would the world be without , your music" I want to listen to this over and over everyday and know everyone in the country might be doing the same thing.

P.S. there is a song "You know you're right" on the nirvana best of hits thats all great the cd "man who sold the world" "Heart shaped box" "rape me" "smells like teen spirit" the first song was released like ten years after death ... "I'll move away from here you dont need to be afraid of fear , I have never felt so good in my life, cant we talk about someone else".


P.S.S. I dont care I dont care , I cant go outside anywhere no where to go no one will be able to hire me or wants to the people here know whats going on. You know great exploit me rip me off have all these parties where you say I am super -gay I dont care wasted 8 years of my life and caused problems because no one told me what was going on, youre all retarted today I heard a paramore song said"false rapture or it didnt happen" yeah whatever thats your opinion, why did we do this, you need me to write songs for you , I am your property right f up my life however you see fit for how long wont off cared if they didnt let the gays sleep in the same room with what heteros we should have segregation if your going to pass out on drugs in an institution or if I wasnt sterile cause of brilliant riot gang showing up trying to kill me , yeah right armagetton no youre gay no you are, thought the angels and demons were going to show up for a battle royal.

P.P.S.S. I cant sleep neighbors TVs on , nothing happened out of mind for 90 foot nexus of telepathy in every direction for living in the south with neighbors they got $50,000 stupid game I was there and I remember not possible JUST LEAVE I am not a woman in any way I am not getting AIDS and dying cause of retart game of the elite yeah I am the one waving my middle fingers they already tryied bleach stains on this guys face I didnt know what it meant or was till later. F in parasites how long do I have to do this no ones tied of it yet in music. How about Atari teenage riot or Nirvana from 1994.
[edit on 18-10-2009 by P. O. W.]

[edit on 18-10-2009 by P. O. W.]

[edit on 19-10-2009 by P. O. W.]

I know I shouldnt keep ruminating no one wants to hear life story just had no one to tell my story to. Looked back at posts I made when I first got here and crazy someone had access to my computer and changed things. Shouldnt talk about disgusting things or think how its read. While I have been going through things a lot of people know somehow it might have gotten to people on TV joking around about it. Why oh why did I have to take the red pill why couldnt I take the blue pill , if we knew what it was we would have told him to shove that pill up his @%%.
End of Matrix game ( path of neo ) the martry thing really doesnt go over well in video games so we changed the ending get ready for ULTRA HUGE MEGA SMITH, 15 minutes of button mashing action the Hulk vs Galactis ( Galactis was a huge godzilla like enemy of the fantastic four who used to eat planets). Blacksmith Ironsmith goldsmith.
Daredevil was from marvel comics and a blind lawyer who used to dress up like a big red devil and fight crime at night. That was red too. Colors can have symbolism warm or cool tones and what they represent. I just wish I never went online I think it lead to a series of really big problems. I know I used to talk in riddles I was trying to get a point across without full authority to talk about it (heiroglypics). The lyric was from an eminem song , I dont know where these people get off. I know I shouldnt curse I dont care about peoples businesses I really dont. What are the sweatshop wages for 8 years nothing but $50,000 for my neighbors for nothing. Yeah right em, whats your reason for hating gay people not allowed to use the N word, I already told you mine. High school was fun if you have a massive head injury and family problems then I get to help red carpet "earn" their money. I still dont understand why people call me personally "evil" what did I do, maybe we shouldnt have tried to create matter and anti matter cause a black hole in the universe, his evil twin. I heard the ying and yang thing together meant total completion ( read someone said yeah I guess god would be a man and a woman total completion) I thought it meant opposites or a symbol light and dark day and night good and bad or framed.
Ever see the Omen remake 6/06/06 the father says "I am not going to kill my son because of some biblical prophecy this is crazy there is just life here on earth". You know I was just living with nature and wacthing cartoons and playing video games I really didnt want to get into a religious and/or a philosophical debate. Just be happy to be alive it can be taken from you in an instant if your lucky you wake up 3 weeks later. Matthew Good s music I have been following since the late 90's and he went to psych drew some pictures of a guy with a crack in his head and a $ sign on a t shirt said try to find a life that is worth living. I dont understand where do women and getting married come in. Protect your kids cause they could turn out like me or worse in prison give them that life that is worth living.

[edit on 19-10-2009 by P. O. W.]

[edit on 19-10-2009 by P. O. W.]

I know that there should be some things that are sacred. What led to me showing up here was not knowing whats going on thinking everybody was lying to me. I had a persecution complex or just might have looked at things that way just remember the bad, in 05 I thought things were somewhat normal when I tried to find out what happened and then my neighbors flanked me and I wound up here trying to tell my story and get some sort of justice. Music is just music I didnt want to cause problems and trying to consider the surreal, while I have been living in my house just like anybody else. Music is great and I will always like music, I didnt mean to cause problems for other people that may exist in certain places here and there in music. And I dont know my neighbors have been causing problems for me and dont like me and make fun of me and just trying to run from that and when the TV is on trying to take everything apart and fit into a pattern or some of the stuff I hear on the radio. On the new eminem cd track 10+ with dre says they are talking about rainman and it really pushes the limit whole cd bordering on obscene. I dont know I have been sort of fried for awhile now sorry about some of my posts speculation or just pure emotion or just crazy nonsense. I am going to be responsible and use caution and I dont think I will be posting in the future that much. Thank you for your time.

Hi! Just remember that everybody makes mistakes. All of us. Sounds like you are truely sorry for some previous posts and threads that were mistakes, and looks like those who know you are willing to call by-gones, by-gones. Keep the past in the past.

Some good folks on here trying to point you in the right direction.

Just do better. That's all we can do. Make up our minds to do better, then do. Looks like you are off to a fresh start. It's up to you to keep it that way. (Just don't post when you are not in complete control of your emotions.....I think we all have problems with that at times, but we back off because we like ATS and want to be able to participate here.)

Thank you for your post, and you have a lot of good advice. I was just anxiety or freaking out trying to talk my way out of crazy politics and just a little fried or careless. I was just a pre-teen almost and was in the hostpital then I went to high school and it ended badly , I couldnt communicate appropriately with girls, these I was gay then gang banged lies came up and some kid hid a gun in a trash can and a copycat scare was put in place. Just for some reason I thought some songs or videos singuled me out to make fun of me and I after dealing with the courts for over two years the day it expired I thought I wouldnt get bad things from trying to find out about my mental illness and what I was convinced was covered up. Everyone thought I was guilty, then I fell asleep going through the motions till 14 months before I showed up here my neighbors were strategiclly following me in at least 4 houses right around mine. From my point of view I saw myself as innocent or having to deal with a lot of things because of this. I dont fully comprehend the politics I might be connected to now and how other people view it, it was only here and there in the music or nowhere years ago and a lot of things sound different. And I was just frustrated "I" had to do this , if others may have gotten financial compensation or just didnt have to live the life I did oblivious or head injury and rehab in the past delirious its like this avatar of a girl in a wedding dress saying we take everything , and I am in late 20's with development and social problems its never going to work out with women and they already screwed up my youth, its like why did we have to do this.

I am sorry if I went a little off topic there I was going to post when I saw your reply. Do things really quick without thinking through or professionally. I dont know thinking back everywhere I have been in a year and a half the posts not clearly thought or written like having a migraine or being stupid at times . I was reading a post about the anti-christ and trying to talk my way out of that. I dont know just considering at times the book Behold a Pale Horse from 1991 and if my accident was planned just for the H elle of it or something top secret that goes way back just in a different time and the world today sometimes I make casual remarks but I dont know how this is read and shouldnt have talked how much I thought about this or just got lost considering this or over analyzeing it. I am just a person in a house like any other house or any other person. I dont know shouldnt be so impulsive, I am sorry . Uhh yeah I dont know when I am on this site just connected to a lot of things I might have done wrong in previous posts.

P.O.W. I'm so sorry you were in an accident which has caused injury and trauma to you. Please rely on others to help you get through what seems to be a fairly long recovery period. Try to be patient with those who are trying to help you, family, friends, medical staff. They probably have some understanding of what you have been through, but only you know what it is really like.

I hope you continue to make progress. Don't ever, ever, give up. It will get better. It has too, right?
So it will. Stay strong and be determined. We all face bad times. Its your turn, you know? It may suck, but it's your turn. Be determined to get through it and come out the other side a better and stronger person.

My best thoughts and wishes to you. If you need to talk to someone you can u2u me, and we'll talk. Take care.

liw

Sorry to not answer your original question, I cope OK I guess I might try to get a word out here about a seret imaginary life I have and I have family and friends its OK I guess sometimes. Just if you consider a reptile like godzilla or a neanderthal or monkey like king kong or try to look at art man or woman what it might represent like crazy math , you can fit anything into a pattern , colors what they might represent or numbers or symbols or feelings or abstracts. A picture is worth a thousand words. Thank you for the advice this site can be addicting, and some of my posts are like a train wreck so I was trying to maybe take some time off or maybe just read.

Thank you for your kind words, I just wanted to formally apologize one more time. I had a head injury and eventual isoloation in high school I didnt really have a firm grasp on things on reality or the info I should know for my age. After I got involved with the mental health industry I started to talk to myself with suspicions I couldnt right down for evidence and wasnt sure if I was being recorded or suspicious of everything. Over time it got worse and worse like a split personality or secret maybe life tried offering every clue as to what went down in 12th grade and get out of whatever may be going on. I thought for some reason it might have wound up on the news and radar somehow and covered up I couldnt think rationale cause of head and haldol injections heavy tranquilizers. I didnt know why everybody kept lying to me I was sure something happened. After I tried to get help online I worked with my dad awhile kept to myself isolated and hoped it would pass. I got worse and worse and lost touch with reality more and more. Then I did some cerebral drugs went a little crazy got an email and couldnt comprehend what was going on, and had self destructive spirals again. After 3 months of hospitals and out patient my neighbors showed up and my head smashed the wall, I would listen be strung out to exhaustion , feel the pressure of the sound guns all through my body and got physically weak and couldnt comprehend what was going on . After 14 months I wanted to donate my telepathic powers to science and write a book, after 18 I read in the paper about 30,000 brain pacemakers already in epilepsy and brain dysfunction patients. I am trying to describe my descent into somewhat madness or just losing touch with things and the outside world I know this is america. I am trying to rebuild and come back start over it just seems like I have made such a mess of things , my memory is fragmented and I got to keep in mind everywhere I have been on this alias I really messed up . I was just trying to get pressure off my back or out off stuff or felt like maybe having a conversation with people or if I watched too much TV at times. I know I am not invallible and am not able to say I can do no wrong, and I shouldnt have been crazed into a frenzy at times, this is america and I shouldnt be causing speculation problems or talking out of line about crazy conspiracies. Trying to come out of a close minded psychosis somewhat and just live a normal life or try. I am sorry I did it publicly and dragged everyone through it.

I am a safe good person I just fell off the rest of the planet with everybody else and shouldnt have posted so much about controversial speculation or feeling like lost and nothing or just angry or ignorant about what really matters.

I listen to old stuff when I used to get pissed off for everyone covering up things and landed on a goldmine but the politics the set in place what they meant some who know if I let that go 7 or 8 years uninterupted who knows what was going to happen where they would have led it, just all across spectrum here and there without a voice how other people wanted to direct it, I am not cattle or goyimn I am like an deep undercover imaginary marine with decription and encription and communications all the push-ups I had to do and all the boot camp S!!! I had to take. I cant say things might be better now. Enter prisons you cant get out of.

I was crashing and trying to get out of problems or exhausted, I made a post which included a reference to the Arnold Shwartzenegger movie Running Man cause he gets framed then sentenced to this TV show were he has to fight executioners to the death and crashes the show. I sort of see parallels with what happened to me , I never wanted to be put in the spotlight or have to deal with everything it represents. I know how to change my appearance to anything I can think off, disappear professionally I thought a lot about it hair, clothes, prosthetics everything wait for this to pass run and hide hopefully make it one day to Vegas , I can never forget the problems I caused to people I know personally and the bigger picture give up everything, identity, everyone around you just to survive now nothing left anyway, it felt good talking to people about this and trying to get it off my chest for over a year I guess this is goodbye nothing left to say anyway.
-----------------------------P.risoner O.f W.ar------------------------------------
[edit on 21-10-2009 by P. O. W.]

[edit on 21-10-2009 by P. O. W.]

[edit on 21-10-2009 by P. O. W.]

[edit on 21-10-2009 by P. O. W.]

Originally posted by P. O. W.
I am a safe good person I just fell off the rest of the planet with everybody else and shouldnt have posted so much about controversial speculation or feeling like lost and nothing or just angry or ignorant about what really matters.
[edit on 21-10-2009 by P. O. W.]

The most important thing in the world - the only thing that really, in the long run, matters is finding peace within yourself and happiness wherever you are able to find it.

I've been in that place and space where I felt I needed to connect the dots and tie everything into a nice, neat package to explain the world, myself, and everything around me....and after several years of sleep deprivation, psychotic breaks, social isolation and the like...I just decided it wasn't worth it anymore.

If you can find something simple, a hobby of sorts that helps slow things down for you - painting, writing, drawing or even just meditative relaxing music - it does wonders for helping to silence the mind and soul.

I know how it feels to be worried about leaving a journal lying around that might be viewed as incriminating. I learned to cope with that fear.

For the time being, if you feel the need to "write it all out" in a safe environment, unapologetically until you get it out of your system, go right ahead.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask - anytime.