Rodney Dangerfield joke of the day

LOL That was a good one...

03/16/05:"The other night I went to visit my mother. She was on her hands and knees. I said. Ma, you're off your rocker." "

03/17/04: "When I say I'm lonely, I mean lonely. The other day in traffic a guy gave me the finger. And I enjoyed it. "

03/18/05: "Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me. "

03/19/05: "I tell ya, a lot of people are in bad shape. A guy stopped me in the street the other day. He told me he hasn't eaten in five days. I told him, I said, "I wish I had your will power." "

03/20/05: "I asked my doctor if my heart was strong enough for sex. He told me, "Not if I join in." "

03/21/05: "Yes, my doctor, Dr. Vinny Boom Batz, his new book just came out. It's about an American girl who marries a Mexican boy. The books entitled, "She Fell in Love While His Visa was Extended." "

03/22/05: "I tell ya, blind dates never work out. I had a blind date. The girl, she showed up, she was pregnant. What do ya say to a girl that's pregnant? What have you been doing lately? And she told me she had a fight with her boyfriend. I said, "Look, you tell your boyfriend next time you fight, he should knock you down." "

03/23/05: "I tell ya, blind dates, they never work out. I had one blind date. They told me she had early American features. Yeah, she looked like a buffalo. "

[edit on 3/23/05 by NotTooHappy]

03/24/05: "In high school I got no respect. I shared a locker with a mop. "

03/25/05: "My old man, he was very strict. He allowed no drinking in the house. I had two brothers who died of thirst. "

03/26/05: "When I was a kid I got no respect. My old man took me to the zoo. He told me to go over to the leopard and play connect the dots. "

03/27/05: "I was born in a small town: Babylon, Long Island. And I'll tell you one thing about Babylon. The population never changes. Every time a kid is born, some guy leaves town. "

"With my wife there's always something. The last time I got a haircut. She told me it was terrible. She said it looks like you got a haircut. She says when you get a haircut it's not supposed to look like you got a haircut. She said, "Harry got a haircut. No one even knew that Harry got a haircut." I said, "Then how do you know Harry got a haircut?" So now I got a new problem. Next week I'm due to get a haircut. And I don't want it to look like a got a haircut. So what I'm doing now is I'm trying to find a barber who don't look like he's a barber. "

03/29/05: "My kid drives me nuts. For three years now he goes to a private school, He won't tell me where it is. "

06/12/05: "When I was a kid, I was poor. I never got an x-ray. My old man would hold me up to the light."

You thought it was over...

"I don't get no respect. One night I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand.., my wife lit it!"

"Nother

"I made love to an inflatable girl - now I got an inflatable guy lookin' for me!"

You all know you've missed these!!!

"Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. I was so poor, in my neighborhood - the rainbow was in black and white!"

One more...

"In my neighborhood, they got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped."