this might shed light on my conspiracyies

uhhh OK, I came here originally to consider theories I could not consider else where. I know I crashed bad destroyed myself could of been obscene of offensive, I was going through some tuff times. I already tried to get statements prepared in case I had to talk my way out of some things. Please please dont try to send me to the hospital. I am sorry OK I opened my mind too much neighbors playing punked read too much into things I saw on TV read in magazines other peoples threads. And I was trying to throw myself on the mercy of the courts, (like that battlestar galactica show) they did something like that. I was trying to escape from some problems with my neighbors or consider it what they might be doing, and I assumed some of my enemies might want to hurt me bad. I wont post or thread anymore. I now I was blacklisted not too long after arrival and I was just dealing with some serios s*** I am sorry I will try to get better. They dont have solitary around where I live if things got to a boiling point and hope they will get better in the future. I am sorry for bothering you with my juvenile messed up problems and my head being messed up and being out of touch with some things.

reply to post by P. O. W.

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That shed so much light I need these......

Hang in there brother, stay strong.

I'm glad you're here, P.O.W.

We missed you around. It almost seems to me like you wrote things down ahead of time this time. It made it a lot easier to read.

Just try to take care of what YOU are doing and make sure that YOU are doing what is right for YOU and try not to let too much negativity in your mind, my friend.

Everything will work out exactly like it is supposed to.

ahhh thanks I now I might have caused friction awhile ago and people wouldnt have had an interest or biased towards me or just spiraling out. I am sorry for not considering ahead of time pushing certain info out there just tired and worn down. I am sorry KSpigpen I might have a little more than normal paranoia and I did something really quick without thinking forgot what thread I was on, posted and struggling to apologize while seeing my situation to a lesser extent a little similiar or just messed up. I know I shouldnt always be pushing my personal politics or me me me me me or keep screaming enough so some one can hear me so it might change things. If all my statements got handed to a psych doc they would have a field day. I am sorry escalating getting harder too hold weight on my back for no reason its just been building a better part of a decade and gets heavier too hold. I am sorry for including you or doing it in front of everyone else all my things just bad. I know I might have caused problems for other people the politics of it I am sorry just survival mode kicked in awhile ago and I have just been trying to get out of this alive.

ahhh I posted on a mayan calendar thing real quick and I was also going to add those facts might not have been accurate or changed over time. I saw a video that just said the planet will be perfectly balanced at that time on its center and just end of mayan calender maybe not world or end times. And they didnt find some of those planets in it till 70s with technology.

uhhh OK this is it. You shouldnt listen to some of my wild speculation at times or when I am impulsive or so strung out I crash. This is retarted sometimes the s*** I have to deal with, whatever games people want to touch me while I am asleep. I am not getting any money out of my possible 15 year service contract. I could list cds and movies like "where did you get the ideas from". My neighbors are a$$***** just recently "we wouldnt have had this problem if you just left" READ the constitution princess, already have enough problems from high school with this town. I dont give a f*** whats on MTV , 300 million people or consumers in the country and they all love using my entire life so much. In this movie about product placement for the Truman show this girl said "you made a mockery of his life" he is a prisoner there. Destroyed myselfd in front of some old freinds and family because they shouldnt be allowed to do this in this country . The antisocial antiestablishment person who is crazy cause of physical trauma like carrying weapons or things that look like them and also framed for mass murder copycat probably wouldnt have gotten married anyway. ....129er repeat ----battlestar galactica skynet the machines ---- you can stop now if you can hear me , please stu**** ***** **** ****** ******.....

I know I shouldnt curse or keep at it but these problems arent going away. 2 /2 years taken to court then 2 1/2 years with my neighbors trying to run me out of town, I am sorrt if at times I am vulgar or obscene. I am just a kid living in my house, maybe a 11 year old did it or a 3 month 13 teenager with 3 strokes or a 17 year old minor who took 5 years to graduate. I dont know why I got the short end of the stick. My neighbors got money people in hospitals joking around or trying to bother me. I am the one they come after in their little witchhunt whatever may or may not be on TV or whatever may or may not be on MTV. I wont keep posting I know the people on this site probably dont want to read another aspect of my train wreck, I just kept feeling like I had to talk my way out of stuff. Rage against the Machine or whatever , why did I half to sacrifice about half of life for nothing but problems and problems for people I know. Markist revolution, and I tried to say there are all sorts of problems in the world genocide or war I was telling my mom everyone else watches the same idiot shows you watch or hear when we turn on a channel, 6 figures for weather man. Saw mtv today how come they are allowed to do whatever they want and I am not, say whatever or beat a dead horse . I dont know how long its going to take before things get back to normal if everyone keeps carrying on, maybe trying to arrange something, I dont know. On 6/25 I think watching "thriller" from when before I was born and his whole catalog of stuff his whole life. My life has mostly been spent clearing head or trying to get better then being locked in a room with no where to go or paranoia or court stuff or mental illness while politics are building. Really beyond rationale I never thought I would get to this point if it close to the end or almost over.

OK, I figured just try to offer up an explanation as to why I didnt make much sense or driven sometimes by emotion to spiral out. I had massive head injury then given heavy tranquilizers, and out of touch with reality sort of not fully awake or aware. Then I had personal problems my parents through me into psych and crashed was really far gone. When I got out my neighbors were trying to run me out of town away from my family and normal life. I guess anxiety and exhaustion ran me into the ground and I didnt really have a purpose in the outside world withdrawing and running. I was out of it before I arrived here up to now and just speculating on possible conspiracies, I thought if they thought I was a columbiner who stayed alive for glory I thought that would be extremely bad and over time reinforced by people joking around about the devil or just interference around me that would escalate as time went by. I just wanted to formally apologive I know I was really out of my mind for some posts or impulsive and didnt think thinks through just have been sort of fried. Missing pieces of a complete person working on it picking up pieces while I uncovered more over time , I dont know what all if any of this means. And then I kept getting pissed off from staff and people in the hostpital not treating me like I have rights or its "my" fault all of this happened. And maybe sensory or sleep or life depravation and I just kept screwing up speculating about possibilities, I am sorry.

I hate listening to the radio or watching some TV. These pretentious pop stars , god forbid you get a real job just make up s*** forever , do they even right there own songs? I had to bend over backwards cause youre not allo0wed to talk about religion, you would think after years they would have something better to sing about , lets market are business , no no I am an artist. I sing words and everyone else throghs money at me , its hard to write poetry, not when you got someone chained to an underground mafia basement. FOREVER. You dont even assume you have to pay me , they hate how it was exposed tear him down and make him look like an elist we are going to make up gay s*** , these songs practicully right themselves, beat a dead horse. What more of my life do you want for your faggy high school music , who buys youre s*** ohhh we have to look cool on TV and pretend were gangster . Because red carpet is the new high school , we done yet or you want some more ideas for your business so little kids can dance to it.

edit**** gangster rap has done so much for the prison population , and I cant write a letter in high school after TBI traumatic brain injury or else I get eternal damnation, cause no one wanted to play boyfriend girlfriend with me, who cares my speculation lead me around craziness if I am in my house and go on vision quest dont make up gay s*** and go national with it on TV too, maybe they should pay me know---

[edit on 27-9-2009 by P. O. W.]

cant edit more than once , I really (dont like) some of these no talent a$$holes retarted why do you have to include me? I was living my own life before and after high school since 95' I think and beat a dead whorse to death enough with the gay s*** of biblical damnation I cant get on MTV or the radio from coast to coast to rap battle you over trivial pursuit, where is my 50,000 dollar and a brand new car? A$$HOLES F" OFF .

OK, this is bull in a china shop again. I dont really have another outlet for my voice other than posting online, I will leave after this. When in the hospital watching fuse or something MTV lil wayne had a song from 98 or 99 "gonna run for president" whatever things are all across the spectrum on radio or TV. This is stupid waste my life away for these a$$ ***** I am not gonna be able to get a real job because you people wanna carry on forever , do you write your own music or a work with a producer? I like to sing and look cool for the cameras get into whole mentality, all my life is ruined because of you people cant write your own songs need truman life to feed off of. Thank god we are not doing this next year , maybe things will get better in a few years if my neighbors stop carrying on haunted house. Hope you get 3 brand new cars or a bigger mansion for talking on tv and at shows dont expect to give me any kickback for that or royalty checks. Oh my god (OMG) I am calling from an internment camp right now-- who said that in signatures-- OMG I predicted something. Was it titorite , yes it was fits into my situation , anything can when youre trained to see parallels or work with speech how it can be hidden, symbols. This time hopefully I wont bother you people anymore.

reply to post by P. O. W.

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There's no reason to leave my friend. Sometime you just have to give us all a little time to soak this stuff in.

I hope you are taking care of what you NEED to, for your OWN health and safety. When people are going to hate and be cruel, sometimes you just have to avoid them.

I think something that is VERY, VERY IMPORTANT, my friend, is to KEEP the NEGATIVITY AWAY.

Anger is normal, we ALL have it. Don't let it consume you. It sounds stupid, I know, but try to focus on something positive.

Do more writing! Go the the short story thread and enter the contest. Ask WolrdWatcher to give you 'WRITER' status and then you can write all of this stuff down.

You're doing a GOOD THING by getting this stuff out. Just PLEASE, DON'T LET THE ANGER GET YOU!

OK this is the final post. I just needed to apologize responsibly and professionally my misguided blindly crashing into things , I thought I could just put a better spin on it. In 2005 after I watched the tsunami on TV I was in a hotel in 2005 and I pondered suicide with Tylenol, just for a second I was going off the wall for years and I got sick and stopped, this is already part of my history with the doctors and no one needs to intervene I just couldnt deal. Religion sometimes affects peoples mental illness or in my case an ignorant child. I never meaned to offend anyone with my speculation I didnt think how they would be read. I thought for a second if I had a picture for my avatar of half of myself in a mirror with my hand over my face seeing an eye wincing in pain and the other half of the mirror maybe a skull with medusa snakes or claws of an animal or just a drawing. I know that might be too controversial and just I drew lots of messed up stuff from comic books, I dont know I almost died and was left a zombie in need of rehab for years. I was gonna call it "behind the looking glass" (what they used to call mirrors) an Alice in Wonderland reference. I have dealt with lots of stress and unable to comprehend situation and wild speculation for awhile , I am sorry for crashing so bad here repeatedly. I just hoped maybe I would reach my neighbors I think are on this site or anyone who could do something about it or just thinking out loud, I just thought I was going to be killed or my life was over and I was scared. I was drunk last time I posted and I dont know you it would reach the people here have all been extremely nice or freemasons or thinking about while watching TV. I destroyed myself and wasted a hell of a lot of time or the stress from the neighbors. I was listening to this electronic CD and it said "I never knew what I was looking for till I found you.... its all about love" and thought great why did I need to learn this lesson I cant go back for lost time and I destroyed myself and everyone hates me and cause problems for everyone. The best time of my life cause problems for other people throw life and future away and significant other. I am sorry if I offended anyone that was never my intention I was just doing this downward spiral thing, I am sorry.-----

[edit on 2-10-2009 by P. O. W.]

[edit on 2-10-2009 by P. O. W.]

I read a lot since I posted and was going to walk away, but I thought maybe add something to help. I am just a kid obviously I dont have all the answers , and I heard a quote the most intelligent thing you can say is that you now nothing at all. I just considered what everything might mean if revealations was written afterwards and I never read most or all of the bible. Just jesus was the son of god I never meant to imply I was god or try to distort things. Just I ran and hid from most of humanity or society cause I couldnt deal and I hoped things would work themselves out or go away. I just considered concepts with a childlike mind , and I know that with 2000 years of history and culture a lot of people probably know more than me to examine. I dont know what to think with a cut on my hand and trying to finish the book Behold a Pale Horse, I put this lyric in last post "its all about love" cause I thought that worked on several levels, I didnt know why or what I should do if anything or how I should end my disaster or what it means or just try to let time go by and reflect. I am sorry I am just as confused as everyone else , I would like to consider myself an agnostic , someone who hasnt made there mind up cause anything is possible. I really wish with what I know now I could go back and not cause any problems.

In my past I was critizied ridiculously, I had neighbors break in attach to my conciousness and pretend haunted house, naturally I thought I had telepathic powers in every directiuon 90 feet nexus of every thought projected and anxiety used to trip over self with these transmissions I was paralyzed. I already told stupid neighbor radio show I was going to call the cops cause I was tired of their s***, that $50,000 each house yeah thats my money, and this torture nosense get out ahhhhhh , give me my money back. I thought for a second shouldnt post again on this name then I should just dont continue same train of thought about being framed for religiuos imagery or whatever... murder was the crime that they gave me.(A snoop dog reference while he was awaited trial for murder) In behold a pale horse with the guy from naval intel and what he has to say and how much of it is true and legitimate in the book and what might not be accurate. I had massive head injury I was going through hazy uphill climb and crazy s*** for anyone who knew me. I had this inkling of an idea that these out of space battles were occuring because someone left a super sound gun on for one direction for 2 1/2 years and live feeds how tv live is fed to homes all across america and 2 way camera phones when the feed is interupted by magnetic rays. Over 7 years of my life just interupt or throw away or over 11 for their games , I am NOT getting paid for this , just state that in my rebellion against the system. I know most the people on this site probably dont wanna here this. Why dont I get them more money in the hospital, yeah right nothing is gonna happen because of this wink wink nudge nudge.

[edit on 5-10-2009 by P. O. W.]

All I have is speculation all I ever had was speculation , I am sorry for causing any problems or my attitude at times spiraling out. I just needed to put my statement out there or felt like I did at times. I know I cant pretend everything is OK and go on as normal, its just this is a really great site an open forum where you can talk about anything. A lot of things people say are really funny and some of the concepts people come up with. I can read without any identity and maybe sign on in the future a new name with an avatar pic or signature its really amazing what you do here. I dont know I might try to work out some sort of witness protection relocation program myself if I could slink away and run away and everything might go to normal. Its really a great thing to be alive when you try to put into focus for awhile try to hold on to it cherish it, its a really great time right now to be alive. I am trying to get things back to normal with what probably is going on with neighbors. I was just thinking that that would be an amazing book or story concept, reading thoughts for awhile that might come out of speakers, an examination of the human brain while inside someone alive from the inside out like a door or a window. I wont bother anyone anymore with my stuff on this site , thank you for your patience.

I tried to be honet with everything I have gathered or heard verbally. I was trying to post on my rant but that got moved to below top secret. I saw too pictures of my grandfather holding a puppy with large circles or spots around eyes and a smaller picture half the size with him holding the puppy holding a cigarette with his wedding ring on hand over the head, and the shadow of him and the person taking the picture looked like this shadow with horns and an elephant long nose with fists clenched and what looked like wearing a dress. Also cleaning the garage I saw a notebook back cover had a drawing of a mohawk indian inside there was a letter envelope with hair with hair ties like being scalped in it said Mary *****...... and the back cover had a drawing of a guy with lines above his head which looked like fire , there was some math equations in the book and both these date back to the early 50's. Just whatever may or may not be going on my life has been continually detoured for almost a decade and went through a lot of meandering around life or wasting time and I was just pissed off at the end of this if I can walk away I will be left with nothing or less than nothing baggage lost time and f' over a little bit. I now in the outside world everyone has problems just frustrated, there is this korn lyric that said "lifeless game" and thats sort of how it feels stuck in my house with nowhere to go and certain people recognizing me and having a biased opinion for some reason.

P.S. about the picture I just meant it looked a little like Sweet Tooth from twisted metal with head on fire.

[edit on 10-10-2009 by P. O. W.]

it must be terrifying to live inside your head. i am sorry for the unfair lot which you have been cast.

i hope you can find your peace, but i do not think that you will find it here.

infinite love.

Ever consider a blog? It would be much easier than a series of incoherent posts on here, each promising to be the last. You could post a link in your sig and any of us that wanted to visit and read could easily just look up your profile.

There are all kinds of people on ATS, some are very cruel. Many of them don't like me, many of them don't like anyone let alone themselves. Many people will like you, and the ones who don't, don't let it get you down they don't matter anyway.

Sorry for the erratic behavior I just had some info to get out at times and at times it felt like I was talking to myself. I just needed to put this out to the public whatever my speculation at times about things. I was going through a lot of things and I just stopped fixating on it and let it go , just relax. I dont know I was banging my head against a wall (symboliclly ) for awhile and just stressed out.