What Has Happened To The TRUE Friend?

Some people are better at keeping friends than others. My husband really knows how to do this well -- I need to take lessons from him. He probably has twenty really good friends who visit regularly, email, talk on the phone. While I, on the other hand, was always the "popular" one, I rarely bother to keep in touch (we have moved a lot with the husband's job). So really, I have my siblings, husband, kids, a couple nieces and nephews, and a stray here and there I correspond with. That's it. Between the job, house, kids, garden, pets...there just isn't enough time for me to develop close relationships.

Originally posted by ratcals

Originally posted by GorehoundLarry
reply to post by Greenize

 

Sounds like someone needs a friend or a hug...

I kidd, but I know what you mean. I had a best friend and we'd hang out all the time, every day and tell secrets. Then he just stopped answering my phone calls or responding to me on facebook.

F you former friend.

When was the last time the two of you actually spoke? He might be going through something.

I was going to suggest the same thing

I've been on both sides of this one

if somebody suddenly just disappears - it could mean that something is going on with your friend that you have no way of knowing - and that for whatever reason they either can't explain - or just can't bring themselves to explain

reply to post by Sundancer


Actually, I think you're right.

Any of you ever get annoyed with the level of mobile phone fiddling at parties?
It's insane - I hate it! Sure, there can be awkward moments of silence, but that's usually where it gets interesting; SOMEBODY has to break the silence!
Not so much anymore, people these days instantly zap out their iPhone and start playing some game, or checking their Tweets...

I often wonder if people are actually even using their phone, or if they're just acting it out in an excuse to not pay attention to the outside world for a second... then when their buddy is back with some beers the phone can go back on the table...

And what about meeting a potential boyfriend/girlfriend?

When I use the metro I always wonder how hard it must be for young people to hook up with someone, since everyone's on their iPod. No more need for "eh... ehm, it's a gorgeous day ain't it?"
Nope, the gorgeous girl can't hear you stutter coz she's listening to T-Pain...

So yeah, all in all I do think there's more shallowness and less depth in conversations these days, whether in an elevator, in the subway or at a party, simply because it has become acceptable to dive into your personal tech zone for the latest whatever update. It's easy to loose track of a conversation when people get buzzed by Twitter all the time, so we might as well just talk about the latest Tweets...!!!

Luckily for me I have a couple true friends I can count on both hands, my best friend being my wife, and we're all still old-school "turn your F'n phone off at a party" types.

in a society based on the cult of the ego, this true frienship you talk about cannot have much resonance;

we aren't supposed to have true values, because if the common people had, this whole capitalistic world would collapse in an instant !

this ego cult makes people spend more energies in appearing than in being

this makes them bored with their non-existent life,

and when you are bored with your life, see your own ego as so great and have no values, you talk/fantasm about other's life with that superiority feeling

i chose to be compassionate about the waste of their soul and I avoid unconditionnally over-tamasic (destructive) people - even if very old friend.

[edit on 24-6-2009 by ::.mika.::]

S&F !!! I have noticed that the older I get the harder it is to make good friends. They are all more concerned with what you can do for them.
I am a person that when I'm your friend, I will never turn on you and will always be there for you, but all it takes is that one stab in the back and we're done. I can never seem to get over the deep wounds that people have inflicted.
I have a quote hanging on my monitor, not sure who said it.
" Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind, and the ones who mind, don't matter".

[edit on 24-6-2009 by sickofitall2012]

Honestly, I think what happened is honesty - it’s gone.

No matter what - at some point or another in any relationship there’s going to come a time when one or the other people involved are going to have to either ask, or have asked of them, “Are you being honest”.

Lies have become such a international past time from the top down, they’re flourishing now, from the bottom up - most people have a hard time knowing truth from fiction.

Ask yourself if you can be completely honest with your friends?

“Yes, that dress does make you look fat.”
“No, I really don’t like that gift you’ve known for years I hate chocolate...”
“Yes I did see your partners car outside his/her ex’s house last night.”

Keeping honesty from someone is never kind. EVER.

And it shouldn't be. You tell the truth you remove yourself from liability (of course unless you‘re guilty)...

But, for a multitude of reasons people take an honest answer as a threat.

I’d by lying if I told you even sometimes honestly hurts when I hear it - but that’s my problem, not the friend who told me, so, I thank them for their honesty and move on.

If only it were always that easy...

So between honesty being extinct in the modern world, and, any time people might have outside of work they’re using to scrape together a life for themselves - well, combine no time and no honesty = No true friends...

peace

Good thread OP.
I have several good friends that I can count on. I really feel rich in the area of friendship, now I am not really all that great of a friend.
My good friends tell me that the quality I possess, which is why they love me is HONESTY.

That's it. All I have to do is be myself 95% honest. I left out 5% becuse come on nobody is 100% honest.

It's those blasted cellular phones, really the scurge of society, albiet usefull.

Originally posted by LeoVirgo
reply to post by OmegaPoint

 

That is why I really believe in making eye contact and smiling at people. Ya never know what kind of hope a smile can give someone....I have noticed in the South (where I live now) kids are taught verbal manners more so then my home state of Indiana.

When I moved down South I noticed complete strangers waving at me on the road or saying hi as we passed in the grocery stores. I was not used to this general friendliness but I have gotten used to it and it gives me a sense of security in a way of feeling like most of the people around here would help a neighbor.

lol, I grew up in the south. I've lived in both cities and the country. I started driving when I was 13(within certain distances). Most of the cops in town were my family, or I knew them real well. I didn't get tickets, I got whoopins.

I pretty much waved at everyone I passed by. If you are on a 2 lane road, then you just kind of wave to people as you go by. But it only happens on 2 lane roads. Multi-lane highways in cities and such, you'd never put your hand down.

And you better be honking if you drive by someone's house you know and they are home. Especially so if they are out in the yard or something and you don't have time to stop.

I really never thought of it as strange, pretty much everyone does it.

I'd say all friendships have their limits. And good friends come and go, it should be expected. I've had some really good friends over the years, and I haven't talked to them in years. It's not because they were never good friends of mine, but just because people grow apart over time. Interests change, need to move for jobs or whatever etc. Part of life IMO.

Hope to not upset too many of youse that claim no friends, but I've got several.
What I've learned is that a buddy/acquaintance/guy you know will come to bail you out of jail, your friend will be sitting in jail with you saying "Damn, we screwed up."
Take it from me, I been there.

Originally posted by Sundancer
I have a theory... It went away with My Space and text messaging. People have online friends now, they aren't held to the friendship commitment that we used to know. I mean what's to be expected when your best friend lives 4000 miles away and you've never met?

I hope this thread takes off, it's an interesting topic.

Star and flag, spread the love!

I dont believe thats the cause. My theory is that because of the media, its now taboo to be there for someone as its now considered a sign of weakness or being needy. Plus, like love...people have forgotten what it means to really be someones friend. Welcome to the world of "me". The net has become (ironically) just about the only place you can be your true self without fear of persecution (since theres a group for just about every ideology online).

Some humans are more social creatures than others. Some value "friends" and have the intense desire to be "liked." A few even have the "Disease to Please." I suspect it is part of our herd mentality.

Me, I'm more of a loner and rely very little on others besides family and my doggies. (Only source of pure joy.) I'd rather be trusted or respected than liked.

Remember the old axiom, "Blood is thicker than water." It speaks volumes.

For me personally friends come and go, but family is always there. Only problem is as I age, they are dying off. Friends are replaceable, but family is not.

I am often misconstrued as being cynical, but my honest advice. If you want a true friend. Get a dog.

And a quote about false-friends:
"Beware the flatterer, he feeds you with an empty spoon." - Cosino DeGregrio

Sincerely.......KK

P.S. A big shout out to DGTempe. Your post made me sad that you are feeling down and I hope you feel better. I'm sending you a big fat get well wish in your native tongue. Tengo albondigas en mi cabeza.

[edit on 24-6-2009 by kinda kurious]

I thought about this when I was about 14. People ultimately are self-serving and will dump you whenever you don't provide them with fun. That's when I understood how badly egoism is hurting everyone, and how egoism is something that has to be corrected. Egoism is what keeps people from loving their neighbor as themselves. People love themselves more than others, and they don't care and don't notice.


[edit on 24-6-2009 by ghaleon12]

I have one or two. I'd do anything for them, and they would for me. I dropped all the ones where that was not applicable. Heartless? Maybe. You be the judge. Sensible? Definitely. A friend who you wouldn't die for is no friend at all.

reply to post by Sundancer

I believe to have a true friend, I must first seek to BE a true friend...what energy I invest in my friendships, is the energy I get out of those very friendships..."Some things must be seen to be believed in, while some things must be believed in to be seen..."..Do not bLAME technology for loss of genuineness in friendships..but our own lack of sincerity...I personally have had the opportunity to stay in touch with friends from long ago and far away...through..forums like myspace/facebook....in the words of one of my favorite authors Dan Millman/"Way of the Peaceful Warrior"...now in human history, it is of the utmost importance to blend/balance indigenous wisdom with high technology...the path is simple..it is the student that is complex.." a path worth considering..? False Evidence Appearing Real, F--- Everything And Run, or Face Everything And Recover..paradox, humor and change...may wisdom, courage and compassion continue to light our way peace light and love..namaste'

True friends are rare indeed. I want to point out to the OP that loyalty seems to be an inherent evil. It's saying I'll give you undue respect, regardless of the circumstances for the time being. I tend to agree with silo13 that honesty is the main culprit behind a lack of true friends. Truth is quintessential to any healthy relationship. Another way of saying true friend, could simply be a truthful friend.

I don't think it's judging someone to call them out on a wrongdoing. It's being perceptive and compassionate. Some people think true friendship is allowing others to continue foolish mistakes. I think otherwise. If they are unwilling to learn, and we don't match up fairly well in values, it's obviously time to move on.

True friends are difficult to find not impossible. You just have to look harder.
I had one once. I trusted nobody but her. Then I lost her.. Now I feel all alone.
She was probably the only one who could ever be my true friend.

Now I've become a numb person and feel.. eem.. think that maybe not having a true friend at all is better than having one and then losing him/her.
I don't even have a problem with trusting others.. Could spill my guts to anyone.

Pre-Posting edit: I wrote my life story here but I deleted it out of the post. Almost did spill my guts to anyone.

reply to post by Greenize


You must be hanging with the wrong people?

I've always believed if you have even three or four real friends at the time of your death you are blessed.

The word friend is way over used today. People you cant trust are not friends they are acquaintances. They are fine to socialize with but they won't ever be anyone's real friend.

It works both ways also. If we want certain treatment we must give it first before we can expect it from others.

Thank you all for the great responses!!! A lot of insight! I have thought about this all day today, after starting this thread last night... what is a friend to me? Someone that would be there for me if I was sick, hungry, in trouble, heartbroken, for whatever reason..a perosn that I could laugh with, cry with..be myself with...after much thought there is one person that I could call....that would be my husband. I was 12 when we met, he was 18. He went off into the military and I didn't see him for years...he came back I was 18 and he 24. We dated for two weeks and got married...that was 24 years ago. After reading some of the responses here, I am quite sure that I could outside of one other person, rate the rest as aquaintences. Truth is...I am okay with that. I truly didn't realize this until I came in and read all of the posts of you great people!!! Thank you all again!

Originally posted by Sundancer
I have a theory... It went away with My Space and text messaging. People have online friends now, they aren't held to the friendship commitment that we used to know. I mean what's to be expected when your best friend lives 4000 miles away and you've never met?

I hope this thread takes off, it's an interesting topic.

Star and flag, spread the love!

Actually I care a lot about my online, long-distance friends. They are not less than someone I hang out with because they happen to be close to me geographically. Actually they're more than most of my close friends from my area who don't give a crap about me.

great thread!

good friends ARE hard to come by. i'm blessed as i have 1 BEST friend in life and a few very SOLID friends. -- that would go to bat for you anytime.

an old friend i met in the navy once taught me his quip:

"he's a nice guy, but i don't know if i'd want to be in a sticky situation with him".
(makes a ton of sense really)

it's a fine balance between give and receive. or pre-conceived/expected receive.
also, the older people get, the more they probably have their friend-group deeply established, and it's at the largest manageable capacity that one could juggle.

i think REAL friends have to start from REAL people, and THAT'S the rare part.