posted on Dec, 27 2008 @ 07:26 PM
My "friend" I'm referring to is really me. But I was embarrassed to admit, now getting over it.
She is 39 and she was never[U] very[/U] affectionate. But for the past 4 years she was always initiating sex, now that has stopped and when I approach
her she is uninterested.
I did initiate communication with her as I always do. She comes from a family where this kind of communicating did not happen, "communicating"
especially for a man was something they didn't do. In her family a man did not express his feelings, ever. But, I'm different.
So, I asked to have a talk with her and said; "I think you are very angry with me...", she said yes that's true. Then she gave me a list of things
she was angry with me about.
So I said; "if I complete all of the tasks and correct all of the mistakes on the list will you like me again?"
I guess I was supposed to read her mind? If I hadn't asked to talk with her a few nights ago I would never have known any of this, I would never have
known she had an invisible list of demands I should have been achieving.
I told her, how was I supposed to know these things if she doesn't communicate them to me?
I don't hold her to any demands, or expect her to perform a bunch of tasks in order to receive my love. She doesn't have to do anything and I would
I think many times when a woman gets depressed they can take it out or get angry with their husbands/boyfriends. The husband becomes the object of
their frustration. It's as if I've become the enemy.
The things she listed for her reasons for being angry at me seemed like excuses. No one is perfect and it is easy to find faults with anyone and use
those as excuses for being angry and distant.
It was often like this before my son was born, five years ago. Back then I suggested that we should split up. She didn't want to and the next thing I
knew she wanted to have a baby. So she wanted to have sex often. We had sex every night, and to a dumb guy that feels like love. You begin to think
this is love.
After my son was born we moved into a new house and things were great between us, she often initiated sex, and that made me feel closer to her, it was
fun and exciting. It was like this until about 6 months ago as I mention in my post above. After about 5 years things steadily declined until now, she
isn't even receptive to a hug during the day or an affectionate kiss, or cuddling on the couch.
I work at home running my own business. I spent a lot of time raising my son from the time he was born until now while my wife works as a nurse.
It was very difficult trying to run a business part time while taking care of my son. My business required a full time commitment, but I believe it
was well worth it to raise and take care of my son since he was born.
I was always afraid things might change between my wife and I when my son started kindergarten, simply because I would become less important then,
since my son is at school 5 days a week for 7 hours a day.
So since he started kindergarten I have been able to remodel/finish work in our house. Things that my wife has been waiting for me to do. Since I
haven't been able to pursue my business full time until just now, I haven't been making a lot of money, however I have always made money with my
business, just not a lot.
I thought now I can finish work in my house and get my business up to full speed. I have made progress however perhaps not fast enough.
I still need to take care of my son often when my wife works 12 hour shifts 3 days a week, but have much more time now to get things cooking, which
they are. But without much credit, or recognition. I think I deserve a pat on the back. I don't know many fathers who have spent so much time raising
their kids. I mean diapers and feeding from newborn onward, everyday for the past 5 years and at the same time trying to run a business and remodel a
So now I am presented with a list of demands and excuses as to why she's very angry with me. After all of this, five years later I've become the