posted on Dec, 29 2008 @ 10:07 AM
One thing I would like to add is that I know it is easier to become bored, indifferent or angry in any long term relationship.
It's easier to just go down that road and give into that. It's very, very common for most couples to eventually go down that road.
I am a very creative/imaginative and inventive person, it's what I do for a living. I'm not bragging, if I have any good qualities these are
So, I have been making conscious efforts to reinvent the way I think about my wife. It is easier (takes much less effort) to get bored with someone
you see everyday, it happens in most marriages.
It's easier for me to look at wife and say, blah... But how would that help anything? You will eventually feel that way with anyone you've been with
for many years. But here's what I do; I actually try to maintain a "fantasy" view of my wife. Put her on a pedestal in my mind. Where I continue to
It takes effort to do that, you have to work at it and use your imagination but it works and it becomes reality. I did this very consciously.
I think most people just give into that common route where the couple becomes bored and indifferent towards each other. After many years it is easier
to look at other people, be attracted to other people, have affairs. But how does that serve anyone? Where does it get you?
I believe it gets you nowhere. You get bored/indifferent because you can't use your imagination, don't know how to reinvent your love, or interest
in each other. So you go down that all to common road, find someone else. At first it's incredible (just as it was when you first met your wife), it
feels great and exciting and you love everything about your new mate.
Until 10-15 years later, you'll be right back where you were; indifferent and bored. Where is this getting anyone?
Everyone talks about find their "soul mate", like some extraordinary magical event will be bestowed upon you. You won't have to work at it, or you
won't need to use your imagination, inventiveness, etc. It will just be wonderful all the time. I don't believe such a thing exists. Why should
It's always wonderful and magical in the beginning, always.
I'm just addressing the "boredom" topic. Becoming bored and angry are the easiest things to do in a very long term marriage. You're both working
all the time, paying incredible bills/mortgage, raising kids, and dealing with all kinds of other stuff. It's easier to get angry at each other
because things aren't perfect and it's easier to become bored with each other.
People don't usually try to reinvent their love for each other until after someone's had an affair, or something as significant occurs. They do it
(reinvent themselves) at those points at of fear, fear of the unknown fear of losing security, etc. They don't do it just to do it, even before there
are any signs of problems.
I've been trying to do these things proactively even before there were any signs of problems, when things were great. Always thinking of ways to stay
interested, to make things interesting, reinvent the way I think about my wife. It took a lot of though, effort and time. But it does work if your
efforts are well received. If your efforts go unreceived, or ill-received what do you do. That's where I am now.
[edit on 29-12-2008 by Electro38]