Why do I get slapped down short of any success?

Anyone here ever read the book "Candide" by Voltaire? It describes this phenomenon to a "Tee". Some people are Dr. Pangloss' with their irrepressible optimism, while others like myself are Candides..LOL

So, all of you people who say it is "negative thoughts", can you explain the "brand name" phenomena with me? As I said, this isn't just me claiming it happens, but my friends have noticed it happening to. Any theories?

BTW, in those cases of bad/weird things always happening, the negative thoughts start coming AFTER you notice the correlation, NOT before. In other words, it's not the negative thoughts that start the spiral, it is the spiral that starts the negative thoughts, usually LONG after this phenomena has become noticeable.

wylekat,

Your statement:

Suggestions, theories, and constructive ideas accepted. The "that's life" crowd will be ignored wholesale. I already stated why this isnt 'life'.

I'm not going to skirt this issue. THAT'S LIFE AND YOU MUST DEAL WITH IT OR IT WILL DEAL WITH YOU.

You ask for suggestions. What do you want? Cheats? Do you think this is a game? Ways to bypass the system?

You ask for theories. What do you want? Other people with the same mental blocks so that you can all bask your ill-fortune?

Now perhaps by this line I've lost you. You placed a mental block up there and I wanted to fulfill it because things like that will not go away.

A smart man once told me you can learn something for everyone. The garbage man, the old lady, the person making this post. Anyone. And if you choose not to, then so be it.

I spent some time yesterday and this morning thinking about your post and here are some recommendations:

1. Be thankful for what you have right now. You may feel unfortunate but things could be worse. You could have been born an insect. You could have failed in childbirth. You could have been born in a different time as a slave. You could have had to carry your water out of a well and grind your own grain. There are an infinite other possibilities that are less fortunate than what you have right now. The glass half full view applies to everything.
   
2. Watch Achieving Your Childhood Dreams by Randy Pausch - the roadblocks are there for a reason.
   
3. Read the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. Is it a self help book? Yes, one of the first but get past your initial gut reaction and read it. After reading it, read it again. After that read it again and take notes. This is an important book to read.
   
4. Rent the "Shawshank Redemption". Try to understand the important underlying lesson of this film.
   
5. Rent the movie "Gattaca". Another film with an important theme and lesson.
   
6. Another good movie: The Persuit of Happiness
   
7. Hopefully you are a Trek fan? Rent Star Trek 2 - The Wrath of Khan. Part of the theme here is the ability to turn a lose/lose situation into a something winnable.
   

We can't control everything in our lives. When I take a flight I have to come to face with the fact that the pilot might err or the plane might fail. But still, we do have a remarkable amount of control of our lives don't we?

Should we see failure as an unstoppable force that prevents us from achieving our dreams or as a challenge? What is more satisfying? A game that is easily won or a game that makes your bead sweats in the process?

And finally I recommend you reevaluate your goals. You mention an online game, a marriage, a job. Now I used to be a heavy gamer but eventually I came to the conclusion that games have the uncanny ability to detract you from real life and that real life is a game in and of itself. Its more important for me to win something meaningful rather than a few bits in some computer program. Marriage and a job? You have good odds of achieving those goals but is that what you really want? How about love? How about a career? Why not aim higher? If you aim high enough and still fall short you may still live a life only others dream of.

Take care,

Obsidience

reply to post by sir_chancealot


I think it's partially because the brain is so focused (whether conciously or subconciously) on these events unfolding within our lives that it seems to compound the sevrity of what is actually occuring. We think it's worse than it is because we are sort of DWELLING on it and not realizing we are

.Basically the positive thinking won't necessarily be the cause for a change of good things but will help your ouitlook be more optimistic, which in turn will help you notice the small blessings we take for granted.At least that makes sense in my head. (Hope I explained that to make sense).

I tell you what though. I rather deal with what we call PROBLEMS in today's society than be fighting a saber tooth tiger with a stick to feed my family.

reply to post by sir_chancealot

BTW, in those cases of bad/weird things always happening, the negative thoughts start coming AFTER you notice the correlation, NOT before. In other words, it's not the negative thoughts that start the spiral, it is the spiral that starts the negative thoughts, usually LONG after this phenomena has become noticeable.

EXACTLY. I did not end up born with negative thoughts, and I visualized myself into a near frenzy. I could see myself working where I wanted to. I wondered about the names of the kids me and my wife would have- I WAS PLANNING MY LUNCHES THERE FOR GOD'S SAKE. Someone could have dangled cash in front of my face to not go, and I would have refused it. Any amount. After all this blew up, everything else did, too. Like a chain reaction.

[edit on 20-1-2009 by wylekat]

Believe that you deserve it...not on a superficial level but at a deeper subconscious level. You might need to work on your Karma.

I too considered myself one of those ''unchosen ones''. However, just a day ago I pulled a prank on some people I know on the internets, faking my suicide.

One would think that this would bring about bad karma and make me die for real, but for some reason I got rewarded instead!

Originally posted by wylekat
reply to post by sir_chancealot

 

BTW, in those cases of bad/weird things always happening, the negative thoughts start coming AFTER you notice the correlation, NOT before. In other words, it's not the negative thoughts that start the spiral, it is the spiral that starts the negative thoughts, usually LONG after this phenomena has become noticeable.

EXACTLY. I did not end up born with negative thoughts, and I visualized myself into a near frenzy. I could see myself working where I wanted to. I wondered about the names of the kids me and my wife would have- I WAS PLANNING MY LUNCHES THERE FOR GOD'S SAKE. Someone could have dangled cash in front of my face to not go, and I would have refused it. Any amount. After all this blew up, everything else did, too. Like a chain reaction.

[edit on 20-1-2009 by wylekat]

Don't listen to those with no experience of what you are going through. I've been there, done that. Check the U2U that I sent you, and seriously consider the advice I gave. It worked for me, and it might work for you.

reply to post by Kandinsky


The poster I replied to above has it 100% spot on. Your outlook on life creates your outcome in line. When ever I start getting bad luck I take a second and stop to think about what I want in life and what things I may be dwelling on that I shouldn't, its amazing how fast stuff turns around. Although I haven't been made rich with the law of attraction I have a very good life. I bought my first house when I was 21 and got married at 25, I had set these goals for myself very early on.

Every year I sit down and tell myself how much money I want to make and the last 2 years I have cleared 6 figures. My goal was to do that before I was 30 and I turn 29 in feb.

Sit down and write on paper your goals you would like to achieve. Then write out in detail how reaching these goals will make you feel ( this should be a positive , if not pick new goals). Put pictures up of your goals so that it helps you visualize them.

I hope this helps

The bottom line is some people are born with silver spoons in their mouths, while others have to settle for the dollar store plastic variety, and be happy that they have a spoon at all.

It's so easy to sit back and say you can achieve anything you want, especially when you have the resources and backing to do so. I've heard so many rich people with their "Ragged Dick" stories that it makes me ill.

i will never feel the ribbon break, i dont want inscription on a plack, the only battle i will fercely fight is one that hibernates inside my head

I am a big believer in the idea that you don't always get what you want, but you will always get what you deserve. I feel that it is very easy for the majority of people to simply put blame on others and outside sources, instead of looking inward as the cause of the majority of their problems. Also, I am a big believer in the notion that depending on your outlook, it will ultimatley affect all aspects of your life. Meaning, that if you consistently expect for there to be problems, you'll have a tendancy to ignore your accomplishments and instead focus on the negatives and failures. Simply put, it is easy for a person to place blame on everyone and everything but themselves, but very few people can acknowledge that it is by their own actions and outlook, that determines the success within their lives.

[edit on 21-1-2009 by nickendres]

Like a lot of other people here I would like to say, that you my friend are not alone.

When I would tell friends of my problem of being right on the edge of success and then have the carpet pulled, they would never believe me. Then one of them saw it with her own eyes just how close, I was on several occasions,, she was shocked. I laugh about it because what can you do, this is life. Keep a sunny disposition at all times. She couldn’t believe that I would laugh at the failure. It would’ve killed her.

I also joke with friends saying that I think I was Hitler in a past life, and the powers that be are getting there revenge.

Just remember just because other people are more successful does not mean that they are happier.

Make the best of what you have, and things will fall into place the best they can.

Maybe do what George Costanza did, do the complete opposite. Instead of ordering tuna salad sandwich, order a chicken salad sandwich.

I understand completely the OP. My life turned way into the "dark side" some years ago. From having a nearly "perfectly normal" life, my mother died on a car accident and then Hell came to my life. Dozens of really serious related and completely unrelated problems suddenly appeared and my life was never the same again.
I kept strong, and still do, but things just never again worked out. Can't solve my problems, every time I have an "opportunity" it turns out to be a new nightmare or unsuccesful at least, and believe me, I tried every posible attitude towards my life, so I completely understand the OP with his "no that's life" request.
It may sound selfish, but I'm not thankful for having a computer, for instance. I am thankful for having born in an environment where I never had to struggle to eat, for instance. But in no way having a computer compensates the sheer amount of problems I have. And lots of them are things that really seem like something or someone is deliberately trying to destroy me.
I developed a "I don't give a *snip* anymore" attitude so I don't care too much anymore for my troubles, feel beaten already, but still trying to improve as there is no other way for me. And things keep happening, so I know it's not an attitude problem or how do I face life.
I believe partially on the supernatural phenomena based on some experiences I had in my life, some of them related to the beggining of my "new life", but I don't care too much for the "law of attraction" and all that newagey stuff. I simply don't believe it. At best, I do believe there may be some unknown forces or phenomena that manipulates our lives somehow, but no one knows these things yet. Or maybe someone does, but we'll never know.

Well, my sympathies to the OP, and I hope this makes you feel like you're not alone.

Originally posted by nickendres
... but you will always get what you deserve. ...

By your theory, if a child gets molested, they "got what they deserved". By your theory, a murder victim (whether they are known to the murderer or not) "got what they deserved". By your theory, the people in the twin towers "got what they deserved" on 9/11.

Care to rethink your position?

reply to post by wylekat


Relaxation is the answer as in a relaxed mind. Just let the good things flow to you without worrying or analyzing. I think you try to take over, to take control of the good things. See it like this: you take a seed, put it in earth, give it all the water, light and nutrients it might need, and then....you let it be.

Originally posted by wylekat
Well, there's part of it. I drove myself to exhaustion to try to get where I wanted to be. And I'll be honest... it wasn't as much fame of fortune as some of you might think. I had a goal of working at one place- even if it was something like cleaning... and move to a job in the same company where I could use my talent. I Do some art, I have acting / voice acting skills. I wanted one woman for my wife.... and not one tiny BIT of it even came close to coming true. In fact, the exact opposite happened. And not only did the opposite happen, it was unreal as to the way it did- kinda like being mocked by the universe itself.

I am no better than anyone else... I have talent, I have a brain (for the most part), I had drive... oh boy, did I have drive. And I have had the universe suck me into a smelly, dark hole, chew on me, and spit me out. And meanwhile, watch others who didn't do a fraction of the work I did, breeze right on by.

And yeah... I am neither tall nor good looking.... to the point I had one woman refer me to a blind girl for dating since she 'wouldn't have to look at me every morning for the rest of her life'- and even the blind girl stopped talking to me all of a sudden- like someone pulled a plug. I mean literally. almost mid sentence.

I haven't cheesed off anyone big. At least, I don't remember doing that. I am sure being on the site has changed that...

As for having the essentials... that's a bit like telling someone clinging to the edge of a cliff "well, at least you didn't fall!" and leaving them there. What's the sense of surviving, when one has the potential for more? Possibly much more? It doesn't make a lick of sense. I am gonna review the replies and go thru each one in detail.

Okay dear wylekat, now i vividly see you and the life you lead. And because of that, i must be very harsh to you, to remind you of some things you seem to have forgotten. I hope it will lead you to a different track, though i doubt it. For the only one who can help you is yourself, no words, no friends, no woman, no good work! I'm serious.

So how can i possibly help you? I can't the only thing is, i can remind you to help yourself.

I tell you: I know lots of people that are the same as you are: These people have a bad and unhealthy look in their eyes, no one likes it. Their back is stiff, no one likes it. Their voice is always too harsh or too as*licking friendly, no one likes it.

Look into the mirror: Would you like a guy like yourself? No? So now you know the reason for your apparent failures. Its obvious. After many failures the failure is written in your face. Its written into your body and into your soul. So. Damn it:

Change yourself

You don't know how? Yeah, because its lot of work! Start with relaxation. Deep. But you cant do this. So start a therapy, it usually does no harm. Then think about your self HONESTLY. And face the truth.

You fell down. But there are many ways back to your feet, but all are painful. And all involve work. And all need patience. And honesty. Your way is long and there is no fast solution - but look at the sun, look to flowers and to the sky. You forgot the joy of living. If you only have a tiny feeling of joy left, you are very lucky.

All my love

reply to post by wylekat


I thought it was just me. Sometimes I feel as if there's an omnipotent being that has nothing better to do than to screw with me.

Maybe the trick is, to find the things you enjoy, then you can fail, but even when you do you can have a good time trying. And maybe just re-evaluate your own view of what it means to be "successful" at anything.

Online games, lol i have spent a lot of time on those myself. Let me tell you, i have always been the one that 9 out of 10 times gets totally owned.
For a long time i would get frustrated and smash my mouse or keyboard. But it makes that 1 time when i win, so much sweeter. Once i really could appreciate that, it wasn't so bad anymore and i had a lot more fun and learned to have more laughs and just enjoy the experiences. I then learned to apply this to my real life, and you know, it really did make a difference. Yeah life is still often a huge PITA, but just being able to look at it differently has helped me. I don't have any amount of serious money, i have always just owned used cars with well over 50,000 miles on them. But you know, i feel quite successful. It also helped when i stopped judging success based on what the world tells me, and started judging it from what my heart tells me it should mean.

k im only a kid. 15 yoa but my parents are brakin up so evrythin is goin wrong for me. but i just think "im worse of then some people, yet better off then others" and have a look at the ppl i no and compare there life situations to mine and find that the term "im worse of then some people, yet better off then others" is true. and somewat comforting to think that i can help anyway i can to people whom are wirse of.