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My ATS Story

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posted on Mar, 17 2004 @ 05:03 PM
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Feck me ! - that was good !!! I wasn't expecting any ATSers to die this early in the story. It was like the first time I saw Wrath of Khan ... it was "Feck me, they killed Spock !"

Excellent as usual.

[Edited on 17-3-2004 by Pisky - not enough drink means more typos]

[Edited on 17-3-2004 by Pisky]




posted on Mar, 18 2004 @ 08:47 AM
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Great story, I can't wait for the next chapter, exelent descriptions too, Keep it up.



posted on Mar, 18 2004 @ 11:09 PM
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Man! I just joined ATS and 3 hours later, finished going though your entire story! I want more! MORE I tell ya!! can't wait!



posted on Mar, 20 2004 @ 12:26 AM
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Well, you did as I asked. Good work, people. To show how much I appreciated your comments and u2us, I wrote up an extra demi-chapter to tide you all over until Sunday. Enjoy.




Chapter 21:Falling towards Apotheosis

Deus winced as John Bull pulled the bandage around his forearm tight. The sorry state of affairs was that JB had been rushed away from his comfortable armory to help the victims of the night’s battle and ease the pressure off the flooded infirmary and overworked doctors.

“You’re lucky this isn’t broken, son.”

“Yeah, I’m lucky like that. Done?”

“Done. Go visit your boys.”

“Thanks, JB.”

DE stood, letting the next person in line receive his first aid. Deus had been shoved to the front of the line, despite his wound being ‘superficial’. A stray round had gone clean through his left forearm, leaving a messy, painful, but not life threatening wound. Despite this, the fourteen other wounded in line shoved him to the front. JB and others with basic first aid skills had been contracted to deal with the tidal waves of wounded. Others still had gone out and draped sheets over the remains of the dead. However, inside the infirmary, it was bedlam.

Parrhesia and her assistants were running amok, trying to keep everything under control. People were screaming, bleeding, twisted on every available cot. Thankfully few of Deus’s men and women were there. In the distance, he saw Gothique sitting on a stool. She looked at him briefly. Rather, not at him, but through him. A sixteen year old girl behind her applied something to her face. It contorted in pain, and she looked down. The wound seemed minor. He looked among the bleeding for him men as Parrhesia worked feverishly on someone. All the suffering around Deus was incredible.

He walked to the foot of the bed where a medtech and Parrhesia were working. Suddenly, Deus realized the blood-soaked being was Saucerat. The medtech and Parrhesia dashed off to the next case, leaving the two alone. Deus slowly advanced to his best friend’s side. Most of the hair on the left side of his head was matted and caked with blood and viscera. His head lolled from side to side as the drip of the swayed with his movements. Deus was horrified at what had happened to his friend.

From the looks of things, the bullet had hit Saucerat in the eye at a forty-five degree angle. The eye itself was gone, and the bullet had pierced the socket on the other side and exited the head, thankfully missing the brain. However, SR was a wreck. Part of his head was burst open. He no longer had one eye, and had lost a lot of blood. His eye was packed with gauze that was rapidly turning crimson, and the left side of his head was thickly wrapped in bandages.

Sauce’s head slowly came to a halt, his single brown eye focussing on DE’s face. Immediately, DE grabbed his friend’s hand and clasped it.

“Did...did we do-do it?”

“Yeah, Sauce. We did. You did great out there.”

“We fo...fo...fought well?”

“You and me, we were the hammer of the gods.”

“You...you...”

Saucerat became incoherent, then passed out a few moments later. Parrhesia was suddenly there beside DE, yelling to the other medics. She turned to him.

“Deus, if we don’t get more supplies, Sauce isn’t going to make it. We need more of everything-bandages, IV’s, needles, whatever you can get.”

“You want me to go back out there?”

Parrhesia bit her lip.

“Yes.”

Deus heard footsteps behind him and turned around. He watched TDH approach, and realized it was going to be a long, long night.





DE



posted on Mar, 20 2004 @ 12:35 AM
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this is some awsome stuff!!!

I caught the first few chapters then had to go out of town for a while, and came back to an epic in the making!!!

keep it up!



posted on Mar, 20 2004 @ 07:37 AM
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Yes... It seems I have enough volunteers for the story for now. Aside from that, keep up the flood of U2u's and replies. It really spurs me on. Again, enjoy the extra chapter.

DE



posted on Mar, 20 2004 @ 08:10 AM
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Deus, this is flowing so nicely I got to wonder who are you plagerizing?
Seriously, this is exellent work. Thanks for the extra installment.



posted on Mar, 20 2004 @ 08:28 AM
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Herr Intrepid came up with a brilliant idea this morning, so he gets credit.

So here's the idea- I'm having a contest for a new title for this story. U2U it to me- no replies will eb accepted as entries. Everyone has until Wednesday 24th of March to submit title ideas.

The prize goes as such:

You win, you get bumped up to being a recurring minor character. If you're one already, you get bumped up to major characters. Major characters can't play...unfortunately.

Second and third place get honorable mentions. So, go to and confound them their language...


DE

[Edited on 20-3-2004 by DeusEx]



posted on Mar, 20 2004 @ 10:41 PM
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Title contest sounds like a good idea DE. I'm looking forward to seeing how it turns out.


Meanwhile, I've posted another chapter of my own ATS Story, which will give a parallel view to DE's latest offering, while setting the stage for another story arc to begin.

[Edited on 3/20/2004 by TheDemonHunter]



posted on Mar, 20 2004 @ 10:52 PM
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And I have posted yet another chapter in mine, still telling how my character got into this crazy mess in the first place.
Replies would be nice.



posted on Mar, 21 2004 @ 02:24 AM
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You three are doing sterling work. All I can say is that I'm relieved that my own story is based some thousands of miles from yours - I doubt I could write about America as well as you do.



posted on Mar, 21 2004 @ 11:57 PM
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Chapter 22: Midnight Driving

DE grabbed whoever he could find as quick as possible. Intrepid and Baked had been down in the trenches with him, and had suffered only a few bumps and bruises. They had been hanging around the infirmary, so he yelled at them to come with him. Two more grunts were assigned by TDH before Deus could object. The five collected outside the infirmary before trying to muscle their way past the crowds of bystanders clogging the stairs down to the armory. Over all the mumbling and shuffling of feet, Deus heard the slap of boot on cement. He turned, cradling his injured arm. His expression turned from rage to concern at the sight of Gothique -her face bruising and a large wad of gauze over one cheek- running to catch up to the group.

“What’re you doing?”

“Chris, I’m coming. No, shut up. Listen to me- I care about Saucerat. He needs my help, so I’m coming along.”

Deus sighed, and reluctantly agreed. They shoved their way through the mob, forcing their way to the armory. JB followed at a distance, and unlocked the cage. Everyone either had or borrowed only a pistol, since this was a raid, not a ‘combat’ mission. John handed out two magazines or a handful of ammo to each person, nodding. Deus nodded back, and looked at the older man. He had a family, and he had kids. So did Intrepid. And yet, they were just as stuck as Deus. It saddened him slightly as he shoved his way back upstairs.

The six jogged out to the moved carpool, and quickly broke off into three-man teams. Deus, Intrepid and Gothique split for a Ford pickup, with Baked and his team immediately selecting the Hummer. Deus headed for the driver’s side right off the bat. Intrepid grabbed him by the elbow of his wounded arm, causing DE to wince.

“Remember this, fearless leader? Yeah, I’m driving. Anyways, you prolly drive like a pussy.”

Rudely shoved aside, he tried to circle around to the passenger side. Gothique was already there, and laughed a little as she bent the seat to allow him into the back. Deus grumbled, and crammed in, his knees up to his face. Intrepid peeled out the instant DE’s seatbelt clicked, and soon they were on the road.

“Ya know DE, at first I thought you were just some punk promoted ahead of me by that basket case Demonhunter. Now, I realize that I was never really meant for it- command, I mean.”

DE’s eyes were glued to the twisting, pitch-black roads that were barely lit by the powerful highbeams. Intrepid continued driving one handed, gesturing vaguely at DE as his soliloquy continued.

“You’re a good leader. Everyone’s afraid of you, though. Doesn’t matter, it’s only the people who hide underground. #ing civvies, can’t be bothered to pick up a gun and defend themselves.”

“TREE!TREE!” screeched his passengers, pointing out into the darkness.

“Oh, whoops,” Intrepid commented as he swerved around it and continued talking.

“You’ve been shot as many times as anyone else has...”

Intrepid’s commentary and non-stop insults to other bunker members finally slowed a half hour later, when the convoy reached the nearest town. The streetlights were still on, and garbage clogged the streets. Not a soul was seen. Shutters and doors banged in the slight breeze. The two trucks slowed to a crawl, looking along the rows of abandoned houses and stores for a doctor’s office or HMO. The feeling of urgency had been replaced with one of sheer dread. All around them, there was nothing but the rustle of garbage in the wind. Even Intrepid shut up. The sight of the emptied town boggled their minds. It was as if everyone had simply vanished in mid-step. Abandoned cars lined the sides of the road, some with doors still open. Yet, no signs of violence could be seen. No blood, no casings, no body parts, no struggle. It chilled them to the bone.

Silence wrapped around them. Not even a dog’s bark could be heard. Suddenly, Gothique shouted as she spotted a doctor’s office and pharmacy. The engine growled and the truck sped up to it, disgorging the passengers. Before they even hit the ground, the three of them had already drawn their weapons. The glass door was open, and as they stepped inside, they found everything coated in a fine layer of dust.

“Intrepid, get into the doctor’s office, and see if you can wrangle some stuff up. Gothique, let’s hit the pharmacy.”

Within moments, armloads of drugs, medical implements, food and ammunition was being carried into the backs of the idling trucks by the nervous men and women. They swept the area quickly, trying to grab as much as they could as fast as they could. Firearms lying around the fishing and hunting store were largely ignored (the bunker already had more than it needed) but most other supplies were taken without question. In the doctor’s office, a nervous Intrepid swept from room to room, grabbing what he could carry. However, once he reached he final examining room in the row, he was shocked. They had found their first survivor.

The older man, only about forty five, was carefully dragged back to the Hummer and placed inside. Backed and his crew grabbed whatever they could, dumped it in the back, and took off for the bunker. Only moments behind them, DE and the others climbed aboard. Gothique opted for the flatbed this time, trying to stabilize the medical equipment they now carried- several IV bags, sacks of pills, and some blood. It meant the world to her that they made it back to the bunker.

They drove off, Intrepid scratching at his five-day salt and pepper stubble. His eyes were wide open, and he kept glancing in the rear-view mirror. He was still deadly quiet thought. Deus was spooked by the silence of his comrades in turn, and held his pistol at the ready. Halfway back to the bunker, Gothique tapped on the window.

“I think I can hear another car!” she yelled over the wind.

Soon enough, her words proved true. The bright lights of another Humvee soon appeared behind them. A man leaned out the window, M16 in his hands. Another sat up top, manning the .50. Bullets began to pelt the back of the truck, shattering both rear lights. A line of holes appeared in Deus’s door, but most went wide. A large number of bullet holes appeared around Gothique and she shielded the supplies with her body. She screamed for help before opening up on her own. Deus leaned out the passenger side window, listening to the wind whistle through the trees not five feet from his head. He emptied what remained in his clip from the previous battle before sending the empty clip bouncing into the interior of the car. Intrepid remained tight lipped, trying to maintain a balance of outrunning the enemy and letting Deus and Goth snap off shots at them.

The firefight continued as both vehicles sped through the darkness. Gothique emptied her first clip rapidly before she realized that aiming would benefit her much more. Three shots into her last clip, the .50 gunner’s head exploded in gore as one of her rounds found its mark. Deus had already stolen Intrepid’s revolver after his pistol jammed. He too took to aiming, starring the Hummer’s windshield repeatedly. Eventually, several rounds from both shooters hit the engine block. Steam rose from the radiator as the hummer crawled to a halt. Deus and Gothique panted, pressing their hands up against one another’s and resting their heads on the glass that separated them. Intrepid sped them off into the darkness, hoping their delivery got there in time.



Yeah, i know it's an hour late, so sue me. I hope it's plenty good. Keep sending in title suggestions and responses...the mroe I get, the more likely I am to write additional chapters durign the week!

DE



posted on Mar, 22 2004 @ 07:33 AM
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Damn...doing brilliantly here Deus!!


Characters are getting more deeper and u can see where the cracks are beginning to form in them due to there situation...everything is realistic and u know exactly where to stop to get our brains active and guessing whats gonna happen next.

Excellent work deus

*massive hugs*

gryff



posted on Mar, 22 2004 @ 09:59 AM
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i just reread everything. i have to say, it's progressively gotten better. the last four chapters were great. the big battle was very awesome. lots of detail and imagery. you keep my active imagination very well fed, Dues.


keep up the awesome work, man, keep it up!



posted on Mar, 22 2004 @ 10:10 AM
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I'm running out of different way to say it was great so I'll just say this: Great chapter



posted on Mar, 22 2004 @ 10:18 AM
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Exellent once again Deus. The eerieness of the town you could feel. just got to say.....
.



posted on Mar, 22 2004 @ 10:24 AM
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I bow to your greatness
. now I have to go find that damn thesaurus...great, fabulous, exciting, captivating, spellbinding, ummmmm what else can I say hun...nothing short of fantastic!



posted on Mar, 22 2004 @ 10:26 AM
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Originally posted by intrepid
Exellent once again Deus. The eerieness of the town you could feel. just got to say.....
.


Yes, much better than the description of my abandoned town that I gave in my second chapter.



posted on Mar, 22 2004 @ 01:38 PM
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Wonderful, brilliant, exceptional, etc etc and all the rest !!!

Gothique emptied her first clip rapidly before she realized that aiming would benefit her much more.

Hehe - you know me too well


And I love the purple hair. Its just so me



posted on Mar, 22 2004 @ 08:50 PM
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Excellent as always, DE. My next chapter should be up tomorrow as a follow-up to your carnage.



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