Rodney Dangerfield joke of the day

As a tribute to the greatest comedian alive I present:

The official Rodney Dangerfield joke of the day thread.

12/03/03: Oh, my wife told me she needs five thousand dollars - all her mother's teeth have to come out. I told her, "I'll give you ten thousand dollars - take her tongue out!"


[Edited on 12/4/03 by NotTooHappy]

[Edited on 12/17/03 by NotTooHappy]

I like his movies better.

12/04/03: "I told my psychiatrist I keep thinking I'm ugly - he told me to lay on the couch - face down! "

Is he still alive hope so he is/was well funny though.

Yes, he's still alive. Not by much though.

12/05/03: "Just remember - it's lonely at the top ... when there's no one on the bottom! "

I was out of town, so I missed a few days.

12/07/03: "Aw, nothing works out. I bought an Apple computer - there was a worm in it!"

12/08/03: "Oh, the other night, my wife met me at the front door, she was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble is - she was coming home!"

12/09/03: "Oh, my wife can spend money. I mean, who tips at a tollbooth? Now she tells me she wants plastic surgery. She got plastic surgery - I cut up her credit cards. "

i could read these all day. keep 'em coming!!!

Rodney is funny, I like him

12/10/03: "I got no sex life. At my age - I need a designated lover!"

12/11/03: "My wife and I, we have an off and on relationship. Yeah, everytime I get on - she tells me to get off! "

12/12/03: "I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no respect. Well, I told him I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest."

12/14/03: "What a childhood I had - I was ten years old when I found out Alpo was dog food! "

"i tell ya i get no respect! when i answer the door during halloween the kids give ME candy!"

12/15/03: "Oh, when I was kid, I got no respect. I was kidnapped; they sent back a piece of my finger. My old man said he wanted more proof. "

12/16/03: "Oh, I knew one guy, he never went off his diet - he never drank, he never smoked, he never did anything wrong ... he was in perfect health - right up 'til the time he killed himself. "

12/17/03: "Oh, I'm getting old - my insurance company sent me half a calendar! "

12/18/03: "And when we were kids, the whole neighborhood made fun of my brother. They'd call him four eyes. Then when he got glasses then they called him eight eyes."