What Has Happened To The TRUE Friend?

I have given this a lot of thought lately, as it troubles me. There was a time when a friend was someone that you could trust with your most intimate secrets, someone you could share your happiness with, your sorrows, and never have to worry about them repeating anything you said, or judging you. You didn't have to wonder if they were talking about you behind your back like a bunch of middle school kids...what happened to that? What has made people change so over time? What happened to trust and loyalty? I wonder if maybe it isn't just me, that maybe as I have gotten older I have become less trusting of people... To me, people seem more petty and more self centered than they used to...am I the only one that feels this way? I have always tried to be a good friend...kept secrets, listened to woes, gotten up and gone to get friends that were in no shape to drive (all hours of the night)...the things a friend does...what has happened to the true friend mindset??

I have a theory... It went away with My Space and text messaging. People have online friends now, they aren't held to the friendship commitment that we used to know. I mean what's to be expected when your best friend lives 4000 miles away and you've never met?

I hope this thread takes off, it's an interesting topic.

Star and flag, spread the love!

I notice a lack of caring, a lack of bonding that we once had.
Its true among families too, for that matter. Everyone does their own thing and nobody seems to care.

I fell off the porch today, re-injuring my left leg. I know that leg will eventually be the death of me. Anyway, no body including my mother, has bothered to call and see how i am.

In a way its an eye opener to me. My friend, who lives next door is only interested in drinking, something i hardly ever do. She has become selfish and her time is solely devoted to her new hobby, drinking.

I dont have anyone to pour my heart out to, i feel lost and alone.

I think its the times.. Nobody seems to care. My other friends are too far away to do anything about it if they wanted to.

I dont even keep my phones plugged in sometimes. I know they are not going to ring anyway.

i noticed this sort of problem. i burned bridges with all the friends i wouldnt lay my life on the line for.

My grandma used to tell me if I had more friends then I could count on one hand I had too many. This was while I was young in school and thought I had many friends so I found her words empty.

Now at age 33 and with kids...I know now what she said was true. Many of what I called friends did not stay in touch or hung around me for something I had to offer (a home to sleep at where friends were always welcome, money, a car, ect ect...).

I now have a few friends that would drive in the middle of the night to aid me if I was to call on them. I can count them on one hand and I know this is ok. I have many people I call my friends...but these others on the one hand are my true friends.

I also learned my family loved me unconditionally...and my mother is now my best friend. We dont agree on all things...but I can trust her completely, I can place my faith in her and know I can totally depend on her to be there for me. I also know not all people have this relation with family....but I think we should still offer the unconditional part to them...even if its not offered to us the same way.

My daughter gets upset at school because she doesnt have this big group of friends. I tell her this is not what is important but I am sure my words are empty to her the same way my grandmothers words were to me. But to my surprise, my daughter took a girl in her class under her wing that the other students refused to help or give attention to because she was abit slow. My daughter made me so proud when being the better bigger kind of friend...being a friend to the person who needed it the most in her class.

Great topic....
LV

I think that it has to do with our state of reality. 50+ hour work weeks barely leave enough time for a little R&R with a significant other or the kids.

Not to mention the fact that people are changing jobs, moving from city to city so frequently, that relationships do not have time to develop.

I have had some truly great friends in my life, but like anything else in life things change, friends, unfortunately, come and go.

All I can say is hold on to those closest to you as long as you can.

nothing happened. true friends were alwars rare.








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Little words of wisdom.

At 2 points in my life, the people that I thought were my friends, never protected me, or stuck up for me, and or told me the truth(this girl was cheating on me).

It was heartbreaking(I thought is was back then), though, they all did me a favor. I kind of laugh at it now, and forgive them as well as forgive myself.

Bottom line; They were never really my good friends or friends. I don't tolerate people that are dishonest, and such, it isn't too hard to see through people's motives.

If you are not sure; Flat out ask them! Be open and honest from the beginning! It will open them up, or maybe not.

The biggest growing up for me is that I can tell anyone anything in my life, no matter how embarrassing, funny, shameful, and that I don't try to pretend to be some one or some thing I am not for fear of rejection or what ever!
For me, you see what you get. I don't care what people think of me anymore sincewe(every family) are all dealing with the same crap and no one can fool anyone, so stop trying to look for the perfect life you see other people living(you may think). It is a lie.

I kind of took off in this thread!!

"Just Be!" That's what Pam L. told me a few years ago and she is right.

Be Honest with yourself and Others! That is it. Don't make things complicated because it isn't at all. (So cut the crap!)


Don't be so bummed out, I have been there a few times. The most humbling thing is; That I chose to put myself in those situations, so most of the finger is pointed back at me instead of blaming the other parties.

Go meet new people and Find new friends. There are plenty out there.

People are people. That never changes. It may sound naive, but my belief is that to find that sort of friend, you must be that sort of friend first. No great wisdom here, just the way that I see it. It's funny, but I spoke at my best friend's memorial service just a little under two years ago. My statement was very simple, and I said, "He is my friend. Yes, I said 'is'. Death did not sever the connection. He is and will always be, my friend."

reply to post by Greenize


you know - it's funny to be reading this - I've had similar conversations several times very recently

...gotten up and gone to get friends that were in no shape to drive (all hours of the night)...the things a friend does...what has happened to the true friend mindset??

that's my criteria too - someone who will come get you - no matter what the hour or circumstance - we're all very lucky if we have one of those in our lives I think

I don't know how old you are - not sure it really matters -

but, I do think that the more involved your life becomes (marriage, kids - work, etc.) the harder it is to BE a good friend - and it's true that sometimes people grow further and further apart

it's happened to me - but I know that there are one or two people I could call in the dead of night - even if I hadn't talked to them in years - and they'd still come get me

I think

:-)

Wow! This I think may be the most insightful identification of what's gone missing in our modern society I've yet seen, and it's so simple. S&F.

If you can get even just ONE TRUE FRIEND, you're lucky, two or three, and you've got it made. Any more than five and there really isn't enough energy to be a true friend in kind.

I weap for the lonely in our world, the people who not only don't have a single friend, but who've sold themselves the lie that they are not even worthy of either having a friend, or being one to another. How sad..

I think we have much to learn from children.. they know how to make friends, and be loyal to the whole concept of friendship.

[edit on 23-6-2009 by OmegaPoint]

reply to post by OmegaPoint


That is why I really believe in making eye contact and smiling at people. Ya never know what kind of hope a smile can give someone....I have noticed in the South (where I live now) kids are taught verbal manners more so then my home state of Indiana.

When I moved down South I noticed complete strangers waving at me on the road or saying hi as we passed in the grocery stores. I was not used to this general friendliness but I have gotten used to it and it gives me a sense of security in a way of feeling like most of the people around here would help a neighbor.

reply to post by Greenize



A man generally keeps to himself unless he is drunk. We don't share feelings with friends or trade secrets.

Women are more likely to have the type of friend you are talking about.

Chalk it up to growing up.

The only time you know a true friend is when you have no one else to turn to. That is the true test.

When you are on top of the world, "friends" will be all around. It is the ones who are still around when you have nothing to offer them that are the true friends.

I never had a friend like you are talking about. I'm a guy too so maybe that's why. I always wanted to have a good friend though, but my first best friend I found out was always trying to steal my girlfriend away from me so I really never trusted guys anymore after that.

reply to post by Ace High


Amen. I remember having lots of friends when i provided lots of food at cookouts by the swimming pool.
Once we moved and the pool was gone and the food was gone, it wasnt the same.

Too bad. :shk:

WARTS and all, i'm beginning to realize that my husband is the only one who cares for me.

[edit on 24-6-2009 by dgtempe]

Originally posted by dgtempe
WARTS and all, i'm beginning to realize that my husband is the only one who cares for me.

You might be suprised at the people who care for you!

Originally posted by dgtempe
reply to post by Ace High

 

Amen. I remember having lots of friends when i provided lots of food at cookouts by the swimming pool.
Once we moved and the pool was gone and the food was gone, it wasnt the same.

Too bad. :shk:

WARTS and all, i'm beginning to realize that my husband is the only one who cares for me.

[edit on 24-6-2009 by dgtempe]

I tend to be a pretty generous guy. I have a group of friends that enjoy similar vices. I tend to show up on a Friday night with plenty of extra cigars and more. Wink. Some are quick to bring plenty of drinks, food or other. But some I can expect will bring nothing and be upset if I don't bring my usual fair. I guess I accept them for what they are. We have a good time.

If you pick right your significant other should be the one you can really rely on. Sounds like you are set there DG.

I have found that it is important to enjoy the moment when you are in it. Don't expect too much from friends and you won't be let down.

Some members have touched on aspects of this phenomenon - society is more mobile, more transient. But additionally, in a secular world full of iPods, personal computers and DVRs, there's really no common denominator binding us together.

There are hundreds of different religious denominations, if that's your thing, but most don't even go to church regularly. There's a thousand different T.V./radio stations, so there is no common vein of information or entertainment. And an endless number of web-sites occupying our time and attention.

Not to mention the family unit is barely intact, so good friends...well that's a relationship to be treasured and nurtured when you find it.

Unfortunately, in a world full of personally tailored experiences, I find many people to be too into themselves to reciprocate true friendship. But we all "know" tons and tons of people. Just look at all of the "social" web sites on the intarwebz.

Originally posted by whaaa

Originally posted by dgtempe
WARTS and all, i'm beginning to realize that my husband is the only one who cares for me.

You might be suprised at the people who care for you!

Maybe she was referring to her husband..

Edit - I meant in regards to the WARTS comment!

[edit on 24-6-2009 by OmegaPoint]