Rodney Dangerfield joke of the day

Yep instar, unfortunately Rodney has passed on. Don't feel too bad though. We still have his jokes.

11/23/04: "I got no sex life. The dog keeps watching me in the bedroom - he wants to learn how to beg! He taught my wife how to roll over and play dead! "

11/23/04: "I can't lose any weight, I tried jogging - I keep running into restaurants! "

11/25/04: "Oh, when I have sex with my wife, I always have a mirror in the room. Yeah, I put it under her nose to see if she's breathing! "

11/26/04: "My anniversary I made a toast - to the best woman a man ever had - the waiter joined me! "

11/29/04: "Oh, I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to keep out of those places! "

11/30/04: "I saw a girl at the bar, I told her, "You're a cute chick - how would you like me to be the rooster?" She told me to go cluck myself. "

12/01/04: "Oh, my wife and I, we have our own arrangement. Yeah, one night a week I go out with the boys. And one night a week - SHE goes out with the boys! "

12/02/04: "Ah, one thing in football doesn't make sense. The two-minute warning. What's the big warning? Everyone knows you have two minutes to play. To me a two-minute warning is ... like when you're in bed with a chick. The phone rings. It's her husband on his car-phone. He says, "Honey, I'll be home in two minutes." That's a two-minute warning! "

Hey NTH, you wanna delete alive in your first post, for obvious reasons?

Read your first post, you will get what i am saying.

Surf

^Yes, yes I should. Thanks for the heads up surf.

12/03/04: "Oh, my wife told me she needs five thousand dollars - all her mother's teeth have to come out. I told her, "I'll give you ten thousand dollars - take her tongue out!" "

Originally posted by NotTooHappy
^Yes, yes I should. Thanks for the heads up surf.

12/03/04: "Oh, my wife told me she needs five thousand dollars - all her mother's teeth have to come out. I told her, "I'll give you ten thousand dollars - take her tongue out!" "

No problem.

Keep up the great work. I usually start my day with your jokes.

Surf

On another note...

Holy freakin' crap!!! It's the one year anniversary of the Rodney Joke Of The Day thread!!!!

I hope you've got as many laughs out of it as I have!

-NTH

[edit on 12/3/04 by NotTooHappy]

Originally posted by NotTooHappy
On another note...

Holy freakin' crap!!! It's the one year anniversary of the Rodney Joke Of The Day thread!!!!

I hope you've got as many laughs out of it as I have!

-NTH

Is it today? I guess so, damn dumb of me to ask.

Did you just notice it or knew it a long time ago?

Surf

12/04/04: "I told my psychiatrist I keep thinking I'm ugly - he told me to lay on the couch - face down! "

12/07/04: "Aw, nothing works out. I bought an Apple computer - there was a worm in it! "

12/08/04: "Oh, the other night, my wife met me at the front door, she was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble is - she was coming home! "

12/09/04: "Oh, my wife can spend money. I mean, who tips at a tollbooth? Now she tells me she wants plastic surgery. She got plastic surgery - I cut up her credit cards. "

oops

My bad.

Surf

[edit on 12/9/2004 by surfup]

12/10/04: "I got no sex life. At my age - I need a designated lover! "

12/11/04: "My wife and I, we have an off and on relationship. Yeah, everytime I get on - she tells me to get off! "