How Much Wood/Woodchuck Paradigm

So...

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?



I haven't been this stumped since the "Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?" paradox.

Uh huh

But would a woodchuck chuck wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Can a woodchuck get wood?

reply to post by GENERAL EYES


Richard Thomas, a wildlife expert from New York, estimated that a woodchuck moves about 700 pounds of dirt in building its burrow...so, he estimated that over that same time and effort, a woodchuck could chuck 700 pounds of wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood.


That's about as good as it gets I'm afraid.

Source

1. He would chuck, he would, as much as he could, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

2. If he could chuck wood, the woodchuck would chuck as much as he could!

3. A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

4. A woodchuck would chuck all the wood that the woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

5. If a woodchuck could chuck wood, he would and should chuck wood. But if woodchucks can't chuck wood, they shouldn't and wouldn't chuck wood. Though were I a woodchuck, and I chucked wood, I would chuck wood with the best woodchucks that chucked wood.

6. If a woodchuck could chuck wood, then s/he'd chuck all the wood, s/he'd chuck and chuck and chuck and chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

7. It would chuck the amount of wood that she sells seashells on the seashore divided by how many pickles Peter Piper picks.

8. One quarter of a sycamore if you give him a quarter for every quarter of the sycamore he cut.

9. It might depend on how many female woodchucks were present. Or, it could depend on whether the woodchuck's mother-in-law was around or not. If she was, he'd be chucking all day. If not, he'd be watching the football game.

10. Some maintain that woodchucks could not and would not chuck wood at all.

11. It depends on how good his dentures are!

12. A woodchuck, would chuck, as much wood, as a woodchuck, could chuck, If a woodchuck could chuck wood. But unfortunately, woodchucks do not chuck wood.

13. About 5.72 fluid litres of wood

14. About as many boards as the Mongol hoards would hoard if the Mongol hordes did hoard boards.

15. Um....... 23????

16. Tons. More than you can count. Honestly. No one can chuck more would than a woodchuck.

17. If the woodchucks name was Maurice, then it could chuck all the wood that it wants to. However, if its name is Frank, no chucking would be for it.

18. Due to the average size of a wood chuck and the general density of wood (not including cork) if a wood chuck could chuck wood it would probably get through about 6.573 pounds per day, assuming the wood chuck is functioning correctly.

19. OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!!!

20. WHAT 9000!?!?!

21. Using the formula: (W + I) * C where W = the constant of wood, which is well known to be 61, as agreed in many scientific circles. I = the variable in this equation, and stands for the word "if" from the original problem. As there are three circumstances, with 0 equaling the chance that the woodchuck cannot chuck wood, 1 being the theory that the woodchuck can chuck wood but chooses not to, and 2 standing for the probability that the woodchuck can and will chuck wood, we clearly must choose 2 for use in this equation. C = the constant of Chuck Norris, whose presence in any problem involving the word chuck must there, is well known to equal 1.1 of any known being, therefore the final part of this calculation is 1.1. As is clear, this appears to give the answer of (61 + 2) * 1.1 = (63) * 1.1 = 69.3. However, Chuck Norris' awesome roundhouse kick declares that all decimal points cannot be used in formulas such as this, and so it must be rounded to the final solution of 69 units of wood.

22. Well, then how much wood, would a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck, Chuck Norris?

I was always taught "As much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood."

I've always wondered...How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck was Chuck Norris?

Originally posted by Givenmay
I've always wondered...How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck was Chuck Norris?

There wouldnt be any trees left on the planet...